Chromosome 22q11.2DS
2015 Family Meeting
Coping with Emotions
Ingrid N. Leckliter, PhD
UC Davis MIND Institute
Doingthebestwecan
withwhatwe’vegot.
Joseph
•  VideoclipfromViceNews
Spanky
–  MosesMontefioreAcademyinChicago’sWestside
•  “Aschoolforthecity’smostat-riskyouth.”
•  BullyingtheVoiceless:LastChanceHigh(Episode2)
1:45-4:21
hPps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxXiQqul4io
Howdowedeveloptheskillstocope
withouremoZons?
•  PersonalTrials&Errors.
•  ObservingREALothers:
–  Parents/Grandparents,Siblings,Friends/OtherPeers,Teachers/
Coaches.
•  ObservingVIRTUALothersportrayedinmedia:
–  Heroes/Villains.
•  FormalinstrucZon:
–  ReligiouseducaZonclasses.
–  MandatoryclassesweaPendedinschool.
•  Psychotherapy/Personaldevelopment.
•  ThepaZent,direct,explicit,supporZveexplanaZons,
modelingandcoachingfromsomeonewelove.
Resourcesabout
EmoZonCoping
Mini-EmoZonCoachingLesson
Describethefactsoftriggeringevents.
Joseph
•  JosephconZnuedtocopy
Spankyevenaeerthe
teachertookawaypoints
andtoldMaPhewtoread.
•  WhenSpankyflew-outof
hisdesktoJoseph’s,Joseph
stoodup.Thenbothboys
bumpedoneanother.
Spanky
•  Josephdisrespecgully
mimicedyourvoice.He
laughedwhenyoutoldhim
tostop.
•  Youcalledhim“agoof,”lee
yourdeskandwalkedtothe
door.
•  Josephwatched,allthe
Zmesmilingandlaughingat
yourreacZon.
Mini-EmoZonCoachingLesson
Support&praisebabystepstowardsself-management.
Disengagingfromafight.
AccepZngdirecZon.
Strugglingtoignore&toleratedistress.
Handsdown.NoFists.
Mini-EmoZonCoachingLesson
NamethatemoZon,noZcedegreesandsecondaryemoZons.
Empathize.
Joseph
•
•
•
•
•
Cocky
Superior
Intolerant
GloaZng
Gleeful/DramaJolt
Spanky
•
•
•
•
•
Angry
Offended
Distressed
Inadequate
IneffecZve
WhatdoemoZonsdoforyou?
•
•
•
•
•
Signal.
MoZvate.
Communicatetoothers.
Influence.
Informus.
Aretheygekngyouwhatyou
reallywantandneed?
Mini-EmoZonCoachingLesson
WhatdoemoZonsdoforyou?
Aretheygekngyouwhatyoureallywantandneed?
Joseph
Spanky
•  Signalopportunity
•  MoZvatepower-play
•  Communicatetoothers
•  Signalthreat
•  MoZvateself-protecZon
•  Communicatetoothers
–  Spanky
–  Classmates
–  Teacher
•  Influenceothers
•  EmoZonsmayconfirmour
beliefabouttheworld(e.g.,“If
Ifeelpowerfulmakingothers
losetheircool,Iamsuperior.”)
–  Joseph
–  Teacher
–  Classmates
•  Influenceothers
•  MoZvateself-advocacy
•  WemayinterpretemoZonsas
evidencethatconfirmsourworld
view(e.g.,“IfIfeelrejected,I
mustbedefecZve.”)
•  MaymoZvateustocheckthe
facts.
WhyisemoZonmanagementdifficult?
•  Biologicalfactors:
–  LevelofmaturaZon.
–  Temperament/Delays/Disorders.
•  Forexample,chronicmooddisorderover-ridesZme/efforttoself-regulate.
•  Flooding/emoZonalover-acZvaZonbreaksdownskills.
•  Environmentalfactors:
–  Chronicstress(e.g.,medical,housing,familyfinances,unresolved
conflict,overly-criZcalorunavailableparents).
–  Parents’socializaZon/Peers’reinforcement.
•  Lackofskills.
•  ConsequencesstrengthenemoZonalbehavior.
•  MythsaboutemoZons:
–  MyemoZonsarewhoIam.ExpressingthemmeansI’matrulyhonest,
authenZcandfreeindividual.
–  ExtremeemoZonsgetmemoreofwhatIwantthancopingwithmy
emoZons.CreaZvityrequiresintense,unrestrainedemoZons.
–  EmoZonscanhappenfornoreason.EmoZonsalwaysshouldbe
trusted.
Mini-EmoZonCoachingLesson
WhyisemoZonmanagementdifficult?
Joseph
Spanky
•  Impulsive&Over-acZve.
•  Exuberance,amped-upmood.
•  Others’reacZons(humiliaZon,
laughter)rewardhisteasing.
•  “MyemoZonsarewhoIam.”
•  Fire-sekng/Trauma.
•  EmoZonalneglect/Poorskills
models.
•  EscapeinterruptshumiliaZon
ofbeingteased(negaZve
reinforcement).
•  EmoZonalover-acZvaZon
leadstobreakdownofnewly
emergingskills.
•  WhenIfeelhumiliatedand
disrespecteditconfirmsjust
howunlovableIreallyam.
–  (ClassClown)
•  “Thispowerfulfeeling
confirmsthatmystatusis
higher.”
Mini-EmoZonCoachingLesson
Review.
•  Describefactsoftriggeringevent.
•  Supportandpraisebabystepstowardsselfmanagement.
•  LabeltheemoZons,noZcedegreesand
secondaryemoZons.Empathize.
•  DecidewhetheremoZonsaregekngyou
whatyoureallyneedandwant.
•  Understand&interveneonfactorsthat
impedeemoZonalself-regulaZon.
Mini-EmoZonCoachingLesson
ReviewwithBullyingtheVoiceless.
•  Josephdisrespecgullycopiedyourvoice.Evenaeeryou
toldhimtostopandshowedexcellentself-restraintby
walkingaway,hekeptatit.Hemimickedyou,laughingand
watchingyourreacZon.
•  YoufeltprePyoffendedandangry.Isurecanremember
ZmesI’vefeltthesamewaywhensomeoneteasedme.It
sureisn’tfunandcanmakeyoufeelprePyexposed.
•  Didfeelingoffendedandangrygetyouwhatyouneeded?
Diditmakewhatyouwantedhappen?
•  You’vedoneagreatjobpracZcingsomeoftheskillslike
keepingyourhandsandfistsdownandaccepZngmy
suggesZonslikestayingintheroom.
•  Nowwe’lllearnandpracZcesomenewskills.Thesewill
helpyouignoreteasing.Theywillhelpyougetthroughthe
unpleasantfeelingsteasingoeensparks.
LearnNewSkills
DistressTolerance(Linehan,2014).
•
DISTRACT
–  AcZviZes
•  Drawapictureofsharks.
•  Foldasharkorigami.
•  Researchsharkwildlifephotos.
–  Contribute(Volunteer)
•  Offertohelptheteachertakesomethingtotheofficeorwipetheboard.
–  Compare(yourselftoothers)
•  NoZcehowyouareshowingmoreself-controlthatJoseph.
•  Watchamovieaboutotherkidswhoareteasedandbullied.
–  DistractyourselfwithoppositeemoZons
•  ThinkofsomethingsillyorfunnylikeifJoseph’shind-endgrewasharks’stail.
•  Readagoodjokebook.
–  Pushaway&mentallyleavetheemoZonforawhile
•  BuildanimaginarywallbetweenyouandJosephandmentallyimaginepushingitaway.
•  Imaginepukngtheincidentinaboxandshelvingitfornow.
–  Distractwiththoughts
•  CountalltheZlesonthefloor.
•  Countto100by2s.
•  Namethebirdsflyinginthesky.
–  DistractwithsensaZons
•  Listentoloudmusic.
•  Takeareallycoldshower.
•  Chewareallysourpieceofgum.
DistressTolerance
•  Self-sootheyourFiveSenses
–  Vision
•  Lookatphotosofcoolcars
•  Watchvideosoffunnypets
–  Hearing
•  Listentothebirdschirping
•  Listentochildrenlaughingandplaying
–  Smell
•  SmellasZckofcinnamonoravanillabean
•  Smellafreshorangeorlemon
–  Taste
•  Slowlyeataspecialtreat,savoreachbite
•  Drinksomethingsilkylikehotchocolate,feelitslipdownyourthroatand
warmyourbelly
–  Touch
•  Feelthecoolsmoothnessofawindowpane
•  Feelthebouncycurlinessofyourhair
•  Feelthewarmthickfurrinessofyourpetdog
DistressTolerance
•  ImprovetheMoment
–  Imagery
•  Createascenedifferentfromwhereyouarenowthatletsyouuse
yourimaginaZontoleavethesituaZon.
–  Createmeaning
•  Thinkaboutwhatthehigherpurposeofyoursufferingmightbe.
•  Makelemonadeoutoflemons.
–  Prayer
•  AcceptanceprayerversusWhyme?
orPleasetakeawaymysufferingprayers.
•  Bepresentsimultaneouslywithbothyourdistressandyourhigher
power,the“wisepart”ofyourbeing.
–  RelaxaZon
•  DiaphragmaZcbreathing
•  DeepmusclerelaxaZon
DistressTolerance
ProsandCons
Tolerate
Pros
DoNOTTolerate
Cons
Pros
Cons
I’dfeelproudthatI Self-management
wasusingmyskills takesenergyand
andbeingstrong.
effort.
It’dreallyshow-up
JosephifIhadno
reacZontohim.
I’dconZnuefeeling
theemoZon,which
isfamiliar.Iknow
howtodothat!
Myteachermight
sendmeto
detenZonorsenda
notehometomy
Mom.Hemight
giveuponme.
Iwouldn’twaste
Iwouldn’tgetthe
myenergyontrying drama-highorthe
tochangeJoseph
sympathyofothers.
andIcoulduseit
forthingsIcan
changelikebeing
stronger.
Myteachermight
I’dgiveJosephwhat
givemesympathy, hewants,theupper
extrahelportreats handoverme.
tomakeupformy
beingteased.
Practice.
See the Good.
Don’t Give Up.
Demonstrate how you
cope; especially the
mistakes.