Collaborative Skills Development
Session 3
How to Listen
“Principles” of Skillful Discussion
• I am mindful of my own intentions.
– What are my goals?
– Am I willing to be influenced?
• I balance advocacy with inquiry.
– What led you to that view?
– What implications do you see?
• I strive to build shared meaning.
– When we use the term _____, what do we really mean?
– Do we define _____ the same way?
• I use self-awareness as a resource.
– What am I thinking? Feeling?
– What do I want right now?
• I strive to explore impasses.
– What do we agree on?
– Do we disagree on facts, methods, goals or values?
You’re Not Listening to Me!
• Think back to the last time you felt that someone
wasn’t listening to you. It could have been
– A family member
– A romantic partner
– A teammate or co-worker
• What made you believe the person wasn’t
listening?
– Jot down all the verbal and nonverbal cues that made
you feel you weren’t being heard.
New Research Confirms:
Listening involves more than waiting for the
other person to stop talking!
How to Listen
1. Stop talking: To others and to
yourself. Learn to still the voice
within. You can’t listen if you are
talking.
2. Imagine the other person's
viewpoint. Picture yourself in his/her
position, doing his/her work, facing
his/her problems, using his/her
language, and having his/her values.
3. Look, act, and be interested. Don't
read your mail, doodle, shuffle, or
tap papers while others are talking.
4. Observe nonverbal behaviors to
glean meanings beyond what is being
said to you.
5. Don't interrupt. Sit still past your
tolerance level.
6. Listen between the lines, for implicit
meanings as well as explicit ones… Note
figures of speech… look for omissionsthings left unsaid or unexplained that
should be present.
7. Speak only affirmatively while listening.
Resist the temptation to jump in with an
evaluative, critical, or disparaging
comment at the moment the remark is
uttered…
8. To ensure understanding, rephrase what
the other person has just told you at key
points in the conversation. (We all know
this, but how often do we do it?)
9. Stop talking. This is the first and the last
because all other techniques of listening
depend on it. Take a vow of silence once
in a while.
Reflection/Commitment
• My strengths as a
listener:
• Things I will do more of:
• Things I do that get in
the way of listening:
• Things I will do less of: