Arab British Academy for Higher Education
Rewriting Passages more clearly
The last part of this Lesson will be more difficult; it consists of Passages
that can be rewritten in a different, usually clearer or less technical style.
An excellent book dealing with this you might find in your
Public
Library is:
All Purpose English for Adults by Charles Duff
already mentioned in Lesson One of this Course.
Two Passages to Compare
Activity 6
The following passages are written twice, the first time
with quite complex vocabulary, the second in some other
way, not necessarily more simple.
Try to see the differences between the two passages, and
how the varying styles while not changing the meaning do
alter the effect and mood of the pieces. After reading
carefully through both Passages, list the words and phrases
that are different; you will find the complete list in the
Key.
Do study the Key, and try to make up your own mind about
the differences between a) and b). You might ask yourself
which you prefer!
Passage One
a) The sun shone on the creek with an iridescent sparkle, for the rain was
coming down simultaneously; you could glimpse a vivid rainbow on the
other side of the verdant pasture, commencing in the vicinity of the dense
and mysterious woodlands.
Youthful, plump Alan, seated on his tiny camp stool, found himself in a half
reverie and lost to the world; he stirred fitfully, his cane held between his
fingers and thumb.
Suddenly, as though from nowhere, there came a sharp jerk on his line;
Alan had a bite! After just over three hours, a fish, he could see it was a
trout, had actually approached the delicious cheesy morsel affixed to his
subtly disguised hook, and had taken a mouthful.
In a trice Alan leapt to his feet, grasping the rod in his two fists, and pulling
back and upwards as forcefully as he was able. Gradually his line with the
hook at the end of it was rising from the water with the struggling silver trout
attached to the lethal hook, and fighting - vainly - for its life. Half a minute
later the fish was on the bank and Alan on his knees, removing the hook
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from the fish’s mouth.
He drew some newspaper from his knapsack, wrapped the paper round the
fish, and with pride placed it in the bag.
“It’s trout for tea,” he grinned, and packing away his tackle, he slowly made
his way back home, a small white thatched cottage on the other side of the
woods.
Passage Two
b) The sun shone on the stream with a multi-coloured brightness, because the
rain was falling at the same time; you could just see a brilliant rainbow
across the green meadow, that began near the thick, secret woods.
Young, tubby Alan, sitting on his low stool, went into a sort of dream,
almost unconscious; and he moved now and then, holding his rod between
finger and thumb.
All at once, coming from the blue, he felt a sudden pull at the line; Alan had
a fish! After a little more than three hours, a fish, he recognized it was a
trout, had really come up to the tasty mouthful of cheese, attached to his
cunningly hidden barb, and had taken a bite.
Immediately Alan jumped up, catching hold of the rod in both his hands,
and he tugged onto it upwards and in the opposite direction, as powerfully
as he could. Slowly the line with his hook at the end rose from the water,
the straining, shiny trout caught by the deadly barb, and it fought for its life
without success. Soon afterwards, Alan had pulled the fish onto the bank
and was kneeling down to remove the hook from the trout’s mouth.
He pulled out newspaper from his pack, wrapped the fish with paper, and
proudly put it into his bag.
“We’ll be having trout for tea,” he smiled, and putting away his rod and line,
returned slowly back home to his white little thatched cottage on the far
side of the woods.
Activity 7
Find in Passage b). the equivalents of the following
sentences and phrases in Passage a):
a) iridescent sparkle
b) coming down simultaneously
c) on the other side of the verdant pasture
d) dense and mysterious woodlands
e) found himself in a half reverie
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f) he stirred fitfully
g) Suddenly. as though from nowhere
h) there came a sharp jerk at his line
i) the delicious cheesy morsel
j) the struggling silver trout attached to the lethal hook
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