1
GRADE 6
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FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS
ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
“What should good student writing at this
grade level look like?”
The answer lies in the writing itself.
The Writing Standards in Action Project
uses high quality student writing samples to
illustrate what performance to grade level
standards looks like—in action.
Writing Standards in Action
Grade 6
English Language Arts
Opinion / Argument
Persuasive Essay
Athens vs. Sparta (Pro Athens)
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
SAMPLE B6-14a (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
2
GRADE 6
FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
Background Information
Writing Sample Title:
Athens vs. Sparta (Pro Athens)
Text Type and Purpose:
Opinion / Argument
Grade level/Content area: Grade 6 English Language Arts
Type of Assignment:
Persuasive Essay
Standards Addressed:
(W.7.1), (W.6.1), (W.6.2), (W.6.4),
(W.6.8), (L.6.3), (L.6.6)
See descriptions of these standards in the right column of the next page.
Important note about this sample:
This sample is the first of two posted opinion argument essays
(B614a—Pro Athens and B614b—Pro Sparta) written by different
writers in response to the same on-demand prompt. The samples
take opposite sides of the same issue and make use of
somewhat different elements of effective writing.
STANDARDS-BASED COMMENTARY
The student writing sample that follows
includes standards-based commentary.
The commentary in this column describes
how the writing meets the standards in the
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework for
English Language Arts and Literacy (2011)
and other content frameworks when
applicable.
Understanding the
Standards-Based Commentary
1. Grade-specific standards addressed
are:
 Listed in the column to the right of
student work by strand, grade, and
number (or number and letter, where
applicable)
 Marked by a letter code (in
parenthesis), also in the column to the
right of the student work
EXAMPLE:
(A)
Highlights:
This sample of student work meets grade level standards.
It demonstrates the following attributes of effective writing.
The sample:









Addresses appropriately the task, purpose and audience
Makes a clear claim and acknowledges the opposing
point of view
Creates a largely effective progression of ideas with a
compare/contrast structure
Supports reasons and develops ideas with clear
examples and descriptions
Integrates content appropriate to the indicated
assessment purposes
Establishes and maintains an appropriate style and tone
Uses humor to engage the audience
Exhibits control of a variety of a sentence structures
Includes effective, appropriate word choice
2. The letter codes with a letter-coded
arrow beneath each standard in the
right column:
 Are of the same letter code as the letter
in parenthesis that marks the standard
being addressed
 Mark standards-based commentary
related to the standard being
addressed
 Appear in alphabetical order
EXAMPLE:
A1>
3. Corresponding letter coded arrows
within the text:
 Set off sections of student work to
which commentary applies
 Do not necessarily appear in
alphabetical order—but where evidence
of a particular standard exists
EXAMPLE: (begin>) section (<end)
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
SAMPLE B6-14a (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
3
GRADE 6
FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
Instructional Practices:
Writing Standards:
Grade 7, Standard 1 (W.7.1)
Write arguments to support claims with clear
reasons and relevant evidence.
The teacher used the following practices:


Designed and administered an on-demand writing
prompt to assess writing skills and content learning
Designed and presented a pre-writing planning grid
Assignment Description:
At the end of a unit of study entitled Athens vs. Sparta, students
wrote an on-demand opinion/argument essay in response to a
prompt that asked whether Athens or Sparta would have been a
better place to live. The prompt was designed to assess content
knowledge from a unit of study and the ability to write an effective
argument.
Intended Audience:
Teacher
Time:
Unknown
Writing Process:
In class; pre-writing; organizing; drafting; revising; self-editing
(Revising and self-editing done in the process of writing a single
draft during the on-demand assessment process.)
Materials:
Unknown
EXAMPLES: (A)
Writing Standards:
Grade 6, Standard 1 (W.6.1)
Write arguments to support claims with clear
reasons and relevant evidence.
EXAMPLES: (B) (C) (D)
Writing Standards:
Grade 6, Standard 2 (W.6.2)
Write informative/explanatory texts to examine a
topic and convey ideas, concepts, and
information through the selection, organization,
and analysis of relevant content.
EXAMPLES: (B) (C)
Writing Standards:
Grade 6, Standard 4 (W.6.4)
Produce clear and coherent writing in which the
development, organization, and style are
appropriate to task, purpose, and audience.
EXAMPLES: (E)
Writing Standards:
Grade 6, Standard 8 (W.6.8)
Gather relevant information from multiple print
and digital sources; assess the credibility of each
source; and quote or paraphrase the data and
conclusions of others while avoiding plagiarism
and providing basic bibliographic information
for sources.
EXAMPLES: (F)
Please note:
The samples may contain inaccuracies in wording and content or
shortcomings in the use of standard English conventions
END OF BACKGROUND
Language Standards:
Grade 6, Standard 3 (L.6.3)
Use knowledge of language and its conventions
when writing, speaking, reading or listening.
EXAMPLES: (G)
Language Standards:
Grade 6, Standard 6 (L.6.6)
Acquire and use accurately grade-appropriate
general academic and domain-specific words
and phrases; gather vocabulary knowledge when
considering a word or phrase important to
comprehension or expression.
EXAMPLES: (H)
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
SAMPLE B6-14a (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
4
GRADE 6
FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
Grade 6—Opinion / Argument
In this sample…
The writer uses a compare/contrast strategy to organize in an
on-demand setting an argument that integrates and assesses
content from a unit of study. A logical, largely fluid progression
of ideas creates considerable coherence and clarity. Varied
sentence constructions, as well as appropriate general
academic and domain-specific language, clarify significant
concepts. The concluding sentences synthesize the argument
and use humor and metaphor to give the claim added impact.
Notwithstanding some difficulties with transitions, consistency
of verb tenses, and shifting pronoun persons, this sample
demonstrates the writer’s content knowledge and is a largely
effective single-draft effort to persuade the reader of the
validity of the writer’s claim.
STANDARDS-BASED COMMENTARY:
:
Understanding the Standards-Based
Commentary
The student writing sample that begins on
this page includes in this column
standards-based commentary describing
how the writing meets the standards in
the Massachusetts Curriculum
Framework for English Language Arts
and other content frameworks, when
applicable. Where they apply, substandards marked by letters are included.
Evidence for the commentary is noted
in the text of the student writing using
paired letter-coded arrows and colored
highlighting.
For example:
A1> Marks the beginning and <A1
marks the end of the relevant section,
which is also highlighted. Please note
that these labeled items in the text do
not necessarily appear in alphabetical
order.
----------------------------------------------------
Writing. Grade 7, Standard 1
Athens vs. Sparta (Pro Athens)
G> A1>
If I had to choose to live in “the school of Greece”
(Athens) or the “boot camp” H2>polis <H2 (Sparta), then B4>I
would choose to live in Athens.
G> A2>
Athens, in many ways,
is a fantastic polis, <B4 from education to government whereas
Sparta focused only on war. <A1 <A2 C1> B1>In Athens, people
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
SAMPLE B6-14a (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
(A)
W.7.1.a
Introduce claim(s), acknowledge alternate
or opposing claims, and organize the
reasons and evidence logically.
A1> Examples: 1
The writer introduces a clear claim, from
which the rest of the argument flows, and
acknowledges an opposing claim (If I had
to choose to live in “the school of Greece”
[Athens] or the “boot camp” polis
[Sparta], then I would choose to live
in Athens. Athens, in many ways, is a
fantastic polis, from education to
government whereas Sparta focused
only on war.).
5
GRADE 6
FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
were H1>motivated <H1 not only to have good physical fitness
STANDARDS-BASED COMMENTARY:
:
but also to use and exercise the mind. <B1 <C1 B2>An Athenian
Writing. Grade 7, Standard 1
(continued)
starts school at age 5, and depending on how wealthy your
A2> Examples: 1, 2, 3, 4
family is, you may still be studying in your mid-twenties and
up to age 30! <B2 F>Throughout this time, you will learn
things like reading and writing to military training to H1>ethics
and philosophy. <F <H1
C1> B1>
Because of the wonderous education, <C1 Athens
formed a near-perfect democrary in just 200 years! <B1
C2>
With the democracy, <C2 all the free citizents of Athens are
allowed to vote on what they think is right; of the population
in Athens, including slaves, about 75% of them are free
The writer creates a largely clear and
effective compare/contrast organizational
structure (Athens, in many ways, is a
fantastic polis, from education to
government whereas Sparta focused
only on war; ...the agora in Athens is one
of the busiest places in Greece [AND] In
the other polis, Sparta, there is no such
thing as a colorful agora ... As you can
see, Athenians lives free lives, while
Spartan men had a literally “scheduled”
life with almost no freedom.).
Writing. Grade 6, Standard 1 AND
Writing. Grade 6. Standard 2
(B)
W.6.1.b
Support claim(s) with clear reasons and
relevant evidence, using credible sources
and demonstrating an understanding of
the topic or text.
citizents and all of them have a say in the government. C2>On
AND
the other hand, <C2 in Sparta, the males have completely
W.6.2.b
Develop the topic with relevant facts,
definitions, concrete details, quotations,
or other information and examples.
scheduled life if they don’t get abandoned in the mountains
B1> Examples: 1, 2, 3
because people decided that their weak.
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
SAMPLE B6-14a (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
The writer supports the claim with clear,
although sometimes awkwardly
expressed, reasons (In Athens, people
were motivated not only to have good
physical fitness but also to use and
exercise the mind ... Because of the
wonderous education, Athens formed a
near-perfect democrary in just 200 years!
... Another thing is that we didn’t just
spend time on education and other brainconsuming things; the people of Athens
had great physical fitness.).
6
GRADE 6
FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
C1>
Also, <C1 while Sparta had an army Athens had an
army plus a navy. A strong navy and a strong army lead to a
success in the polis of Athens. C2>Not only does Athens have
a strong military, <C2 F>but it had wonderful strategies. For
example, the time Persia attacked Athens, the Athenians were
outnumbered to the Perians 2:1 and still defeated Persia.
G>
The Athenians destroyed 3,000 Persians and only lost 192
of their men. <F <G
C1>
Furthermore, <C1 B3> A2>the agora in Athens is one
of the busiest places in Greece. <A2 B2> B4>The agora is like
the center of a town or a plaza where the marketplace is, <B2
where most of the people’s jobs are, and it’s a place for
worshiping Gods, like Athena in the Temple of Athena. <B4
C2>
Because of how busy the Agora is, <C2 it is very bright and
colorful and “decorated” with many cultural acheivments. <B3
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
SAMPLE B6-14a (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
STANDARDS-BASED COMMENTARY:
:
Writing. Grade 6, Standard 1 AND
Writing. Grade 6. Standard 2
(continued)
B2> Examples: 1, 2
The writer supports and develops
reasons with relevant evidence (An
Athenian starts school at age 5, and
depending on how wealthy your family is,
you may still be studying in your midtwenties and up to age 30! ... The agora
is like the center of a town or a plaza
where the marketplace is...).
B3> Examples: 1
The writer develops a sub-topic with
concrete details (...the agora in Athens is
one of the busiest places in Greece. The
agora is like the center of a town or a
plaza where the marketplace is, where
most of the people’s jobs are, and it’s a
place for worshiping Gods, like Athena in
the Temple of Athena. Because of how
busy the Agora is, it is very bright and
colorful and “decorated” with many
cultural acheivments.).
B4> Examples: 1, 2
The writer provides context clues to
define terms that may be unfamiliar to
the audience (...I would choose to live in
Athens. Athens, in many ways, is a
fantastic polis ... The agora is like the
center of a town or a plaza where the
marketplace is, where most of the
people’s jobs are, and it’s a place for
worshipping Gods, like Athena in the
Temple of Athena.).
7
A2>
GRADE 6
FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
In the other polis, Sparta, there is no such thing as a
colorful agora, <A2 filled with joy an laughter; because
of this, Sparta had no H2>cultural <H2 acheivements
(H1>architecture, <H1 poems, H1>epics, <H1 democracy, etc.)
greater or H1>parallel <H1 to Athens.
STANDARDS-BASED COMMENTARY:
:
Writing. Grade 6, Standard 1 AND
Writing. Grade 6. Standard 2
(continued)
(C)
W.6.1.c
Use words, phrases, and clauses to
clarify the relationships among claim(s)
and reasons.
AND
C1> B1>
Another thing is that we didn’t just spend time
on education and other brain-consuming things; <C1 the people
of Athens had great physical fitness. <B1 In fact, the first
Olympics were created in Athens and held by the Temple of
Zeus, another grand building, because of how healthy the
fellow Athenians are. A2> D1> G>As you can see, Athenians
lives free lives, while Spartan men had a H1>literally <H1
“scheduled” life with almost no freedom. <A2 <G Athens in
W.6.2.c
Use appropriate transitions to clarify the
relationships among ideas and concepts.
C1> Examples: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
The writer uses words and phrases to
provide largely clear relationships among
the claim and the reasons for it, creating
a logical, although not always fluid,
progression of ideas (In Athens, people
were motivated not only to have good
physical fitness but also to use and
exercise the mindz... Because of the
wonderous education ... Also ...
Furthermore ... Another thing is that we
didn’t just spend time on education and
other brain-consuming things.).
C2> Examples: 1, 2, 3, 4
The writer uses mostly effective
transitional phrases and clauses to
clarify relationships among ideas within
paragraphs (With the democracy ... On
the other hand ... Not only does Athens
have a strong military ... Because of how
busy the Agora is ...).
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
SAMPLE B6-14a (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
8
GRADE 6
FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
many ways is a more joyful place to be, whereas Spartan just
STANDARDS-BASED COMMENTARY:
:
kill non-Spartan people for no reason and they were also
Writing. Grade 6, Standard 1
scared of their own slaves. As Athens moved toward her
(D)
W.6.1.e
Provide a concluding statement or section
that follows from the argument presented.
H2>
Golden Age, <H2 Sparta moved backward in cultural
D1> Examples: 1
acheivements. <D1 D2>If you want to live in a colorful, polis
with lots of joy and laughter that’s reaching her Golden Age,
come to Athens. Or, if you want to live in a military boot
camp where you were taught to steal, but if you were caught,
you may be killed, then Sparta is the place for you! <D2
The beginning of the mostly effective
conclusion is somewhat disjointed (As
you can see, Athenians lives free lives,
while Spartan men had a literally
“scheduled” life with almost no freedom.
Athens in many ways is a more joyful
place to be, whereas Spartan just kill
non-Spartan people for no reason and
they were also scared of their own
slaves. As Athens moved toward her
Golden Age, Sparta moved backward in
cultural acheivements.).
D2> Examples: 1
END OF WRITING SAMPLE
The concluding sentences synthesize
and reframe the argument, using humor
and metaphor, while maintaining the
largely clear and effective
compare/contrast organizational
structure (If you want to live in a colorful,
polis with lots of joy and laughter that’s
reaching a Golden Age, come to Athens.
Or, if you want to live in a military
bootcamp where you were taught to
steal, but if you were caught you may be
killed, then Sparta is the place for you!).
Writing. Grade 6, Standard 4
(E)
W.6.4
Produce clear and coherent writing in
which the development, organization, and
style are appropriate to task, purpose, and
audience.
E> Overall text reference
In the process of completing an ondemand assessment, the writer makes a
clear claim and constructs a largely clear
and effective argument, while maintaining
an appropriate style and tone.
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
SAMPLE B6-14a (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
Note: Comment refers to the piece as a
whole rather than a specific example
within the text.
9
GRADE 6
FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
STANDARDS-BASED COMMENTARY:
:
Writing. Grade 6, Standard 8
(F)
W.6.8
Gather relevant information from multiple
print and digital sources; assess the
credibility of each source; and quote or
paraphrase the data and conclusions of
others while avoiding plagiarism and
providing basic bibliographic information
for sources.
F> Examples: 1, 2
To support the central claim, the writer
integrates in a largely appropriate,
although sometimes awkward, manner
evidence from the unit assessed by the
prompt (Throughout this time, you will
learn things like reading and writing to
military training to ethics and philosophy
... but it had wonderful strategies. For
example, the time Persia attacked
Athens, the Athenians were
outnumbered to the Perians 2:1 and still
defeated Persia. The Athenians
destroyed 3,000 Persians and only lost
192 of their men.).
Language. Grade 6, Standard 3
(G)
L.6.3.a
Vary sentence patterns for meaning,
reader/listener interest, and style.
G> Examples: 1, 2, 3
The writer contributes to the appropriate
style and tone of the sample by mixing
sentences of varying lengths and types
(If I had to choose to live in “the school of
Greece” [Athens] or the “boot camp”
polis [Sparta], then I would choose to live
in Athens … The Athenians destroyed
3,000 Persians and only lost 192 of their
men ... As you can see, Athenians lives
free lives, while Spartan men had a
literally “scheduled” life with almost no
freedom.).
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
SAMPLE B6-14a (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)
10
GRADE 6
FRAMEWORK / CONTENT STANDARDS ADDRESSED:
Massachusetts Curriculum Framework
for ELA and Literacy (2011)
STANDARDS-BASED COMMENTARY:
:
Writing.
Grade
6, Standard
1 6
Language.
Grade
6, Standard
(C)
(H)
W.6.1.e
L.6.6
Provide a concluding statement or section
Acquire
andfrom
use accurately
gradethat follows
the argument
presented.
appropriate general academic and
domain-specific words and phrases;
C>
gatherExamples:
vocabulary1knowledge when
considering
a word or
important
The writer provides
thephrase
claim of
this
to
comprehension
or expression.
inductively
structured
sample in a
concise,
effective conclusion
that
H1> Examples:
1, 2, 3, 4, 5,
6 hints at
a course of action (Technology is faster,
The writer enhances the appropriate style
easier, and more convienent in a lot of
and
tone
the sample
with
ways,
butofI don’t
see how
it isgeneral
worth
academic
language
(motivated,
hurting children! Its almost as if ethics and
philosophy,
epics,
parallel,
technology isarchitecture,
setting up kids
to become
literally).
monsters! Are we going to let this
monster
be created1,or2,are
H2> Examples:
3 we going to
put a stop to it?).
The writer makes evidence more authentic
and effective by using appropriate domainspecific language (polis ... cultural ...
Golden Age).
Writing. Grade 6, Standard 4
(D)
W.6.4
Produce clear and coherent writing in
which the development, organization, and
style are appropriate to task, purpose, and
audience.
END OF COMMENTARY
D> Overall text reference
This sample demonstrates a degree of
coherence and clarity that makes the
writer’s complex progression of ideas
largely easy to follow. The writer
appropriately heightens the persuasive
impact of the sample by providing specific
reasons and evidence that progress to the
claim of the sample.
Note: Comment refers to the piece as a
whole rather than a specific example
within the text.
Massachusetts Department of Elementary and Secondary Education
Writing Standards in Action Project
www.doe.mass.edu/candi/wsa
SAMPLE B6-14a (Opinion/Argument—Persuasive Essay)