7h Grade Evaluation
Handout 2
GRADE 7 LESSON 26
Unhealthy Relationships
What's an Unhealthy Relationship?
A relationship is unhealthy when it involves mean,
disrespectful, controlling, or abusive behavior. Some people
live in homes with parents who fight a lot or abuse each
other — emotionally, verbally, or physically. For some
people who have grown up around this kind of behavior it can almost seem normal or OK.
It's not! Many of us learn from watching and imitating the people close to us. So someone who
has lived around violent or disrespectful behavior may not have learned how to treat others with
kindness and respect or how to expect the same treatment.
Qualities like kindness and respect are absolute requirements for a healthy relationship.
Someone who doesn't yet have this part down may need to work on it with a trained therapist
before he or she is ready for a relationship. Meanwhile, even though you might feel bad or feel
for someone who's been mistreated, you need to take care of yourself — it's not healthy to stay
in a relationship that involves abusive behavior of any kind.
Warning Signs
When a boyfriend or girlfriend uses verbal insults, mean language, nasty putdowns, gets
physical by hitting or slapping, or any other way, it's an important warning sign of verbal,
emotional, or physical abuse.
Ask yourself, does my boyfriend or girlfriend:
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get angry when I don't drop everything for him or her?
criticize the way I look or dress, and say I'll never be able to find anyone else who
would date me?
keep me from seeing friends or from talking to any other guys or girls?
want me to quit an activity, even though I love it?
ever raise a hand when angry, like he or she is about to hit me?
try to force me to do things I don’t want to?
These aren't the only questions you can ask yourself. If you can think of any way in which your
boyfriend or girlfriend is trying to control you, make you feel bad about yourself, isolate you from
the rest of your world, or — this is a big one — harm you in any way, then it's time to get out,
fast. Let a trusted friend or family member know what's going on and make sure you're safe.
It can be tempting to make excuses or misinterpret violence, possessiveness, or anger as an
expression of love. But even if you know that the person hurting you
Source: Choose Respect and The Centers for Disease
Control and Prevention
loves you, it is not healthy. No one deserves to be hit, shoved, or forced into anything he or she
doesn't want to do.
Why Are Some Relationships So Difficult?
Ever hear about how it's hard for someone to love you when you don't love yourself? It's a big
relationship roadblock when one or both people struggle with self-esteem problems. Your
girlfriend or boyfriend isn't there to make you feel good about yourself if you can't do that on
your own. Focus on being happy with yourself, and don't take on the responsibility of worrying
about someone else's happiness.
What if you feel that your girlfriend or boyfriend needs too much from you? If the relationship
feels like a burden or a drag instead of a joy, it might be time to think about whether it's a
healthy match for you. Someone who's not happy or secure may have trouble being a healthy
relationship partner.
Also, intense relationships can be hard for some teenagers. Some are so focused on their own
developing feelings and responsibilities that they don't have the emotional energy it takes to
respond to someone else's feelings and needs in a close relationship. Don't worry if you're just
not ready yet. You will be, and you can take all the time you need.
Ever notice that some teen relationships don't last very long? It's no wonder — you're still
growing and changing every day, and it can be tough to put two people together whose
identities are both still in the process of forming. You two might seem perfect for each other at
first, but that can change. If you try to hold on to the relationship anyway, there's a good chance
it will turn sour. Better to part as friends than to stay in something that you've outgrown or that
no longer feels right for one or both of you. And before you go looking for amour from that hottie
from French class, respect your current beau by breaking things off before you make your
move.
Relationships can be one of the best — and most challenging — parts of your world. They can
be full of fun, romance, excitement, intense feelings, and occasional heartache, too. Whether
you're single or in a relationship, remember that it's good to be choosy about whom you get
close to. If you're still waiting, take your time and get to know plenty of people.
Think about the qualities you value in a friendship and see how they match up with the ingredients
of a healthy relationship. Work on developing those good qualities in yourself — they make you a
lot more attractive to others. And if you're already part of a pair, make sure the relationship you're
in brings out the best in both of you.
Source: Choose Respect and The Centers for Disease
Control and Prevention
Source: Choose Respect and The Centers for Disease
Control and Prevention