communicating
verbally
verbal symbols
are important in interpersonal communication
form many reasons:
- first, language cements social relationships
- words connect people to one another
- interpersonal relationships are constructed in
everyday conversation
understanding verbal symbols
verbal symbols are important to language
system, but they must be accompanied by
grammatical rules, telling us how to use them
 encoding process: putting our thoughts into
meaningful language
 decoding process: developing a thought
based on hearing language
attributes
- words are symbolic; the word is not the thing but
merely a symbol we have agreed to use to stand
for it
- language evolves; as time passes some words
become out of date, and new ones are coined
- words are powerful; certain words have the
power to affect people dramatically
…
- have denotative & connotative meanings
 denotative; the literal, conventional meaning of a verbal
symbol that most people in a culture have agreed
 connotative; the meaning of a verbal symbol that is
derived from our personal and subjective experience with
that symbol
 vary in level of abstraction: the ability to move up and
down the ladder of abstraction from specific to general
and vice versa
factors affecting
- culture and ethnicity
- sex and gender
- generation
- context
verbal symbols
the
dark side of verbal symbols
- static evaluation; the tendency to speak and
respond to someone today the same way we
did in the past, not recognizing that people and
relationships change over time
- polarization; the tendency to use ‘either-or’
language and speak of the world in extremes
- sexist / racist language; that is demeaning to
one sex (using the generic he), particular ethnic
group
improving
verbal communication
 practical skills:
- using I-messages
- understanding the ladder of abstraction
- indexing
- probing the middle ground
using I-messages
… to own your thoughts and feelings
‘you-messages’ direct responsibility onto others,
often in a blaming fashion (‘you make me
mad’)
while,
‘I-messages’ acknowledges our own positions (‘I
get angry when you ignore me’)
understanding
the ladder of abstraction
how applies to your messages …
the more abstract you are, the more you allow a
listener to interpret what you mean
the more concrete you are, the more you direct
the listener to your precise meaning
indexing
avoid generalizations by acknowledging the time
frame in which we judge others and ourselves
indexing reminds us that the way people act at
one given time may not be the way they are for
all time
probing the
middle ground
in order to avoid polarization
when you are tempted to label something with an
extreme judgment, try to explore the shades of
gray that might be more descriptive of the
behavior
for instance, if you think someone is against you,
try to discover the places where you agree so
you can see that the person disagrees on
some things, but not on all things
time
for
workshop
communicating conflict
communicating
nonverbally
nonverbal
we all communicate without saying a word and
we all ‘speak’ without talking
nonverbal communication has been called the
‘unspoken dialogue’
 nonverbal communication: all behaviors other
than spoken words that communicate
messages and create shared meaning
between people
principles
nonverbal communication:
- is often ambiguous
- regulates conversation
- is more believable than verbal communication
- may conflict with verbal communication
- ambiguous
our nonverbal messages often mean different
things to different people, which can lead to
misunderstandings
compared to verbal messages, nonverbal
messages are usually more ambiguous
regulating
conversation
people use nonverbal communication to manage the
ebb and flow of conversations
nonverbal regulators allow speakers to enter, exit, or
maintain the conversation
ex: if we want a chance to speak, we usually lean
forward, toward the speaker; when we don’t want to
be interrupted in a conversation, we may avoid eye
contact and keep our vocal pattern consistent so
that others don’t have an opportunity to begin
talking until we are finished
believable
although nonverbal communication is often
ambiguous, people believe nonverbal
messages over verbal messages
‘actions speaks louder than words’: this
statement suggests that someone’s
nonverbal behavior can influence a
conversational pattern more than what is said
verbal & nonverbal
‘mixed message’: the incompatibility that
occurs when our nonverbal messages are
not congruent with our verbal messages
when confronted with a mixed message people
have to choose whether to believe the verbal
or the nonverbal behaviors
nonverbal codes
 visual auditory
 contact
 place and time
visual auditory
codes
as their name reflects visual-auditory codes
include categories of nonverbal
communication that you can see and hear
- kinesics (body movement)
- physical appearance (body size, body
artifacts, attractiveness)
- facial communication (eye contact, smiling)
- paralanguage (pitch, rate, volume, speed
silence)
... gestures
delivery gestures: signal shared understanding
between communicators in a conversation
citing gestures: acknowledge another feedback in a
conversation
seeking gestures: request agreement or clarification
from a sender during a conversation
turn gestures: indicate that another person can speak;
or used to request to speak in a conversation
contact codes
- touch communications (haptics), the most primitive form
of human communication
touch has several functions – used for positive affect;
playful function; used to control; ritualistic …
- space, the distance we put between ourselves and
others
personal distance, the space most people use during
conversations
social distance, the spatial zone usually reserved for
professional or formal interpersonal encounters
place & time codes
- the environment; the setting in which our behavior takes
place
how we utilize the parts of the environment, how we
manage them, and their influence upon us are all part of
nonverbal communication
- chronemics (study of a person’s use of time); understand
how people perceive and structure time in their
dialogues and relationships with others
technical time (scientific); formal time (societal – clock,
calendar); informal time (duration, punctuality, activity)
cultural variations
- body movement
- facial expressions
- personal space
- touch
improving nonverbal effectiveness
practical skills:
- keep in mind the relation between verbal and
nonverbal messages
- be tentative when interpreting nonverbal behavior
- monitor your own nonverbal behavior
- check in with others about their impressions of your
nonverbal behavior
- avoid nonverbal distractions
- place nonverbal communication in context
time
for
workshop
communication with non-verbal
messages
source
 Littlejohn, S. W. & Foss, K. A. (2008)
Theories of Human Communication (9th
edition).
thank you very much
for your attention