Comments on Yuliya’s rough cuts
Elizabeth’s comments
Timecode Comment
Reshoot somewhere in your dorm/easy location using images of snowflakes and phones
popping up with your text (also make setup a little more seamless into bulk of video. You can
opening go ahead and "give away" that it's never-ending repeating patterns called fractals.)
0:46
Show all the sides of the snowflake to correspond with "I would find this pattern anywhere I
looked"
1:02
Can you show an example on the left hand side of the video of a computer program like we
discussed earlier? Even if it's just a screenshot of you running a program
1:07
"Nathan Cohen" can appear on the side. Lots of negative space is around you that you can
take advantage of
1:12
This is a turning point in your script, so highlight it by either changing the music or taking a
beat before this scene.
1:33
Close up on your hand
1:38
Audio is low, so maybe bump up a bit
1:48
The actions in this part are still kind of weird (like we discussed, you turn on the water at the
wrong time). Either close up on sponge with water and wifi labels with arrows
1:54
Framing is a little weird (cut out the bathroom stall)
2:00
Maybe b-roll of antennae? Pic?
2:24
Cut out to wide shot isn't different enough from previous cut, so it looks a little awkward. You
can either cut back in to close up, or make the previous scene a little more close up.
2:44
The way you deliver the second set of examples is the EXACT same intonation and delivery
as the first set, so it's a little sing-songy and unnatural. Maybe try b-roll and voiceover? Your
call here
ending
I like how you tried to incorporate Stata, but the shot is difficult to pull off so I might just shoot
again where you end up doing the first scene.
Credits
Black background
1
Ceri’s comments
Timecode Comment
start
I would agree to take out the "fractals" title - if you want a little intro with just music, maybe do
some b-roll of objects that are fractals or like stock footage of river systems (or something
related, you would know better than me)
rerecording may be easier than dubbing at this point (because you have a chance to
also start completely redo the line), but it's entirely up to you/your time
0:16
it sounds like your audio fades in? if you have a fade, I would just do a hard cut instead
0:46
great chalkboard demo, I would leave an extra beat before you cut to the digital though
1:06
are you planning on putting in pictures here? this would be a good spot for them
1:16
great, natural delivery
2:24
the transition is a bit jumpy because it looks really similar to your previous shot (like, almost
identical)
2:49
did you add lightning bolt SFX? it's a bit distracting/silly, but maybe that was your goal? I think
the images will be interesting enough to keep the audience entertained
2:59
rerecording might be easier than dubbing here too. maybe if you want to show stata, you can
film inside of it late at night and pan upwards? or in front of some sculpture in the early
morning when people aren't around
end
I don't know whether i'd put the door slam to end it, a fade is usually nice
2
Joshua’s comments
Timecode
Comment
0:02
I agree with Elizabeth's suggestion on removing the title of "Fractals", it would be great if the
word was introduced when it is mentioned in 0:53
0:12
I love the clean cut to the green board
0:13 - 0:45 Great job! Your explanation was so natural and smooth
0:45 - 0:55 Superb job with the animations!
1:06
g
1:16
I love your expression! Really shows the unreasonableness of the landlord!
1:21
Great cut to the physical model of the antenna
Perhaps you could digital zoom in a bit (to the right) so that it's less crammed for your hand
1:31 - 1:34 to reveal the sponge animation
Were you going to reveal something on the screen of your iphone? A hedgehog? Or would it
2:06 - 2:10 be better if you B-roll to an actual Hedgehog?
The cut here is not different enough that it makes the video seem like there's a jump, if you
2:22 - 2:23 could remove the cut and keep in one take or... cut to a closeup like at 2:11
Would you include words and pictures? That will be great! Because I'm anticipating that there
2:25 - 2:58 might be place where you would put pictures which may seem strange
If you would want to reshoot a scene, I would recommend the first and last scene simply
because of the audio. Just stretch the camera mic cord as far away from the camera as
First & Last possible. You probably dont need for a pan with the camera; could just be on a tripod. You
scene
could do clean cut from closeup to wide shots from 2 takes by saying the entire part twice.
Credits
Perhaps you could use the credits in a way just like how the other Science Out Loud/ MIT
K12 videos do with the blackbackground and "Made with Love at MIT"
3
PJ’s comments
Timecode
0:00-0:17
0:35 to 0:36
transition
0:52-0:55
Comment
I think we can get another shot of this with better audio... maybe we can have you enter,
then leave the shot and then enter the chalkboard?
A little choppy, we can smooth that out.
Very good animation... part is cut off though... is it possible to get the whole thing in the
shot?
1:33
Are you going to import a sponge in this part?
1:36
Quick fix... I think we should do this scene again and just clip the mic to you instead of
mounting in shower.
1:55
Very good transition.
2:02
We could probably go with a different angle.
2:08
I am guessing an animation is going to be here with tons of antennas?
2:23
We didn't zoom out or in enough for this transition.
2:28-2:29
I feel you cut of "world" in the transition.
2:29 scene
It may be worth trying to put a filter to remove some of the echo... A little is okay, but I
think this is a quick editing fix.
2:59 to end
I think we should rethink how we shoot this. I do think the building reveal is good, but it is
a long ending which I think we can break up a little into multiple settings.
END
Roll credits on black
4
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20.219 Becoming the Next Bill Nye: Writing and Hosting the Educational Show
January IAP 2015
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