The Purchase
Independent
The Purchase
ISSUE 67
if i was as smart as i was dumb, i
would be the smartest person in the
world.
Rule No. 41: When someone says he
i s "pumped" about something, it usuall y means he's about to do something
stupid.
Lips that have actually been stung by
bees are not all that erotic.
h a v e y ou f oun d m y k e y s ?
they ar e the ones w i th t he
" k ey s i ha v en' t l os t y e t "
k ey c hai n. i r oni c i s n' t i t?
no, s e r i ou s l y . i m ea n i t . i
l os t t he m .
Ok, well, if no one will make me a copy
of the Brodsky quartet, then can somebody just send me a letter? I never
get mail.
Love, the Lonely Box 409
ov er h ea r d on t h e m a l l :
" ...s o i came i nto my r oom and
ther e w er e peopl e on my bed and
i w as l i ke 'mmmmm... DEF NOT!'"
W A N T E D : MALE PUNKS, GOTHS, EMO
KIDS, AND SCENESTERS TO POSE
NAKED FOR TASTEFUL WEBSITE
EMAIL: MIZERYMEN@HOTMAIL.COM
“Elect me once, shame on...Shame on
you. e l e c t m e . . . Y o u C a n ’ t
get fooled again”-W.
Farts General Interest
Meeting
Tuesday, September 21 @ 10PM
Southside in Campus
Center South
IMPROV JAM!
FREE FOOD!
And find out how you can
become a part of our
upcoming STUDIO SHOW!
STARR AND JADE SPEAK
The muthafuckin’ bitches that edit dis’ shit went and
through us on the back fuckin’ page fo a week. We
pissed like a chick with a stiletto up her ass, but we
gonna deal, and do what we do best..helpin yall
mutha’s out.
Dear Starr and Jade,
Where do I find out where the orgies are that I
keep hearing about?
Your fan,
battlepope
Dear Pope,
You’ze a lost cause. I figured that if you be a fan
of Starr an’ Jade, you’d know betta than to ask
us stupid fuckin’ questions. If you can’t find any
orgies, start one yo fuckin’ self! It ain’t take
much, honey, just a bottle of lube and a roll of
plastic-wrap, and you ready for a mutha-fuckin’
good time! And to all my ho’s who ain’t invitin’
battlepope to yo happenin’s, you missin’ out.
The ol’ pope can fuck like a bull on speed. Go
git em, battlepope.
Dear Starr and Jade,
How the hell am I supposed to walk up to this
girl and tell her I like her? It’s pissing me off that
I’m so worried about her reaction.
ROCK THE VOTE-NOVEMBER 2nd, 2004
Stupid Freshman,
Crackerboy.
I bet you think t h is b lurb i s
about y ou, don’ t y ou?
Dear Cracker,
Listen close, Kracka. All you gotz ta do is git yo
sad ass a dog. Bitches love dogs. Any guy that
gots himself a dog is gettin himself some ass.
You bring that lil puppy to the quad, and you’ll
have that ho in no time. But whateva you do,
don’t make no fuckin’ wiseazz cracks about
doin’ it doggy-style. That shit is fuckin’ weak.
Kud o s to Alvy and th e g ang
ove r at h - 2 2 f or t hro wi ng
o ne he ll of a cost um e
par ty ... the spi r it o f g - 2 2
has bee n r eb or n
Happy 21st Birthday
Danielle!
Dear A345,
You're two reall y hot chicks . We
should get together sometime.
Love,
Y ou r s ecr et adm i r er s
WARNING
to
J9-1:
beware.
you
will
be
taken
over
everyones a little bit racist, its true.
but everyone is just about as racist as you.
look around and you will find,
no-ones really color- b l i n d ,
m aybe its a fact we all should face!
Everyone makes judgements based on
race.
“You really fill in those boxer-briefs nicely”
-Alex Levy, to his straight roomate
B en ,
P u r c h a s e f a r m i s b et t e r
th an s l u t- ty f ar m
- An t h on y
Where have all the cowboys gone?
Hey
EMILY! Yeah,
that's
right
y
o
u
! Please
don't
be
scared,
I'm
just
another
Emily
myself.
I'd
like
to
meet
again
this
Friday
at
the
Student
Center
at
4pm.
From
there,
we
can
schedule
a
better
meeting
time/place,
etc.
If
you
are
scared,
bring
another
E
m
i
l
y
. Only
Emily's
will
be
allowed
admitance. P
l
e
a
s
e
bring
proper
identification.
how we miss the fishbowl so much
You
know
you
want
to...
G L B T U M E E T I N G S E V E R Y T
H
U
R
S
D
A
Y
@
10:00 pm
(in
the
b asement
of
CCS)
Kev i n, y ou ar e total l y the hot TA.
I f y o u t hi n k N e w
J e r s e y s m e l l s b a d ,
y o u s h o ul d g e t a
wh i f f o f G ov e r n e r
M c G r e e v e y ’ s C o c k .
w w w . t s h i r t h e l l . c o m
Love alwayzzz,
Starr and Jade
lizz hickey is
a stud muffin!!
Email your questions for S&J to the_ippi@hotmail.com
Wheres the vagina now?
I believe in free will
even if i'm predestined
to think that.
The Purchase Student A c t i v i s t
Collective (PSAC) is looking for
people to read from banned books
and play banned music during their
Banned Book Week opening event,
which is going on late next week
(week of the 20th). The exact date,
time and venue hasn't been settled
yet, but if you are interested, contact Emily O'Leary at ext. 3838 for
more information.
Hey
EMILY! Yeah,
that's
right
y
o
u
! Please
don't
be
scared,
I'm
just
another
Emily
myself.
I'd
like
to
meet
again
this
Friday
at
the
Student
Center
at
4pm.
From
there,
we
can
schedule
a
better
meeting
time/place,
etc.
If
you
are
scared,
bring
another
E
m
i
l
y
. Only
Emily's
will
be
allowed
admitance. P
l
e
a
s
e
bring
proper
identification.
The Groundhog of the olde is outside
my window, being a groundhog.
The Washington Report
Striking an individual viewpoint is
irrelevant, the reallocation has begun.
Previously the district was the playground for
the wealthy during business hours only. Once
the sun was down, the masses that keep the
federal government rolling forward retreat to
the cozy confines of Maryland or Northern
Virginia; with only a handful staying in DC and
even then, they were restricted to the NW
quadrant. This has all changed over the past
five years though, as crime has gone down
(though still murder capital of the US) an influx
of young professionals have gotten their gentrification on.
During the mid to late 1970’s, several parts of DC were intentionally burned to the
ground. While it would initially look like the
British were playing a sequel to 1812, it turns
out a marginalized and disconnected resident
population made their frustrations apparent
and rioted. How can we learn from this lesson?
Will it happen again?
Who knows- at least we’ll be able to
sip on a grande latte while the neighbors burn.
By Joel Ballezza
Ready, Set, Gentrify.
Arriving in the steamy days of early
June, Columbia Heights in Washington DC
was my new home away from Purchase
College. Quickly, I learned how the images of
monuments that I’d grown up with did not provide the full story on the nation’s capital. My
new neighborhood was full of liquor stores,
pawn shops, one bank and a corner bodega
advertising the 6% alcohol content of that
week’s special. While the fear of rampant
home invasions or the unsettling stories from
my apartment-mate’s most recent mugging
proved intimidating, a much more sinister phenomenon crept into Columbia Heights.
Gentrification.
Like the frequent water cooler conversations over the recent Cicada invasion,
gentrification seemed to be on the tips of
everyone’s tongue here in DC. The term, referring to the displacement of poorer people by
an invading economically superior population,
translates into Starbucks erupting on every
street corner, local groceries launching new
sushi stands, and, in the case of Columbia
Heights, poor black families being priced out of
a neighborhood where they may have lived for
generations.
Ben Furgal
“New Monsters” Feature
By E.J. O’Leary
When was the last time you…
stopped twisting your dreads, put down your
boffer weapon, got away from your deep intellectual conversation, ignored your LJ for two
seconds, gave your protest sign a rest, paused
in writing those PSGA speeches, ceased in
paddling through the mall or relaxed instead of
death-staring the fence?
If the answer is, “Not recently,” then
it’s time you visited a gallery space for a little
down-time. You know, those places where
Depending on who you ask gentrification is either a blessing that beautifies a
neighborhood; removing the unpleasant sight
of stoop drinking circles or an unfortunate shift
in social dynamics that pushes out working
class families.
your fellow students are performing, painting,
singing, dancing, acting and writing?
This week, for your most humble
perusal and loving approval, Ben Furgal, visual arts, junior, is dabbling once again in the
bright arts and creating new monsters. For
those of us that are new to this utopia of brick,
this is the guy responsible for all those amazing beacons of color around campus formerly
known as fire hydrants.
The show, aptly entitled “New
Monsters”, is a collection of paintings created
with wall paints and a lot of awesome. The
monsters are formed from basic, geometric
shapes and bright, flat colors. They take on
Continued on Page 3...
The Washington Report is written by Joel
Ballezza, a New Media Purchase Senior par ticipating in the Intern-in-DC program offered
through SUNY Brockport. This column
addresses political, social and economic
issues from a DC perspective. Have com ments or suggestions? Write me at joel.ballez za@purchase.edu
Ancient Greeks Frown
on SUNY Purchase
The Purchase
Independent
Chief Editors:
Bill Reese
Steven Tartick
Business Manager:
Alice Gullotta
Writers:
Joel Ballezza
Matthew Caputo
Lauren McAllister
E.J. O’Leary
Danyell Thillet
Adam Weissman
Artists:
Bob Clark
The Propagandist
Josh Rubino
Ben Sultan
Johnny On the Spot:
Ray Roy
The Purchase Independent is a nonprofit newspaper, paid for by the
mandatory student activity fee.
The
Purchase
Independent welcomes letters from
the readers. We are an open forum
for campus issues and comments
about the Independent’s coverage.
The deadline for letters
to be considered for publication in
the following issue is Wednesday,
4:00pm. After that, you must beg.
The editors reserve the
right to edit the letters for clarity.
Publication of letters is not guarenteed, but subject to the discretion
of of the editors.
Advertising space in
The Independent is free. As space is
limited, The Independent cannot
guarentee immediate publication of
ads. Editors will determine which
ads go in based upon their timeliness. Outside advertisers are also
welcome.
Event listings are also
free of charge. To list an event either
call or e-mail The Independent.
Our e-mail address is:
the_ippi@hotmail.com. Electronic
submissions are preferred.
The opinions expressed
in The Purchase Independent are not
necessarily those of the staff of The
Purchase Independent or the PSGA.
Finally, no anonymous
submissions will be considered
rather, they will be taken out to the
quad put in a small pile and lit on
fire. So don ’t send them.
CORRECTION:
The PSGA Senate elections were on 9/14 and
9/15. We apologize for any
inconvienence
By Adam Weissman
For all their toga wearing and drunken cavorting, the Ancient Greeks frown on SUNY Purchase...
We have not upheld their greatest tradition... That, of
Greek Life.
At SUNY Purchase there is no Greek Council.
There are no fraternities and sororities, not even academic ones. The closest thing we have to a frat or
sorority is the GLBTU, the Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Trans-sexual Union.
I'm not saying that I hate the GLBTU, good for
them, but if frats and sororities aren't allowed on campus, then we shouldn't have a GLBTU either. The
GLBTU has an on campus "clubhouse," they throw parties, fundraisers etc. In essence, they ARE a fraternity,
AND a sorority, a Frankenstein combo, especially when
you factor in all those chicks with Adam's apples and
penises... the "trannies."
With its ban on Greek Life, SUNY Purchase
has upset the natural order that was established in High
School. In most colleges, the "high school" ecosystem
is continued in the form of frats and sororities. Because
natural predators such as jocks and cheerleaders are
nowhere to be found, SUNY Purchase has become flypaper for all the outcasts in New York State (and the
world) to come get their freak on, and reinvent themselves.
The ban on Greek Life must be lifted because
Purchase students are out of control, and not in a good
way. Where are the parties with colorful themes such
as "Golf Pros and Tennis Hos"? Where are all the Girls
Gone Wild? And most of all, where is that sense of dignity and self respect that comes from a college with a
winning football team? Where are... Oh, what the
hell... VOTE BUSH/CHENEY 2004!!! I laugh in the face
of journalistic integrity. HA. HAHA.
-EDITORS’ RESPONSEAdam,
Before we print this article, (as is our duty as
an "independent" magazine), it is important for me, and
rest of the Independent to stress that we take exception
to parts of this article.
"The ban on Greek Life must be lifted because
Purchase students are out of control, and not in a good
way."
-Not true. Purchase does not have a "ban" on
fraternities. I asked President Schwarz myself about this
last year and he told me that if students wanted to start
a fraternity, and asked him for support, he would tell
them to go and ask CoCOaS, the clubs and organizations board. He told me, "If you wanted to join the
American Nazi Party or the KKK, I couldn't kick you out
of school. So, as the president of a public institution,
where is the line that says I can say 'There shall be no
fraternities?" Hence, if one wanted to starta frat, the
administration would be powerless to stop them. The
students, however, would have the power to stop them,
as they make up the CoCOaS, and they have the final
vote.
"I'm not saying that I hate the GLBTU, good for
Continued on Page 6...
t h e _ i p p i @ h o t m a i l . c o m
Olfactophobia
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
ABRIDGED!
By Danyell Thillet
Imagine, if you can, this horrible, terror stricken scenario: A young, attractive couple goes on a date
together. They are healthy, full of life, and happy…or
so it would seem. It’s a beautiful day, so the two love
birds decide to go for a bike ride through the park.
Soon, it grows dark; there is a crisp wind growing in
the air and the trees shake their powerful branches. All
around them, they can feel the beady eyes of whoknows-what staring at them. The couple peddles
faster, in an urgency to get home. A howl, as if from a
wolf, is suddenly heard in the distance. The girl
screams. In her fright, her bicycle veers off the path,
and she falls to the ground. Her loving boyfriend imme diately dismounts his bike to go to her aide. He kneels
down beside her, arms outstretched to help her up.
“Honey, are you alright?” He asks, sweating
and short of breath. She slowly lifts herself up, and
inhals deeply. Her eyes widen and she shrieks with all
her lungs. “What is it?” he cries.
“Oh Jesus, is that your pits? They stink!”
Alright, perhaps this scene isn’t all that terrifying, or maybe to some people, it is. It seems that
modern people have become crippled with fear: the
fear, of stink. Ever since the invention of perfume, it
seems that no one is able to feel comfortable with a little thing we call B.O. That’s right, body odor. That may
seem like one of the most shocking, distasteful things
a person can be accused of having. To some, on the
contrary, body odor is quite natural and universal. That
is to say, everyone stinks from time to time.
There is a big difference, however, between
natural occurring body odor, and just plain bad
hygiene. Just as a guide, if you haven’t done anything
that has required heavy lifting, lots of motion and
action, been through a heat wave, or showered in over
week, then the smell you’re producing is mostly likely
just a sign to give the ole skin a once over with a bar
of soap and a damp wash cloth. For the rest of you
though, I’m sure you’ll notice that after a heavy work
out, the majority of smell (and sweat, I’d imagine) is
hanging around the underarm area. Obviously, it’s a
shadowy place that cowers under the bulky mass of
your sweaty moving arm. So it makes logical sense
that a moisture build-up would occur. Now, in that area
(unless you shave) is a hunk of nice thick hair. This
hair aides in the collection of bacteria caused by sweat
clinging to you while your arms are down. The bacterium interacts with the oil in your pit hair, reacting in a
musky scent.
This may be the time that you would run off
and procure some deodorant or over-priced cologne of
some sort. I find these things to be a waste of money,
and an all-in-all bad choice. First of all, think about the
name of one of the products you might use: anti-perspirant. That would mean something that chemically
stops you from perspiring. Does that sound healthy to
you, considering people can and have died in situations where they weren’t able to sweat? Not to mention
the fact that such products have been known to cause
swollen lymph nodes. Think about it- how else are they
going to stop the sweat from gushing out unless they
clog up your pores somehow? It causes a major back
up, like plugging up a pipe in a Tom & Jerry cartoon.
The pipe gets this big fat bulge in the middle…right
before it bursts. Be glad that your skin is durable
Continued on Page 7...
2
© Copyright 2004 Rob Brezsny
ARIES (March 21-April 20) I predict that you Aries
people will have Machiavellian opportun ties in the
coming weeks. You may even be tempted to turn
to your adversaries to further your dreams. Can
you manipulate them to serve you more than they
manipulate you to serve them?
TAURUS: (April 21-May 20) I suggest you dream
up and carry out a banishing ritual. For example,
you could write down what you're afraid of, and
then burn the piece of paper in the flame of a red
candle as you cackle and chant, "You have no
[insert an energizing taboo word here] power over
me!"
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): "You'll thrive in the
wake of intense emotions and enigmatic twists of
fate. On the other hand, you'll be in danger of losing your focus during airy encounters with delicate creatures; you'll have to be vigilant to avoid
getting thrown off course by pretty ephemera and
lightweight pleasures.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): I admire you for
being so conscientious and putting so much effort
into everything you do, but you're way overdue for
some major slacking off. I'll go so far as to say
that you have a *spiritual need* to vegetate. This
is one time when you'll get my blessing if you
decide to sit in a comfortable chair and daydream
of nothing in particular as you watch the wind
blow.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): should be in the coming
weeks. You should be a short and concise connecting link between an underground source of
abundant vitality and a free-flowing force of nature
that reminds you of a mighty river.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Finally, you're about to
come to the end of the quest and collect your
reward. Keep in mind, though, that even after you
have it, you may not fully understand it for months.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): I foresee an analogous
sequence operating in your life, Libra. The deluge
will expose valuable beauty, making it easy to
pluck.
...“Olfactophobia” from page 3...
enough to stop short of a minor explosion.
The thing to keep in mind is, not only
does this happen to everyone, but it’s also not
such a bad thing. See, the reason animals,
people included, are attracted to each other
(outside of aesthetic preference) is because of
pheromones. Pheromones, for those who don’t
know, are chemicals that give off a certain
smell. Whether or not you are physically
attracted to someone is all based around how
your chemicals react with theirs. I know whenever I am really into someone; I love how they
smell…even when they smell “bad”.
People tend to be so obsessed with
smell, they can’t tolerate being even somewhat
stinky for any period of time. They cake on
their deodorants and their body sprays.
Shampoos have smells (the majority of less
obvious pheromones escape from the scalp),
soaps have smells, and don’t even get me
started on the amount of “feminine hygiene”
products meant to make your whole crotch
smell like a rose garden (word to the wise,
douches do more harm than good). Perfumes
and all that other hoopla cost so much money,
and for what? - To mask the delicate, individual
and sexy smell that nature already gave each
and everyone of us?
P E R S O N A L S
Th e P u r ch a s e
Name: Adam
Age: Eleventeen
Gender: M
Looking For: F
Major: New Media...I
mean, uh, Love.
Interests:
Wo r d s ,
games, film, music,
and monkeys.
Biggest
Tu r n - o n:
Geek girls. Glasses
optional.
AIM address:
designatedrival
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): If you consciously
decide there are good, evenhonorable reasons for
you to play with fire, go right ahead and do so. But
if there's a bit of hell to pay as a result, don't you
dare get pissed at the universe or diss God. And
please don't say the fire is evil.
Name: Jesse Lehrer
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): I hereby
authorize you to shower yourself with an equivalent barrage of blessings for all the hard work
you've done during the last ten months. And
please don't be shy about imitating the example of
the PG&E chiefs: Reward yourself handsomely
even if you've accomplished little more than saving your own ass.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You need to
know beyond any doubt what precise gift you
were born to give the world; you cannot move on
to the next phase of your evolution until you are
utterly clear about what nature yearns to create
through you.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): As you dream up
fresh approaches and imaginative departures,
make sure you communicate about them with
enthusiastic clarity to the people they'll affect
most.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): It's not expressed in
descriptions of reckless love affairs and manic
excursions to the frontiers of sanity, but in a humble wisdom forged through his brave, unsentimental tenderness. That's the kind of wildness I wish
for you in the coming weeks.
The most offensive thing of all is people who put on three times as much scented
crap than is necessary. I remember in junior
high school, the worst thing someone could do
to me, was walk past me reeking of whatever
the trendy scent-of-the-month was. I could
often sniff them out from down the hall. No one
seems to realize that you get used to your
scent. Unless you’re excreting a large amount
of it (i.e. stinky pits), you’re most likely not even
aware that you have one. So when you use the
same perfume everyday, you get used to that,
as being your regular scent. Eventually, you
grow almost immune to the smell. So you put
on enough that you can smell it, meanwhile the
rest of the population is overcome with a
strange craving for Oreos, as you walk past
wearing five gallons of vanilla fragrance.
Fellow citizens of Earth, I implore
you, stop wasting your hard earned money on
all this ridiculousness. Instead, practice good
hygiene. Shower regularly, washing your hair
(with a non-scented shampoo) and scrub all
those target germy areas, brush your teeth and
floss, and then just let nature take its course.
Besides, whoever you’re into is going to figure
out eventually how you really smell. Why not
save the time and let your lovely, nature-certified stink attract someone who’s a real match?
Name: R-Thur
Age: 19
Gender: M
Looking For: Watevers!
Major:
Women’s
Studies/Awesomeness
Interests: Being scene,
having scene friends,
being better than anyone, the morning after
(the best band you’ve
never heard of)
Favorite Condom Color:
Hot pink
AIM
address:
Jacobfaint
Age: 21
Gender: M
Looking For: F
Major: Women’s Studies.
Interests: Scary things,
Magic: the Gathering,
vegan cooking.
Biggest Turn-on: Video
games and black metal
AIM address:
ShorXrorE
see picture on right -->
Name: Candice
Age: 20
Gender: F
Looking For: Male or
Female cuddle
partners. No, really.
Major:
Women’s
Studies.
Interests: Your sweet
touch
Biggest
Turn-on:
People who aren’t
afraid to make asses of
themselves
Email address:
themurphybed@
yahoo.com
Name: Mr. Snappy
Age: 20
Gender: M
Looking For: M
Major: Bio
Interests: Bio Bio Bio
Bio Bio Bio Bio COCK
Favorite C ondom
C o l o r : anything that
makes it look
disease free,
because green cock is
soooooo unappealing.
Email address:
MrSnappy0220@
yahoo.com
Name: Katy
Age: 20
Gender: F
Looking For: M
Major: Literature
Interests: Music, theatre, movies, dogs, lol.
Biggest
Tu r n - o n:
Intelligence, and anyone
who can laugh at themselves and make me
laugh :o)
AIM address:
xmisschungx
Name: Dani
Age: 18
Gender: F
Looking For: M
Major:
Lighting,
Design.
Interests: Theatre,
music,
anything,
everything, wandering.
Favorite Condom
Color: Red or Black
AIM address:
XxoEviloxX
Name: Courtney
Age: 18
Gender: F
Looking For: F
Major: Design-Tech
Interests: movies, food,
stuff... anything really.
Worst Movie Ever
Seen: Snatch
Email address:
themurphybed@
yahoo.com
Name: Johnny Giovanni
Age: Legal
Gender: M
Looking
For: F
Major: Rock
n Roll
Interests:
S t r e t c h
Jeans & Pomade
Biggest Turn-on: Hollowbody guitars... and forwardness.
Email address:
JohnnyGiovanni@
gmail.com
Are you lonely?
Looking for that special someone?
You’re in luck! The Independent is proud to present the
first installment of Purchase Personals, your one-stop
spot for the campus’ hottest singles. Feel free to contact any of the intersting prospects above, or submit
your own personal! To be a featured single, simply
email the following to the_ippi@hotmail.com. Feel free
to include a pic! Be sure to check out a new batch of
our finest next week!
t h e _ i p p i @ h o t m a i l . c o m
Name(or pseudoname):
Age:
Gender:
Looking For:
Major:
Interests:
Biggest Turn-on:
Biggest Turn-off:
Answer one of the following:
Favorite Condom Color
Best Pickup Line
Worst Movie You’ve Ever Seen
How to Reach You(only one necessarry):
AIM Address
EMAIL Address
PHONE Number
E M A I L TO T H E _ I P P I @ H O T M A I L . C O M
7
Fire Breathing Dragon
By Matthew Caputo
Nicknamed “The Master of Disaster”,
with missing front teeth, sharp slicked back hair
and enough body ink to fill a volume of
Encyclopedias, Orange County, CA native
Duane Peters is the walking
epitome of two phrases “punk
rock” and “skateboarder.”
Peters is a unique yet unlikely
hero of sport; a dark, angry
character with the courage of
a daredevil and the attitude of
a bulldog. He’s risen to legendary status as a cult hero of
actions sport with a persona
combination
of
Dennis
Rodman and Sid Vicious.
Though some 15
years of his career were
devoted to substance abuse;
he’s said to have kicked dope
with
booze,
overdosed
numerous times and according to one report from the August 2004 issue of
The Skateboard Magazine he’s been in love
with a blow up doll. Living a double life as a Cali
skateboard legend, Peters doubles as lead
“Greeks/Response” from Page 2
them, but if frats and sororities aren't allowed
on campus, then we shouldn't have a GLBTU
either."
-The GLBTU is an example of such
funding. The Independent is too. So is the
Asian Students Assoc., LU, SISTAS, OAPIA,
the Anthropology club and the LARPers. They
all get funding because they went in front of
CoCOaS and asked them. In the same sense,
we could go in front of CoCOaS tomorrow and
ask for funding for the fraternity of Alpha Beta
Masta Beta, and see what they said. If they
said yes, then they're in.
"Because natural predators such as
jocks and cheerleaders are nowhere to be
found, SUNY Purchase has become flypaper
for all the outcasts in New York State (and the
world) to come get their freak on, and reinvent
themselves."
-Purchase was created in 1967 to be
the very flypaper you speak of. We have preserved it as such for many years, but now
things are slowly starting to change. Maybe it's
the school's fault for advertising it so much, or
maybe it's the school's fault for marketing us to
non-"outcasts". Either way, if anybody has a
problem with how we are, they can transfer to
Albany or Cortland and pay the same price, as
those schools were designed for "the jocks"
and "the cheerleaders." SUNY has something
for everybody, that's what makes it the perfect
system.
"Where are the parties with colorful
themes such as "Golf Pros and Tennis Hos"?
Where are all the Girls Gone Wild? And most
of all, where is that sense of dignity and self
respect that comes from a college with a win ning football team?"
singer for punk rock bands The Hunns and US
Bombs (also see The Exploding Fuck Dolls.)
Since cleaning up his act and kicking clear of
hard drugs Peters’ has set up his own label he’s
dubbed “Disaster Records.” Though his life has
features a lot of highs, lows and a few missing
teeth; he’s resurfaced as the cult icon for the evil
elements that have always existed skateboarding.
At 44-years-old Peters continues to draw attention to a
pastime he’ll probably never
stop practicing.
While
numerous alternative sport
superstars are going corporate and have their own video
games, Peters anti-hero status is somewhat refreshing
and horrifically intriguing. So
much so that Black Label
Films (also Black Label
boards, his latest ax of
choice) and Forever films
documented his life and
times to come up with “Who
Cares,” a new film about the An letter by Lauren McAllister
one of the sports most prolific personalities. For
Many of you may read this title thinkmore information about the flick click to
ing, "that looks interesting", well you're wrong.
BlackLabelSkating.com and look for Peters
In this article I am merely going to ask quesskating random pools in Southern California.
tions that I myself am searching for the
answer to. For example: What if we had a
-Where is the sense of dignity and
president that won the election with out the
self respect that comes from being named the
help of his brother? Or what if we had a pres7th Most Fashionable College in America?
ident that could actually pronounce the word
Where is the sense of dignity and self respect
nuclear?
that comes from having a student media that is
Now you're probably like "Don't tell
free of censorship and administration belittleme this bitch is gonna go all political on me!"
ment? Where is the sense of dignity and self
Well now no need to worry I have a lot of
respect that comes from having sports teams
questions not relating to politics. What if peothat play hard and don't always win, but still
ple really had mutant powers (like the Xhave fun because they love the game, they
men)? I'm not sure what power I'd want but
love their teammates and because they have
hopefully I got you wondering what mutant
pride in their school? Where is the sense of digpower you'd want (if you come up with a realnity and self respect that comes from saying
ly good one e-mail me lauren.mcallister@purthat I went to Purchase, and that I went to a
chase.edu).
school that is unlike any college in this country,
What if Queer As Folk isn't renewed
that I went there and I had more fun than I had
after season five? How will they end it? If
at any frat party or at any homecoming parade?
you're not a fan you wont understand. What if
Where is the sense of dignity and self
a Gale Harold movie actually makes it to a
respect that comes from finally feeling like
theater near you? What if people realize that
you fucking belong somewhere?
no one in their right mind would choose to be
As a white, straight, omnivore, nongay (really who would want to be hated for
smoker who likes sports, I might be a “jock” in
something they can't control)?
Purchase. As a “jock”, I take exception to your
On a lighter note: How come the
article as a member of the Purchase communiwitch of the South is never talked about
ty and all that it stands for, for all our history,
(Wizard of Oz reference if you didn't get it)?
which you, it seems, would rather forget. I will
What if Dorothy followed the ruby red road
print your article if you wish, but I will also print
instead of the yellow brick one (this one is a
this letter along with it, because I hold this
story my friend and I are trying to work on but
school's reputation and our history higher than
its hard coming up with all new characters so
our mission to print all letters, even those of a
if you have any good ideas e-mail me)?
less informed opinion.
And finally a question that has been
"They ARE a fraternity, AND a sorori on peoples minds since the 80s: What you
ty, a Frankenstein combo, especially when you
talking bout Wiles? I know that's a tough one.
factor in all those chicks with Adam's apples
Till next time...no wait I've got another one:
and penises... the "trannies."
Won't you be my neighbor? Now till next
-Rainbow up your life man.
time...wait...just kidding remember don't
stress over things just write pointless articles
Sincerely,
about them like I do!
William David Xavier Reese III
t h e _ i p p i @ h o t m a i l . c o m
What if...
6
Purchase
Police
Blotter
In an effort to increase visibility and to maintain
social accountability, the Independent re-introduces
the Crime Beat. This column appeared regularly in
The Load, Purchase’s main newspaper from 19721993.
September 1
-Police responded to burglary alarms in the
Visual Arts and Humanities buildings during
the day.
-School property was discovered missing in
the Natural Science Lecture Hall around 8:00
pm.
September 2
-Campus police were called on a Health and
Safety Hazard in a G Street apartment.
-A car accident causing property damage
occurred in the parking lot of Campus Center
...“Furgal” from page 1...
blocky, almost pixilated forms reminiscent of
1980s video game graphics, yet retain a distinct
personality all their own.
One piece, entitled, “Awesome Slug”,
is fashioned of nothing more than a few curved,
green rectangles, a circular mouth with protruding teeth, and two brown quadrilaterals for eyes
painted onto a banana-yellow background.
The minimal style aligns with Furgal’s interest in
“super flat” art, a technique which allows lit
tle or no depth in an image. By causing the
forms to become unfixed by lack of shading, the
viewer is able to locate and identify the
monster of their own volition. This loose hold
on form, traditionally fixed into place by shading and perspective, causes viewer interpretation to be a more significant factor in determining the meaning of the painting.
Furgal also mentioned Takashi
Murakami as an influence, a Japanese anime
artist who also uses the “super flat” technique in
his art. He is most well-known for creating his
own characters and comic strip.
If there is one thing Furgal hopes to
achieve, it is to make art more accessible to the
general population and eliminate the elitism and
exclusionary reputation that the art world is
known for. He is interested in the concept of
using art to merge “high” and “low” culture, also
a concern of 20th century pop artists, though he
does not classify himself as a pop artist.
“Art should be fun,” Furgal said at his
show. That’s probably the best way to sum up
Ben Furgal’s artistic approach and work. For all
interested, visit www.benfurgal.com for upcoming show dates, images and further info.
South around 2:30 in the afternoon. The police
did not receive the damage report until nearly
7:00.
September 4
-A Drug Complaint was called in to the
University Police, who responded to the
Alumni Village. No arrests are reported.
-A suspicious person was reported wandering
around the main campus at 2:30 Saturday
morning. The report lists the investigation as
“closed.”
-Police responded to a larceny call in
Crossroads at quarter to four in morning on
Saturday. The investigation is still ongoing at
press time.
-A motor vehicle accident occurred at the
entrance to Purchase College at Anderson Hill
Road. Non-specific injuries are listed as a
result of the accident.
-A student was charged with possession of a
weapon in the Olde Apartments on Saturday
afternoon. The weapon is not described.
September 5
-Police responded to the laundry room
beneath Crossroads on Sunday evening to
investigate acts of “criminal mischief”. The
investigation is still pending.
-Property was damaged in a “non-criminal”
fashion in the Campus Center North parking
lot.
-September 6
-Further acts of criminal mischief were reported in the Alumni Village shortly before 1:00 in
the morning.
September 8
-Police responded to reports of “Menacing” in
the Humanities Building in the middle of the
day on Wednesday.
September 9
-Property was reported stolen from the laundry
room on G Street in the Olde Apartments on
Thursday at 4:00 in the afternoon. The theft is
still under investigation.
-Theft occurred again at the Hub later that
evening. The items stolen are not specified.
This theft also remains under investigation.
-A drug complaint was reported in the Farside
dormitory. No arrests are reported and the situation remains under investigation.
September 11
-Property was stolen from Campus Center
North shortly before Noon on Saturday.
Still Stoned: High Times turns 30
By Matt Caputo
features on significant figures in free speech
including Norman Mailer, the great Hunter S.
Thompson and Iggy Pop. Luc Sante slides in
the cipher and drops a dime about the stem of
the word “Dope” and Stranger Than
F i c t i o n / C o ffee and Cigarettes director Jim
Jarmusch lets off exhaust with Pop. Stratton,
who is still Publisher/Editor-if-Chief, shoots
smoke in a touching and revealing look into
one of America’s greatest living writers’ personal experiences smoking pot. Peculiar
young journalist Ben Corbrett, who is noted in
the Contributors Page as having spent time in
“juvie for smoking too much pot and steeling
cars,” inked an interesting and refreshing feature on Hunter S. Thompson. Corbett captured the character and intensity of the founding father of gonzo journalism from his Fort
Knox-like compound (Owl Farm) in Colorado.
Mailer’s son, John Buffalo Mailer, is
the “VP HT Entertainment” and has made significant efforts in recent years to improve the
overall quality of High Times. While maintaining the glossy, glamour pictures of the most
mint looking bud ever, High Ti m e s has
reached out and found a new format.
Concentrating closer on more broader
lifestyles and more relevant political information, this renegade magazine has out lasted
numerous newsstand duds that were backed
by major media conglomerates and super
celebrities.
Since 1974 High Times has provided
insight for the free speaking, pro pot community and gave America a serious place to talk
toke. While the content and quality of High
Times has often been random, they’ve maintained a soldier in the army against censorship. It can be best described as the illegitimate love child of Rolling Stone and The New
Republic, and now 30 years after hitting newsstands it hasn’t sold out.
I t ’s been exactly 30 years since Richard
Stratton, then a smuggling/struggling journalist, and Tom Forcade, a man of similar character, lit the bong that set off High Times magazine. While Stratton maintains, in their Special
30th Anniversary Collector’s edition, they
wanted to effect “real and lasting social
change.” While many American’s find High
Times to be nothing more than mere comic
relief to the hypocrisy of modern marijuana
laws of our local and international politics.
Mixing in a dusting of pop culture and dozens
of ads for piss cleansers; High Times has
blazed a trail for counter culture journalism
and provided a fantastically functioning forum
for the First
Amendment.
The 30th Anniversary special
PLUG YOUR
EXHIBITION IN
THE INDEPENDENT
the_ippi@hotmail.com includes
t h e _ i p p i @ h o t m a i l . c o m
3
Thursday 9/16
10:30 AM
EMIT Meeting
First Meeting of the Academic Year
Humanities Building, Room 1021
4: 3 0 P M
Me n' s S oc ce r
vs . A l ba ny Co l l eg e o f Ph ar m ac y
So c ce r F i el d s
6: 0 0 P M
C. S .A . M OV I E NI G HT !
Th i s W ee k : Van W i l d e r
Fi r es i d e Co m mu te r L o un d e
7: 0 0 P M
Ro sh Ha s ha na h
Se r vi c e a nd Di nn e r
A sh o rt b ut me an i ng f u l s er v i ce wi l l b e
fo l l ow ed b y d in n er. P l ea s e s ig n u p i n
ad v an c e a t t h e Hi l l el o ff i c e.
7: 0 0 P M
Co mi c B oo k L i be r at i on A r m y
This weekly club is for the comic book fiend in
all of us. Report for duty in the CBLA every
Thursday.
St u de n t C en t er, Bo ok Ro o m
8: 0 0 P M
“Julie”
Th e at r e Ar t s C on n ec t i on in co n j uc t io n
wi t h t h e D ra ma St u di e s D ep a rt m en t
pr e se n ts Ju l i e, a m an i pu l a ti v e f l i rt a ti o n , w hi c h s oo n t u r ns in t o a da n ge r ou s a n d e ro t i c g am e o f p o we r,
m o n e y, an d b e tr a ya l . T he bi t t er se x
du a l b et w ee n J u li e an d h e r s er v an t ,
Je a n, i s i nf l a me d b y t h e d if f e re n ce s
in t he i r c l as s a n d h er e di t a ry ba c k g r o u n d s . D i re c t ed by Pu r ch as e
Al u mn us Da v id I . L . P o ol e . A d m i s s i o n
$5 wi t h P ur c ha s e I D. G. A . $ 1 0. 0 0
Hu ma n it i e s T h e a t r e
8: 0 0 P M
Vot e r R eg i st r at i on Fe s ti v al
St u de n t C en t er
Friday, 9/17
8:00 PM
“Julie”
See Thursday
Humanities Theatre
Saturday9/18
1:00 P M
Women's Tennis vs. Pratt College
Tennis C o u r t s
1:00 P M
Women's Soccer
vs. Mt. St. Mary's College
Soccer Fields
2:00 & 8:00 PM
“Julie”
See Thursday
Humanities Theatre
Sunday 9/19
2:00 P M
Men's Soccer
v s . Yeshiva College
Soccer Fields
M o n d ay, 9/20
3:00 PM
The Strategic Planning Committee
This group will hold its weekly meetings on
Mondays
Humanities 1021.
Tuesday, 9/21
NOON
Career Development
Workshop - Interviewing Techniques
Learn to prepare for the initial interview! Topics
cover interview preparation, proper attire, and
responses to difficult questions.
CCS Room 208
5:00 PM
Men's Soccer
vs. Webb Institute
Soccer Fields
7:00 PM
Women's Volleyball
vs. Manhattanville College
Gym
7:30 PM
NATURAL & SOCIAL SCIENCES FALL LECTURE SERIES
Jennifer Shadel Smith, University of
Pennsylvania
"ROVing the Depths: The Black Sea Project"
Co-sponsored by Archeological Institute of
America (AIA) Westchester Society. Free.
NS Building1001
9:00 PM
Showcase Artist/Open Mic/Open MC Cipher
Student Center
“Out There” - By Bob Clark
Thursday9/23
6 :0 0 P M
C. S . A. MO VI E N IG HT !
Th i s W e ek : Fo rr e st G um p
Fi r e si d e C om mu t er Lo u ng e
7 :0 0 P M
W o m e n ’s Vo l l e y b a l l
v s. Le h ma n C ol l e ge
Gym
8 :0 0 P M
Fa c ul t y a r ti s t s e ri e s, Ar t i st ( s ) T BA
10:00 PM
t hi s ev en i n g a t 8 : 00 p. m. P u r c h a s e
fArts General Interest Meeting
IMPROV JAM! FREE FOOD! And find out how f ac u lt y an d s t af f $5 al l st u de n ts wi t h
you can become a part of our upcoming STU - I D a re f re e . Ge ne r al p ub l i c $ 15 .
Re c i ta l H a ll , PA C
DIO SHOW!
Southside in Campus CenterSouth
10:00 PM
Latinos Unidos
Last day to apply for Pass/No
Purchase’s Latin student organization meeets
every week in the basement of Campus
Credit option (P / NC).
Center North.
CCN 007.
9:00 PM
*Purchase Independent Meeting
The staff of the P.I. review content for this
week’s issue. All are welcome to our office
hours, which are at this time every week.
Media Production Room, CCN 0016
“FINCH & ACE” - By Ben Sultan
4:30
Women's Tennis
vs. College of New
Rochelle
Soccer Fields
Friday, 9/24
Wednesday 9/22
NOON
Freshman Open House
All entering freshmen are invited to visit the
Career Development Office to learn about the
excellent services available to you to help you
as you begin to look at your college experi ence and career plans. Refreshments will be
served, and giveaways will be given away!
CCS 2008
4:00 PM
*Purchase Independent Meeting
The staff of the P.I. go to print with this week’s
issue.
Media Production Room, CCN 0016
ARE YOU A
CARTOONIST?
WANT TO BE PUBLISHED IN
A WEEKLY NEWSPAPER?
FOLLOW THE LEAD OF
THESE COMICS AND BE ON
THE INDEPENDENT’S
COMICS PAGE EVERY WEEK!
SEND SCANS TO
the_ippi@hotmail.com
OR DROP THEM OFF AT OUR
OFFICE HOURS, TUESDAYS
AT 9 PM IN CAMPUS CENTER
NORTH ROOM 0016
t h e _ i p p i @ h o t m a i l . c o m
5
Thursday 9/16
10:30 AM
EMIT Meeting
First Meeting of the Academic Year
Humanities Building, Room 1021
4: 3 0 P M
Me n' s S oc ce r
vs . A l ba ny Co l l eg e o f Ph ar m ac y
So c ce r F i el d s
6: 0 0 P M
C. S .A . M OV I E NI G HT !
Th i s W ee k : Van W i l d e r
Fi r es i d e Co m mu te r L o un d e
7: 0 0 P M
Ro sh Ha s ha na h
Se r vi c e a nd Di nn e r
A sh o rt b ut me an i ng f u l s er v i ce wi l l b e
fo l l ow ed b y d in n er. P l ea s e s ig n u p i n
ad v an c e a t t h e Hi l l el o ff i c e.
7: 0 0 P M
Co mi c B oo k L i be r at i on A r m y
This weekly club is for the comic book fiend in
all of us. Report for duty in the CBLA every
Thursday.
St u de n t C en t er, Bo ok Ro o m
8: 0 0 P M
“Julie”
Th e at r e Ar t s C on n ec t i on in co n j uc t io n
wi t h t h e D ra ma St u di e s D ep a rt m en t
pr e se n ts Ju l i e, a m an i pu l a ti v e f l i rt a ti o n , w hi c h s oo n t u r ns in t o a da n ge r ou s a n d e ro t i c g am e o f p o we r,
m o n e y, an d b e tr a ya l . T he bi t t er se x
du a l b et w ee n J u li e an d h e r s er v an t ,
Je a n, i s i nf l a me d b y t h e d if f e re n ce s
in t he i r c l as s a n d h er e di t a ry ba c k g r o u n d s . D i re c t ed by Pu r ch as e
Al u mn us Da v id I . L . P o ol e . A d m i s s i o n
$5 wi t h P ur c ha s e I D. G. A . $ 1 0. 0 0
Hu ma n it i e s T h e a t r e
8: 0 0 P M
Vot e r R eg i st r at i on Fe s ti v al
St u de n t C en t er
Friday, 9/17
8:00 PM
“Julie”
See Thursday
Humanities Theatre
Saturday9/18
1:00 P M
Women's Tennis vs. Pratt College
Tennis C o u r t s
1:00 P M
Women's Soccer
vs. Mt. St. Mary's College
Soccer Fields
2:00 & 8:00 PM
“Julie”
See Thursday
Humanities Theatre
Sunday 9/19
2:00 P M
Men's Soccer
v s . Yeshiva College
Soccer Fields
M o n d ay, 9/20
3:00 PM
The Strategic Planning Committee
This group will hold its weekly meetings on
Mondays
Humanities 1021.
Tuesday, 9/21
NOON
Career Development
Workshop - Interviewing Techniques
Learn to prepare for the initial interview! Topics
cover interview preparation, proper attire, and
responses to difficult questions.
CCS Room 208
5:00 PM
Men's Soccer
vs. Webb Institute
Soccer Fields
7:00 PM
Women's Volleyball
vs. Manhattanville College
Gym
7:30 PM
NATURAL & SOCIAL SCIENCES FALL LECTURE SERIES
Jennifer Shadel Smith, University of
Pennsylvania
"ROVing the Depths: The Black Sea Project"
Co-sponsored by Archeological Institute of
America (AIA) Westchester Society. Free.
NS Building1001
9:00 PM
Showcase Artist/Open Mic/Open MC Cipher
Student Center
“Out There” - By Bob Clark
Thursday9/23
6 :0 0 P M
C. S . A. MO VI E N IG HT !
Th i s W e ek : Fo rr e st G um p
Fi r e si d e C om mu t er Lo u ng e
7 :0 0 P M
W o m e n ’s Vo l l e y b a l l
v s. Le h ma n C ol l e ge
Gym
8 :0 0 P M
Fa c ul t y a r ti s t s e ri e s, Ar t i st ( s ) T BA
10:00 PM
t hi s ev en i n g a t 8 : 00 p. m. P u r c h a s e
fArts General Interest Meeting
IMPROV JAM! FREE FOOD! And find out how f ac u lt y an d s t af f $5 al l st u de n ts wi t h
you can become a part of our upcoming STU - I D a re f re e . Ge ne r al p ub l i c $ 15 .
Re c i ta l H a ll , PA C
DIO SHOW!
Southside in Campus CenterSouth
10:00 PM
Latinos Unidos
Last day to apply for Pass/No
Purchase’s Latin student organization meeets
every week in the basement of Campus
Credit option (P / NC).
Center North.
CCN 007.
9:00 PM
*Purchase Independent Meeting
The staff of the P.I. review content for this
week’s issue. All are welcome to our office
hours, which are at this time every week.
Media Production Room, CCN 0016
“FINCH & ACE” - By Ben Sultan
4:30
Women's Tennis
vs. College of New
Rochelle
Soccer Fields
Friday, 9/24
Wednesday 9/22
NOON
Freshman Open House
All entering freshmen are invited to visit the
Career Development Office to learn about the
excellent services available to you to help you
as you begin to look at your college experi ence and career plans. Refreshments will be
served, and giveaways will be given away!
CCS 2008
4:00 PM
*Purchase Independent Meeting
The staff of the P.I. go to print with this week’s
issue.
Media Production Room, CCN 0016
ARE YOU A
CARTOONIST?
WANT TO BE PUBLISHED IN
A WEEKLY NEWSPAPER?
FOLLOW THE LEAD OF
THESE COMICS AND BE ON
THE INDEPENDENT’S
COMICS PAGE EVERY WEEK!
SEND SCANS TO
the_ippi@hotmail.com
OR DROP THEM OFF AT OUR
OFFICE HOURS, TUESDAYS
AT 9 PM IN CAMPUS CENTER
NORTH ROOM 0016
t h e _ i p p i @ h o t m a i l . c o m
5
Fire Breathing Dragon
By Matthew Caputo
Nicknamed “The Master of Disaster”,
with missing front teeth, sharp slicked back hair
and enough body ink to fill a volume of
Encyclopedias, Orange County, CA native
Duane Peters is the walking
epitome of two phrases “punk
rock” and “skateboarder.”
Peters is a unique yet unlikely
hero of sport; a dark, angry
character with the courage of
a daredevil and the attitude of
a bulldog. He’s risen to legendary status as a cult hero of
actions sport with a persona
combination
of
Dennis
Rodman and Sid Vicious.
Though some 15
years of his career were
devoted to substance abuse;
he’s said to have kicked dope
with
booze,
overdosed
numerous times and according to one report from the August 2004 issue of
The Skateboard Magazine he’s been in love
with a blow up doll. Living a double life as a Cali
skateboard legend, Peters doubles as lead
“Greeks/Response” from Page 2
them, but if frats and sororities aren't allowed
on campus, then we shouldn't have a GLBTU
either."
-The GLBTU is an example of such
funding. The Independent is too. So is the
Asian Students Assoc., LU, SISTAS, OAPIA,
the Anthropology club and the LARPers. They
all get funding because they went in front of
CoCOaS and asked them. In the same sense,
we could go in front of CoCOaS tomorrow and
ask for funding for the fraternity of Alpha Beta
Masta Beta, and see what they said. If they
said yes, then they're in.
"Because natural predators such as
jocks and cheerleaders are nowhere to be
found, SUNY Purchase has become flypaper
for all the outcasts in New York State (and the
world) to come get their freak on, and reinvent
themselves."
-Purchase was created in 1967 to be
the very flypaper you speak of. We have preserved it as such for many years, but now
things are slowly starting to change. Maybe it's
the school's fault for advertising it so much, or
maybe it's the school's fault for marketing us to
non-"outcasts". Either way, if anybody has a
problem with how we are, they can transfer to
Albany or Cortland and pay the same price, as
those schools were designed for "the jocks"
and "the cheerleaders." SUNY has something
for everybody, that's what makes it the perfect
system.
"Where are the parties with colorful
themes such as "Golf Pros and Tennis Hos"?
Where are all the Girls Gone Wild? And most
of all, where is that sense of dignity and self
respect that comes from a college with a win ning football team?"
singer for punk rock bands The Hunns and US
Bombs (also see The Exploding Fuck Dolls.)
Since cleaning up his act and kicking clear of
hard drugs Peters’ has set up his own label he’s
dubbed “Disaster Records.” Though his life has
features a lot of highs, lows and a few missing
teeth; he’s resurfaced as the cult icon for the evil
elements that have always existed skateboarding.
At 44-years-old Peters continues to draw attention to a
pastime he’ll probably never
stop practicing.
While
numerous alternative sport
superstars are going corporate and have their own video
games, Peters anti-hero status is somewhat refreshing
and horrifically intriguing. So
much so that Black Label
Films (also Black Label
boards, his latest ax of
choice) and Forever films
documented his life and
times to come up with “Who
Cares,” a new film about the An letter by Lauren McAllister
one of the sports most prolific personalities. For
Many of you may read this title thinkmore information about the flick click to
ing, "that looks interesting", well you're wrong.
BlackLabelSkating.com and look for Peters
In this article I am merely going to ask quesskating random pools in Southern California.
tions that I myself am searching for the
answer to. For example: What if we had a
-Where is the sense of dignity and
president that won the election with out the
self respect that comes from being named the
help of his brother? Or what if we had a pres7th Most Fashionable College in America?
ident that could actually pronounce the word
Where is the sense of dignity and self respect
nuclear?
that comes from having a student media that is
Now you're probably like "Don't tell
free of censorship and administration belittleme this bitch is gonna go all political on me!"
ment? Where is the sense of dignity and self
Well now no need to worry I have a lot of
respect that comes from having sports teams
questions not relating to politics. What if peothat play hard and don't always win, but still
ple really had mutant powers (like the Xhave fun because they love the game, they
men)? I'm not sure what power I'd want but
love their teammates and because they have
hopefully I got you wondering what mutant
pride in their school? Where is the sense of digpower you'd want (if you come up with a realnity and self respect that comes from saying
ly good one e-mail me lauren.mcallister@purthat I went to Purchase, and that I went to a
chase.edu).
school that is unlike any college in this country,
What if Queer As Folk isn't renewed
that I went there and I had more fun than I had
after season five? How will they end it? If
at any frat party or at any homecoming parade?
you're not a fan you wont understand. What if
Where is the sense of dignity and self
a Gale Harold movie actually makes it to a
respect that comes from finally feeling like
theater near you? What if people realize that
you fucking belong somewhere?
no one in their right mind would choose to be
As a white, straight, omnivore, nongay (really who would want to be hated for
smoker who likes sports, I might be a “jock” in
something they can't control)?
Purchase. As a “jock”, I take exception to your
On a lighter note: How come the
article as a member of the Purchase communiwitch of the South is never talked about
ty and all that it stands for, for all our history,
(Wizard of Oz reference if you didn't get it)?
which you, it seems, would rather forget. I will
What if Dorothy followed the ruby red road
print your article if you wish, but I will also print
instead of the yellow brick one (this one is a
this letter along with it, because I hold this
story my friend and I are trying to work on but
school's reputation and our history higher than
its hard coming up with all new characters so
our mission to print all letters, even those of a
if you have any good ideas e-mail me)?
less informed opinion.
And finally a question that has been
"They ARE a fraternity, AND a sorori on peoples minds since the 80s: What you
ty, a Frankenstein combo, especially when you
talking bout Wiles? I know that's a tough one.
factor in all those chicks with Adam's apples
Till next time...no wait I've got another one:
and penises... the "trannies."
Won't you be my neighbor? Now till next
-Rainbow up your life man.
time...wait...just kidding remember don't
stress over things just write pointless articles
Sincerely,
about them like I do!
William David Xavier Reese III
t h e _ i p p i @ h o t m a i l . c o m
What if...
6
Purchase
Police
Blotter
In an effort to increase visibility and to maintain
social accountability, the Independent re-introduces
the Crime Beat. This column appeared regularly in
The Load, Purchase’s main newspaper from 19721993.
September 1
-Police responded to burglary alarms in the
Visual Arts and Humanities buildings during
the day.
-School property was discovered missing in
the Natural Science Lecture Hall around 8:00
pm.
September 2
-Campus police were called on a Health and
Safety Hazard in a G Street apartment.
-A car accident causing property damage
occurred in the parking lot of Campus Center
...“Furgal” from page 1...
blocky, almost pixilated forms reminiscent of
1980s video game graphics, yet retain a distinct
personality all their own.
One piece, entitled, “Awesome Slug”,
is fashioned of nothing more than a few curved,
green rectangles, a circular mouth with protruding teeth, and two brown quadrilaterals for eyes
painted onto a banana-yellow background.
The minimal style aligns with Furgal’s interest in
“super flat” art, a technique which allows lit
tle or no depth in an image. By causing the
forms to become unfixed by lack of shading, the
viewer is able to locate and identify the
monster of their own volition. This loose hold
on form, traditionally fixed into place by shading and perspective, causes viewer interpretation to be a more significant factor in determining the meaning of the painting.
Furgal also mentioned Takashi
Murakami as an influence, a Japanese anime
artist who also uses the “super flat” technique in
his art. He is most well-known for creating his
own characters and comic strip.
If there is one thing Furgal hopes to
achieve, it is to make art more accessible to the
general population and eliminate the elitism and
exclusionary reputation that the art world is
known for. He is interested in the concept of
using art to merge “high” and “low” culture, also
a concern of 20th century pop artists, though he
does not classify himself as a pop artist.
“Art should be fun,” Furgal said at his
show. That’s probably the best way to sum up
Ben Furgal’s artistic approach and work. For all
interested, visit www.benfurgal.com for upcoming show dates, images and further info.
South around 2:30 in the afternoon. The police
did not receive the damage report until nearly
7:00.
September 4
-A Drug Complaint was called in to the
University Police, who responded to the
Alumni Village. No arrests are reported.
-A suspicious person was reported wandering
around the main campus at 2:30 Saturday
morning. The report lists the investigation as
“closed.”
-Police responded to a larceny call in
Crossroads at quarter to four in morning on
Saturday. The investigation is still ongoing at
press time.
-A motor vehicle accident occurred at the
entrance to Purchase College at Anderson Hill
Road. Non-specific injuries are listed as a
result of the accident.
-A student was charged with possession of a
weapon in the Olde Apartments on Saturday
afternoon. The weapon is not described.
September 5
-Police responded to the laundry room
beneath Crossroads on Sunday evening to
investigate acts of “criminal mischief”. The
investigation is still pending.
-Property was damaged in a “non-criminal”
fashion in the Campus Center North parking
lot.
-September 6
-Further acts of criminal mischief were reported in the Alumni Village shortly before 1:00 in
the morning.
September 8
-Police responded to reports of “Menacing” in
the Humanities Building in the middle of the
day on Wednesday.
September 9
-Property was reported stolen from the laundry
room on G Street in the Olde Apartments on
Thursday at 4:00 in the afternoon. The theft is
still under investigation.
-Theft occurred again at the Hub later that
evening. The items stolen are not specified.
This theft also remains under investigation.
-A drug complaint was reported in the Farside
dormitory. No arrests are reported and the situation remains under investigation.
September 11
-Property was stolen from Campus Center
North shortly before Noon on Saturday.
Still Stoned: High Times turns 30
By Matt Caputo
features on significant figures in free speech
including Norman Mailer, the great Hunter S.
Thompson and Iggy Pop. Luc Sante slides in
the cipher and drops a dime about the stem of
the word “Dope” and Stranger Than
F i c t i o n / C o ffee and Cigarettes director Jim
Jarmusch lets off exhaust with Pop. Stratton,
who is still Publisher/Editor-if-Chief, shoots
smoke in a touching and revealing look into
one of America’s greatest living writers’ personal experiences smoking pot. Peculiar
young journalist Ben Corbrett, who is noted in
the Contributors Page as having spent time in
“juvie for smoking too much pot and steeling
cars,” inked an interesting and refreshing feature on Hunter S. Thompson. Corbett captured the character and intensity of the founding father of gonzo journalism from his Fort
Knox-like compound (Owl Farm) in Colorado.
Mailer’s son, John Buffalo Mailer, is
the “VP HT Entertainment” and has made significant efforts in recent years to improve the
overall quality of High Times. While maintaining the glossy, glamour pictures of the most
mint looking bud ever, High Ti m e s has
reached out and found a new format.
Concentrating closer on more broader
lifestyles and more relevant political information, this renegade magazine has out lasted
numerous newsstand duds that were backed
by major media conglomerates and super
celebrities.
Since 1974 High Times has provided
insight for the free speaking, pro pot community and gave America a serious place to talk
toke. While the content and quality of High
Times has often been random, they’ve maintained a soldier in the army against censorship. It can be best described as the illegitimate love child of Rolling Stone and The New
Republic, and now 30 years after hitting newsstands it hasn’t sold out.
I t ’s been exactly 30 years since Richard
Stratton, then a smuggling/struggling journalist, and Tom Forcade, a man of similar character, lit the bong that set off High Times magazine. While Stratton maintains, in their Special
30th Anniversary Collector’s edition, they
wanted to effect “real and lasting social
change.” While many American’s find High
Times to be nothing more than mere comic
relief to the hypocrisy of modern marijuana
laws of our local and international politics.
Mixing in a dusting of pop culture and dozens
of ads for piss cleansers; High Times has
blazed a trail for counter culture journalism
and provided a fantastically functioning forum
for the First
Amendment.
The 30th Anniversary special
PLUG YOUR
EXHIBITION IN
THE INDEPENDENT
the_ippi@hotmail.com includes
t h e _ i p p i @ h o t m a i l . c o m
3
Ancient Greeks Frown
on SUNY Purchase
The Purchase
Independent
Chief Editors:
Bill Reese
Steven Tartick
Business Manager:
Alice Gullotta
Writers:
Joel Ballezza
Matthew Caputo
Lauren McAllister
E.J. O’Leary
Danyell Thillet
Adam Weissman
Artists:
Bob Clark
The Propagandist
Josh Rubino
Ben Sultan
Johnny On the Spot:
Ray Roy
The Purchase Independent is a nonprofit newspaper, paid for by the
mandatory student activity fee.
The
Purchase
Independent welcomes letters from
the readers. We are an open forum
for campus issues and comments
about the Independent’s coverage.
The deadline for letters
to be considered for publication in
the following issue is Wednesday,
4:00pm. After that, you must beg.
The editors reserve the
right to edit the letters for clarity.
Publication of letters is not guarenteed, but subject to the discretion
of of the editors.
Advertising space in
The Independent is free. As space is
limited, The Independent cannot
guarentee immediate publication of
ads. Editors will determine which
ads go in based upon their timeliness. Outside advertisers are also
welcome.
Event listings are also
free of charge. To list an event either
call or e-mail The Independent.
Our e-mail address is:
the_ippi@hotmail.com. Electronic
submissions are preferred.
The opinions expressed
in The Purchase Independent are not
necessarily those of the staff of The
Purchase Independent or the PSGA.
Finally, no anonymous
submissions will be considered
rather, they will be taken out to the
quad put in a small pile and lit on
fire. So don ’t send them.
CORRECTION:
The PSGA Senate elections were on 9/14 and
9/15. We apologize for any
inconvienence
By Adam Weissman
For all their toga wearing and drunken cavorting, the Ancient Greeks frown on SUNY Purchase...
We have not upheld their greatest tradition... That, of
Greek Life.
At SUNY Purchase there is no Greek Council.
There are no fraternities and sororities, not even academic ones. The closest thing we have to a frat or
sorority is the GLBTU, the Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Trans-sexual Union.
I'm not saying that I hate the GLBTU, good for
them, but if frats and sororities aren't allowed on campus, then we shouldn't have a GLBTU either. The
GLBTU has an on campus "clubhouse," they throw parties, fundraisers etc. In essence, they ARE a fraternity,
AND a sorority, a Frankenstein combo, especially when
you factor in all those chicks with Adam's apples and
penises... the "trannies."
With its ban on Greek Life, SUNY Purchase
has upset the natural order that was established in High
School. In most colleges, the "high school" ecosystem
is continued in the form of frats and sororities. Because
natural predators such as jocks and cheerleaders are
nowhere to be found, SUNY Purchase has become flypaper for all the outcasts in New York State (and the
world) to come get their freak on, and reinvent themselves.
The ban on Greek Life must be lifted because
Purchase students are out of control, and not in a good
way. Where are the parties with colorful themes such
as "Golf Pros and Tennis Hos"? Where are all the Girls
Gone Wild? And most of all, where is that sense of dignity and self respect that comes from a college with a
winning football team? Where are... Oh, what the
hell... VOTE BUSH/CHENEY 2004!!! I laugh in the face
of journalistic integrity. HA. HAHA.
-EDITORS’ RESPONSEAdam,
Before we print this article, (as is our duty as
an "independent" magazine), it is important for me, and
rest of the Independent to stress that we take exception
to parts of this article.
"The ban on Greek Life must be lifted because
Purchase students are out of control, and not in a good
way."
-Not true. Purchase does not have a "ban" on
fraternities. I asked President Schwarz myself about this
last year and he told me that if students wanted to start
a fraternity, and asked him for support, he would tell
them to go and ask CoCOaS, the clubs and organizations board. He told me, "If you wanted to join the
American Nazi Party or the KKK, I couldn't kick you out
of school. So, as the president of a public institution,
where is the line that says I can say 'There shall be no
fraternities?" Hence, if one wanted to starta frat, the
administration would be powerless to stop them. The
students, however, would have the power to stop them,
as they make up the CoCOaS, and they have the final
vote.
"I'm not saying that I hate the GLBTU, good for
Continued on Page 6...
t h e _ i p p i @ h o t m a i l . c o m
Olfactophobia
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
ABRIDGED!
By Danyell Thillet
Imagine, if you can, this horrible, terror stricken scenario: A young, attractive couple goes on a date
together. They are healthy, full of life, and happy…or
so it would seem. It’s a beautiful day, so the two love
birds decide to go for a bike ride through the park.
Soon, it grows dark; there is a crisp wind growing in
the air and the trees shake their powerful branches. All
around them, they can feel the beady eyes of whoknows-what staring at them. The couple peddles
faster, in an urgency to get home. A howl, as if from a
wolf, is suddenly heard in the distance. The girl
screams. In her fright, her bicycle veers off the path,
and she falls to the ground. Her loving boyfriend imme diately dismounts his bike to go to her aide. He kneels
down beside her, arms outstretched to help her up.
“Honey, are you alright?” He asks, sweating
and short of breath. She slowly lifts herself up, and
inhals deeply. Her eyes widen and she shrieks with all
her lungs. “What is it?” he cries.
“Oh Jesus, is that your pits? They stink!”
Alright, perhaps this scene isn’t all that terrifying, or maybe to some people, it is. It seems that
modern people have become crippled with fear: the
fear, of stink. Ever since the invention of perfume, it
seems that no one is able to feel comfortable with a little thing we call B.O. That’s right, body odor. That may
seem like one of the most shocking, distasteful things
a person can be accused of having. To some, on the
contrary, body odor is quite natural and universal. That
is to say, everyone stinks from time to time.
There is a big difference, however, between
natural occurring body odor, and just plain bad
hygiene. Just as a guide, if you haven’t done anything
that has required heavy lifting, lots of motion and
action, been through a heat wave, or showered in over
week, then the smell you’re producing is mostly likely
just a sign to give the ole skin a once over with a bar
of soap and a damp wash cloth. For the rest of you
though, I’m sure you’ll notice that after a heavy work
out, the majority of smell (and sweat, I’d imagine) is
hanging around the underarm area. Obviously, it’s a
shadowy place that cowers under the bulky mass of
your sweaty moving arm. So it makes logical sense
that a moisture build-up would occur. Now, in that area
(unless you shave) is a hunk of nice thick hair. This
hair aides in the collection of bacteria caused by sweat
clinging to you while your arms are down. The bacterium interacts with the oil in your pit hair, reacting in a
musky scent.
This may be the time that you would run off
and procure some deodorant or over-priced cologne of
some sort. I find these things to be a waste of money,
and an all-in-all bad choice. First of all, think about the
name of one of the products you might use: anti-perspirant. That would mean something that chemically
stops you from perspiring. Does that sound healthy to
you, considering people can and have died in situations where they weren’t able to sweat? Not to mention
the fact that such products have been known to cause
swollen lymph nodes. Think about it- how else are they
going to stop the sweat from gushing out unless they
clog up your pores somehow? It causes a major back
up, like plugging up a pipe in a Tom & Jerry cartoon.
The pipe gets this big fat bulge in the middle…right
before it bursts. Be glad that your skin is durable
Continued on Page 7...
2
© Copyright 2004 Rob Brezsny
ARIES (March 21-April 20) I predict that you Aries
people will have Machiavellian opportun ties in the
coming weeks. You may even be tempted to turn
to your adversaries to further your dreams. Can
you manipulate them to serve you more than they
manipulate you to serve them?
TAURUS: (April 21-May 20) I suggest you dream
up and carry out a banishing ritual. For example,
you could write down what you're afraid of, and
then burn the piece of paper in the flame of a red
candle as you cackle and chant, "You have no
[insert an energizing taboo word here] power over
me!"
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): "You'll thrive in the
wake of intense emotions and enigmatic twists of
fate. On the other hand, you'll be in danger of losing your focus during airy encounters with delicate creatures; you'll have to be vigilant to avoid
getting thrown off course by pretty ephemera and
lightweight pleasures.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): I admire you for
being so conscientious and putting so much effort
into everything you do, but you're way overdue for
some major slacking off. I'll go so far as to say
that you have a *spiritual need* to vegetate. This
is one time when you'll get my blessing if you
decide to sit in a comfortable chair and daydream
of nothing in particular as you watch the wind
blow.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): should be in the coming
weeks. You should be a short and concise connecting link between an underground source of
abundant vitality and a free-flowing force of nature
that reminds you of a mighty river.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Finally, you're about to
come to the end of the quest and collect your
reward. Keep in mind, though, that even after you
have it, you may not fully understand it for months.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): I foresee an analogous
sequence operating in your life, Libra. The deluge
will expose valuable beauty, making it easy to
pluck.
...“Olfactophobia” from page 3...
enough to stop short of a minor explosion.
The thing to keep in mind is, not only
does this happen to everyone, but it’s also not
such a bad thing. See, the reason animals,
people included, are attracted to each other
(outside of aesthetic preference) is because of
pheromones. Pheromones, for those who don’t
know, are chemicals that give off a certain
smell. Whether or not you are physically
attracted to someone is all based around how
your chemicals react with theirs. I know whenever I am really into someone; I love how they
smell…even when they smell “bad”.
People tend to be so obsessed with
smell, they can’t tolerate being even somewhat
stinky for any period of time. They cake on
their deodorants and their body sprays.
Shampoos have smells (the majority of less
obvious pheromones escape from the scalp),
soaps have smells, and don’t even get me
started on the amount of “feminine hygiene”
products meant to make your whole crotch
smell like a rose garden (word to the wise,
douches do more harm than good). Perfumes
and all that other hoopla cost so much money,
and for what? - To mask the delicate, individual
and sexy smell that nature already gave each
and everyone of us?
P E R S O N A L S
Th e P u r ch a s e
Name: Adam
Age: Eleventeen
Gender: M
Looking For: F
Major: New Media...I
mean, uh, Love.
Interests:
Wo r d s ,
games, film, music,
and monkeys.
Biggest
Tu r n - o n:
Geek girls. Glasses
optional.
AIM address:
designatedrival
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): If you consciously
decide there are good, evenhonorable reasons for
you to play with fire, go right ahead and do so. But
if there's a bit of hell to pay as a result, don't you
dare get pissed at the universe or diss God. And
please don't say the fire is evil.
Name: Jesse Lehrer
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): I hereby
authorize you to shower yourself with an equivalent barrage of blessings for all the hard work
you've done during the last ten months. And
please don't be shy about imitating the example of
the PG&E chiefs: Reward yourself handsomely
even if you've accomplished little more than saving your own ass.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You need to
know beyond any doubt what precise gift you
were born to give the world; you cannot move on
to the next phase of your evolution until you are
utterly clear about what nature yearns to create
through you.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): As you dream up
fresh approaches and imaginative departures,
make sure you communicate about them with
enthusiastic clarity to the people they'll affect
most.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): It's not expressed in
descriptions of reckless love affairs and manic
excursions to the frontiers of sanity, but in a humble wisdom forged through his brave, unsentimental tenderness. That's the kind of wildness I wish
for you in the coming weeks.
The most offensive thing of all is people who put on three times as much scented
crap than is necessary. I remember in junior
high school, the worst thing someone could do
to me, was walk past me reeking of whatever
the trendy scent-of-the-month was. I could
often sniff them out from down the hall. No one
seems to realize that you get used to your
scent. Unless you’re excreting a large amount
of it (i.e. stinky pits), you’re most likely not even
aware that you have one. So when you use the
same perfume everyday, you get used to that,
as being your regular scent. Eventually, you
grow almost immune to the smell. So you put
on enough that you can smell it, meanwhile the
rest of the population is overcome with a
strange craving for Oreos, as you walk past
wearing five gallons of vanilla fragrance.
Fellow citizens of Earth, I implore
you, stop wasting your hard earned money on
all this ridiculousness. Instead, practice good
hygiene. Shower regularly, washing your hair
(with a non-scented shampoo) and scrub all
those target germy areas, brush your teeth and
floss, and then just let nature take its course.
Besides, whoever you’re into is going to figure
out eventually how you really smell. Why not
save the time and let your lovely, nature-certified stink attract someone who’s a real match?
Name: R-Thur
Age: 19
Gender: M
Looking For: Watevers!
Major:
Women’s
Studies/Awesomeness
Interests: Being scene,
having scene friends,
being better than anyone, the morning after
(the best band you’ve
never heard of)
Favorite Condom Color:
Hot pink
AIM
address:
Jacobfaint
Age: 21
Gender: M
Looking For: F
Major: Women’s Studies.
Interests: Scary things,
Magic: the Gathering,
vegan cooking.
Biggest Turn-on: Video
games and black metal
AIM address:
ShorXrorE
see picture on right -->
Name: Candice
Age: 20
Gender: F
Looking For: Male or
Female cuddle
partners. No, really.
Major:
Women’s
Studies.
Interests: Your sweet
touch
Biggest
Turn-on:
People who aren’t
afraid to make asses of
themselves
Email address:
themurphybed@
yahoo.com
Name: Mr. Snappy
Age: 20
Gender: M
Looking For: M
Major: Bio
Interests: Bio Bio Bio
Bio Bio Bio Bio COCK
Favorite C ondom
C o l o r : anything that
makes it look
disease free,
because green cock is
soooooo unappealing.
Email address:
MrSnappy0220@
yahoo.com
Name: Katy
Age: 20
Gender: F
Looking For: M
Major: Literature
Interests: Music, theatre, movies, dogs, lol.
Biggest
Tu r n - o n:
Intelligence, and anyone
who can laugh at themselves and make me
laugh :o)
AIM address:
xmisschungx
Name: Dani
Age: 18
Gender: F
Looking For: M
Major:
Lighting,
Design.
Interests: Theatre,
music,
anything,
everything, wandering.
Favorite Condom
Color: Red or Black
AIM address:
XxoEviloxX
Name: Courtney
Age: 18
Gender: F
Looking For: F
Major: Design-Tech
Interests: movies, food,
stuff... anything really.
Worst Movie Ever
Seen: Snatch
Email address:
themurphybed@
yahoo.com
Name: Johnny Giovanni
Age: Legal
Gender: M
Looking
For: F
Major: Rock
n Roll
Interests:
S t r e t c h
Jeans & Pomade
Biggest Turn-on: Hollowbody guitars... and forwardness.
Email address:
JohnnyGiovanni@
gmail.com
Are you lonely?
Looking for that special someone?
You’re in luck! The Independent is proud to present the
first installment of Purchase Personals, your one-stop
spot for the campus’ hottest singles. Feel free to contact any of the intersting prospects above, or submit
your own personal! To be a featured single, simply
email the following to the_ippi@hotmail.com. Feel free
to include a pic! Be sure to check out a new batch of
our finest next week!
t h e _ i p p i @ h o t m a i l . c o m
Name(or pseudoname):
Age:
Gender:
Looking For:
Major:
Interests:
Biggest Turn-on:
Biggest Turn-off:
Answer one of the following:
Favorite Condom Color
Best Pickup Line
Worst Movie You’ve Ever Seen
How to Reach You(only one necessarry):
AIM Address
EMAIL Address
PHONE Number
E M A I L TO T H E _ I P P I @ H O T M A I L . C O M
7
The Purchase
Independent
The Purchase
ISSUE 67
if i was as smart as i was dumb, i
would be the smartest person in the
world.
Rule No. 41: When someone says he
i s "pumped" about something, it usuall y means he's about to do something
stupid.
Lips that have actually been stung by
bees are not all that erotic.
h a v e y ou f oun d m y k e y s ?
they ar e the ones w i th t he
" k ey s i ha v en' t l os t y e t "
k ey c hai n. i r oni c i s n' t i t?
no, s e r i ou s l y . i m ea n i t . i
l os t t he m .
Ok, well, if no one will make me a copy
of the Brodsky quartet, then can somebody just send me a letter? I never
get mail.
Love, the Lonely Box 409
ov er h ea r d on t h e m a l l :
" ...s o i came i nto my r oom and
ther e w er e peopl e on my bed and
i w as l i ke 'mmmmm... DEF NOT!'"
W A N T E D : MALE PUNKS, GOTHS, EMO
KIDS, AND SCENESTERS TO POSE
NAKED FOR TASTEFUL WEBSITE
EMAIL: MIZERYMEN@HOTMAIL.COM
“Elect me once, shame on...Shame on
you. e l e c t m e . . . Y o u C a n ’ t
get fooled again”-W.
Farts General Interest
Meeting
Tuesday, September 21 @ 10PM
Southside in Campus
Center South
IMPROV JAM!
FREE FOOD!
And find out how you can
become a part of our
upcoming STUDIO SHOW!
STARR AND JADE SPEAK
The muthafuckin’ bitches that edit dis’ shit went and
through us on the back fuckin’ page fo a week. We
pissed like a chick with a stiletto up her ass, but we
gonna deal, and do what we do best..helpin yall
mutha’s out.
Dear Starr and Jade,
Where do I find out where the orgies are that I
keep hearing about?
Your fan,
battlepope
Dear Pope,
You’ze a lost cause. I figured that if you be a fan
of Starr an’ Jade, you’d know betta than to ask
us stupid fuckin’ questions. If you can’t find any
orgies, start one yo fuckin’ self! It ain’t take
much, honey, just a bottle of lube and a roll of
plastic-wrap, and you ready for a mutha-fuckin’
good time! And to all my ho’s who ain’t invitin’
battlepope to yo happenin’s, you missin’ out.
The ol’ pope can fuck like a bull on speed. Go
git em, battlepope.
Dear Starr and Jade,
How the hell am I supposed to walk up to this
girl and tell her I like her? It’s pissing me off that
I’m so worried about her reaction.
ROCK THE VOTE-NOVEMBER 2nd, 2004
Stupid Freshman,
Crackerboy.
I bet you think t h is b lurb i s
about y ou, don’ t y ou?
Dear Cracker,
Listen close, Kracka. All you gotz ta do is git yo
sad ass a dog. Bitches love dogs. Any guy that
gots himself a dog is gettin himself some ass.
You bring that lil puppy to the quad, and you’ll
have that ho in no time. But whateva you do,
don’t make no fuckin’ wiseazz cracks about
doin’ it doggy-style. That shit is fuckin’ weak.
Kud o s to Alvy and th e g ang
ove r at h - 2 2 f or t hro wi ng
o ne he ll of a cost um e
par ty ... the spi r it o f g - 2 2
has bee n r eb or n
Happy 21st Birthday
Danielle!
Dear A345,
You're two reall y hot chicks . We
should get together sometime.
Love,
Y ou r s ecr et adm i r er s
WARNING
to
J9-1:
beware.
you
will
be
taken
over
everyones a little bit racist, its true.
but everyone is just about as racist as you.
look around and you will find,
no-ones really color- b l i n d ,
m aybe its a fact we all should face!
Everyone makes judgements based on
race.
“You really fill in those boxer-briefs nicely”
-Alex Levy, to his straight roomate
B en ,
P u r c h a s e f a r m i s b et t e r
th an s l u t- ty f ar m
- An t h on y
Where have all the cowboys gone?
Hey
EMILY! Yeah,
that's
right
y
o
u
! Please
don't
be
scared,
I'm
just
another
Emily
myself.
I'd
like
to
meet
again
this
Friday
at
the
Student
Center
at
4pm.
From
there,
we
can
schedule
a
better
meeting
time/place,
etc.
If
you
are
scared,
bring
another
E
m
i
l
y
. Only
Emily's
will
be
allowed
admitance. P
l
e
a
s
e
bring
proper
identification.
how we miss the fishbowl so much
You
know
you
want
to...
G L B T U M E E T I N G S E V E R Y T
H
U
R
S
D
A
Y
@
10:00 pm
(in
the
b asement
of
CCS)
Kev i n, y ou ar e total l y the hot TA.
I f y o u t hi n k N e w
J e r s e y s m e l l s b a d ,
y o u s h o ul d g e t a
wh i f f o f G ov e r n e r
M c G r e e v e y ’ s C o c k .
w w w . t s h i r t h e l l . c o m
Love alwayzzz,
Starr and Jade
lizz hickey is
a stud muffin!!
Email your questions for S&J to the_ippi@hotmail.com
Wheres the vagina now?
I believe in free will
even if i'm predestined
to think that.
The Purchase Student A c t i v i s t
Collective (PSAC) is looking for
people to read from banned books
and play banned music during their
Banned Book Week opening event,
which is going on late next week
(week of the 20th). The exact date,
time and venue hasn't been settled
yet, but if you are interested, contact Emily O'Leary at ext. 3838 for
more information.
Hey
EMILY! Yeah,
that's
right
y
o
u
! Please
don't
be
scared,
I'm
just
another
Emily
myself.
I'd
like
to
meet
again
this
Friday
at
the
Student
Center
at
4pm.
From
there,
we
can
schedule
a
better
meeting
time/place,
etc.
If
you
are
scared,
bring
another
E
m
i
l
y
. Only
Emily's
will
be
allowed
admitance. P
l
e
a
s
e
bring
proper
identification.
The Groundhog of the olde is outside
my window, being a groundhog.
The Washington Report
Striking an individual viewpoint is
irrelevant, the reallocation has begun.
Previously the district was the playground for
the wealthy during business hours only. Once
the sun was down, the masses that keep the
federal government rolling forward retreat to
the cozy confines of Maryland or Northern
Virginia; with only a handful staying in DC and
even then, they were restricted to the NW
quadrant. This has all changed over the past
five years though, as crime has gone down
(though still murder capital of the US) an influx
of young professionals have gotten their gentrification on.
During the mid to late 1970’s, several parts of DC were intentionally burned to the
ground. While it would initially look like the
British were playing a sequel to 1812, it turns
out a marginalized and disconnected resident
population made their frustrations apparent
and rioted. How can we learn from this lesson?
Will it happen again?
Who knows- at least we’ll be able to
sip on a grande latte while the neighbors burn.
By Joel Ballezza
Ready, Set, Gentrify.
Arriving in the steamy days of early
June, Columbia Heights in Washington DC
was my new home away from Purchase
College. Quickly, I learned how the images of
monuments that I’d grown up with did not provide the full story on the nation’s capital. My
new neighborhood was full of liquor stores,
pawn shops, one bank and a corner bodega
advertising the 6% alcohol content of that
week’s special. While the fear of rampant
home invasions or the unsettling stories from
my apartment-mate’s most recent mugging
proved intimidating, a much more sinister phenomenon crept into Columbia Heights.
Gentrification.
Like the frequent water cooler conversations over the recent Cicada invasion,
gentrification seemed to be on the tips of
everyone’s tongue here in DC. The term, referring to the displacement of poorer people by
an invading economically superior population,
translates into Starbucks erupting on every
street corner, local groceries launching new
sushi stands, and, in the case of Columbia
Heights, poor black families being priced out of
a neighborhood where they may have lived for
generations.
Ben Furgal
“New Monsters” Feature
By E.J. O’Leary
When was the last time you…
stopped twisting your dreads, put down your
boffer weapon, got away from your deep intellectual conversation, ignored your LJ for two
seconds, gave your protest sign a rest, paused
in writing those PSGA speeches, ceased in
paddling through the mall or relaxed instead of
death-staring the fence?
If the answer is, “Not recently,” then
it’s time you visited a gallery space for a little
down-time. You know, those places where
Depending on who you ask gentrification is either a blessing that beautifies a
neighborhood; removing the unpleasant sight
of stoop drinking circles or an unfortunate shift
in social dynamics that pushes out working
class families.
your fellow students are performing, painting,
singing, dancing, acting and writing?
This week, for your most humble
perusal and loving approval, Ben Furgal, visual arts, junior, is dabbling once again in the
bright arts and creating new monsters. For
those of us that are new to this utopia of brick,
this is the guy responsible for all those amazing beacons of color around campus formerly
known as fire hydrants.
The show, aptly entitled “New
Monsters”, is a collection of paintings created
with wall paints and a lot of awesome. The
monsters are formed from basic, geometric
shapes and bright, flat colors. They take on
Continued on Page 3...
The Washington Report is written by Joel
Ballezza, a New Media Purchase Senior par ticipating in the Intern-in-DC program offered
through SUNY Brockport. This column
addresses political, social and economic
issues from a DC perspective. Have com ments or suggestions? Write me at joel.ballez za@purchase.edu