Strengthening
Families
Ten Ways to Build Family Resilience
When facing life challenges, consider these ten traits for family
resilience:
Talk to each other. In our busy world, it’s easy
to forget that spending time and talking together
works like glue to bind us. Driving in the car,
mealtime and bedtime are all good talking times.
Food relaxes people and encourages them to open
up. The end of the day is a time to reflect or share
what is bothering us.
Listen more. If parents are quiet long enough, kids will often open up.
Talk less and really listen to what your kids are dealing with during the
day; what they’re thinking, excited or confused about.
Regular Routines. Bedtime rituals, once a week pizza night, and a date
night with your spouse are important routines that make us a family.
Spend time with each child individually every so often. Make it happen
without seeming to make it happen. If it feels forced, kids won’t open up.
Approach problems as solvable. There is nothing you are facing
that others haven’t face before and gotten through. Remember how you
solved a problem in the past. Are there strategies you can apply to this
situation? Sometimes we just need help figuring out the best solutions.
Maintain a strong relationship with your mate. This relationship
is the backbone of your family, and it can be kept strong by applying the
former points to the important adult in your life. If there is no other adult
to lean on in your family, the next point is even more important.
Build a strong support system. Include neighbors, families with
similar interests or kids the same ages, and churches or community
groups. Grandparents, uncles, and aunts can help fill this vital role.
Develop a professional support network. Find a good pediatrician
and get to know your child’s teacher or childcare provider before there is
a problem. Consult an educator or counselor before you reach a crisis
point. Attend parent programs, read books and web pages on families.
Know conflict is inevitable. Accept that at times your family is going
to behave in frustrating ways. Learn ways to calm yourself before
dealing with the situation. Remember it’s the behavior you don’t like, not
the person. Develop patience and learn to look at situations from the other
person’s perspective.
Recognize spillover anger. Sometimes anger at work, at in-laws, or at
our self can be displaced onto our family when they had nothing to do
with getting us upset. Learn to deal with anger at the appropriate time and
with the appropriate person.
Cultivate optimism. Try not to jump to conclusions about others’
behaviors or intentions. Let them explain or give their viewpoint. See the
bright side of things, rather than only the problems.
Taken from “Top Ten Ways to Make Your Family More Resilient” Laurie
Kramer, University of Illinois family studies professor
Author and Editor: Patti Faughn, Family Life Educator, 2006
For more information contact:
Margaret Larson, Director
University of Illinois Extension
Stephenson County
2998 W. Pearl City Road
Freeport, IL 61032
Ph: 815/235-4125
Amy Griswold, Family Life Educator
University of Illinois Extension
Macomb Center
480 S. Deer Road
Macomb, IL 61455
Ph: 309/836-2176
United States Department of Agriculture  Local Extension Councils Cooperating
University of Illinois Extension provides equal opportunities in programs and employment .