Family Vacation
Are We There Yet?
Intro:
Today we begin a brand new series called ‘Family Vacation’.
I love Family Vacation.
 Spending time together…
 Going someplace different...
 Enjoying each other…
BUT—it seems like family vacations never go as planned.
 Superman vs. Bees in Agawatten…
 Jordan vs. Drew fights…
 Road trip to Utah…
Road trip Family Vacations…sound good in theory…
 …but can actually become stressful trying to get there..
o Patience can be tested.
o The constant questioning---ARE WE THERE YET???
I think we can apply that same question to our family...
 Are we there yet…
o There is a destination we are trying to get to in our family relationships…
o An ‘ideal’ we are searching for in our marriages….
 …with our kids.
When it comes to family—there is a struggle that we all feel.
 The struggle is between what is REAL…vs. what is IDEAL.
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REAL= You got in a fight last night—and took it out on your kids on the way to church this AM.
REAL=2nd Marriage not going well…
REAL= You’re a newlywed and it’s not as easy as you thought it would be.
REAL=Your husband won’t come to church…
REAL=You have a prodigal child.
REAL=You’re wife threw her one of her spiked heels at you because you bounced a check buying
a bag of Doritos.
REAL=Disagreements turn into war.
REAL=Your parents nag so much-you dread being home.
I don’t know what real is to you—but when REAL is up against IDEAL—there is a tension…
 A struggle.
 We want ideal.
 We want best case scenario…
o But often we leave in an entirely different state of reality.
So we live with this STRUGGLE/TENSION between what is REAL vs. what it IDEAL.
We all HATE to STRUGGLE…
--BUT this struggle is not bad…
 If channeled properly—struggle causes people to PUSH.
o It makes people work harder towards IDEAL.
 Example: REALITY says—you don’t make enough $$...
 The ends aren’t coming together.
 IDEALLY—I need to make more $$.
 This causes us to PUSH/HUSTLE to get to the IDEAL.
It’s like that in every facet of life including relationships…
 The STRUGGLE to move from what’s REAL to what is IDEAL is not a bad thing…
o If we allow the tension to motivate us to WORK on our homes.
 Work on our relationships…
 Work on our Family…and the ideal FUTURE that God has for us!!
 The tension pushes us to move forward.
o We are gonna preach the IDEAL around here…
o We aren’t there yet—but we keep moving toward that destination.
The problem is—we live in a world…a culture…that wants to remove all tension.
 We live in a world…surrounded by a culture where we want to get rid of all STRUGGLE.
o So regardless of how dysfunctional your family is…
o Regardless of how much your marriage is struggling…
o Regardless of how non-existent your relationship with your kids is…
 We live in a culture that says…it’s OK…
 Just relax…
 That’s normal.
In fact we live in a culture that really wants to normalize everything…so we don’t feel bad about
anything.
 Think about it—we live in a day and age where every kid gets a trophy.
o Whether they did anything or not.
o Whether they won anything or not.
 Even kids know it’s meaningless.
 They throw the trophies away…
 It’s not worth anything if everyone gets one.
But in our culture—we don’t want anyone to feel bad…
 So when they start to feel bad about their circumstance—we just tell them it’s OK.
o It’s normal…
o Eveybody has issues…
This bothers me.
 You can tell me not to worry about my dysfunctions.
 You can tell me its normal.
 You can tell me everybody has trouble.
 You can tell me divorce is ok.
 You can tell me this is just the way it is…
o But when I think about my kids…
 In spite of what REALITY is—
 In spite of what NORMAL may be…
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I want my kids…
I want my family…
I want my relationships to move towards the IDEAL.
I want BEST CASE SCENARIO for them.
I want ideal.
 Where men and women stay in love for a lifetime.
 Where kids actually want to come home.
 Where family pulls together, works together…
Make no mistake—this will take WORK.
What is true in our lives as Christians is also true in our FAMILIES…
 Think about it…
o Jesus comes along and he makes painfully clear the REALITY of our sin.
 He shows our depravity.
 He makes obvious our shortcomings…
o But He lives out a BEST CASE SCENARIO—and offers His life as the new STANDARD.
 A life we can never come close to duplicating…
 A life that we all fall miserably short of…
 He raised the STANDARD so high—that it is impossible to measure up.
o BUT—in our weakness to live up to His standard—He provides grace.
 Where we fall short—He makes sure not to attach condemnation…
 While Jesus taught and pointed to the IDEAL—he refused to condemn those who
fell short.
My point is—Jesus left us to live with the struggle…
 Struggle is FINE with God.
o That your family will never be ideal.
 Your kids will never be perfect.
 Your marriage will continue to have its ups and downs.
 Your relationships will be rocky at times…
 This STRUGGLE/TENSION between REAL and IDEAL is what PUSHES us
to do the WORK.
That is the context for this whole series…
Now today—this message is going to be terribly simple.
 The HOMEWORK will be EASY.
o Preaching on FAMILY is not.
o It is NOT an easy subject to expound on.
 There are NO good examples of family in the entire OT.
 Did you know that?
 Just thousands of pages of Messed Up Families.
 Then you get to the New Testament—and there are no really good examples either.
All we have in NT is teaching about the family—what the family is supposed to do.
 I’ll summarize the entire NT teaching on family with this list…
o READY??
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Husbands love your wives.
Wives submit to your husbands.
Children obey your parents.
Fathers don’t provoke your kids.
 That is pretty much the whole thing right there.
That is the ideal family…
 Love your wife…(Easier said than done)
 Submit to your husband…(Have you met him?)
 Obey my parents…(My parents are stupid)
 Don’t provoke your kids…(Provoke them?? They provoke me!!)
o This is the ideal…
o What we are to shoot for…
 If we look at the list—we fall short A LOT.
So today—just for fun—let’s tackle the most difficult one on the list…
 Most politically incorrect…
 Outdated…
 Can’t believe it’s in the Bible…
 Goes against equal rights…especially for women…
Let me tell you why this is so important.
 Even though this is a specific application to women…
 It’s actually a principal that was given to everyone.
o Women get tagged with this CHORE to submit—
o …but before it was assigned to WIVES, it was assigned to EVERYONE!
Here is how Paul breaks it down for us…
Ephesians 5:22
Wives submit yourselves to your own husbands as unto the Lord…
Husbands love to bring up this verse…
 What I like to point out is the first word of this scripture…what is it?
o “Wives…”
 Husbands…quit paying so much attention to what God is saying to your wives…
 There are scriptures that begin with the word ‘HUSBANDS’—focus on those.
I want you to think about something for a moment…
 Paul is writing to the early church…
 This is at the very beginning of Christianity…
 They were just trying to figure out how to love like Jesus.
 They were trying to understand the love language of Jesus…
A love that basically asks… “What does love require of me?”
This is new stuff man.
Revolutionary thinking.
Never been done before Jesus.
So Paul is trying to apply this new type of love that Jesus taught and modeled…
 Giving his life…
o Paul is trying to minister to families…and teach this new love in the family setting.
A love that says… “What does love require of me?”
 This may be old to us…
 But it was revolutionary to them…
o Love your neighbor as yourself?
So Paul is trying to take the central teaching and revolutionary love of Jesus…
 This NEW standard…
o He is trying to relate it in the family…
So in verse 22—Paul is simply trying to communicate what this revolutionary for of love looks like as a
wife…
 Wives, submit to your husband…
But look at what Paul writes just one verse earlier when he addresses EVERYONE.
Ephesians 5:21
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ…
All of you.
 Disciples…
 Jesus Followers…
 All of you trying to figure out how to have the ideal family…
o Let me give you one word: SUBMIT.
Everybody needs to SUBMIT to everybody in your family.
 Then…he goes on from there singles out husbands, wives, children, and parents.
 All of us—are to SUBMIT to everyone else…
o …out of reverence to Christ.
In other words—we don’t SUBMIT out of reverence for each other…
 Let’s face it—each other isn’t always deserving of being submitted to!!
I’m supposed to SUBMIT to the members of my family-- Not because they are worth submitting to…
o But because Jesus is!!
SUBMISSION is saying… “What does LOVE require of me?”
Jesus said it best when He said…
John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.
Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ is saying…
 I’m gonna use my assets. (My STUFF)
 I’m gonna use my influence.
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I’m gonna use my time.
o For your benefit.
Whether I am the Father…
 Mother.
 Sister.
 Brother.
 Husband.
 Wife.
 Grandpa.
 Grandma.
o I am going to look for ways to ease your burden.
Isn’t that what Jesus did for us?
 He found a way to eliminate the burden of our sin…
o He used His power.
o He used His resources.
o He gave everything He had…
 Authority…
 Position…
 He gave it all for our sake.
o He put us first.
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He died for your sin…so you don’t have to die for your sin.
This is the kind of love that Paul is encouraging us to introduce into our family!!
 This crazy idea that God/Jesus would leverage His power—for us???
Example:
Think of Jesus—He is in the upper room with his disciples.
 He is at the end of His ministry.
 Judas has already secretly made plans to betray Him.
o The Bible speaks of this dramatic moment.
o An intensely spiritual moment.
o The culmination of Jesus’ life and ministry is about to unfold…
John 13:1
It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had come for him to leave this world
and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end.
This paints a picture of the love that Jesus has for his family…the relationships…
 His time with them is coming to a close.
And in verse 3 Jesus receives this incredibly intense revelation from God…
John 13:3-5
Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under His power…so he got up from the meal…and began to
wash the disciples feet.
Once Jesus realizes that He has all power and authority—what is the very next thing He does?
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He washes their feet.
o It is this amazing picture of Jesus using the POWER he had to serve.
So Paul is writing in our text and He is saying this…
 Just as Jesus Himself submitted to everyone under His authority…
o So should each member submit to one another…
 Not out of reverence for each other…
 But out of reverence for what Christ did for us!
Paul is saying—when it comes to families living out the gospel…here is what it looks like.
Ephesians 5:21
Submit yourselves to one another out of reverence for Christ.
I think this scripture in real life looks like this…
 I am here for you.
 I am here to use whatever I have—for you.
I think this scripture is saying that…
 No one in this family is more important that somebody else.
o We are going to submit to each other—equally.
 We aren’t there yet.
 BUT I have an idea that will put the pedal to the metal in getting us to our
destination…
What can I do to help?
 How can I use what I have to benefit you?
 You can I use my time to help you?
o How can I use who I am…
 What I have…
 What I have access to…
 For your benefit??
What can I do to help?
If everyone in your family at least once a day asked this question to everyone else…
 How different would the dynamic be?
 How insanely different would the conversations be?
o This is an offer of ALL I AM—for ALL YOU NEED.
 I am loaning you me.
Kids:
I gotta warn you…
 Your parents might have to pick themselves up off the floor.
 If you take seriously this homework assignment…
o Don’t wait 2-3 weeks to do this…
o Don’t hesistate because it will be weird doing it—
o You think they’ll expect it…
 Start this afternoon even though they know you are saying it because I told you to.
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o Trust me—I am a parent—it is still gonna have major impact.
What would happen if you came home from school…
o Went up to your Mom…
o Sent your Dad a text asking…
 “What can I do to help?”
 They’ll be so shocked—they won’t have an answer for you.
 You’ll get credit—they’ll still be shaking n the kitchen…
o …and you won’t have to do anything!
If you really want to score points…
o Ask this question in front of their friends…
 Friends are over…
 Hanging out…
 “Excuse me, Mom, Dad, anything I can do to help?”
o You will make hem look like genius parents.
o You parents friends will be like….”Teach us!!!!”
Wouldn’t it be a game changer—if you went from…
o I need this…
o Give me that…
o To—“What can I do to help?”
Parents.
 We are always looking for teachable moments.
 Always finding stuff that we need to correct in our children.
o What if at least once a day—we look our kids in the eye and asked…
 “Anything I can do to help?”
 Is there any way I can use what I have—to help you?
 Do you know what this does??
o It keeps conversations from always going negative.
 Most of the time they are going to say No…
Ladies. Wives. Girlfriends. Fiances.
 This is a powerful question to ask your man.
 You already know what the answer will be…
o Uh Uh.
o I don’t need your help.
 Just asking this question says—I am aware that you carry the burden of this family.
o I am aware of the responsibility you carry.
o Providing.
o Protecting.
 I am not trying to interfere—but is there anything I can do to help?
 Is there anything I can do—to take something off of you?
 What can I do to help?
Men.
 We are scared of this question.
o Especially if you are a married man.
o This question kind of scares us.
 You are the leader of your home.
 On your way out in the morning—“Anything I can do to help you today?”
o Some of our wives are afraid to ask us to help them.
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o Because when they do—
 Before we even utter a word…
 Before our lips even begin to move…
o As soon as they begin to ask us to:
 Pick up something…
 Go somewhere on your way home…
 They are already feeling the resistance.
When we ask this question…we open the door…
o It lets them know that I am willing to use what I have—for their benefit.
 Time.
 Money.
 Whatever…I have…for you.
Is there anything I can do today—to help you?
This is your practical HOMEWORK—and it is also exactly what Paul was saying when he said—SUBMIT.
Why don’t we ask: Fear
 Here is what we are afraid of:
o We are afraid if we ask we are going to get taken advantage of…
 Maybe its Men more than Women…
 Kids are paranoid…they’ll be outside pulling weeds.
“Well…since you asked…”
We are afraid someone is going to take advantage of us…
 We are afraid someone is going to pull us off of our path and into theirs.
 We’ll have to do something we don’t want to do.
 We are going to have to do something that takes away from what we’re doing.
 We are afraid that they’ll actually have an answer to the question, “What can I do to help?”
This is why our text is so important…
Ephesians 5:21
Submit yourself to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Because God was able to look at this big ole messed up world…
 And Jesus was able to say…”Father, not my will—but your will be done.”
 In other words Jesus said, “What can I do to help?”
o God said—You don’t want to know.
 It’s going to cost you your life.
 Jesus said—“I’ll do that.”
So Paul says—out of reverence for Jesus…make everything you have available to someone else.
 Yes—they may take advantage of you.
 Yes—you may not get everything done that you wanted to get done.
o Welcome to becoming a follower of Jesus.
o Out of reverence and gratitude for the fact that that is what Jesus did for you…
 “What can I do to help?
 You get to do that—for members of your family.
The Good News is 99.99999% of the time it’s not going to cost you your life…
 Just a little time.
 Just a little energy.
 A little money.
 A little sweat.
 A little frustration.
o Because you hate putting together IKEA furniture.
 What can I do to help—you can put together this 300 piece desk that has been sitting in
our closet for a year and a half.
You know what makes for a great family??
 It’s saying—I am willing to offer all I have, all I am, for an US.
What can I do to help?
Closing:
As Christians—I know this sounds like a pretty good idea.
 Yeah, maybe I’ll give it a shot…
 Let’s see what happens…
o But as a Christian—this may be homework…
o But it is also MANDATORY.
Romans 5:6-8
While we were utterly helpless…
You know what this means?
 While we needed some help…
…Christ came at just the right time…
Not when He had time….at just the right time.
 Not….
o I don’t know…
o I’m pretty busy…
o Let me see if I can work that in…
 I’ll let you know…
 Whoops too late, died in their sin…
 Well—I was busy.
o …at the right time~!!
This is so important.
 While we needed help…
 At a time when we needed it.
o Not when it was convienient…
 But when we needed help—Christ died for us sinners.
We need to shoot for and try to create an environment in our home that says…
 What can I do to help??
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Why?
Because that is what Jesus did for us.
You might be thinking—
 You just don’t know my wife…
 You don’t know my kids…
 Well my husband…
o Yeah—but who did Jesus do it for??
 People who had betrayed Him.
 People who had taken advantage of Him.
 People who mocked Him…
 People who wanted nothing to do with Him…
 These are who Jesus died for.
o The undeserving.
o The ungodly.
o The ungrateful.
o You.
o Me.
Ephesians 5:7-8
Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be
willing to die for a person who is especially good. But God demonstrates his great love for us by sending
Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.
It’s like God said………………………………..
“What can I do to help?”
 This is going to be costly.
This is what Paul is getting at…
 He is saying…“Imagine what this kind of love would look like in a family!!”
o IF the members of the family took their cue from what God did for us through Christ…
 And they extended that love to members of their family…
 It would be like Jesus…after recognizing that ALL authority had been given to
Him…
o Washed our feet.
Submit yourself one to another out of reverence for Christ…
 Wives, submit to your husbands.
 Husbands love your wives like Christ loved the church.
 Children obey your parents.
 Parents don’t provoke your kids.
o What can I do to help?
Even if you don’t mean it—try it.
 What can I do to help?