The 5 Languages of Love
•
We all have a love
language:
How do you express
love to others?
What do you complain
about the most?
What do you request
most often?
•
Your emotional love
language and that of the
people close to you may
be as different as
Mandarin from English
•
No matter how hard you try
to express love in English, if
the people around you
speak Mandarin, you’ll
never understand how to
love each other
It is rare that a married couple
will have the same primary love
language
We tend to speak our primary love
language and become confused
when our spouse doesn’t
understand what we’re
communicating
•
•
Once you identify and learn to
speak the primary love
language of the people
closest to you, you’ll have
discovered the key to longlasting, loving relationships
Words of Affirmation
•
Actions don’t always speak louder than words
•
Unsolicited compliments mean the world to you
•
Hearing the words “I love you,” are important
•
Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily
forgotten
•
Verbal compliments or words of appreciation are
powerful communicators of love
Words of Affirmation
•
Encouraging words: “Encourage” means “to inspire courage.”
All of us have areas in which we feel insecure, which can hinder
us from accomplishing things we want to do. That motivation
may be awaiting encoring words from the people we love.
•
Kind words: If we are to communicate love verbally, we must
use kind words. That has to do with the way we speak
•
Humble words: Love makes request, not demands. Make your
needs known in the form of a request, not ultimatums
•
CHALLENGE: if this is someone’s love language, set a goal to
give them a different compliment each day for a month
Quality Time
•
Nothing says “I love you,” like full, undivided attention
•
Being there for this type of person is critical - this is how the person feels truly
special and loved
•
Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful
•
Time is a strong communicator of love
•
Quality conversation - 2 people sharing their thoughts and feelings
•
A relationship calls for sympathetic listening with a view to understand the
other person’s desires.
•
We must be willing to give advice, but only when it’s requested and never in a
condescending manner
Quality Time
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Listening tips:
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Eye Contact
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Don’t do something else at the same time
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Listen for feelings and confirm them
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Observe body language
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Refuse to interrupt - interruptions indicate, “ I don’t care what you are saying”
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Quality conversation also calls for self-revelation. In order for the person to feel loved,
you must reveal some of yourself, too
CHALLENGE: If this is someone’s love language, ask them for a list of five activities that
they would enjoy doing, and make plans to do one of them each month for the next five
months
Gifts
•
Don’t mistake this for materialism; the receiver
thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort
behind the gift
•
The perfect gift or gestures shows the person that
they are known, cared for, and loved.
•
A missed birthday, anniversary, or a thoughtless
gift would be disastrous
•
Visible symbols of love, speaks the loudest
Gifts
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A gift is a symbol of thought.
•
It doesn't matter what it is…big or small…expensive or
free…it is a tangible sign that makes the person feel
thought of and special
•
CHALLENGE: If this is someone’s love language,
keep a “gift idea” list. Every time you hear that person
say, “I really like that,” write it down. Select gifts you
feel comfortable purchasing, making, or finding, and
dont’ wait for a special occasion.
Acts of Service
•
Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing
on this person will speak volumes
•
The words he/she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you”
•
Laziness, broken commitments/promises, and making more
work for this person tells that their feelings don’t matter
•
People who speak this language seek to please their partners by
serving them; to express their love for them by doing things for
them
•
Ex: cooking a meal, washing the dishes, walking the dog,
laundry
Acts of Service
•
The things you do for people require thought, planning,
time, effort, and energy. If done with a positive spirit, they
are expressions of love.
•
DON’T be a doormat; DON’T do these things out of guild
or resentment
•
DO these acts out of love
•
CHALLENGE: If this is someone’s love language, what is
something that this person has asked you to do? Try and
do it because this task is really important to that person
Physical Touch
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Is NOT all about sex
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Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful
touches on the arm, shoulder, or face show
excitement, concern, care, and love
•
Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while
neglect can be unforgivable and destructive
•
Holding hands, kissing, hugging, and sex for this
person makes them feel secure in their relationship
Physical Touch
•
“Love touches” don’t take much time, but they do
require thought
•
Sitting close to each other as you watch TV
requires no additional time, but communicates
your love loudly
•
CHALLENGE: If this is someone’s love
language, go out of your way to hug them when
they leave the house or when you greet them