You and Your Baby are One
Session 1
KEY CONCEPTS:
1. A baby’s brain is active and ready to
learn from birth.
2. Brain development is dependent on
stimulation and experience from the
environment.
3. Parents and caregivers ARE the young
baby’s experience and environment.
4. Secure attachment comes from
responsive interactions with close
caregivers.
5. Learning to read your baby’s cues, and
learning how your baby reads your
cues, can promote successful, secure
attachment.
MATERIALS NEEDED

Incredible Years: Parents, Babies and Toddlers Series
DVD – Discs 2 and 3 (review beforehand so you can
easily pull them up)

Kit for New Parents Advice for New Parents DVD
(review beforehand)

Session 1 infant PowerPoint (on flash drive or saved to
computer)

Session 1 infant script (this document; review closely
before session)

Copies of Session 1 Infant In-Class Handouts & At-Home
Activities & Handouts (stapled together)

Sign-in sheet

Copies of Session 1 Infant evaluation form

Laptop

Speakers for laptop

Projector

Projector screen

Name tags

Chart paper

Chart paper stand

Markers

Tape

Box of Tissues

Incentives/rewards for parent participation (e.g.,
stickers, healthy snacks, etc.)

Pens

Refreshments

Plates/Napkins/Cups/Utensils needed for refreshments
LEARNER OBJECTIVES
Participants will have greater understanding of
and experience with the following:

The importance of secure attachment,
responsive caregiving and
caregiver/child bonding.
Early brain development
What to expect in a baby’s social,
emotional and physical development
(and the importance of parents in that
development)
Communication, caregiving and play
techniques that promote healthy
bonding attachment



HANDOUTS
In Class
1
2
Family Goals Worksheet – Class
Activity
Remember a Relationship Worksheet
– Class Activity
At Home Activities and Handouts
3
4
Unique to this session:

Ball of Yarn

Kit for New Parents (enough for each participant)
Tips for Enhancing Your Bond with
Your Baby – Take Home Tips
Making Predictions Experiment – Try it at Home Activity
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Kit for New Parents Workshop Series
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You and Your Baby are One
Session 1
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6
7
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9
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Following Baby’s Cues – Try it at Home Activity
Create a Baby Journal – Try it at Home Activity
Baby Songs and Rhymes # 1 – Take Home Tips
Coping with Crying – Take Home Tips
Taking Care of Yourself – Take Home Tips
Play and Bonding Tips – Take Home Tips
FACILITATOR OUTLINE
a. Introduction and Housekeeping
a. Show Slide 1 – You and Your Baby are One
b. Welcome participants
SUGGESTED AGENDA
c. Review Slide 2 – Kit for New Parents
d. Review Slide 3 – Kit for New Parents
1. Housekeeping - Review of Ground Rules,
Workshop Topics
Topics and Goals (as needed)
e. Review Slide 4 – What’s Happening Today?
2. Early Brain Development and
f. Address housekeeping issues such as
Attachment
childcare, parking, etc.
3. Tips for Enhancing Your Relationship
g. Group Activity – Introductions and Family
with Your Baby
Goals - Handout 1 - Family Goals Worksheet
4. Session Wrap-Up and Try it at Home
h. Group Agreements
Activities
i. Optional Activity – Share about your Day
b. You and Your Baby are One - Early Brain
Development and Attachment
a. Show Slide 5 – Remember a Relationship Activity
b. Reflective and Dyad Activity – Handout 2 – Remember a Relationship Worksheet
c. Show Slide 6 - Every Child Needs One Person Who is Crazy about Him
d. Watch beginning of KNP Video – The First Years Last Forever
e. Group Discussion
f. Review Handout 3 – Tips for Enhancing Your Bond with Your Baby
g. Show Slide 7 - Children Learn and Grow through Relationship and Play
h. Show Slide 8 – The Brain Develops in Response to the Environment
i. Group Activity – Make a Brain
j. Brainstorming – Your Baby is Born Ready to Learn
c. How Your Child Responds to Your Emotions
a. Group Activity – Share What We Already Know
b. Group Activity- Watch KNP Video – The First Years Last Forever
c. Activity – Making Predictions
d. Vignette Activity – Mirroring and Mimicking
e. Show Slide 9 – Touch and Movement
f. Refer to Handout 10 - Play and Bonding Tips
g. Vignette Activity – Reading Baby’s Mind
h. Vignette Activity – Take Your Cues From Your Baby
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d. Babies Learning to Trust the World: Routines
a. Brainstorm Activity – Routines - Handout 6 - Create a Baby Journal
e. Having Fun – Finger Plays, Rhymes & Songs
a. Show Slide 10 – Rhymes, Games, and Songs
b. Dyad Activity – Share Fingerplays, Rhymes, and Songs – Handout 7 - Baby Songs and Rhymes # 1
c. Show Slide 11 – Use Humor, Have Fun
d. Refer to Handout 10 - Play and Bonding Tips
f. Taking Care of Yourself as Caregivers
a. Group Activity – Brainstorm about Self Care Strategies
g. Wrap Up and Try it At Home Activities
a. Show Slide 12 – Try it at Home Activities
b. Go over Try it at Home Activities: Handout 4 - Making Predictions, Handout 5 - Following Baby’s Cues,
and Handout 6 - Create a Baby Journal
c. Go over Take-Home Tips : Handouts 3, 7, 8, 9, and 10
d. Evaluation
INTRODUCTION AND HOUSEKEEPING
Show Slide 1 – You and Your Baby are One: Early Brain Development and Attachment: A Kit for New Parents
Workshop
Narration: Welcome to the first workshop of the Kit for New Parents series. These sessions are
designed to enrich and supplement the First 5 Kit for New Parents. This program is for parents
who want to learn about how babies’ brains develop, meet other parents, and learn ways to
promote your baby’s healthy development. Maybe you’ve heard the saying “the first years last
forever.” We are going to explore what this means for caregivers. The bottom line is that
experience shapes your baby’s development and your baby’s experience is you – you are the
most fascinating person in your child’s life. Babies are built for love, stimulation, and routines
right from the start. This is the beginning of the ‘love’ relationship. Our babies learn and grow
from their relationships with us, their caregivers. Forget expensive toys and trendy baby
accessories. What your baby really needs is responsive care from you.
The Kit for New Parents helps parents learn about all aspects of child development by
providing easy-to-use information on parenting topics, and is designed for the entire family to
use. Our workshops will provide the opportunity for us to focus on some of the parenting issues
discussed in the Kit, but in a deeper way that can help you problem solve specific parenting
challenges you may be facing.
Hand out Kits.
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You and Your Baby are One
Session 1
Show Slide 2 – Kit for New Parents
The Kit includes:
 Advice for New Parents DVD
 Advice for New Parents Companion booklet
 What to do When Your Child Gets Sick book
 Poison Action Line & First 5 brochures
 Book pouch
 Dental pouch
EXPLAIN ALL OF THE KIT CONTENTS:
 Advice for New Parents DVD -- Experts and celebrities talk about newborn care, oral health, child care, safety
and discipline. The DVD prepares parents for their child’s early years.
 Advice for New Parents Companion booklet – information on all topics of childhood and health well-being
organized by child age for quick reference.
 What to do When Your Child Gets Sick book – easy-to-read advice for common child health questions.
 Happy Baby children’s book (puppy and friends/touch, feel and say) – an interactive board book.
 Poison Action Line & First 5 brochures – information about First 5 California and what to do if you suspect your
child has been exposed to something harmful.
 Book pouch, including: Children's Health Insurance Flyer, Community Information Guide for 2011, Potter the
Otter Book, Activity Pamphlets, and 211 cards (San Mateo County customized item).
 Dental pouch, including: 4 Spiffy Infant Dental Wipes, 1 child size toothbrush, and 1 timer (San Mateo County
customized item).
Narration: These Kits are yours to keep. We will be using Kit materials in our sessions, so remember to bring
the Kit with you each week! Take them home with you and explore them over the next few weeks. While many
of the Kit items are focused more on newborns, there is also information about preschool-age issues.
Each of you brings to the group your own strengths, as well as parenting questions. Each of you
has children with different needs and temperaments. These meetings offer all of us an
opportunity to learn more about children and parenting from each other. We will be
discussing the ways you and your baby are connected and things you can do to help your baby
develop and grow. Your discussions will be a valuable part of the program to make sure we are
talking about things you are interested in. We will also show and discuss videos of common
parenting situations, try in-class activities and give you suggestions for things to try at home.
Ask the group if they have any questions about the program. Tell the group about child care arrangements, and
encourage them to help themselves to refreshments.
Show Slide 3 – Kit for New Parents Workshop Topics
1. You and Your Baby Are One: Early Brain Development and Attachment
2. The Magic of Language and Learning
3. Healthy Babies, Healthy Families – Caring for Your Child and Yourself
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Session 1
Narration: During this series of three workshops, we will discuss how to promote your baby’s
development through a close, interactive relationship with you. In particular, we will talk
about the importance of caregiver “attunement”. We will talk about communication, play,
discipline, and health and safety practices. We will also talk about you as a caregiver – the
strengths you have to pass down – and how to take care of yourself so that you can take care of
your children. The topics we will discuss are flexible, and will depend in part on the issues that
you are struggling with as parents. We want to spend time discussing the issues that matter
most to you.
These workshops are for you, and we hope to meet your needs and answer your questions. You
will make the rules so that you are comfortable. You will share only as much as you wish to
share about your family, and everything is confidential.
Show Slide 4 – What’s Happening Today





Meet each other
Goals and ground rules
You and your baby are one – early brain development
Play and bonding tips
Home activities
Narration: Today we will get to know each other and also talk about early brain development
and the importance of relationships. We are going to talk a little bit about how a baby learns and
grows and how their growth and development is intimately tied to their families and to their
home environment. At the end of the sessions, we have some suggestions for things to try at
home during this next week.
Group activity – Introductions and Family Goals
Narration: Let’s go around the room and introduce ourselves.
Tell us a little bit about your family and why you are here. That
way we can tailor the session to your needs as much as
possible. If you don’t wish to share; that’s alright too, you
always have the option to pass.
Materials Needed:


Handout 1 - Family Goals
Worksheet
Chart paper and pens

Using chart paper, the co-facilitator should write the participants’ names, children’s names and ages, and a goal that
they have for their family (the reason that they are here). Tape the sheets on the wall and keep these sheets for
reference in future sessions. This takes some time, but it is worth it. Participants will feel like they are a part of the
group if they have had a chance to share a little bit about their family situation. Hearing family goals also helps set the
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You and Your Baby are One
direction of the group and aides you as a facilitator in tailoring the workshops to meet participants’ needs.
Group activity – Group Agreements
Materials Needed:
Narration: Now, for the comfort of the group, we will take a few moments
to come up with some group agreements. We will keep these agreements
and post them at each session to remind ourselves of them. We can
modify or add to the agreements in future sessions

Chart paper and pens
The purpose of this exercise is to create an environment in which everyone feels comfortable, feels respected and
knows what to expect. If the group wants some suggestions for group rules, mention a few examples such as starting on
time, putting cell phones on vibrate, creating a safe place to share thoughts, not judging one another, and ending on
time.
Using markers and paper, the co-facilitator should write down the group agreements. Keep it as simple and short as
possible, combining similar statements.
Optional Dyad Activity – Share about Your Day
5 minutes - Dyads or Triads
It is important to acknowledge that adults have many concerns and
pressures on their time. They might be coming to the sessions in the
evening after work. They might have hired a babysitter or coordinated with
their partner to be there. In other words, they most likely have made some
sacrifices or moved around other commitments in order to be present at
the session.
Materials Needed:

Chart paper and pens
The parents and caregivers present in the room will feel that their needs are respected if you use the following activity.
This activity also sets the stage for participants to feel comfortable expressing themselves and be active participants in
the session. Another goal of this activity is to illustrate how communicating with other humans relieves stress.
Narration: I know that you are all very busy as parents of young children. You might have come
from work, you might have had trouble getting a babysitter. Maybe one of your children was
crying and didn’t want you to go. Maybe you feel tired, hungry, stressed or angry. Maybe you
are nervous about what is going to be required of you in these sessions. Maybe you are just
happy to be out of the house. In any case, let’s just take a minute to turn to your neighbor –
introduce yourself first! Tell them one thing about your day. It can be something stressful that
happened, a worry or concern, or maybe a story about something positive that happened. You
will have 2 minutes, and then we will switch roles.
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Session 1
(Give participants some time to tell each other their stories, walking around the room to give them access to you, help
them pair up, or talk to you.)
Narration: Okay, thank you everyone! So how do you feel now? Was that enjoyable? How did
your partner keep you interested in his/her story?
After allowing some time for sharing, bring the group back to the session topics. Explain that we are wired to keep each
other emotionally interested and involved. And sometimes just talking to someone can relieve stress. This is no
different for babies and young children than it is for adults!
YOU AND YOUR BABY ARE ONE – EARLY BRAIN DEVELOPMENT AND ATTACHMENT
Reflective and Dyad Activity – Remember a
Relationship
Materials Needed:

Handout 2 – Remember a
Relationship Worksheet
Show Slide 5 – Remember a Relationship Activity
1. Think of someone who was really special to you when you were growing
up.
2. What made you think of this person?
3. What did they do that made them important or special to you?
Think of some specific memories.
4. Share.
This activity is both reflective and expressive. First the participants individually think and write. Afterwards, they can
share with a partner or with the whole group, depending on the size of the group.
Narration: Think about someone who was really important to you when you were
growing up. Examples might include your mom, dad, a friend, grandmother, teacher, or
maybe even a sister or brother, aunt or uncle.
Write this person’s name on your worksheet. What made you think of this person? What
did this person “do” that made you feel special? (If you don’t have someone like this
from your childhood, think of someone who plays this role for you right now).
(If the group needs examples, you can mention some of the following: always took the time to listen to me, always loved
me regardless of what I had done, took me on special outings, always made me feel like I was really important and
special, etc.)
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Share with a partner
 How you felt
 How old you were
 Where you were
Sometimes this exercise causes participants to feel a little emotional. Allow time for processing if needed – pass out
tissues if needed! After participants have shared about their special person with a partner, ask for volunteers to share
out to the group.
Narration: You can see, by what this special person meant to you and still means to you,
how important adult relationships are to young children. Can you also see why you are
the most fascinating person in the world to your child?
Show Slide 6 - “Every child needs one person who is crazy about him.”
Narration: We can see how important it is for every child to have someone who is
crazy about him/her! Children need a person to always count on, just like the special
person in your life that we just talked about. Children form these special attachments as
tiny little babies. The relationships that babies form with their primary caregivers
serve as the foundation for all other relationships in their lives.
With this in mind, let’s examine why relationships and feeling loved are so important
to your child’s development.
GROUP ACTIVITY – WATCH KNP VIDEO
(English DVD) Menu  By Topic  The First Years Last Forever - play video until the word “Communication”
comes up on the screen at 7:06 and then hit pause at 7:06/Communication screen
(Spanish DVD) Menú  Tocar Por Tema  Los Primeros Años
Duran De Por Vida - play video until the word “Comunicación”
comes up on the screen at 6:56 and then hit pause at
6:56/Communication screen
The first seven minutes of the Kit video discusses and presents
information about early brain development and the importance of
attachment and bonding. The video talks about touch and routine as
contributors to a baby’s secure attachment and ability to learn. After the
video, give participants the opportunity to explore the concepts and share
what they already know.
Materials Needed:


KNP DVD
Handout 3 – Tips for
Enhancing Your Bond with
Your Baby
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You and Your Baby are One
Group Discussion
Ask the group what they remember from the video. Examples of questions to get them thinking:
1. What was the most interesting part of this video to you?
2. When does the learning process start for babies?
3. How do babies learn, before they can even understand words?
Chart their answers. Be sure to lead them to the following concepts:
1. A baby’s brain is developing faster than any other time of life. 90% of the brain is structurally developed by the
age of 3.
2. This development occurs through input from the environment.
3. A baby’s early environment is YOU and your RELATIONSHIP. Babies, and people, learn through relationship.
4. Examples of how babies learn: consistent, predictable nurturing, touch and movement, emotional involvement,
talking and communication
After the discussion, ask participants to pull out Handout 3 – Tips for Enhancing Your Bond with Your Baby and review
it together.
Show slide 7- Children learn and grow through relationship and play
The more responsive, loving attention children receive from caregivers ….
...the more kind and compassionate they will be
...the more they will enjoy their lives, and the better they will do at work and school.
Narration: In the first few years of life, children’s brains are developing and building
connections more quickly than at any other time. Since young children’s brains are
developing so quickly, they are more sensitive to their environment and to experiences.
In addition to developing quickly, the brain also develops in a particular sequence,
starting with the more primitive areas and moving toward more complex areas.
Experience and environment literally builds the framework of babies’ brains influencing their intelligence, compassion and social skills.
Babies’ brains grow in response to their environment. And their environment is YOU.
For children, actions speak louder than words. Getting close and spending special time
with your babies tells them that you are crazy about them, in a way that words can’t.
Show slide 8 – The Brain Develops in Response to the Environment
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You and Your Baby are One
Session 1
What happens on the outside builds children’s brain structures on the inside. To
illustrate this, let’s look at something severe – neglect. Some of what science knows
about brain development in young children comes, unfortunately, from stories of
neglect. The pictures on the right show the brain of a child who had been placed in an
orphanage right after birth and was severely neglected. The picture on the left show the
brain of a child who has not been neglected. The red areas show brain activity. You can
see that in the case of the neglected child, the brain is significantly less active than the
brain of a child who has not been neglected. The amount of positive, quality time we
spend with our children helps their brains grow. By the same token, relationships that
are mostly negative, harsh, neglectful or punitive actually hinder the brain’s growth and
development.
After the first few years, the brain begins a pruning process to gain efficiency. The
connections and pathways that are not used as much as others are eliminated. We have
a choice. We can literally choose how to wire our children’s brains. Which connections
do we want to strengthen?
Let’s look at how we can build our babies’ brains through a fun activity. Let’s build a brain.
Group Activity – Make a Brain
Materials Needed:
This activity helps demonstrate the connection between early brain
development and relationships.

Ball of Yarn or String
Part 1 – Building a Brain
Gather participants in a circle, up to 15 or so people.
As you hold the ball of yarn, explain that we are going to demonstrate a growing brain through the use of a ball of yarn.
Start by telling participants “We are each going to describe something we like to do with our babies.” Start the web by
describing an activity you would do with a baby, e.g. “I like to sing to babies”, hold a piece of the yarn and throw the ball
to someone across from you after calling the person’s name. Participants repeat this until everyone has had a chance
and the ball comes back to you.
What to say:
Explain how the string represents pathways in the brain.
By doing these activities with our children, we are actually helping to build pathways and develop their brains.
“Connections on the outside build structures on the inside.” You are building your baby’s brain by building connections
between your baby and other adults, and by engaging in interactive activities with your baby.
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Now ask participants to think about supportive relationships they have with other people. Have them think of special
relationships with friends, sibling, parents, etc. They should throw the ball again, this time mentioning a special
relationship that they have. Explain how when their “web” is strengthened, their child’s is as well.
Part 2 - Repetition
Now you are going to demonstrate how repeating an activity thickens and strengthens the connections you have made.
Pick out one of the participants who is a reasonable distance away. Ask him/her what she likes doing with her baby. She
may say, for example “play peek-a-boo.” Ask her how often she plays peek-a-boo. “Did you play yesterday; will you play
today?” Throw the ball of yarn back and forth, while holding on to the string, showing how repeating the activity builds
the connections thicker and stronger
Part 3 - Losing Pathways
Now ask the group what they think happens when they stop doing a particular activity with their babies, or a particularly
nurturing activity with another adult.
Demonstrate, through your volunteer, and then with the whole group, what happens when you stop an activity. As we
drop our pieces of yarn, the whole structure comes apart. This shows how brain pathways disintegrate or lose strength
over time.
End the activity by saying, “When we start doing those activities again, we build up and strengthen pathways. We can
continue to build the brain.” Pick up the yarn again, and end with a strong web!
Ask the group what they thought of this experience.
Activity – Group Brainstorming
You Baby is Born Ready to Learn
Materials Needed:
 Chart Paper
 Pens
Narration: Babies are born ready to love and learn. As caregivers, you are wired and ready to
love your baby and interact in ways that help your baby learn, and feel secure and loved. In a
moment, we will watch a segment that explains a little bit about your baby’s early
development. The video is included in the Kit for New Parents that we just gave you. We will
only watch parts of the videos but encourage you to explore the videos and watch more on
your own. Before we watch the video, we would love to hear what you already know about
how babies learn.
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You and Your Baby are One
Give the parents the opportunity to share what they know. Here are some questions if you need a starting place.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
What do you know about how babies learn?
What have you observed about how your own child responds to you?
How does s/he indicate hunger? Tiredness? Readiness to interact? Overstimulation?
What are some ways your baby shows he wants a relationship with you?
How does your baby show you he/she is over stimulated?
The co-facilitator should chart parent comments, highlighting key principles that emerge. If a parent comes up with a
particularly salient point, turn that point into a principle (for example, “Mary’s Principle of XX”) and reward that parent
with a sticker or some other form of concrete validation (this is also modeling rewards systems, which we will talk about
how to use with young children in a subsequent workshop) (for more information on how to facilitate brainstorm
activities, and how to use participant ideas as the basis for generating parenting principles, see the Facilitators’ Guide).
HOW YOUR CHILD RESPONDS TO YOUR EMOTIONS
Narration: We’ve been exploring how babies learn through relationships. Now we are
going to talk about an important part of relationship – emotions. Children come into the
world with the ability to both express and respond to emotions expressed by others,
especially from YOU, their parents or familiar caregivers. Part of being human is being
attuned to the emotions and moods of others. You could argue that children’s survival,
in some senses, depends on being able to detect and respond to emotions. Their survival
is also dependent on your ability to respond to their cues.
You may or may not have thought about the fact that the way we show emotions in a
particular situation can influence how children respond. For example, if you are relaxed
when your baby explores new things, your baby’s curiosity will be encouraged. But if you
are anxious, your baby may learn to shy away from trying new things and exploring his
environment. The emotions that YOU show helps them decide how THEY should feel.
Can you see how this might impact a baby’s well-being and survival?
How do they know how you feel? By your face, body language, and voice. Why is it
important? Because what you do has a big influence on whether your baby will be
willing to explore new situations, including new objects and new people. So, how a baby
responds to their environment, within the natural range of their own temperament of
course, is greatly impacted by the emotions that you display.
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You and Your Baby are One
Group Activity – Share What We Already Know
Ask parents in the group to share some things they have already observed about their babies’ responsiveness to others’
emotions.
Discussion Questions
 What have you observed about your baby responding to the emotions of others?
 How does your baby respond to positive emotions like smiling, laughter and loving words?
 How does your baby respond to angry voices, arguments and distress?
 What happens if it is YOU showing the emotion?
 What happens if someone else is showing the emotion?
 What does your baby do if another adult shows a positive emotion? A negative emotion?
GROUP ACTIVITY – WATCH KNP VIDEO (continue from where you paused before)
(English DVD) Menu  By Topic  The First Years Last Forever – “Communication” - start at 7:06 and play until 11:57
(Please note you are not watching the whole communication segment because it is too lengthy to watch in class. You will be
stopping the video before it reaches the end of that segment. Stop the video at 11:57, when Dr. Brazelton says: “This kind of
interaction, which causes a response in him and shows how important it is to him, is hitting some pathways that the baby is going to
reinforce, and they’re going to get richer and richer and richer.”)
(Spanish DVD) Menú  Tocar Por Tema  Los Primeros Años Duran De Por Vida - Comunicación- start at 6:56 and
play until 11:39 (when Dr. Garcia-Coll finishes her sentence)
Allow time for discussion. This section of the video is about babies’ cues, and how they communicate all of their needs
through cues. It also shows the ‘blank face’ experiment between a mother and baby. First the mother is singing to the
baby and using exaggerated facial expressions, and then the mother uses a “blank face.” The baby responds to the
“blank face” by becoming dysregulated.
Activity – Making Predictions
Materials Needed:
Narration: The video we just watched showed how babies
 Handout 4 - Making
communicate to us everything about their lives – their wants,
Predictions – Experiment
their needs, their fears. They thrive on our attention and are able
to pick up on our emotions. They respond to almost everything
we do! Based on the ‘blank face’ experiment we just saw, what do you think will happen with
your baby when you:



Laugh?
Show your child a new, slightly scary object and show a fearful face?
Show your child a new, slightly scary object and show interest and enjoyment?
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Ask participants to write their predictions in the column of the worksheet marked “Predict”. Tell them they will have a
chance to experiment with their own babies at home this coming week.
Narration: Babies and toddlers instinctively express their emotions; they cry and laugh at
appropriate times. They are also very influenced by the emotions around them. When
someone laughs, they often laugh. It is like they are thinking “Hey, there must be something
funny happening here.” The same thing happens when someone cries or is upset. They seem to
think “Hey, maybe something is wrong here.” If others do not seem to be afraid, they are likely
to think that there is no reason for them to be afraid. When babies are uncertain, they look to
others for cues as to how they should feel. They “mirror” others’ emotions – that is how they
learn to manage their own emotions and how to act in certain social situations.
This imitation or mirroring process is called observational learning. Your baby is learning by
watching and imitating your interactions with him. This learning process suggests that babies
are connected to parents in a very special way and you are actually teaching your baby about
human interactions when you engage in the intricate love song of flattery, cooing, and babbling.
Not only that, when you engage in this coordinated dance of conversation, you are actually
contributing to the growth and architecture of the neurons developing in your baby’s brain.
So, what do you think this means for you as a caregiver? What does this make you think about how you show
your emotions and respond to situations?
Vignette Activity – Mirroring or Mimicking Each Other


Incredible Years Babies DVD: Disc 2  Babies as Intelligent Language Learner  Part 2: Program Topics  Begin Program
 Mirroring or Mimicking - Vignette 1
Incredible Years Manual - Infants: Parents and Babies Series, Part 2 – Parents as Responsive Communicators and Babies as
Intelligent Language Learners– Vignette 1, Mirroring or Mimicking Each Other – p. 206
The Scene:
Mother talks to her baby and sticks out her tongue. Her baby waits and responds by sticking out his
tongue. Next he reaches to touch her tongue and laughs. Next father taps the ukulele and the baby
copies his tapping and taps the ukulele.
Discussion Questions:
1. How do you know this baby is initiating communication with his mother or father?
2. What mirroring or modeling do you see with the mother? With the father?
3. Have you noticed this mirroring in your baby?
4. Why is face-to-face communication important?
5. Do you mirror or copy your baby’s sounds?
Comments/Narration: Babies model or mirror parents’ behavior and language, and parents
mirror babies’ responses. This dance of communication is key to babies’ learning about
language as well as to building a positive relationship with parents. Notice how this baby is
initiating interaction by reaching out to touch his mother’s tongue.
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Narration: Babies love to be touched and to experiment with their bodies. Here are some other
ideas:
Show Slide 9 – Touch and Movement
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Get close! (about 12 inches away)
Cuddle and touch your baby lightly with your fingertips
Rock with your baby
Dance with your baby
Lightly massage your baby
Play with your baby’s hands and feet.
Move your baby’s arms, bicycle her legs
Pat your baby’s back
Kiss the different parts of your baby’s body
Laugh and enjoy yourself
Pay attention to your baby’s cues, watch his facial expression and body language
Refer parents to Handout 10 – Play and Bonding Tips
ACTIVITY – VIGNETTE - HOW YOU RESPOND TO YOUR CHILD’S CUES
Narration: The way that humans “mirror” each other has a physical origin. Scientists have found
“mirror neurons” in our brains. These neurons enable us (and other primates) to mimic the
behaviors and actions we see others perform. Scientists theorize that these neurons are involved
in learning social behaviors as well as language.
Mirroring, mimicking, or picking up cues works both ways. Your child picks up your cues and
you pick up your child’s. In other words, you are programmed to “read your baby’s mind.” You
and your baby are in a back and forth dance, where you learn how to pick up on your baby’s
needs, and your baby learns by watching and imitating you. Your baby is absolutely dependent
on your ability to figure out whether s/he is hungry, tired, over stimulated or bored. As you learn
to pick up on your baby’s cues, your baby learns to trust and feel confident in their
environment. A sense of security is essential for your baby to take the risks that are necessary to
grow and develop.
Let’s look at some videos of parents reading their babies’ minds.
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Vignette Activity – Learning to Read Babies’ Minds

Incredible Years Babies DVD: Disc 3  Parents Learning to Read Babies’ Minds  Part 4: Program Topics  Begin Program
 Reading Babies’ Minds - Vignette 1
Incredible Years Manual - Infants: Program Two, Part 4 – Parents Learning to Read Babies’ Minds – Vignette 1, Reading
Babies’ Minds – p. 264
The Scene: Baby Pauli is playing with the caterpillar. Mother comments that he is chewing on the green foot. She asks
him if it tastes good. She praises him for grabbing the toy well and asks if he has itchy gums. She comments that he likes
the toy. Father points out that on the toy there is a red nose like his red nose. Mother says he needs time to look at
everything about the toy. She describes him bringing it to his mouth and grabbing the ring. They continue to watch and
describe his actions and the colors and objects on the caterpillar. They notice he favors his left hand and try to see if he
will grab with right hand. Then they turn him on tummy but he seems unhappy so they sit him up again and try walking
him. Father comments he likes to walk rather than crawl.
Discussion Questions:
1. How are these parents reading their baby’s cues?
2. What is effective about their communication with their baby?
3. What do you notice about these parents’ pacing?
4. What are they learning about their baby?
5. Why does the father determine his baby would rather walk than crawl?
6. What have you noticed about your baby’s likes and dislikes?
Comments & Considerations: Mother asks him if he has itchy gums and notices that he likes a particular toy or color.
Mother recognizes that he needs time to explore the toy. When they realize he is not happy on his tummy they allow
him to sit and find out he would prefer to walk. They both do a great job of “descriptive commenting” or “narrating” –
that is, describing his actions and what he is looking at. This will help facilitate his language development. The pacing of
these parents’ interactions is also noteworthy. They talk to their baby but also wait and observe him and give him time
to explore.
Vignette Activity – Take Your Cues from Your Baby


Incredible Years Babies DVD: Disc 3  Parents Learning to Read Babies’ Minds  Part 4: Program Topics  Begin Program
 Reading Babies’ Minds - Vignette 2
Incredible Years Manual - Infants: Program Two, Part 4 – Parents Learning to Read Babies’ Minds – Vignette 2, Take Your
Cues from Your Baby – p. 265
Narration: Watch as the same parents try to decide what their
baby is telling them. Does Pauli want a different form of physical
stimulation, does he need a diaper change, or is he hungry?
Observing your baby’s cues and experimenting with possibilities
will help you know what is needed.
Materials Needed:

Handout 1 – Caregiver
Encouragement Worksheet
The Scene: Pauli seems fussy and father tries putting him in the air but he
is still fussy. Next he tries walking him but he is still fussy. Mother
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questions whether he might be hungry. They try different positions but he continues to be fussy. Father tries to console
him and mother asks if his diaper is wet. They check his diaper and find it dry. Father tries again and sings to him but
determines he is hungry. Mother feeds him. Father watches and pats his head while she breast-feeds him. They
determine that hunger is the cause of his distress.
Discussion Questions:
1. How are these parents responding to their baby’s cues?
2. What approaches do they try to figure out why he might be distressed?
3. Can you tell from your baby what kind of cry is a hunger cry, a boredom cry, a need for cuddling or stimulation, or a
wet diaper?
Narration: Sometimes babies cry a lot! Crying is normal. Babies usually cry because they are
trying to tell you something – either that they are hungry, tired, that their diaper needs to be
changed, or that they are bored, lonely, or need a new activity. Responding to a baby’s cries or
other needs regularly and consistently is not spoiling. It is what they need to thrive. Keep in
mind that babies may cry more toward the end of the day for no reason; this is common for most
babies. By responding to your baby when she cries, you are letting her know that she is safe and
secure. You are building trust and communication. These are the building blocks of your
relationship with her for the rest of her life. Sometimes, babies cry inconsolably for no reason.
This is called colic, and any of you who have had a colicky baby know that this is one of the most
challenging things a parent can face. If your baby cries inconsolably no matter what you do, we
recommend you talk to your doctor.
If your baby cries so much that you find yourself frustrated - for whatever reason - it is
important that you take care of yourself and go somewhere to calm down before doing
something you regret. Put the baby where she is safe, preferably in the crib (but never with a
loose blanket or bedding, as these are suffocation hazards), and go somewhere else in the house
to calm down. It is o.k. to let your baby cry for 10 minutes or so while you collect yourself.
Maybe you have a neighbor or family member who can watch the baby while you take a walk or
run an errand. It is important to stop and separate yourself from your baby before you do
something harmful to the baby (like yelling at or shaking a baby). For more ideas about coping
with crying, see Handout 8 - Coping with Crying in your packet, as well as pages 58 – 63 in the
Advice for New Parents Companion booklet in your Kit.
Give participants a moment to look over the written material and discuss any other ideas they may
have.
BABIES LEARNING TO TRUST THE WORLD: ROUTINES
Narration: When babies cry or coo or flirt or turn away, they are telling you they are happy or
uncomfortable or hungry or tired or need less stimulation. When you respond to their needs in
predictable ways, your baby learns to trust his environment – the baby knows someone will
always be there to help keep him safe. If babies do not have such predictable responses from
parents, babies will learn that the world is unpredictable and this can cause them to feel
anxious or fearful and reluctant to trust others.
Routines are helpful for you and your baby. They help ease your fatigue, and build
predictability for your baby. We can start establishing routines early. When we say routines,
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we do not mean schedules. Routines are different than a schedule in that they are not rigid.
When babies are little, it is important to respond to their needs as they arise instead of trying to
force them onto a schedule. Routines are more of a pattern, an order of activity that makes
sense for you and your baby. For example, one typical pattern for a baby is eat-play-sleep. The
idea is to sequence your activities in the same way every time, and eventually build a routine
that your baby can predict.
As babies get older, perhaps sometimes between 4-6 months, many will settle into regular
feeding and nap times. Some babies may naturally settle into a schedule earlier than others,
while other babies will take longer. The timing of a particular activity is not as important as
the consistency of that activity and the order in which you do things.
Regardless of the age of your baby, a great routine to establish early is a bedtime routine.
When babies come home from the hospital, they often have their days and nights mixed up – so
our job is to help their bodies adjust to staying asleep at night and being awake during the day.
Babies sleep a lot when they are newborns, and they continue to need a lot of sleep as they
grow into toddlers and when they hit their preschool years. We can build a bedtime routine for
our children that will be a source of predictability and bonding time for our children for years to
come.
A sample bedtime routine might involve taking a bath, putting on pajamas, reading a book, and
then going to bed.
Let’s look at the very simple routine this mother uses in this next vignette.
Vignette Activity – Bedtime Routines


Incredible Years Babies DVD: Disc 3  Parents Learning to Read Babies’ Minds  Part 4: Program Topics  Begin Program
 Bed Time Routines and Providing Security- Vignette 6
Incredible Years Manual - Infants: Program Two, Part 4 – Parents Learning to Read Babies’ Minds – Vignette 6, Bedtime
Routines – p. 270
The Scene: The baby is crying and the mother recognizes he is tired and breastfeeds him. She settles
him with her soft voice and singing. Then when he is calm, she puts him in his crib and he cries. She
puts her finger in his mouth and softly pats his head while in the crib. Then she says, “Good night
Malcolm” and walks away. He cries when she leaves.
Discussion Questions
1. What is effective about this mother’s bedtime ritual?
2. Why are predictable bedtime routines important for babies around 4-5 months of age?
3. What is your ritual around putting your baby to bed?
4. Do you think babies should cry themselves to sleep?
5. Do you lie down with your baby, or rock your baby to sleep? Or give your baby a bottle in bed?
6. How long would you let your baby cry before going in?
7. Have you introduced any objects for self-soothing?
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Comments:
At 4-6 months, babies’ nervous systems have matured enough so they are capable of longer periods of
sleep. This means a stretch of about 5-6 hours (though some children will sleep longer). At four months
of age, parents can begin to develop a schedule or routine of more regular feeding and sleeping times.
Five feedings a day are average at this age.
Remember never to give your baby a bottle in their cribs, or to rely on feeding them or rocking them
to sleep. Always put your baby in the crib sleepy but awake so that he learns to fall asleep by himself.
Vignette Activity – Providing Security


Incredible Years Babies DVD: Disc 3  Parents Learning to Read Babies’ Minds  Part 4: Program Topics  Begin Program
 Bed Time Routines and Providing Security- Vignette 7
Incredible Years Manual - Infants: Program Two, Part 4 – Parents Learning to Read Babies’ Minds – Vignette 7, Providing
Security – p. 272
Narration: A baby won’t be traumatized if you don’t respond to his every cry – especially when
you know your baby has been fed, diapered and cuddled. Actually, a certain amount of crying is
to be expected as babies react to the disappointment of their parent leaving and learn how to
settle themselves. Babies need to learn how to self-regulate and get themselves to sleep.
Let’s watch what this mother does to help her baby feel secure and safe while at the same time
giving him a chance to see if he can settle himself. Look for any self-calming efforts the baby
makes
The Scene: The mother goes in and pats her baby on the back. He continues to cry as the mother rubs
his back (but she does not pick him up) and leaves. He cries and then seems to settle. Finally, mother
peeks in and he is asleep.
Discussion Questions
1. What self-calming efforts does this baby make?
2. How long would you wait and let your baby fuss or cry before going in?
3. Why did she not pick up her baby and cuddle him?
4. What was the value of going in briefly and patting him?
5. Does your baby wake up at night and cry? Do you let him cry before going in?
6. Does your baby have any self-soothing behaviors? (Pacifier, special blanket)?
Comments:
If parents pick up their babies to settle them every time they cry, they will not learn to settle themselves.
In fact, babies will cycle in and out of deep sleep every 3-4 hours and may cry out as a normal part of
sleep before settling down again. The idea is not to let the baby cry it out for long periods of time but to
develop a supportive ritual and not jump at the first whimper so that the baby has a chance to selfregulate and go back to sleep.
Babies sometimes need to cry for a few minutes when they are put in their crib. They may also wake up
and fuss a bit and then go back to sleep. Sometimes a gentle pat on the back is enough to help them
return to sleep.
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Safety Reminder: Remind parents to make sure that babies are put to sleep on their backs and that
there are no bumper pads, blankets, stuffed animals, pillows, sleep positioners, or other objects in the
crib. Once a baby is old enough to turn him/herself over, you don’t need to worry about them turning
over to their tummies while asleep, but blankets should still be avoided.
Activity – Brainstorm Routines
Narration: Let’s hear about the routines you have already
established with your babies. It can be bedtime, playtime,
eating or any other type of routine. What routines do you
already have or what new ones do you think you will try?
Chart parents’ comments and extend parents’ ideas by connecting
them to other topics. Suggest that they write down their plans for
routines on Handout 6 – Create a Baby Journal.
Materials Needed:
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
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Chart Paper
Markers
Handout 6 – Create a Baby
Journal
HAVING FUN – FINGER PLAYS, RHYMES & SONGS
Show Slide 10 – Rhymes, Games & Songs
Rhymes, Games, & Songs Teach:
• Language
• Phonological Awareness
• Rhythm of Speech
Let’s share some songs, rhymes, and games that we know!
Narration: When in doubt about how to connect with your baby and promote their
development, get down on the ground and have fun and be silly with your baby. Babies love
songs and simple games, and will learn to recognize them faster than you think! Games, rhymes,
and songs are fun for babies and parents, provide an opportunity for touch and movement and
teach babies a lot about language. We’re going to wrap-up today’s session as well as next
week’s session by giving each other ideas for songs and games to play with our children. Let’s
share some of our favorites with each other!
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Dyad Activity – Share Rhymes, Finger Plays and
Materials Needed:
Songs

Have participants get into pairs and share a rhyme, fingerplay or song that
they know with one another. Then ask who wants to share theirs with the
group.
Handout 7 – Baby Songs and
Rhymes #1
Examples:
Patty Cake
This Little Piggy
The Noble Duke of York
Itsy Bitsy Spider
Then practice a few from Handout 7 – Baby Songs and Rhymes #1.
Narration: Here are some other fun tips that are sure to get your baby laughing
Show Slide 11 – Use Humor, Have Fun
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Use funny voices (high, low, or unusual sounds)
Play with puppets
Play Peek-a-Boo with a small blanket
Hide behind a chair, then pop out on different sides – say “peek-a-boo!”
Put something unexpected on your head and act silly.
Play “I’m gonna get you!”
Put a scarf over your face and say, “Where’s Mommy/Daddy?” and then take the scarf off.
Put a cloth in your mouth, growl and shake your head like a puppy.
Do silly dances/movements to music.
Look in the mirror together and make funny faces.
Adapted from CSEFEL: Infant/Toddler Parent Modules (PIWI): Handout 12.A-5: Developmental Observation Topic Plan. The Center on the
Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning, Vanderbilt University http://csefel.vanderbilt.edu/resources/training_piwi.html
Refer parents to Handout 10 – Play and Bonding Tips
TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF AS CAREGIVERS
Narration: We have explored together how babies grow and develop from the interactions and
loving relationships they have with their familiar caregivers. Some of you might find that you are
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attached to your baby naturally and that emotional responsiveness for your child is easy and
brings you joy and happiness, while others of you may find that connection takes longer to
develop.
It is probably also true that you are sometimes a little tired, and can’t always respond as
energetically and enthusiastically as you would like to with your baby. This is why taking care of
yourself is very important in your baby’s development. Self-care is crucial to maintaining the
alertness, flexibility and responsiveness that you need to care for your baby.
Taking care of babies and young children is mentally and physically exhausting. There is no
doubt about that. You may need to have more focus and discipline now than at any previous
times in your life. It is important to periodically assess how well you are taking care of yourselves
as caregivers and determine if there is anything you can let go of. Let’s look together at Handout
9 - Taking Care of Yourself. Give yourself a few moments to look over the handout. Note some
of the things that you already do for yourself, and also note areas where you might need to
make some adjustments.
Group Activity – Brainstorm about self care strategies
Ask the group to brainstorm what they
think the benefits and barriers are to
taking care of themselves as
How to Facilitate Brainstorm Activities
caregivers. Write down parents’
responses. Get the participants to
 Chart parent comments, highlighting key principles that emerge.
think about what will give them the
 Turn parents’ particularly salient points into ‘principles’ – e.g., “Mary’s
most energy, relaxation, health and/or
Principle of Being Silly When Playing” and reward the parent with a sticker
enjoyment. Look for ideas that are
or other validation.
plausible and encourage parents to let
some things go. For example, if
For more information on how to facilitate brainstorms and similar activities, see
mothers are reluctant to rest when
the Facilitators’ Guide
their babies rest so that they can “get
things done,” question how important folding the laundry is compared to being rested and able to respond to their
babies.
WRAP-UP AND TRY IT AT HOME ACTIVITIES
Narration: We talked about a lot of different topics today. We
want to give you a chance to try some of these different things at
home. Over the next couple weeks, you are going to observe how
your babies respond to our “experiments”. You will also have an
opportunity to record comments about activities you have tried
with your baby.
Materials Needed:

All Handouts
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Show Slide 12 – Try It at Home Activities
•
•
•
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Making Predictions
Following Baby’s Cues
Create a Baby Journal
Play and Cuddle!
Ask participants to pull out Handout 4 – Making Predictions.
Narration: We are going to ask you to try the experiment we talked about earlier in this session at
home this week:
1. First see if you can get your child to laugh, by laughing and enjoying yourself.
2. The next experiment is to try what is called “blank face,” where you momentarily stop
smiling at and interacting with your child, and watch to see what happens.
3. Lastly, we ask you to try the “strange toy” experiment. Introduce your child to a new,
slightly scary, unfamiliar toy, such as a Jack-in-the-Box, which often startles children. Watch
how your child responds. Your child may turn to you to see how you are responding. If you
show interest in it, s/he is likely to do the same. But if you show fear or distress, your child
may want nothing to do with it. Be sure to end the experiment by showing that you are
having fun with the toy, so that your child does not leave the situation feeling fearful.
Ask participants to look at Handout 5 – Following Baby’s Cues and Handout 6 - Create a Baby Journal. Suggest that they
set aside 10-15 minutes to simply watch their child(ren) and take notes.
This is an opportunity to be a detective and really notice what your baby does. Our
babies communicate with us constantly, and it can be helpful to take a step back and
notice how much they are already telling us their wants and needs, as well as how much
they love us.
Remind parents about the other handouts without reading them outright, as time allows. Tell parents that they might
want to post these on their refrigerator or some other place for easy viewing. These handouts give parents some
concrete tips on spending time with their children and some background information on the importance of play.
Handout 3 – Tips for Enhancing Your Bond with Your Baby
Handout 7 – Baby Songs and Rhymes Part 1
Handout 8 – Coping with Crying
Handout 9 – Taking Care of Yourself
Handout 10 – Play and Bonding Tips
We know you already play and cuddle your babies, but if you heard some fun tips today
that you hadn’t heard before, try them at home! Make sure to take time to connect with
your babies throughout the day. You can incorporate many opportunities for bonding
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and attachment into your normal daily routines.
Before you leave, please take a minute or two to complete our Evaluation Form for this
session. Please give us honest feedback – the good and the bad! We want to make sure
to make adjustments if something is not working.
Next week, we will discuss the home activities and how your week went, and will talk
more about communication, language development, and physical development as we
explore fun ways to connect with our babies. Please bring your Kit for New Parents
back with you as well as today’s handouts back the next session, so we can review
them. Have fun observing and playing with your babies, and we look forward to seeing
you next week!
When packing up materials for the day, please remember to save chart paper recordings to bring back to the next
session. You should keep chart paper recordings of important activities, such as group agreements, family goals, and
brainstorms that led to important parenting principles. You will refer back to these recordings in subsequent sessions.
OPTIONAL
Buddy Calls. Assign buddies for buddy calls. Participants can choose their own buddy if they’ve developed a
friendship during the first session, or the facilitator can try to determine which parents would be good
partners. Ask them to exchange phone numbers and give each other a call during the week to check-in about
the “Try it at Home” activities.
Facilitator Check-in Calls. Tell participants that one of the facilitators will give them a call to check in during
the week and to see how they are doing in general, and with the “Try it at Home” activities
(For more information on Buddy Calls and Facilitator Check-in Calls, please see the Facilitators’ Guide)
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