Des Moines Register
08-08-07
Carlson: Shakedown in Ames would rule at Bada Bing
JOHN CARLSON'S IOWA
By JOHN CARLSON
REGISTER COLUMNIST
It's a tough chore, containing one's excitement with the big Republican
presidential straw poll just three days away.
Heaven knows, I'm trying.
No luck, though.
We haven't seen anything like this since Paulie Walnuts put the squeeze on that
clueless waste management guy in "The Sopranos." Or at least since 1999, the
last time the Iowa Republican Party hosted one of these candidate shakedowns
in Ames.
Tony, Paulie, Silvio and all the guys down at the Bada Bing would be awed by
the genius of what is about to happen in Iowa.
The state GOP throws a party on the Iowa State University campus. Tens of
thousands of Republicans gather and listen to speeches from the candidates, eat
some barbecue and vote for the guy they like best for president.
It's a grand spectacle, democracy at its best. At least that's the way it's being
played.
It actually is a ginned-up, pay-to-vote hustle for cash by the state party, which
sponsors the event and charges $35 per person to vote. They are expecting
30,000 people to show up, meaning the Iowa GOP will end up with around $1
million.
That doesn't count all the cash - minimum $15,000 - that eight candidates had to
put up to rent space to pitch their party tents around Hilton Coliseum.
It's brilliant because, as the media breathlessly reports, this is "the first test of
candidate strength for the 2008 election."
Why?
Because reporters say it is.
A couple of candidates - former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani and Sen.
John McCain of Arizona - decided against participating.
It's not because they're noble or anything. They just didn't want to be stomped by
former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney.
Romney is going to win. He's chartered more buses and is laying in more food to
feed his supporters. Tell the Romney people you are thinking of supporting him,
heck, he'd probably send somebody over to mow your lawn. Maybe wash your
car. Or make your next house payment.
So any civic-minded individual who pays his own way into this thing is a sap.
You'd think cash-poor candidates would not have a chance. Most probably don't unless they figure a way around all this, and one reportedly is working on just
that.
I've heard that Rep. Ron Paul of Texas, the anti-war and anti-everything-else
Republican, is quietly telling his supporters to contact the Romney campaign.
The plan, see, is to ask the Romney folks for a ride to Ames and a ticket. They
should let Romney treat them to lunch, and then they vote for Paul.
Diabolical, sure, but you kind of have to admire the guy's chutzpah.
So why is the media buying into all this?
Because the press is in the tank for the Republicans.
No. That's a joke.
It's because political reporters finally, after all the jabbering about public opinion
polls, will have something to report. Hard numbers. People actually casting
ballots. It will be given undeserved credibility.
Which is why it's not something to laugh off.
A couple of serious candidates who are adding something meaningful to the
political discourse - former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee and Sen. Sam
Brownback of Kansas - might have to drop out of the race if they do not do well in
Ames.
The same with former Wisconsin Gov. Tommy Thompson.
It's a lousy way to winnow the field because a few candidates who have no
chance whatever will still be taking up space on the stage anytime somebody
holds a debate.
Eight years ago, this event ran a few pretty decent candidates out of the race.
One was Lamar Alexander, a thoughtful, reasonable man who was giving that
election season a bit of class.
Even a fellow Tennessean who showed up in Ames to support Alexander could
not save him. Yeah, it was Fred Thompson.
He's staying away this year.
Not me.
Wouldn't miss it.
I might run into Paulie Walnuts.
Columnist John Carlson can be reached at (515) 284-8204 or
jcarlson@dmreg.com