Title:
Honor without criticism leads to trust
Category:
Faculty Adage
Preparation time:
Less than 1 minute
Time required to apply:
2 – 4 minutes (depending on your comments and if you add some of
your own experiences)
Goal:
Illustrate that trust through good choices without criticism can be an effective
and important leadership principle.
This is a simple true story from a BYU faculty member.
As a young BYU engineering graduate, I frequently attended meetings of upper
management. I was the youngest one there and felt very intimidated. One of the
management staff had a foul mouth and frequently told off-color stories and jokes. His
stories often lead other senior staff members to chime in with their own off-color stories.
I personally found this particular staff member’s mouth very offensive. However, I never
said anything and did not complain. I did not join in the story telling and merely was
quietly embarrassed by the language and stories. Some members of the staff, including
this one individual were opening critical of particular managers and staff members and
would rail against them. This often produced a negative atmosphere at meeting. I
actively avoided voicing negative words and instead tried to find positive things to say.
Though I said nothing, soon this fellow noticed my discomfort and began to tease me. I
did not allow him to make me “hot under the collar”, which he was very good at with
other staff members. I did notice that he began to apologize to me after his ribald stories
to the group, and THEN began to apologize before he told an off-color story. I never
complained or criticized. When my opinion of someone was asked, I found positive
things or was silent.
One day, I was approached in private by this fellow who was having trouble with his
teenaged-son’s behavior – he was humbly seeking my advice. He confided in my that he
felt he could trust me since I did not talk about others behind their backs. We talked, and
over time, became friends. He was one of my strongest supporters in the organization
and after I came to BYU was the source of significant research money.
Add comments or a story from your own experience.