Understanding and Managing Caregiver’s
Own Emotions and Self Care
WHY DID YOU WANT TO BE A
CARE PROVIDER ? ? ?
WHAT BOUNDARIES DID YOUR
FAMILY ESTABLISH ???
WHAT HAVE
BEEN SOME
STRESSORS
AROUND
BEING
LICENSED?
WHAT STRESSORS HAVE YOU HAD
AROUND PLACEMENTS ???
WHAT
STRESSORS
HAVE YOU
HAD IN
WORKING
WITH THE
“SYSTEM” ?
WHAT
STRESSORS
HAVE YOU
HAD IN
WORKING
WITH THE BIO
FAMILY?
WHAT STRESSORS HAVE YOU HAD
AROUND KIDS LEAVING YOUR HOME TRANSITIONS?
STRESS
Burnout
Burnout increases because
people….
• Are nurturers by nature and anticipate the
needs of others
• Have less support
• Feel powerless
• Take on causes
• Are perfectionists who don’t cut
themselves any slack
Some symptoms of burnout include:
•
•
•
•
•
•
Tiredness
Small health complaints
Too little or too much sleep
Feeling sad, angry, irritable and depressed
Appetite changes
Lack of motivation and loss of interests in
everyday activities which you once enjoyed
• Feelings of hopelessness or being trapped
• Feeling like running away
• Stressed personal relationships
Compassion Fatigue
Secondary Traumatic Stress (STS)
is defined as the “stress resulting from
helping or wanting to help a
traumatized or suffering person.” STS
is commonly referred to as
Compassion Fatigue.
Compassion Fatigue or STS
• Acting out or feeling ways that are not
normal for you;
• Feelings of anger, sadness, depression, or
anxiety that last longer than usual;
• Having nightmares similar to the type of
trauma that your foster children have
experienced;
• Avoiding going places or seeing people
out of fear for your foster children.
RED FLAGS
•
•
•
•
•
•
Abusing drugs, alcohol
Anger
Blaming
Chronic lateness
Depression
Diminished sense of personal
accomplishment
• Exhaustion (physical or emotional) / feeling
lazy
RED FLAGS
• Feeling anxious, forgetful, sad, confused,
angry
• Frequent headaches
• Gastrointestinal complaints
• High self-expectations
• Hopelessness
• Hypertension / Tight muscles
• Inability to maintain balance of empathy and
objectivity
RED FLAGS
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Increased irritability / Mood swings
Lack of caring for others
Less ability to feel joy
Low self-esteem
Over or under eating
Sleep disturbances
Workaholism
GRIEF
AND
LOSS
STAGES OF GRIEF
Shock/Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Despair/Depression
Acceptance/Understanding/Resolution
ESTABLISHING HOUSE RULES
RULES
• Write out a list and post them.
• Post a few rules in different places around the
house
• Review the rules often, and refer back to the
house rules when children forget or break the
rules
• When possible, try to make house rules positive
• When a child enters your home, have a house
meeting to review the rules
RULES
• Allow children to be part of the process
• Resist the urge to get in a power struggle
• Don’t take non-compliance of the rules
personally, making you angry or stressed
• Model following the rules
FOR YOUNG CHILDREN
• Keep your rules simple and limited
• Remind young children about rules before
a new situation
FOR OLDER KIDS/TEENS
• Review the rules with them when they arrive
• Allow room for negotiations “relationship
building” on some rules but once the rule is
established – expect compliance
• Give a copy to the child
• Treat rules as a contract and have older teen
sign and date after reviewing and discussing
• Consider keeping a rule notebook that you and
the child can refer back to as a reminder of
agreements made
BASIC RULES
• BE RESPECTFUL
– Treat everyone with respect – no hitting, biting, namecalling or put-downs. Remember to say please, thank
you, I’m sorry and you’re welcome.
• BE HONEST
– Tell the truth – don’t omit details. Say what you mean
and follow through on your word.
• BE RESPONSIBLE
– Accept the consequences of your actions – apologize,
ask for help, clean up your own mess and think of
others before you act.
BOUNDARIES
Setting Boundaries for Yourself
• What code of ethics, morals and values do
you want to impart to those you interact
with?
• What are you marketing?
• What is your “business” slogan or catch
phrase?
• What is it going to take to make your
“business” successful?
Sample Mission Statement
Our home will be a place where our family,
friends, and guests find joy, comfort,
peace and happiness. We will seek to
create a clean and orderly environment
that is livable and comfortable. We will
exercise wisdom in what we choose to eat,
read, see, and do at home. We want to
teach our children to love, learn, laugh,
and to work and develop their unique
talents.
CHILDREN WITH BOUNDARY
ISSUES
• Children who do not know how to respect other
people’s things.
• Children who want to always touch or hug or
kiss another children or adults.
• Children who constantly need attention or praise
or acknowledgement or who are constantly
engaging your attention through misbehavior.
• Children who consistently invade another
person’s drawers or use their things without
asking.
CHILDREN WITH BOUNDARY
ISSUES
• Children who don’t seem to have a selfprotective urge about themselves, such as not
afraid of strangers, wander off easily, participate
in high risk activities or put themselves in
dangerous situations.
• Children who tell strangers about abuse or want
to go home with them.
• Older children who ask very personal questions
or ask personal questions in public places.
STAY OUT OF TRIANGLES
A triangle happens when one person in a three
Part triangle tries to play the other parties against
Each other.
Maintaining Boundaries with the
Agency
• Make sure workers know your schedule when setting
up your foster child's visitation with birth family
• Be smart when setting up a foster child's therapy
schedule
• Be proactive in setting up monthly meetings with
social workers
• Get the information you need regarding the child at
the time of placement
Setting Boundaries regarding
Employment
•
•
•
•
Check your employee policy
Communicate with your employer
Partner with your agency
Partner with a child care provider or
other foster parent
• Be realistic about your limitations
Putting Boundaries around
Church or Religious Activities
Self Care
BURNOUT/ SELF CARE
• Learning how to relax
• Improve/ gain new coping skills
• Keep a journal
• Practice the stress reducing techniques we
are going to learn or some that you know
already
BURNOUT/ SELF CARE
• Make better lifestyle choices
• Reduce or eliminate harmful habits
• Develop or maintain a social support
system
Compassion Fatigue Self Care
Grief and Loss Coping Strategies
• Face your feelings
• Express your feelings in a tangible or
creative way
• Look after your physical health
• Don’t let anyone tell you how to feel
• Plan ahead for “Grief Triggers”
Tips for Dealing with
Grief and Loss
• Connect with foster care and adoption support
groups.
• Use respite providers as necessary.
• Allow time to grieve the loss of the child.
• Think about taking a short break from fostering
every now and then.
• Talk with your foster care coordinator about your
needs; they want to provide Care providers with
the resources they need to be successful.
REDUCING STRESS FOR THE
SINGLE PARENT
REDUCING STRESS FOR THE
SINGLE PARENT
• Get Up Earlier
• Make your bedtime routine consistent
• Give Yourself at Least One Night Off Per
Week
• Use Your Shower Time
• Take a Walk on Your Lunch Hour
REDUCING STRESS FOR THE
SINGLE PARENT
• Introduce Quiet Time
• Make a Date With Yourself
• Maximize Your Commute
• Use "The Box" Technique
• Do Not Use Your Kids' TV Time to Do Chores
Reducing Stress for couples
Reducing Stress for couples
• Make couple time a priority with weekly
or bi-weekly date nights
• Take care of yourself
• Remember not to take your foster
child's behaviors personally
Reducing Stress for couples
• Work together to agree on discipline
• Remember to communicate with your
spouse or partner
• Get help when needed
• Don't forget to utilize respite
The Road to Good Self-Care
Take care of You!
Stop comparing yourself to other adults
and families
Keep it simple
Know which part of the day is the hardest
and have a plan to make it go more
smoothly
Take care of You!
Have down time every day
 Routinely have something to which you
can look forward
Hold one focused, connected and
meaningful conversation each day
Take time for yourself
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Take a candle lit bath
go to the gym
meet up with some friends
Go for a walk
Spend time outside
Play with a pet
Work in your garden
Curl up with a good book
Listen to relaxing music
Sweat out tension with a good workout
Start a hobby
Take a class to learn more about your hobby
Take care of your emotional
needs
•
•
•
•
•
Be gentle with yourself
Treat yourself as you would a good friend
Find a place to cry
Find ways to express your anger safely
Keep a positive attitude
Take care of your emotional
needs
• Continue to laugh and have fun, try to find
humor in day-to-day activities
• Surround yourself with positive people
• Share thoughts, feelings, and fears with
people you trust
• Find others you can visit with
Keep yourself healthy
Eat healthy foods
Keep yourself healthy
 Visit your doctor as
needed
 Recharge your
batteries daily
 Avoid harmful
habits
Get a Good Night’s Sleep
Relax
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Breathing Exercises
Muscle Relaxation
Imagery Meditation
Meditation
Journaling
Yoga
Relaxation tapes
Exercise
• Do a little gardening.
• Take a brisk walk
around the block.
• Exercise to a DVD or
video at home when
you have time.
• Do every day chores
• Listen to music while
doing chores
Ask For Help
Delegate jobs to others
Develop a support network
Support
networks can
include family,
friends, or
workmates
Develop a support network
If you're a stay-athome parent, it's
especially important
to reach out to
others for support.
Get to know the
other parents at
your child's school
Develop a support network
If you have a
very young
child, try to
find a play
group or
mom's group
to attend
Develop a support network
Volunteer at
your child's
school
Connect with other foster
parents
 Join a Care giver support group
Working Together as a Family
• Have regular family meetings
• Accentuate the positive/Minimize the
negative
• Commit to stable family rituals
• Introduce a family better health plan
• Schedule family fun days
• Take time to support each other each
day
Take care of your biological and
adopted children
• Spend some one on one time with your
children
• Enjoy relaxing with your kids
• Teach your children resiliency
• Model and teach your children conflict
resolution skills
Develop Realistic Expectations
of Your Foster Child
BABIES:
Develop Realistic Expectations
of Your Foster Child
TODDLERS
Develop Realistic Expectations
of Your Foster Child
PRESCHOOL
Develop Realistic Expectations
of Your Foster Child
EARLY GRADESCHOOL
Develop Realistic Expectations
of Your Foster Child
LATE GRADE SCHOOL
Develop Realistic Expectations
of Your Foster Child
ADOLESCENCE
USE YOUR TEAM FOR SUPPORT
Check out
stress
management
books
Get Some Respite
Set a schedule and stick to it
Keep a journal
• Jot things down that
make you feel
stressed
• Look for patterns
• Try to pinpoint your
exact stressors
• Formulate solutions
• Write free flow
Pray or meditate
Keep the clutter at bay
Recognize your limits
• Realize that you cannot do everything
• Focus on what you can control
• Stay in the present rather than living in the
past or future
Recognize burnout
Believe that you hold the key to
unlock the door to your stress
free life
Commit to yourself as
well as those you love