You’ll be Hearing from Us
Alex Wojtulski
“Just think about it Gav.” David said as the pair lazily ambled down the hall. “Think about all
the stories, all the swashbuckling tales that you hear from people that have to go to an interview.
They range from hilarious and disastrous, to heroic and successful.”
They turned a corner as Gavin replied, “Alright I’m thinking, what about them?” David could
tell that his friend couldn’t care less about his oncoming rant and just asked out of politeness, but
that hadn’t stopped him before and it would not now.
“Now I’m sure you know a lot right? Anyone that has gone to interview for multiple jobs likely
has one of these tales of varying success right?” he paused for Gavin to answer or nod, but he
didn’t and so David continued. “But how many exciting chronicles do you hear from the side of
the interviewer instead of the person being interviewed?”
Gavin slightly turned his head and looked at David from the corner of his eye, “Well, you tell
me about people that you’ve interviewed every day. I wouldn’t call them exciting chronicles
but—“
David waved his hands and bag in interjection, “No, no. I’m talking outside of mine. Everyone
that is in some sort of hiring position has likely had to conduct an interview of some description,
outside of this company of course.” David was clearly building towards something that he
thought to be a groundbreaking ideological question, and he grew more excited and loud as this
climax reared. “But even though there are so many people that conduct interviews there are so
few stories about said interviews in comparison to those from the side of the interviewee.” David
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paused, which Gavin knew was for dramatic effect and so out of spite he made himself even less
interested than he already was in what David was saying. “Why?”
The two of them stopped simultaneously at a hallway intersection and Gavin turned to his left
to face his walking companion, and David to his right. Gavin spoke squarely, “I. Don’t. Know.”
“Well—“ David started as Gavin held up a single finger to show that he had something to add.
“But I also don’t care.”
David feigned a taken-aback expression, “Well then. I was just going to say that it probably
had something to do with the Leubecki Accord but clearly you don’t want any elaboration.”
“Nope.” Gavin turned away from his former walking companion and continued down the same
hallway knowing that David had to go a different direction and that he wouldn’t have to listen to,
what he expected to be, a long and drawn out explanation.
“Well fine then, I’ll just tell you later!” David called after his former hall companion. He
probably wouldn’t, but he liked the idea of Gavin grimacing at the thought of a continuation of
that one-sided conversation. Content with himself, David walked down the hall that lead to the
interview rooms and when he reached them he went inside.
The cream-colored room was always refreshing to David, both because it was an intentionally
calming hue and from the memories of interviews gone by. He sat down at the desk that was
centered in the small cream room and reached into his bag for a folder that contained file of the
first interview of the afternoon. David took it out and read it over carefully one last time before a
secretary’s voice came on the speaker.
“The prospective employee is in the room Mr. Curien.”
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“Ah good, they’re prompt, patch us through Tim.” David heard a beep that let him know that
the interviewee on the other side could now hear him. He straightened his papers as he spoke,
“Hello there, how are you today?”
Through the same speaker that the secretary had spoken through moments ago came a calm
and melodic inhuman voice, monotonous in inflection. “I’m doing well, thank you.”
David waited to be asked how he was doing but wasn’t, he made a negative note of it and
continued, “Okay, so let’s just get through the formalities first and then we will get into the meat
of the interview.” He cleared his throat, “First off, let me welcome you to Cognition Technology
and Sciences, the leading neurotechnology company of the world.” This was David’s least
favorite part of the interview process, but he understood its necessity. “In compliance with the
Leubecki Accord issued by the United States government to all major corporations in 2019, we
will be separated from each other for the duration of the interview. Your name, race, gender, age,
nationality, sexuality, and marital status have not been disclosed to me, and will not be unless
you are selected for this position in order to protect against bias and discrimination. Your voice
is also being synthesized in real-time so that any of the previously stated aspects are not revealed
or implied. Please know that if I select you as a candidate for the position of your application that
a professional of the field will conduct a supplementary interview to make certain of my
decision, that interview will also follow these guidelines. These interviews are also being
recorded to make sure that I do not ask for any of the previously stated aspects though if you so
wish you may disclose them of your own free will.” He gestured towards the speaker as if it were
the person that he was interviewing “Do you understand and accept these terms as I have read
them to you.”
There was a pause and then a reply in the same monotone matter, “Yes I do.”
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David beamed, “Well alright then.” He leaned back in his chair, crossed his legs, and folded
his arms all in one motion “While I cannot know your name, I can let you know mine. I am
David Curien, I’m one of the many interview specialists here at CTS and it is my job to make
sure that you are right for the position of—“ He glanced at the papers in front of him, “third level
R&D. Now please explain to me your qualifications and reasons for your application.” David
loved doing this. While the voice of the person being interviewed was distorted and synthesized,
his was not, and he always tried to have a no-nonsense vocabulary with a cheery sound in an
attempt to slightly throw the person off at first, to see how they would react. A response came
almost immediately, and this reaction was negligible.
“Thank you for having me here firstly. I have always enjoyed the neurological field and it has
been my passion since I went to university. I have a degree in neurological sciences and I am
also versed in many coding languages from C++ to…”
All the while this person spoke David searched their resume for inconsistencies and
contradictions, anything that he could call out big or small, marking them down for later. After
the speaker was done giving their brief reasoning behind their application and qualifications as
David had asked, he began, “Now you say that neurology has been a passion for quite some time,
but it seems that your focus was more on the tech side.”
“I’m sorry, what do you mean?” the speaker relayed harmoniously. David did love that voice.
“You do have a bachelor’s in neurology, but your masters is in computer science.” He gave a
quick chuckle, “I guess I’m just asking if you’re sure that your passion really lies with
neurology.”
“Um… I suppose that—“
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“Please know that I’m not calling your qualifications into question.” David interrupted before
the other person could even begin, “As far as I am concerned you are perfectly well qualified.
But you have to understand, the brain and how humans function is the core of our company, the
technology that we produce and test stems from that as an effect, but not as a driving factor.”
David smiled unabashedly, knowing that what he said contradicted itself. “Why should I hire you
over someone else with these qualifications?” Everyone dreaded this big question when they
came into the interview room.
There was a ten-second break, which David expected; anyone would have to gather his or her
thoughts to answer a question of such corporate magnitude. “I’m sorry I guess I’m just not used
to this.” This was not the reply David was expecting, “I mean, this whole line of questioning is
not something that I would have thought I’d be walking into. This is my first official corporate
interview and to be honest it is somewhat terrifying.” David knew that the synthesized chuckle
that came after this confession was one of nervous worry, “That and I’ve never been interviewed
by a… well a specialist at interviews.” A fair point, but David made a negative note that the
interviewee dodged the question.
This was something that came up in many an interview but he had answered it every time with
the same joy, a justification of his position in a way. “Well I would imagine that you wouldn’t
see many interview specialists anywhere else, CTS has been the first large scale company to
make us a standard since the Leubecki Accord.” He took a pen off the desk and twirled it about
as he explained, “See, without knowing all of the things that the Leubecki Accord prevents
employers from knowing, it is much harder for the average person to discern if someone is right
for a job. This is partially due to the lack of personal bias and discrimination that the accord is
meant to protect against, but a problem arises when two candidates for a position are so similar
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that they may as well be the same person.” David felt the validation wash over him, “Which is
why they have interview specialists like myself.”
“What sort of qualifications do you have?” the voice from the speaker asked, “What does
someone have to do to become an interview specialist?”
Another smile from David, “I was actually a psychiatrist before I was scouted by the
company.” He wasn’t scouted per se, but it sounded better than the reality. “They offered me this
position about a year or so after the accord and I’ve been here for about two years since then.” It
had only been four months.
“Wow. What made you leave the psychiatric field fo—“
“Unfortunately sir or madam” David stopped the person in their verbal tracks but did so
cheerily, “you are not the one who is interviewing me, and you never answered the last question
that I asked regarding your true passions.” He did not care to belay this interview any longer to
stroke his own ego.
A slight huff was heard from the speaker and then the person spoke through it, “I feel that
neurology is what I’m most passionate for, but the reason for my extended learning of computers
and technology was for their application in the neurological field. The most interesting of which
being virtual and artificial intelligence.” All things considered, David saw this as a good and
defendable answer, this interviewee received his or her first positive mark.
“I can see why CTS is on your radar then, we have made great advancements in AI.” David
was familiar with this. On the off chance that he let Gavin talk about his work with the techies he
would say how close they were to making AI, how they had been scraping the surface, but there
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was always something that was holding them back. “However, I’m not familiar with the term
virtual intelligence.”
A pause came from the other side, “Don’t you… Don’t you work here?”
Even with the calming synthesized tones of the speaker voice this question agitated David,
however sarcastic or joking it was meant to be. “I don’t work in R&D, and I am not required to
know about such things.” He said this plainly, but with intentionally obvious annoyance. “That is
the job of the supplemental interviewer that I mentioned earlier.”
Clearly sensing this, the other side quickly answered, “I’m sorry, I uh, I didn’t mean to—“
“Its fine.” David said as he jotted down yet another negative note.
“Well…” the person went on with an uneasiness that David didn’t need inflection to recognize,
“virtual intelligence is similar to artificial intelligence in that it can learn and act upon what it has
learned but it can’t really think for itself or be self-aware, it just gives the appearance of the
ability to do those things.”
Staying on topic but getting back to the interview David scanned over some of the bullet points
in this prospect’s file and asked, “I see here something that you mentioned early on when I asked
for your qualifications, that you have worked with research teams on an internship regarding the
testing of artificial intelligence during your last semester in college. Would you care to elaborate
on what that detailed?” He was surprised at the lack of particulars on such a seemingly important
aspect of this person’s experience.
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“Of course.” The speaker voice said, “The team that I worked with intended to find what the
best way to assess AI is. Whether we have a definitive way to test or evaluate whether an AI is a
true AI or just a VI. My personal favorite being the Turing test”
At the risk of receiving a further displeasing comment, David asked out of curiosity, “I’ve
never heard of it. What is a Turing test?”
“It’s a controversial way to discern if a program is in fact artificially intelligent.” The too
human monotone droned, “More and more people in the scientific community dismiss it as
having too many variables and being inconsistent but I studied it ferociously when I was going
for my masters. It involves two subjects, one a person, the other a program.” The speaker cleared
its throat, “The person is not told that he or she is talking to a program and they ask it a series of
questions that the program will answer on its own. Afterwards the person is asked in some way if
they thought that it indeed was a program that they were talking to. If they say yes, the program
failed, if they say no, then it’s possible that you have an AI on your hands.” The speaker stopped
relaying sound, but just as David had opened his mouth to say something it added, “In fact it’s
quite like this interview.”
The solid unwavering tone of the speaker voice gave no indication that this was a joke, and for
the briefest of moments David didn’t know if it was. He began to laugh, but it was not until he
heard a cold laugh, the kind that no human would ever make unless they were intensely
exaggerating out of feigned amusement, that he confirmed that it was simply a gag. This,
however, was the laugh of the speaker, though most likely not that of the person on the other
side. Seeing now that the comment was indeed a joke, David also laughed, his only slightly more
believable than that of the speaker. As the laughter died a bit he said, “Believe me, I have
definitely thought at least one or two people in your same position were robots.” David chuckled
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some more after that comment, but the speaker was silent outside of a few throat clearings and
coughs. His smile went away after the lack of response and David marked down that the
candidate was disrespectful.
David asked a few other questions of varying importance regarding the qualifications of the
anonymous applicant, all the while making marks and jotting notes until he was satisfied with a
decision. “Alright then.” He said as he straightened his papers a final time, “There’s no need to
draw this out any further, I believe I have all that I need.”
“Okay.” The speaker responded. “How did I do?”
“How do you think you did?”
“I’m fairly confident.”
“Good.” David smiled to himself, “Then you’ll be hearing from us soon.”
“Does that mean I got it? Do I get to go to the secondary interview?” The speaker questioned
rapidly.
“All I can say for now is that we will contact you at a later date. To reveal anything regarding
the decision before it is confirmed is against our company policy.” David stood and pushed in his
chair and picked up his bag, “And so, have a good day.”
He turned to leave and took a few steps toward the door before a monotonous but loud,
“Wait!”
David sighed and turned back around on his heel, “Yes?” he inquired.
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“Please Mr. Curien, I need to know.” David fanaticized about how desperate the voice under
the speaker must be. “I feel that I am more than qualified, and you seem to think so as well. So
please just tell me I can advance.”
David mentally weighed the consequences of telling him with the satisfaction of doing so. The
satisfaction won out and he said, “I regret to inform you, but you will not be called for the
secondary interview.” Immediately he felt a rush of affirmation, not so much at the vocalization
of the decision, but at the fact he got to make it.
There was a long silence as David soaked up endorphins and it was only interrupted by a flat
question, “Why?”
David snickered, “That is something that I am even less liable to divulge.”
“Please.”
“I’m sorry. Have a nice—“
“No.” the speaker said.
David raised and eyebrow, “What?”
“No.” The speaker repeated, “I will not accept that you yourself will not tell me why you don’t
think that I belong at this company.” David could feel the anger through the colorless tone. “I
deserve to know directly from the man who is deciding my fate, why I am unfit for this position.
As a human being that is passionate about the field that I work in, I demand that you tell me why
I don’t deserve to be here.”
“You don’t deserve anything.” David stabbed with these words immediately, he was angry at
what he had just heard “You deserve nothing. As far as I’m concerned you don’t deserve the
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words I’m speaking right now.” He pointed at the speaker on the wall, “As a human being you
don’t deserve a damned thing. So please feel free to come back and apply again when you realize
that you’re not entitled to something because you’re a person.”
Another long silence followed this short rant. The speaker was once again the first to break the
silence, “So then,” the speaker paused, “you think I’m a person.”
These words meant nothing to David at first, but just as he was about to angrily ask about what
the candidate meant, he remembered, and they sent chills through his bones, “What? What do
you mean?” He stammered to no response, “Tell me what you mean!” His demands were met
with more silence.
David dropped his bag and left the room, hurrying down the hall in a fast walk. He began
picking up the pace as he made his way through the sparsely populated corridors until he made it
to the entryway of the applicant interview rooms. He was denied access by a guard, who was
there specifically to ensure that employees didn’t get to the rooms.
David didn’t even attempt to reason with the guard or make some excuse, he shoved the man
out of the way and ran down the hall to the room that would have been opposite of the one the
one he was in. The one that the interviewee would have been in. He grabbed for the door handle
with the recovered guard following closely behind, yelling into his radio to get assistance. David
swung the door open to see what lied on the other side.
A desk and a chair in a cream-colored room.
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