MIMES FOR DINNER
Five-minute Play
by Emily Cicchini
Characters:
MAN--Standard British Stereotype
WOMAN--Southern Genteel Stereotype
Setting:
A typical box set dining and living room
(WOMAN primps, looking in imaginary mirror. MAN sits in an easy chair, reading the
paper)
WOMAN
Could you kindly inform me what play is performing tonight?
MAN
How in God's name am I supposed to know?
WOMAN
You don't have to get so fiesty about it. I suggest you examine the program. There is a
program, isn't there?
MAN
Can't a man read the "Times" without these horrid dramatic interuptions? I arrive home
after a long working day and the last thing I desire is to be subjected to some half-baked
theatrical production.
WOMAN
Well, then we must make sure that it is golden brown and fresh from the oven. Like
grandmammy's cornbread.
MAN
Ah! Here we are. It's called: "Mimes for Dinner."
WOMAN
I never heard of such a title. What's it about?
MAN
I haven't the foggiest notion.
WOMAN
My, my. What shall we do?
MAN
For Christ's sake, old girl, substitute. Someone's comming for dinner, what would you
do?
WOMAN
What would I do?
MAN
What might your character do.
WOMAN
No, you misunderstand me. I'm asking you who I am.
MAN
You've stumped me there. You should have done your homework.
WOMAN
Oh, Jives, I'm scared!
MAN
Now's not the time for ungrounded emotions, Victoria.
WOMAN
Must I be named Victoria? It's so--so--conventional.
MAN
Certainly, Victoria, though that is your name, you may be called anything you like.
WOMAN
I should like to be called--"Masterpiece."
MAN
Why, that's not a proper name.
WOMAN
I don't care. I like it. It--motivates me.
MAN
Ah! Travisties. But we must attend ourselves to the business at hand.
WOMAN
Which is what?
MAN
Preparing for the entrance of the Mimes.
WOMAN
"Mimes for Dinner" . . . "Mimes for Dinner." What do you suppose they eat?
MAN
Shouldn't much matter, should it? They can pretend, you know, make-believe its
anything they want.
WOMAN
You don't suppose we're supposed to eat the mimes?
MAN
Gracious, I should think not. Much too hard-handed. Subtlety. That's the mark of true
genius.
WOMAN
Thank heavens! I can't imagine how we'd remain sympathetic after such a gruesome
scene.
MAN
I should think we might lost intrest entirely. Instead, I propose. . .I pro-pose. . .that we
create a mood.
WOMAN
A "mood?" What kind of "mood?"
MAN
A mood appropriate for the entrance of mimes, which will focus attention on the insuing
action.
WOMAN
That should prove difficult, I imagine. As everyone hates mimes.
Since I was a young girl, I've always hated mimes.
MAN
How can you say that! They are part of performing tradition! We must love and respect
the mime as art!
WOMAN
But what can we do to enteratain them? Should we try to make them feel at home?
Should we try to be like them? Maybe we should paint out faces, just like them. . .
(The WOMAN proceeds to do so)
MAN
And what will we do about conversation? I suppose they won't be up on the current
relevant topics. . .Music. Don't mimes need music for their stories?
(The MAN puts on instumental music and begins a strange routine, a cross between Tai
Chi and conventional mime. They continue this action until a clock rings six)
WOMAN
Oh! Oh! Oh! Six o'clock and the mimes are late!
MAN
It's no use. They won't speak to us when they come.
WOMAN
No matter. I've got fried chicken and apple fritters in the oven. We'll just go ahead and
eat without them.
MAN
We worked so hard, and nobody came.
WOMAN
I just don't understand your obsession with mimes.
MAN
Help! We need mimes. Anyone, please. Call the mime troops.
WOMAN
Can't you see, you foolish little man. They don't want to play. They're not like us. They
not our. . . (she drops the line). . .business, no, our buddies, not that not right, our
benifactors! That's right! They are not our benifactors! In fact, no ones much of a
benifactor anymore.
MAN
Stop! Stop! I cannot take anymore of this rubbish!
stage
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the to make them comfortable(scooping out imaginary bowls of food) You'll feel better
with food in your stomach i
WOMAN
Don't loose you head about it. Just find polite way to wrap things up and get on with it.
MAN
But. . .the mimes haven't come.
MAN
No! Don't leave! The play's not over!
WOMAN
If we can't maintain attention, we deserve to close.
MAN
I don't understand why nobody came.
WOMAN
This is the week that the factory goes on triple time. And all the students have their tests.
Everyone is very busy, and the economies not so good. . .
MAN
But we promised to make dinner. We promised to nourish them.
WOMAN
Darrling, don't cry. Things are not as bad as they seem. For as God is my witness, they'll
have to eat someplace else!
?xxxxxxx
x
girl, substitute. Someone's codoMasterpiece. Wthe entrance of the mserving
imaginary(To audience) WaitYou can't take it personally, Jives. , and the economy is
God is my witness, they Actor ActressFeisty, feistyinterruptionsproduction?would whoal
p
artistic intrestensuingne, as mimes are so unpleasantEver sthe of mimicry!Alright,
alright. Butshouldentertain They must be entertained. make ourselves
moreinstrumentalge routine, a cross between Tai-What if they've slipped on the icy steps
outside? What if they're lying on the ground, writhing in soundless agony? They'll use
us an abuse us, those mimes who come to dinner.benefactorsbenefactorsbenefactor Oh,
my dear Masterpiece, I just can't go on this way. It's too--too--horrible.DarlingAfter all,
tomorrow another show must go on. 'll never be hungry again
(End scene)
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