Dubuque Telegraph Herald, IA
09-30-07
Feeling Really Stressed Out With Too Much To DoAnd Not Enough Time To Do
It? JUST RELAX
By Mary Glindinning
Stress isn't catching like the common cold, but if somebody in the house has it,
others will feel it.
And, just as there is no cure for the common cold, there is no way to avoid all
stress (and some stress can be motivating).
But you can increase your immunity to stress by eating right, getting enough
sleep and exercising.
And, by finding healthy coping strategies.
Parents don't intentionally pass their stress on to their children, but it can happen.
So learning ways to cope with your own stress can be good for parents and kids,
too.
Here are some tips for keeping stress under control:
Maintain a routine. Keep bedtime at the same time each day, and have a routine
of dinner, homework, bathtime, reading and sleep. "Children don't have a lot of
control over things in their lives," so if they know what to expect from the daily
routine at home, it's comforting, said Julie Statz, executive director of Family
Connections of Southwest Wisconsin.
Prioritize and don't become overscheduled. "I don't think our children need to be
in everything that comes along, especially young children," Statz said. "As a
family, think about what's important to you. Just because little Susie next door is
in an activity doesn't mean your child has to be. Think about what's important to
us and what we can handle." Sometimes it's the constant everyday irritations, not
the big stressful but temporary events, that get to people, experts say.
Make family time a priority. Whether it's family game night, going for a walk or
bike ride, going to the park or library, out for ice cream or a movie, schedule
family time for the same day every week, Statz said. You could rotate so every
person in the family gets to choose an activity when it's their turn.
Claim time for yourself. Whether it's just 15 minutes to read or take a bath, it's
important, Statz said. "If you don't take care of yourself, it's hard to take care of
others," she said. Children will feel it their parents are stressed out. "They pick up
on it. They may not consciously know it, but they're very intuitive."
Talk. "Encourage talking. Get people to talk to each other," said Jim Luksetich,
counselor at George Washington Middle School in Dubuque. If it's a major
stressor such as a death in the family or a move, "be open and honest with
children about what is going on," bearing in mind that the ages of the children will
guide how and what you tell them. "Always reinforce that Mom and Dad will be
there for them, that you're going through this situation as a family," he said. If you
notice behavior changes or the situation is too much to deal with, get outside
help.
Don't cry -- or yell -- over spilled milk. "I really believe parents are models of how
to react to stress," Luksetich said. "All families go through stressful situations. It's
important that parents model handling it in a relaxed way." Keep things in
perspective.
Be forgiving, of yourself and others. On mornings when everyone overslept,
there's just enough milk for cereal and the bus is two minutes away, you might
yell over spilled milk. "As parents, be willing to forgive yourself and apologize for
flying off the handle," Luksetich said. Apologize. Let your children know that your
reaction wasn't the best way to handle stress, and that you'll do things differently
next time. "Let a child know that even parents make mistakes, you don't have to
be perfect and there's always a way to make amends," he said.
Avoid morning rush hour. If mornings get hectic, lay out clothes and set the table
for breakfast the night before, said Beverly Berna, family life specialist for the
Iowa State University Extension in Dubuque County. Share tasks; maybe the
kids can prepare their lunches. Having a family meal together can be tough with
sports practices, so maybe breakfast can be the meal you share. Go to bed
earlier if you need to.
Get organized. Keep keys, cell phone, backpacks and other items you need in
the same place so you don't have to hunt for them, Berna said.
Give each other the gift of time. Parents spend time looking for the perfect gift for
their child, but kids might want something you can't buy , Berna said. "They want
time with you. It's about the relationship. That's the one thing we sometimes
forget to give."