Module 2
Improving Your Chapter 1
What’s Inside
•
•
•
•
•
•
What’s a good writer?
Style and Grammar in scientific writing
Title
Abstract
Using Thesaurus
Using and Developing Outline in Scientific
Writing
A good writer
• A good writer thinks of writing as a
process and not just as a product
• A good writer thinks, and thinks about
thinking.
• A good writer takes time.
• A good writer revises.
The Passive Voice
This deferment is acccomplished on the basis of evidence of record in
each individual case. No group deferments are permitted. Deferments
are granted, however, in a realistic atmosphere so that the fullest effect
of channeling will be felt, rather than be terminated by military service
at too early a time.
More often, the active voice helps illustrate the agent
and the effects of action.
Lucy was bitten by the vampire and transformed into a vamp.
The vampire bit Lucy, transforming her into a vamp.
It was arranged that Senator Flugelhorn be summoned before the
subcommittee to answer certain charges which had been brought
against him by his former aides.
The subcommittee summoned Senator Flugelhorn to answer charges
made by his former aides.
Intransitive Verbs
Intransitive verbs (be, exist, become) cannot cross over and
take objects. Used too often, they flatten a sentence by
announcing ideas rather than using them. Transitive verbs like
have, get, go, used too often, dull the prose:
• There are many reasons why I came to Amherst, and one of them
is that at Amherst there are more kinds of people than there were
in my home town. In my home town of Gravel Switch there were
mostly farmers and small businesspeople. Hardly any young
people went to college, so when I had the chance to come to
Amherst, I thought it was a good idea.
Rewritten with more active verbs, the passage shows more
of the author's interest in his subject:
•Amherst appeals to me because it offers me the chance to meet different
people from those in my home town. In Gravel Switch I knew mostly
farmers and small businesspeople. Hardly any young people went to
college. So when Amherst accepted me, I felt great.
Replacing there is, there are, etc. with active verbs also saves words:
saving words makes the writing leaner and more muscular.
Adverbs
Whom would you believe, someone who said simply:
• "I love you" or someone who said
• "I really and sincerely love you very much"? Think about it. The
adverbs "really" and "sincerely" modify "love"—they are helping
"love" along. "Love," then, needs help in this sentence. Perhaps the
speaker is sincere, but his propping up the verb with two adverbs
and an adverbial phrase ("very much") might make us doubt it.
Adverbs, used effectively, say how, when, in what manner, place, and
direction something happens or gets done. They add color and flavor to
verbs:
Fearfully she flipped on the light. They support adjectives:
We were almost drunk. They give mood to whole sentences:
Hitchhikers, Babblers,
and Jaw-Flappers
Be careful of the following words: they gather other words
around them, making your prose vague and rambling.
Stretchy words:
• type unless it's The New York Times Large Type
Cookbook, printed in large type. Don't say "It's The New
York Times Large Type-type cookbook."
• to be as in "They thought him to be a jerk."
• different as in "many different"
• separate as in "each separate"
• cause as in "cause corruption" instead of "corrupt"
• individual students for students
• use as in "The use of alcoholic beverages is not allowed
on the premises." (translation: "No Drinking Allowed.")
Windy and Pretentious Language
A. Doubling
"necessary and imperative"
"crucial and important"
"provocative and stimulating"
"tasks and obstacles"
Windy and Pretentious Language
B. Abstractions
We cannot make a useful language without abstract
words, because these words help make sense of
relationships, qualities, and values (all three of these
nouns are abstract words). Used vaguely or too often,
however, they dilute meaning:
It is my considered opinion that the focus, scope, and
purpose of the developmental model be clearly
delineated in order to guide and facilitate the
implementation of central administrative concepts.
All the nouns and verbs in this dazzling sentence derive from
Latin. Without specific words, the sentence evaporates and the
reader drops into a doze.
Bad Writing
• Another Example:
Proposed Possible Preliminary Outline of
Suggested Alternative Consideration for a
Conceivable Tentative Recommendation
Clichés
It gives me great hope to gaze out on the sea of upturned
faces each shining with the bright light of the future, the
promise that today is the first day of the rest of your life.
For it is truly the young people of this great nation who
must carry the torch for future generations and build the
stepping-stones to a new heaven and earth. And that
reminds me of a story I heard once....
To detect clichés in your own writing, you must first listen to
yourself reading your words aloud. Underline all the words that
sound too familiar, and ask what you mean to say. Asking what you
mean may cause you problems, but it will begin the process of
critical listening that good writers develop as a habit.
Jargon
Jargon is the in-language of special groups or professions. Sometimes
in-language is necessary. Try talking to a computer expert without
using glitch, software, chip, floppy disk, and retrieval. Sometimes jargon
is fun to use, especially when you're aware of the literal meaning hiding
in the figurative one:
I walked into the room where a lot of laid-back people were grooving on
some low-key records.
Max and Sharon and Tom and Barbara get pretty high on hash, and
everyone dances a little and we do some liquid projections and set up a
strobe and take turns getting a high on that.
We were seeing the desperate attempt of a handful of pathetically
unequipped children to create a community in a social vacuum.
Mixed Metaphors
If you have a lot of money you can make people be nice to you. They
want some of your money. They'll put sugar in your ears; they'll say
what you want to hear.
Here "sugar in your ears" suggests the "sweet nothings" people say to
Teresa, but the metaphor also hints at something more sinister:
stopping up the ears in order to rob the pockets.
The superior silo-busting rocket capability will knock their strategy right out of
the ballpark.
The gaps in their political thinking make a smokescreen as long as your arm.
The situation calls forth many obstacles. (creates, perhaps, but calls forth?)
The dialogue will clear the way toward a new relationship. (dialogues may
clear the air, but not the way)