Bereavement
Introduction
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The death of someone who is significant to us is perhaps one of the hardest things we will
experience in life. Whether it is expected or a shock, the enormity of loss is something that impacts
on us profoundly.
Usually, this is experienced with not just one feeling but a whole range of feelings. This is a normal
natural process. Coping with loss is difficult at any time, but as a student, perhaps isolated from
family and friends, with other pressures such as deadlines to meet, exams to revise for and
potential money worries, it can feel worse.
Grief
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Grief may take a long time to work through. It is an inevitable and human response.
Below are some of the feelings and behaviour that are often experienced, sometimes in quick
succession:
o Shock and disbelief: you may feel numb and be unable to take in what has happened
o Anxious and panic: sometimes in situations that wouldn’t normally bother you
o Guilt and regret: whether for things you wish you had said and done (or not done) or for just
being alive; these feelings are particularly strong when someone has completed suicide.
o An overwhelming sense of loss and sadness: sometimes we may feel as though a part of
ourselves has been lost.
o Depressed: feelings of wanting to withdraw from family and friends; at times you may feel
despairing, that there is no point in going on.
o Anger and rage: some of this may relate to feeling out of control, that everything is chaotic.
o A sense of injustice and envy: of those who aren’t suffering in this way.
o Relief: particularly if the person who has died was suffering a great deal.
In addition we may find ourselves affected in some of the following ways: sleep disturbance, loss of
appetite, restless, agitated, preoccupied, unable to concentrate, irritable, tearful and exhausted
Sometimes there seems to be an expectation that a bereaved person should have recovered after a
certain time has elapsed, but everyone has their own recovery time.
Help and Support
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Sometimes we realise that something is stopping us from moving forward with our lives. Perhaps we
are still grieving intensely, long after the event or we can’t seem to react to the loss at all, perhaps to
the point of not being able to cry.
In these situations it might be helpful to speak to someone outside of our parents, friends and family.
Struggling with feelings after bereavement?
Counselling may be helpful. Please contact us or make an appointment to see your GP.
Counselling can offer you an opportunity to try to make sense of what is happening and to try to
think of how you want to deal with what you feel and think.
Student Service
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CRUSE are an organisation that provide support, information and advice. Their aim is to promote the
well-being of bereaved people and to enable anyone bereaved by death to understand their grief
and cope with their loss. They also run a forum specifically for young people to share their
experiences.
London bereavement network is a website which provides information about bereavement services
in London.
SANDS is an organisation which offers information and support to anyone affected by the death of a
baby.