TIPS for Asserting Yourself and for Dealing with Conflict
TIPS FOR NEGOTIATING
• Listen!
• Know what you want and have the facts to back it up.
• Don't be too pushy.
• Pick the right time and place.
• Be able to prove that your solution is beneficial to everyone involved.
• Explain the mutual benefits for the change or the implications if the change does not take
place.
TIPS FOR DEALING WITH UPPER MANANGEMENT
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Know when "no" means "no."
Know upper management priorities.
Know managers’ personalities.
Know the company policy
Follow-up on what you tell them you are going to do.
Document ALL your interactions.
TIPS FOR ASSERTING YOURSELF IN MEETINGS
• Speak up: you do not get noticed for the great ideas you do not vocalize.
• Listen to others' ideas actively.
• Use the "PIN" method to give your reactions to others' ideas.
Positive
Interesting
Negative
• Summarize others' ideas pulling together the pieces where there's agreement and those
where there is disagreement.
• Monitor the time.
• Draw others into the conversation. Ask their opinions.
• Ask clarifying questions if you think people are confused.
TIPS FOR ASSERTING YOURSELF IN CONFLICT
• Describe the behavior: "When you interrupted me just now..."
--- Do: Be specific and give a brief description
--- Don't: Beat around the bush or attack the other person
• Express your feelings: "...I felt frustrated when..."
--- Do: Use the word "I"; be specific, and concise
--- Don't: Loose it
• Explain why you feel that way: "...because I didn't get a chance to finish my
thought..."
--- Do: Be specific and concise; look them in the eye
--- Don't: Be patronizing or too soft-toned
• Specify what it is that you want done.
• Explain the mutual benefits for the change and the alternative for not complying.
SAMPLE ASSERTING SCRIPTS FOR CONFLICT
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When you cancelled our meeting this week without asking me, I felt frustrated
because I didn't get a chance to ask the question I had about the project.
When your input was submitted late, I felt in-the-middle because I had to explain
the delay to my boss.
I've collected the XYZ fund for five years now. I'm feeling overextended because
I've already committed myself elsewhere. So I'll have to say "no" to your request
this year.
When I asked you to meet with me to discuss this matter you said "yes" but our
meeting has been cancelled twice. I feel frustrated because I'm need important
information to complete our goals.
You had guaranteed shipment by Wednesday and the goods are not here. I'm upset
because our clients are depending on this. What can we do to fix this?
Are you sure there isn't something we should talk about? If it's important to you I'd
really like to hear about it.
Your tone of voice makes it sound like you maybe don't fully agree with this plan.
Is there something else that has you concerned?
What I really want from this conversation is to be able to find a solution that we'll
both be happy with.
I want us to be able to work as a team and make the best decision about the PPP
project.
PREPARING FOR CONFLICT
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Analyze the cause.
Avoid a win/loose mentality. (Foster a win-win attitude)
Prepare an appropriate message.
Establish a base of trust.
Rehearse.
Do it in private.
Think about timing.
AFTER DELIVERING AN ASSERTIVE MESSAGE
• Allow silence.
• Use active listening skills.
• Actively seek feedback.
• Initiate problem solving skills.
--- " How can we work this out?"
--- "What can I do to help?"
--- "Let's see what ideas we can come up with to meet both of our needs."
• Deal with the other persons’ responses by attempting to place yourself in their situations.
• State your frustration do not "show" it.
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Attempt brainstorming solutions together.
Restate the positions of others.
Re-deliver assertive message as required.
Document EVERYTHING.