Tommy Sheppard, M.Ed (counselling)
 Friendship
 Parent-child
 Boss-worker
 Dating
Relationships
Boyfriend-girlfriend
Boyfriend-boyfriend
Girlfriend-girlfriend
 Sibling
 Teacher-student
 Acquaintance
 Roommate
 Mutual
Respect
 Trust
 Honesty
 Support
 Fairness/Equality
 Separate
Identities
 Good Communication
Does he or she get how cool you are and why?
(Watch out if the answer to the first part is yes but only because
The key is that your
partner is into you for who you are — for your
great sense of humor, your love of reality TV,
etc. Does your partner listen when you say
you're not comfortable doing something and
then back off right away? Respect in a
relationship means that each person values
who the other is and understands — and would
never challenge — the other person's
boundaries.
you're acting like someone you're not!)
You're talking with a person
from French class and your
partner walks by. Do they
completely lose their cool or
keep walking because they
knows you'd never cheat on
them? It's OK to get a little
jealous sometimes — jealousy
is a natural emotion. But how
a person reacts when feeling
jealous is what matters.
There's no way you can have a
healthy relationship if you
don't trust each other.
Trusting
Not
Trusting
Lets you hang out
with your friends
Calls you every
second of the day
and demands
information
Understands
when you have to
change plans
Won’t let you
change plans or
makes you feel
guilty
Lets you wear
what you want
Get’s jealous
when other
people are talking
to you
This one goes hand-in-hand with trust because
it's tough to trust someone when one of you
isn't being honest. Have you ever caught your
partner in a major lie? Like they told you that
they had to work on Friday night but it turned
out they were at the movies with their friends?
The next time they say they have to work,
you'll have a lot more trouble believing them
and the trust will be on shaky ground.
It's not just in bad times that your partner
should support you. Some people are great
when your whole world is falling apart but
can't take being there when things are going
right (and vice versa). In a healthy
relationship, your significant other is there
with a shoulder to cry on when you find out
your parents are getting divorced and to
celebrate with you when you get the lead in a
play.
You need to have give-and-take in your
relationship, too. Do you take turns choosing
which new movie to see? As a couple, do you
hang out with your partner's friends as often as
you hang out with yours? It's not like you have
to keep a running count and make sure things
are exactly even, of course. But you'll know if
it isn't a pretty fair balance. Things get bad
really fast when a relationship turns into a
power struggle, with one person fighting to get
his or her way all the time.
In a healthy relationship, everyone needs to make
compromises. But that doesn't mean you should
feel like you're losing out on being yourself. When
you started going out, you both had your own lives
(families, friends, interests, hobbies, etc.) and
that shouldn't change. Neither of you should have
to pretend to like something you don't, or give up
seeing your friends, or drop out of activities you
love. And you also should feel free to keep
developing new talents or interests, making new
friends, and moving forward.
We all know how many different meanings the
little phrase "no, nothing's wrong" can have,
depending on who's saying it! But what's
important is to ask if you're not sure what he
or she means, and speak honestly and openly
so that the miscommunication is avoided in the
first place. Never keep a feeling bottled up
because you're afraid it's not what your partner
wants to hear or because you worry about
sounding silly. And if you need some time to
think something through before you're ready to
talk about it, the right person will give you
some space to do that if you ask for it.
Healthy relationships maintain a
balance between the individuals
involved in the relationship.
If the relationship is all about
ME, then I am focusing on
getting my needs met and
expect you to make my needs
your priority as well—and your
needs suffer.
If the relationship is all about
YOU, then I am focusing on
getting your needs met at the
expense of my own.
If the relationship is about US,
then we are both focused on the
relationship that we lose our
individuality.
you
you
In a healthy relationship, YOU, ME and
US are in balance most of the time.
However, sometimes YOU or ME may need more
attention…and that’s ok.
us
A relationship is unhealthy when it involves
mean, disrespectful, controlling, or abusive
behavior. Some people live in homes with
parents who fight a lot or abuse each other —
emotionally, verbally, or physically. For some
people who have grown up around this kind of
behavior it can almost seem normal or OK.
It's not!
When a partner uses verbal insults, mean language,
nasty putdowns, gets physical by hitting or slapping, or
forces someone into sexual activity, it's a sign of verbal,
emotional, or physical abuse.
Ask yourself, does my partner:
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get angry when I don't drop everything for him or her?
criticize the way I look or dress
say I'll never be able to find anyone else who would date me?
keep me from seeing friends or from talking to any other guys or girls?
want me to quit an activity, even though I love it?
ever raise a hand when angry, like he or she is about to hit me?
try to force me to go further sexually than I want to?
There are lots of different reasons why people
break up.
 Growing apart. You might find that your interests, ideas,
values, and feelings aren't as well matched as you thought they
were.


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Changing your mind or your feelings about the
other person is another. Perhaps you just don't
enjoy being together. Maybe you argue or don't
want the same thing.
You might have developed feelings for
someone else.
You've discovered you're just not interested in
having a serious relationship right now.
Most people go through a break-up (or several
break-ups) in their lives. If you've ever been
through it, you know it can be painful — even
if it seems like it's for the best.
Some people avoid the unpleasant task of starting
a difficult conversation. Others have a "just-get-itover-with" attitude. But neither of these
approaches is the best one. Avoiding just prolongs
the situation (and may end up hurting the other
person more). And if you rush into a difficult
conversation without thinking it through, you may
say things you regret.
Something in the middle works best: Think things
through so you're clear with yourself on why you
want to break up. Then act.
DO’S:

Think over what you want and why you want it.

Think about what you'll say and how the other person might react.

Have good intentions. Let the other person know he or she matters to you. Think about

Be honest — but not brutal. Tell the other person the things that attracted you in the

Say it in person. You've shared a lot with each other. Respect that (and show your good

If it helps, confide in someone you trust.
Take time to consider your
feelings and the reasons for your decision. Be true to yourself. Even if the other person might
be hurt by your decision, it's OK to do what's right for you. You just need to do it in a sensitive
way.
Will
your BF or GF be surprised? Sad? Mad? Hurt? Or even relieved? Thinking about the other
person's point of view and feelings can help you be sensitive. It also helps you prepare. Do you
think the person you're breaking up with might cry? Lose his or her temper? How will you deal
with that kind of reaction?
the qualities you want to show toward the other person — like honesty, kindness, sensitivity,
respect, and caring.
first place, and what you like about him or her. Then say why you want to move on. "Honesty"
doesn't mean "harsh." Don't pick apart the other person's qualities as a way to explain what's
not working. Think of ways to be kind and gentle while still being honest.
qualities) by breaking up in person. If you live far away, try to video chat or at least make a
phone call. Breaking up through texting or Facebook may seem easy. But think about how you'd
feel if your BF or GF did that to you — and what your friends would say about that person's
character!
It can help to talk through your feelings
with a trusted friend. But be sure the person you confide in can keep it private until you have
your actual break-up conversation with your BF or GF. Make sure your BF/GF hears it from you
first — not from someone else. That's one reason why parents, older sisters or brothers, and
other adults can be great to talk to. They're not going to blab or let it slip out accidentally.
DON'T:

Don't avoid the other person or the conversation
you need to have. Dragging things out makes it harder in the
long run — for you and your partner. Plus, when people put things
off, information can leak out anyway. You never want the person
you're breaking up with to hear it from someone else before
hearing it from you.

Don't rush into a difficult conversation without
thinking it through. You may say things you regret.

Don't disrespect.
Speak about your ex (or soon-to-be ex) with
respect. Be careful not to gossip or badmouth him or her. Think about
how you'd feel. You'd want your ex to say only positive things about you
after you're no longer together. Plus, you never know — your ex could
turn into a friend or you might even rekindle a romance someday.

Whether they last a long time or a short time,
relationships can have special meaning and
value. Each relationship can teach us something
about ourselves, another person, and what we
want and need in a future partner. It's a chance
for us to learn to care about another person and
to experience being cared about.

A break-up is an opportunity to learn, too. It's
not easy. But it's a chance to do your best to
respect another person's feelings. Ending a
relationship — as hard as it is — builds our skills
when it comes to being honest and kind during
difficult conversations.
 Share
your feelings.
 Don't
be afraid to cry.
Some people find that sharing
their feelings with someone they trust — someone who
recognizes what they're going through — helps them feel better.
That could mean talking over all the things you feel, even having
a good cry on the shoulder of a comforting friend or family
member. If you feel like someone can't relate to what you're
going through or is dismissive of your feelings, find someone
more sympathetic to talk to. (Talk with a friend or family
member, a teacher, or counsellor.)
Going through a break-up can
be really tough, and getting some of those raw emotions out can
be a big help. There's no shame in crying now and then. No one
has to see you do it — you don't have to start blubbering in class
or at soccer practice or anything. Just a find a place where you
can be alone, like crying into your pillow at night or in the
shower when you're getting ready for the day.

Remember what's good about you. This one is really important. Sometimes

Give yourself time.
people with broken hearts start to blame themselves for what's happened. They
may be really down on themselves, exaggerating their faults as though they did
something to deserve the unhappiness they're experiencing. If you find this
happening to you, nip it in the bud! Remind yourself of your good qualities, and if
you can't think of them because your broken heart is clouding your view, get your
friends to remind you.
 Take good care of yourself. A broken heart can be very stressful so don't let
the rest of your body get broken too. Get lots of sleep, eat healthy foods, and
exercise regularly to minimize stress and depression and give your self-esteem a
boost.
 Do the things you normally enjoy. Whether it's seeing a movie or going to a
concert, do something fun to take your mind off the negative feelings for a while.
 Keep yourself busy. Sometimes this is difficult when you're coping with sadness
and grief, but it really helps. This is a great time to redecorate your room or try a
new hobby. That doesn't mean you shouldn't think about what happened — working
things through in our minds is all part of the healing process — it just means you
should focus on other things too.
It takes time for sadness to go away. Almost everyone
thinks they won't feel normal again, but the human spirit is amazing — and the
heartbreak almost always heals after a while. But how long will that take? That
depends on what caused your heartbreak, how you deal with loss, and how quickly
you tend to bounce back from things. Getting over a break-up can take a couple of
days to many weeks — and sometimes even months.
Some people feel that nothing will make them happy
again and resort to alcohol or drugs. Others feel
angry and want to hurt themselves or someone else.
People who drink, do drugs, or cut themselves to
escape from the reality of a loss may think they are
numbing their pain, but the feeling is only
temporary. They're not really dealing with the pain,
only masking it, which makes all their feelings build
up inside and prolongs the sadness.
Sometimes the sadness is so deep — or lasts so long
— that a person may need some extra support. For
someone who isn't starting to feel better after a few
weeks or who continues to feel depressed, talking to
a counsellor or therapist can be very helpful!
Always remember sex does not = love!
TEENS Talk About Love:
http://bcove.me/i9a8ak0i
What’s Your Relationship Reality?
Healthy Relationships!
 http://kidshealth.org/