Strengthening
Families
pleasant to learn at the time it is required, but it yields character in those
shaped by it, as long as it is done with love and understanding rather than
shame and judgment.
Communicating Values to Our Children
Instead of being neutral about character, we let our children know what’s
important and give them opportunities to be successful. Research tells us
that parents who initiate more social contacts for their children, who
coach and give advice about peer interactions, or who encourage social
skills have more socially competent children.
Values aren’t inherited—like our DNA is. We hope our children will
adopt our values—but how can we help or hinder the process? Do you
remember how you were influenced by your parents, grandparents or
other adults to have certain values?
Michael Josephson, from the Josephson
Institute of Ethics, uses the word TEAMTeach, Enforce, Advocate, and Model-to help
us remember ways our children learn values
and good character traits:
Teach
Teaching begins with talking about what’s important to you. Our children
aren’t mind readers. They care about what we think.
A study of over 5000 teens in southwest Wisconsin shows the impact of
parents communicating their values about alcohol use, sexual behavior
and smoking. Teens who weren’t sure of their parent’s beliefs as well as
those who perceived their parents thought it was okay were more than
twice as likely to engage in those behaviors.
Advocate
Model
The strongest impact you can have on your children is to tell them about
your values as well as be an example of them. It’s a “do as I say AND do
as I do” process. Hearing you say that telling the truth is important.
Seeing you consistently tell the truth—even when it isn’t easy—leaves a
lasting impression. When you make a mistake, as we all do, use it as a
“teachable moment” and admit and correct your error. This also leaves a
lasting impression.
Take time to communicate your values to your children. Good character
provides skills for all of life.
For more information on using teachable moments to instill values, call
your local University of Illinois Extension office to order “Terrific
Teachable Moments-Families.”
Author: Patti Faughn, Family Life Educator, 2005
Several studies show that just watching programs with sex or violence
without making comments or just making neutral comments can lead
children to believe that parents approve of the content.
Enforce
Unfortunately, our children don’t always behave as we would like them
to. Part of our job as parents is enforcing our values by setting
consequences for poor character. This includes being consistent in
enforcing age-appropriate rules and refusing to cover for a child who
skips classes, loses homework, or lies. Accountability may not be
For more information contact:
Margaret Larson, Director
University of Illinois Extension
Stephenson County
2998 W. Pearl City Road
Freeport, IL 61032
Ph: 815/235-4125
Amy Griswold, Family Life Educator
University of Illinois Extension
Macomb Center
480 S. Deer Road
Macomb, IL 61455
Ph: 309/836-2176
United States Department of Agriculture  Local Extension Councils Cooperating
University of Illinois Extension provides equal opportunities in programs and employment .