Helping Grieving Students:
Resources for School-Based Professionals
Dr. Carolyn H. Suppa
Licensed Psychologist
School Counselor K-12
Coordinator, Human Services Cluster
WVDE
csuppa@access.k12.wv.us
The 3R's of School Crises and Disasters:
Readiness, Response, and Recovery
A way to think about your school's level of preparedness
is to measure what you have done to address the 3R's of
School Crises and Disasters.
• Readiness: Readiness is the level at which a school is
prepared to respond to a crisis or to an emergency if the
crisis or disaster were to happen today.
• Response: Response is the sum total of the school's
resources and skills to take decisive and effective action
when a crisis situation has occurred.
• Recovery: Recovery is the process of restoring the social
and emotional equilibrium of the school community.
4-step model found in some research:
•
•
•
•
Mitigation
Preparedness
Response
Recovery
Mitigation
Mitigation is the action(s)
schools and districts take to
eliminate or reduce the loss of
life and property damage related
to an event(s) that cannot be
prevented
Session Objectives
To focus on resources for counselors to:
• Evaluate and assist with school READINESS
programs
• Assist in the development of school RESPONSE
strategies
• Develop personal toolbox of RECOVERY
strategies/resources related to grief reactions
READINESS
• Because schools vary widely in their geographic locations, physical
grounds, student body, number of teachers and staff, and available
resources, each should craft strategies that match its own needs.
• For all schools, cooperation among school staff, community
resources, and mental health providers is the most important
element of a successful readiness, response, and recovery process.
• During the Readiness Phase, the school must establish effective
relationships with law enforcement, emergency responders, health
and mental health community agencies, and local religious
institutions. With solid preparation and dedicated partnership,
recovery, while always challenging, can be promoted effectively.
• The first step in creating relationships is to reach out to partners in
the community.
Each county school system is required to have a crisis management
plan in place under the federal Safe Schools Act. The WVDE is
encouraging all West Virginia schools to review their crisis
management plans and will provide technical assistance related to
such plans. These plans are customized to each county school
system and explore items such as school security and actions to
take in the case of a bomb threat or an intruder entering the
building. (WVDE, 10/11/07)
The county plan must encompass the needs of the entire county
and be reviewed and revised regularly. Additionally there must be a
school-specific plan for each school. The county is strongly
encouraged to keep all plans from every school within the county
office.
http://www.connectlive.com/events/edschoolsafety/
http://www.connectlive.com/events/depteduphilly0207/ (OSDFS
Emergency Management Webcasts)
Current Status of School Emergency
Management Plans
Most schools and school districts have emergency
management plans; however, the plans are not
always:
• Comprehensive
• Practiced regularly
• Coordinated with the community
• Always discussed with families, staff, and students
• Based upon sound factual data and circumstances
• Regularly updated or …
• Used!
Key Components of School Emergency Management Plans
The goal is for all school districts and schools to have
emergency management plans that:
• Address all phases of emergency management
• Are developed collaboratively with community
partners
• Are based upon sound data and information
• Are practiced on a regular basis
• Are continually reviewed and updated
• Are living documents
• Include command structure
• Are tailored to conditions of individual schools
• Take an “all hazards” approach
All-Hazards Approach
• Natural – Earthquakes, tornados, floods
• Technological – Power outages, nearby nuclear
plant
• Infrastructure – Roads and bridges, utilities
• Nonstructural – Portable room dividers,
bookshelves, suspended ceilings and light fixtures
• Man-made – Hazardous materials release,
terrorism
• Biological – Pandemic flu, contaminated food
• Physical well-being – broken bones on
playground, suicide
• Student culture and climate – bullying, drugs,
violent behavior
There are many resources for not only developing a school readiness
program but also for assessing its effectiveness. This is just one review plan
offered by, John Dudley, the author of the book When Grief Visits School:
Organizing a Successful Response.
http://www.schoolcrisis.org/publication.htm
FREE* CRISIS PLAN REVIEW
As the old saying goes, "People don't plan to fail, they fail to plan." Most
schools have a plan to assist students, staff, and parents during times of crisis.
But when was the last time you had your school crisis plan reviewed? Is it up
to date on the latest techniques to deal with the media, students, staff and
parents?
As a service to schools, Dr. Dudley has volunteered to review and critique
your school crisis plan FREE. Simply send a copy of your crisis plan to:
Crisis Management
7320 South 96th Court
Lincoln, NE 68526
* Please enclose $15 for return shipping and handling.
Checklist for School Personnel
• http://www.nctsn.org/sites/default/files/asset
s/pdfs/Challenger_Newsletter_Checklistfinal_sw_rvsd.pdf
Emergency Planning Guidelines
• http://www2.ed.gov/admins/lead/safety/eme
rgencyplan/index.html
SCOPE OF EVENT
Major School-wide
crisis (e.g., major
earthquake, fire in
building, sniper on
campus)
During the Emergency
PHASES FOR
Immediate Aftermath
WHICH TO PLAN
Days/Weeks Following
Prevention in the
Future
Small Group Crisis
(e.g., minor tremor,
fire in community,
suicide
Individual Crisis (e.g.,
student confides plan
to hurt self/others)
RESPONSE AND RECOVERY
RESPONSE
Response is the sum total of the
school's resources and skills to take
decisive and effective action when a
crisis situation has occurred.
A Response Resource Aid:
Responding to Crisis at a School is
available from:
The UCLA School Mental Health
Project
http://smhp.psych.ucla.edu
RECOVERY
The Recovery phase is designed to assist
students, staff and their families in the
healing process and to restore educational
operations in schools.
The key components of recovery are:
• Physical/structural
• Business/fiscal
• Academic
• Psychological/emotional
Crisis Response, Recovery and
Prevention Intervention Outcomes
1. Crisis Team Response and Aftermath
Intervention
2. School Environment Changes and School
Safety Strategies
3. Curriculum Approaches to Preventing Crisis
Events (Personal and Social)
a. Violence Prevention
b. Suicide Prevention
c. Physical/Sexual Abuse Prevention
Types of Crisis Aftermath Reactions
• Reactions regarding Suicide
• Reactions to Disaster
• Reactions to Violence and Trauma
• Grief Reactions
How do these types of
aftermath reactions differ?
And, more specifically to our
session, what is the difference
between grief and trauma
reactions?
Disaster Reactions
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Sense of unreality
Panic/feeling out of control
Anxiety/uncertainty
Disorientation
Despair
Anger
Generosity toward others
Cooperation/team work
Suicide: A Whole Other Session!
http://www.google.com/search?q=wv+youth+suicide+rate&sour
ceid=ie7&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-SearchBox&ie=&oe=
(Good PowerPoint)
But please remember three things:
1. WV’s suicide rates for all ages are among
the highest in the country.
2. More students seriously consider suicide
than most people want to think. (Take it
all seriously.)
3. Talking about suicide doesn’t make it
happen. (Know and teach the signs.)
Violence and Trauma Reactions
• http://www.tlcinst.org/griefandtrauma.html
(The National Institute for Trauma and Loss in
Children)
• http://www.challiance.org/vov/publications/C
ommon%20Reactions%20brochure.pdf
(general brochure)
About Grief Reactions
There are a minimum of fifteen
different terms describing grief,
and mourning.
Further complicating our
understanding of grief and
mourning is the concept of
trauma.
http://www.tlcinst.org/griefandtrauma.html
Grief Terms
Normal Grief
Bereavement
Neurotic Grief
Traditional Mourning
Inhibited Grief
Morbid Grief
Distorted Mourning
Psychoanalytical
Mourning
Unanticipated Mourning
Complicated Grief
Chronic Mourning
Pathological Grief
Traumatic Grief
Complicated Mourning
Traumatic Mourning
Acute Grief
Grief and Trauma:
The Confusion The Difference
As our understanding of trauma has
improved, new terminology has emerged to
describe new findings in the field of grief and
trauma -- yet older terminology lingers.
Terms are used interchangeably sometimes
appropriately but also, at times,
inappropriately. The meaning of some of the
older terms can be narrowly and vaguely
defined. This transition between old and new
can be confusing at times.
The questions many now ask are:
• “What is the difference between grief and
bereavement and grief and trauma?
• What is the difference between Traumatic
Grief and PTSD?
• What are the disorders most often associated
with ongoing Traumatic Grief?”
Grief and Bereavement
Grief and bereavement are terms often used
interchangeably when in fact there is one
major difference between the two.
Bereavement is reserved specifically for the
response to the death of a significant other
whereas, grief can be the result of incidents
of loss not involving death such as loss of job,
loss of a limb, loss of status, etc.
The definition of Bereavement and its
criteria has remained one of the more
constant classifications. However, criteria
related to other than normal bereavement
and criteria related to mourning has
changed considerably.
Traumatic Grief is now becoming the term
of choice over other terms used in the past
to define other than normal bereavement.
Why the term “Traumatic Grief?”
The classification of Traumatic Grief accomplishes several objectives as
follows:
• Avoids confusion with previous terminology such as
pathological grief, neurotic or morbid grief, complicated
grief, etc.
• Succinctly defines a mourning process that can be traumatic
without being triggered by a traumatic death.
• Delineates traumatic grief from PTSD which can coexist with
traumatic grief.
• Requires that criteria be present for two months thereby
giving individuals time to process traumatic aspects of the
actual death prior to moving too quickly in assigning their
reactions/responses as problematic.
Childhood Traumatic Grief Educational
Materials - For School Personnel
The National Child Traumatic Stress Network
•http://www.nctsn.org/products/childhoodtraumatic-grief-educational-materials-schoolpersonnel-2004
•For Educators
•Childhood Traumatic Grief Educational
Materials - For School Personnel
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder has also
become a more familiar classification
which is now evaluated for its presence
following death of a traumatic nature.
PTSD and Traumatic Grief do share
common reactions yet each
classification stands alone. At the same
time both classifications can coexist
with or without additional disorders.
Bereavement and Mourning
Bereavement and mourning are also sometimes
used interchangeably when in fact a distinct
difference also exists between these two
classifications.
Bereavement identifies the specific reactions
experienced following the death of a significant
other whereas, mourning speaks to the way the
individual displays his/her grief.
Complicated Mourning & Pathological Grief
Complicated Mourning and Pathological Grief both refer to a
description of the normal mourning process that leads to
chronic or ongoing mourning. Psycho-analytically, mourning
refers to the conscious and unconscious processes and
behavior related to:
a) development of new ties
b) adapting to the loss (the internal process of redefining
one’s view of self and the world) and
c) adaptation to the loss (the external process of relating to
the world, people, one’s roles, responsibilities etc.)
It has been in this area of complicated mourning and
pathological grief that numerous terms came into existence
to further clarify different factors of complicated mourning
or pathological grief. As stated previously many of these
terms were narrowly defined and no longer considered
current.
GRIEF RECOVERY
WVDE Web Grief Resources
• http://wvde.state.wv.us/counselors/document
s/grief_resources_what_to_say.pdf
• wvde.state.wv.us/counselors/documents/Div
orce9-122.doc
• http://wvde.state.wv.us/counselors/grouplessons.html “Let’s talk about these. I have
issues with the concepts of stages and
closure.”
Coping with Death
Important qualities for assistance include:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Courage to acknowledge the loss
Willingness to talk; “Keep the door open”
Good listening skills
Ability to empathize
Offer ongoing care and support
Regular, healthy routines and structures
Boundaries, limits, and accountability
Spiritual perspective/insight
COPE Model Problem-Solving Motivational Approach
• Creativity – to overcome obstacles, manage problems and to
see problems and solutions in a new way
• Optimism – to face other’s expectations re the problemsolving process; need realistic optimism to recognize
seriousness of problem yet see that solutions are possible
• Planning – to implement treatment goals and objectives and
address the emotional challenges associated with tasks
• Expert Information – to encourage a sense of control and
confidence when managing physical and emotional
problems due to loss
(adapted from Houts, 1996)
Six Basic Concepts of Grief
• Grief is a natural reaction to change, loss, or death.
• Each person’s grieving experience is unique.
• There are no “right” or “wrong” ways to grieve.
• All individuals walk through the grieving process in their
own timeframes and in their own ways.
• Grief comes in waves—times of great intensity followed
by times of relief. There is no reasoning or pattern and
it can hit with little warning.
• Grieving never ends. It is something the person
will not permanently “get over.”
Integration vs. Recovery, Closure, Etc.
•
•
•
•
•
Resolution (Not so much)
Recovery (Not so much)
Completion (Not so much)
Closure (Not so much)
Instead consider using . . .
– Adaptation
– Accommodation
or
– ** Integration
(Current Preference in Literature)
Helping Grieving Children at School
by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.
Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt is a noted author, educator and
practicing grief counselor. He serves as Director of
the Center for Loss and Life Transition in Fort
Collins, Colorado and presents dozens of griefrelated workshops each year across North America.
Among his books are Healing Your Grieving Heart:
100 Practical Ideas and The Healing Your Grieving
Heart Journal for Teens. For more information,
write or call The Center for Loss and Life Transition,
3735 Broken Bow Road, Fort Collins, Colorado
80526, (970) 226-6050 or visit their website,
www.centerforloss.com.
Learn About Grief
To help your students cope with death and grief, you must
continually enhance your own knowledge of childhood grief. While
we will never evolve to a point of knowing "everything there is to
know about death," we can always strive to broaden our
understanding and degree of helpfulness. Take advantage of
resources and training opportunities as they become available.
Another part of learning about grief involves exploring your
assumptions about life and death. Think about your own personal
losses. Who close to you has died? What did their deaths mean to
you? Were you a child when someone you loved died? If so, how did
you feel? How did the important adults in your life-including
teachers and counselors-help you with your feelings of grief?
Thinking about these issues will help you better help your students.
Adult Reactions to Grief and Loss
• Denial
• Difficulty finding
consolation
• Irritability and mood
swings
• Sleep difficulties
• Change in eating habits
• Low motivation
• Difficulty problem solving
• Fear of being alone
• Use of substances to
medicate
• Vulnerable immune
system
• Other reactions?
Important Points re Grieving Children & Youth
• They tend to go in and out of grief reactions.
• Their developmental stage will influence their
reactions.
• All cannot talk openly about their loss and
feelings.
• They may not seem to be affected at all (external
vs. internal responses or “survival mode”).
• Play is one way in particular they make sense of
the changes in their world.
• It is not unusual for them to experience physical
reactions.
• They need to grieve any significant
loss/change/death at all developmental stages for
healthy resolution.
What are the differences
between these two lists?
Child/Adult Grief
Guidelines for Helping Grieving Children
Be a good observer. A bereaved child's behavior can be very telling
about her emotions.
Listen. Let each child teach you what grief is like for him. And don't
rush in with explanations. Usually it's more helpful to ask exploring
questions than to supply cookie-cutter answers.
Be patient. Children's grief isn't typically obvious and immediate.
Be honest. Don't lie to children about death. They need to know that
it's permanent and irreversible. Don't use euphemisms that cloud
these facts. Use simple and direct language.
Be available. Bereaved children need to know that they can count on
the adults in their lives to listen to them, support them and love
them.
Common Mistakes When
Dealing with Death
Words and actions to avoid
Please don’t ever say:
• Acting as if nothing has
happened
• Suggesting the person has
grieved long enough
• Indicating they should “get
over it” and move on
• Expecting business as usual
when it comes to school/
work performance
• “It could be worse…”
• “I know how you feel…”
• “You’ll be stronger because of
this…”
• Any cliché of grief – See:
http://onlineministries.creighton
.edu/CollaborativeMinistry/G
rief/avoid-cliches.html
http://www.amazon.com/KnowJust-How-YouFeel/dp/0961463619
Talking to Children about Death
As a counselor, you should be good at talking to
children. You know that they respond better, for
example, when you get down on their level and
maintain eye contact. You ask open-ended
questions to solicit their thoughts and feelings.
Without talking down to them, you use
language that they understand.
Actually, what grieving children need most is for
someone to listen to and understand them-not
to talk at them. Instead of worrying about what
to say, try to create opportunities for your
bereaved student to talk to you about the death.
Like saying…
Grieving is a natural human response. It is
experienced by all human beings some time
during our lifetimes. It is a topic we often
don’t feel comfortable talking openly about
or know how to deal with effectively. But it is
an issue that many of have experienced in
one way or another.
Some Cold, Hard Facts
• By the time children complete high school, most
will experience the death of a family member or
friend with 5% of children experiencing the death
of a parent by 16 years of age.
• Nearly 40% will have experienced the death of a
peer.
• 20% will have witnessed the death of someone.
www. cincinnatichildrens.org/school-crisis
Cincinnati Children's Hospital Medical Center
3333 Burnet Avenue, Cincinnati, Ohio 452293039 513-636-4200 | 1-800-344-2462 | TTY:
513-636-4900
School is a Place for Support
You are important to your students. From you they learn
not only facts and figures, but behaviors and emotions.
They also rely on you for support during the seven or so
hours they are in your care each day. In many ways, you
are not only their teacher or counselor, but their
authority figure, role model friend and confidant during
the school day.
So, school isn't just a place for book learning. It's a home
away from home, a place for students to share their lives
with others. When a student is grieving, he needs to
share his new and scary feelings. He needs to know that
like home, school will be a stable and loving refuge.
Teach What You Learn to Students
Don't wait until a student's parents are killed in a car accident to teach your
class about death and grief. Make lesson plans that incorporate these
important topics into the curriculum. And use natural, everyday encounters
with death-a run-over squirrel, a car accident that made local headlines-to talk
about your students' fears and concerns.
Remember the concepts of the "teachable moment" and "created moment."
The teachable moment occurs when an opportunity to teach children about life
and death arises through events happening around them. A baby is born; a
classmate's grandfather dies. When these events occur, make positive use of
them by talking openly about them. The created moment means not waiting
for "one big tell all" about death but working to create regular opportunities to
teach children about death.
Children who have already been acquainted with the naturalness and
permanence of death are more likely to grieve in healthy ways when someone
they love dies.
Acting-Out in the Grieving Child
Many children express the pain of grief by acting-out. This behavior usually
varies depending on the child's age and developmental level. The child may
become unusually loud and noisy, have a temper outburst, start fights with
other children, defy authority, or simply rebel against everything. Other
examples of acting-out behavior include getting poor grades or assuming a
general attitude that says, "I don't care about anything." Older children may
even run away from home.
Underlying a grieving child's misbehavior are feelings of insecurity,
abandonment and low self-esteem. This basic recognition is the essence of
artfully helping during this difficult time. My experience as a grief counselor
has shown me that probably the two greatest needs of a bereaved child are for
affection and a sense of security. Appropriate limit-setting and discipline, then,
should attempt to meet these essential needs. We must let bereaved children
know that we care about them despite their present behavior.
Adult modeling and setting reasonable boundaries help bereaved children
develop their internal controls while at the same time providing children the
opportunity to make painful mistakes. As we all know, discovering we make
mistakes as we grow up is an important lesson.
When a Classmate Dies
We think that children aren't supposed to die. But the reality is, sometimes
children do die. When a classmate dies, the other children will be profoundly
impacted. They will probably feel a deep sense of loss and sadness, especially
those who were among the classmate's close friends. Many will be curious.
They will want to know what happened to Bobby and why. Some of the
children will be afraid. When a classmate dies, children begin to understand
that they, too, could die young. Other normal feelings include shock, anger and
even relief.
Because the death was part of the children's school lives, you will be the
primary caregiver your students will look to for help with their grief. The first
school day after the death, spend some class time explaining what happened.
Remember to use simple, concrete language and honestly answer their
questions. Model your own feelings. If you want to cry, cry-without apologizing
for it. Later in the day you might have the children make drawings or write
letters to give to the dead student's parents.
Send a note home with students informing parents about the death. With
parental permission, you might also arrange for interested students to attend
the funeral. And don't forget, grief is a process, not an event. In the weeks and
months to come, you will need to provide ongoing opportunities for your
students to express their grief.
Getting Extra Help for the Bereaved Student
When a student seems to be having a particularly hard time
dealing with grief, help him get extra help. Explore the full
spectrum of helping services in your community. Hospice
bereavement programs, church groups and private therapists
are appropriate resources for some young people, while
others may just need a little more time and attention from
their parents or other caring adults.
If you decide that individual counseling outside the realm of
school counseling might be able to help the bereaved student,
try to find a counselor who specializes in bereavement
counseling and has experience working with children. Scan
your Yellow Pages for counselors citing grief or bereavement
as a specialty. Another credential to look for is certification
from the Association for Death Education and Counseling.
Behavioral Responses of the Grieving
Child/Youth
• Disruptive behaviors, noisy outbursts
• Aggressive behaviors, frequent fighting
• Non-compliance to requests
• Increase in risk-taking or unsafe behaviors
• Isolation or withdrawal
• Regressive behaviors to a time when things
felt more safe
and in control
• High need for attention
• A need to check in with parent/significant
other
Academic Responses of the Grieving
Child/Youth
• Inability to focus or concentrate
• Failing or declining grades
• Incomplete or poor quality of work
• Increased absence or reluctance to go to
school
• Forgetful, memory loss
• Over achievement, trying to be perfect
• Inattentiveness
• Daydreaming
Emotional Responses of the Grieving Child/Youth
• Insecurity, issues of abandonment, safety
concerns
• Concern over being treated differently from
others
• Fear, guilt, anger, regret, sadness, confusion
• “I don’t care” attitude
• Depression, hopelessness, intense sadness
• Overly sensitive, frequently tearful, irritable
• Appears unaffected by change/loss/death
• Preoccupation, wanting details
• Recurring thoughts of death, suicide
Social Responses of the Grieving
Child/Youth
• Withdrawal from friends and family
• Withdrawal from activities and sports
• Use of alcohol and other drugs
• Changes in relationships with teachers
and peers
• Changes in family roles
• Wanting to be physically close to safe
adult
• Sexual acting out
• Stealing, shoplifting
• Difficulty being in a group or crowd
Physical Responses of the Grieving Child/Youth
• Stomachaches, headaches, heartaches
• Frequent accidents or injuries
• Nightmares, dreams, or sleep difficulties
• Loss of appetite or increased eating
• Low energy, weakness
• Nausea, upset stomach, hives, rashes, etc.
• Increased illnesses, low resistance
• Rapid heartbeat
Spiritual Responses of the Grieving
Child/Youth
• Anger at God or Higher Power
• Questions of “Why me?” and “Why now?”
• Questions about meaning of life
• Confusion
• Feelings of being alone in the universe
• Doubting or questioning current beliefs
• Sense of meaninglessness about the future
• Changes in values, questioning what is
important
Another important consideration in
helping children live through grief is
the developmental stage of the
child. It's important to note that a
grieving child's developmental stage
may lag behind his chronological
age. Regression is expected and
developmental accomplishments
take longer to achieve.
Developmental Responses:
INFANTS & TODDLERS
• Intuitive sense
something serious has
happened
• General anxiety
• Crying
• Sleeplessness
• Excessive sleeping
• Stomach problems
• Clinging, needing to be
held
•
•
•
•
Separation anxiety
Biting
Throwing things
Regression through
baby talk, bed wetting
• Irritability
• Temper tantrums
• Clumsiness
Developmental Responses:
PRESCHOOL CHILDREN
• See change/loss/death
as abandonment
• Changes in eating and
sleeping patterns
• Wanting to be dressed
or fed
• Thumb sucking
• Baby talk
•
•
•
•
Wanting a bottle
Bed wetting
General irritability
Concerns about safety
and abandonment
• General confusion
Developmental Responses:
ELEMENTARY SCHOOL CHILDREN
• Begin questioning how
things will be same or
different
• Want to see change/loss/
death as reversible but
also
beginning to understand
that it is final
• Regression
• Fighting, anger
• Difficulty paying attention
and concentrating
• Daydreaming
• Not completing homework
assignments
• Sleepiness
• Withdrawal
Developmental Responses:
MIDDLE SCHOOL CHILDREN
• Experience range of
emotions impacted by
physical/hormonal
development
• Comprehend
change/loss/death as final
and unavoidable
• Feelings of helplessness
and hopelessness may
increase risk-taking
behaviors
• Argumentative, anger,
fighting
• Withdrawal, sullenness
• Need healthy physical
outlets
• Lack of concentration
• Risk-taking behaviors
(alcohol/drugs, sexual
acting
out, stealing)
• Unpredictable ups and
downs or moodiness
• Erratic, inconsistent
reactions
Developmental Responses:
HIGH SCHOOL YOUTH
• Appear to use “adult”
approaches to problem
solving and abstract
thinking to deal with grief
• May struggle with their
vulnerability because they
want very much to be
independent
• May assume responsibility
for family
• Withdrawal from adults
• Angry outbursts
• Increased risk-taking
behavior
• Pushing the limits of rules
• Lack of concentration,
inability to focus
• Hanging out with friends
• “Sad” or “strong” face
• Sleepiness, exhaustion
How To Help: Infants and Toddlers
• Lots of holding, additional nurturing, and
physical contact
• Consistent routine, including regular meal
and bed times
• Rules and limits which are concrete and
specific
• Short, truthful statements about what
happened
• Making time for play, both physical and
imaginative
How to Help: Preschoolers
• Use simple and honest
answers
• Be prepared to answer
same questions over and
over again
• Include child in rituals
around loss/death
• Support child in his/her
play
• Allow for anger and
physical expression
• Maintain consistent
structure and routines
• Allow to act younger for
a while
• Hold, nurture, and give
lots of physical attention
• Encourage/allow fun and
happy times
• Have books available
• Model by sharing
personal anecdotes as
appropriate
How To Help: Elementary School Child
• Answer questions as
clearly and accurately as
possible
• Provide creative outlets
(art, music, journal, etc.)
• Help identify and use
support systems
• Work with student
around academic
workload
• Encourage taking breaks
and some time alone
• Allow for expression of
feelings and emotions
• Maintain routines and
structure but allow for
flexibility
• Give choices whenever
possible
• Share that you care and
are thinking about them
• Create “safe space” for
child to go to as needed
How To Help: Secondary School Youth
• Expect and accept mood swings
• Provide supportive environment where
student can share, when needed
• Anticipate increased physical concerns,
illness, body aches, pains
• Allow to choose with whom and how s/he
gets support
• Encourage participation in support group
• Allow flexibility in completing school work
STAGES, PHASES, TASKS,
PROCESSES, REACTIONS…
Approaches to Grief Counseling
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Stages and Phases – describes predictable, orderly
patterns of responses (Bowlby, Parkes, Kubler-Ross)
Tasks – describes grief as a process of tasks to be
completed rather than a state such as a stage or phase
(Worden, Doka)
Dual Process – describes a dynamic alternation between
focusing on the loss (Loss Orientation) and avoiding focus
on the loss (Restoration Orientation) (Stroebe & Schut)
Continuing Bonds – challenges the need to break the bonds
with the past and supports a continuing bond with the past
that is compatible with other new and continuing
relationships (Klass et al)
Family Oriented – views loss reactions from a systems
approach (Bowen, McGoldrick,Shapiro, Rolland)
Editorial – “Beware the 5 Stages of Grief”
TLC Group
(major point – tasks more flexible)
http://home.windstream.net/overbe
ck/grfbrf13.html
FOUR PHASES OF GRIEF
• Numbness – This is the phase immediately following a loss. The
grieving person feels numb, which is a defense mechanism that
allows them to survive emotionally.
• Searching and Yearning – This can also be referred to as pining and
is characterized by the grieving person longing or yearning for the
deceased to return. Many emotions are expressed during this time
and may include weeping, anger, anxiety, and confusion.
• Disorganization and Despair – The grieving person now desired to
withdraw and disengage from others and activities they regularly
enjoyed. Feelings of pining and yearning become less intense while
periods of apathy, meaning an absence of emotion, and despair
increase.
• Reorganization and Recovery – In this final phase, the grieving
person begins to return to a new state of “normal”. Weight loss
experienced during intense grieving may be regained, energy levels
increase, and an interest to return to activities of enjoyment
returns. Grief never ends but thoughts of sadness and despair are
diminished while positive memories of the deceased take over.
Tasks of Mourning (Worden & Doka)
• To accept the reality of the loss
• To experience the pain of grief
• To adjust to a new environment that
does not include what has been lost
• To emotionally relocate the loss and to
develop a new sense of identity
(Worden)
• To rebuild faith, beliefs and values that
are tested by loss (Doka)
Tasks of Grief for Children
• Understanding
– Accepting that the loss is real
• Grieving
– Working through the feelings (the mourning after)
• Commemorating
– Formal or informal acts, celebrations, rituals,
remembrances that mark the loss
• Moving on (Integrating)
– Engaging in life again; often requires permission
(Fox, ’85)
Counseling Intervention: Assess and
Address
• Assess student’s accomplishment of tasks
http://www.integraonline.org/assessments/grief_depre
ssion_inventory.pdf
The Grief Assessment and Intervention Workbook: A
Strengths Perspective [Paperback] Elizabeth Pomeroy
(Author), Renee Garcia (Author)
• Address the gaps through group guidance/counseling
and individual interventions
Grief Counseling Homework Planner [Paperback]Phil
Rich (Author)
PHILOSOPHY OF GRIEF SUPPORT GROUP
CURRICULUM (Lehmann)
•
•
•
•
•
Children placed in groups with same-age peers
Grief approached through fun activities
Activities involve various media for expression
Provide tools for outside of group
Format of group stays same each group to
provide needed structure
• Topics alternate between “head” and “heart”
Grief Support Group Curriculum : Facilitator's Handbook
(editions for all age levels)
OTHER CURRICULA
• Growing Through Grief: A K-12 Curriculum to Help Young People Through
All Kinds of Loss, Donna R. O’Toole http://www.amazon.com/GrowingThrough-Grief-Curriculum-People/dp/1878321005
• Grief Curriculum: Helping Children Grieving the Loss of a Parent or Loved
One www.baylor.edu/content/services/document.php/92050.doc
• Students Sharing Feelings of Grief: An Elementary Curriculum on Loss
http://digitalcommons.uri.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1048
• Childhood Traumatic Grief Curriculum Guide with CD-ROM
http://store.samhsa.gov/product/Childhood-Traumatic-GriefCurriculum-Guide-with-CD-ROM/SMA-4303
• Children’s Grief Education Association
http://childgrief.org/childgrief.htm
BIBLIOTHERAPY
• http://education.qld.gov.au/library/resource/currtopics/grie
f-bk.html (book list)
• Bibliotherapy for Bereaved Children: Healing Reading
[Paperback] Eileen Jones (Author)
• Using Literature to Help Troubled Teenagers Cope with Endof-Life Issues (The Greenwood Press Using Literature to Help
Troubled Teenagers Series) [Hardcover] Janet Allen (Author)
OTHER RESOURCES
• U.S. Department of Education Emergency Planning Web
site: www.ed.gov/emergencyplan
• Practical Information on Crisis Planning Guide:
http://www.ed.gov/admins/lead/safety/emergencypla
n/crisisplanning.pdf
• Emergency Response and Crisis Management Web cast:
http://www.kidzonline.org/ercm/
• http://griefconnect.com/Documents/When%20Grief%2
0Comes%20to%20School.pdf
OTHER RESOURCES, CONT’D.
• Emergency Response and Crisis Management
(ERCM) Technical Assistance (TA) Center :
www.ercm.org
• Presentations from previous ERCM training events
• Technical Assistance Request form
• ERCMExpressNewsletters
• Emergency Management for Schools Training events
• Operation: Military Kids Training & Resource
Manual
http://www.k12.wa.us/OperationMilitaryKids/Train
ingManual/Prechapter_Final.pdf
You can count on grief to:
•
•
•
•
•
•
Increase vulnerability
Stress relationships
Re-define priorities
Create change
Strengthen compassion
Increase awareness (physically, mentally,
emotionally, socially, spiritually)
• Define past and open new doors to future
• Take time to resolve