THE SNEETCHES
Cast: Narrator N
Plain-Belly Sneetches (4) PBS
Star-Belly Sneetches (4) SBS
McBean
Narrator: Hello, and welcome to our first performance. We will be performing The
Sneetches. Now, what’s more fun than beaches, especially with sneetches? Now
what are sneetches, you ask?
PBS1: I’m a sneetch!
SBS1: But I’m a Star-Bellied sneetch, which makes me better!
Narrator: Now, the Star-Belly Sneetches had bellies with stars. The Plain-Belly
Sneetches had none upon thars. Those stars weren’t so big. They were really so
small you might think such a thing wouldn’t matter at all. But, because they had
stars, all the Star-Belly Sneetches would brag!
All SBS: We’re the best kind of Sneetch on the beach! We’ll have nothing to do with
you Plain-Belly sort!
(SBS put noses in the air and stalk past PBS. PBS look dejected.)
Nar: When the Star Belly kids went out to play ball, could a plain belly get in the game?
Not at all.
(SBS play catch but grab the ball and snoot off when PBS catches it)
Nar: When the Star Belly Sneetches had picnics or parties they NEVER invited the
Plain Belly Sneetches. They left them out cold in the dark of the beaches.
(Star-bellied marshmallow roast: small sneetch tries to roast a marshmallow but gets
shoved out)
SBS: What are you doing here! Get out of here. You weren’t invited!
Narrator: That’s how they treated them year after year. The plain belly sneetches were
never allowed near. But then one day while the Plain Belly sneetches, feeling left
out and alone on the beaches, were wishing and hoping for bellies with stars, a
stranger zipped up in the strangest of cars!
McBean: Hello my friends, please do not fear. Sylvester McMonkey McBean is here.
I’ve seen how they’ve treated you, and I am here to help. So please, my new
friends, please, do not yelp.
PBS all: But how will you help? Why shouldn’t we yelp?
McBean: I’ve heard of your troubles. I’ve heard you’re unhappy. But I can fix that. I’m
the Fix-It-Up Chappie. I’ve come here to help you. I have what you need. My
prices are low, and my work’s guaranteed. My friends what you need is my staron machine. It places a star right there next to your spleen. Just pay me your
money, three dollars each. Then step right on in and come out a starred sneetch!
(Sneetches step in. Lots of noises. Sneetches come out with stars.)
PBS: Hooray, it worked! So perfect, so grand! Hey look, my star even has it’s own
brand!
PBS: My turn! My turn!
(Once all sneetches are starred, march over to SBS)
PBS: We’re all just the same, now, you snootie old smarties! And now we can come to
your picnics and parties!
(SBS huddle)
Star sneetches: Oh no! We’re still the best sneetches and they’re still the worst! They
may have got stars, but we had them first! Now how in the world will we know
who is who?
McBean: Excuse me, but I think I know what to do.
(gives an obvious wink to the audience) Things aren’t so bad, I know just what to do.
Follow me friends and I’ll show you to my Star Off Machine, it’s just over here.
You know Belly Stars are soo last year? I’ll turn you back into the best Sneetches
once more. It’ll only cost ten dollars each at the door.
(Sneetches step in. Lots of noises. Sneetches come out without stars.)
SBS: Hooray! It worked. Now we know who is who! Now there isn’t a doubt. The
best kind of sneetches are sneetches without!
PBS: Hey no fair!
N: Then, of course, Old Sylvester McMonkey McBean invited them into his Star Off
machine.
McBean: My star off machine works for all in this land. To go through it now just put
the cash in my hand.
N: All the rest of that day, on those wild screaming beaches, the Fix-It-Up Chappie kept
fixing up Sneetches. Off again! On again! In again! Out again! Through the
machines they raced round and about again, changing their stars every minute or
two. They kept paying money. They kept running through until neither the plain
nor the star belly know whether this one was that one or that one was this one or
which one was what one or what one was who!
(All sneetches come out looking confused at each other)
SBS: Were you a star belly?
PBS: I don’t know? I have one now.
SBS: Me too. Who are you?
N: Then since every last cent of their money was spent, Mr. McBean packed up and
he went.
McBean: They will never learn! No, you can’t teach a sneetch!
N: But McBean was quite wrong. I’m quite happy to say that the sneetches got really
quite smart on that day. The day they decided that sneetches were sneetches and no
kind of sneetch is the best on the beaches.
(all sneetches shake hands and walk off stage arms around each other)