Word clutter
and readability
Word clutter
Word clutter means using more words than necessary to convey
a written message.
Why is this bad?
• It wastes space, of course.
• But more than that, it makes a story harder to read, and more
tedious to get through.
• Stories in the mass media that are hard to read don’t get read.
Word clutter
• Usually word clutter litters the first drafts of articles.
• When we go back to edit first drafts, often we can identify the
clutter.
• Unfortunately, writers in a hurry sometimes don’t have time
to revise.
• It’s up to editors to clear out the “deadwood.”
Word clutter
• It takes many years of experience to do a really efficient job at
identifying word clutter.
• For example, the sentence above could be more efficient. How
could we rewrite? Answer:
Word clutter
We might say this:
It takes years of experience to identify word clutter efficiently.
• It is possible, though, to catch word clutter offenders common
in mass-media style writing.
• Below are some of the most common examples of word
clutter in mass media writing.
Word clutter
• All of a sudden=suddenly.
• the morning, the evening. Just use a.m. or p.m.
• Located. This word is usually not necessary.
Example: “It was located downtown.” Just say “It was
downtown.”
More word clutter
• Due to the fact that. Just say because.
• A total of. Usually this is not necessary, as are the words “in
cash.” Example:
“According to police, a total of $500 in cash was found in
Hornbacher’s parking lot.
Just say “According to police, $500 was found in Hornbacher’s
parking lot.”
More word clutter
• At the present time. Just say now.
• Asked if he.... Usually this clause is redundant. For example:
“Asked if he plans to run for re-election, the senator responded,
“I’ll run for re-election as long as the voters want me.” Just use
the quote.
Attributions
• Note that you don’t have to keep repeating “he said, she said”
when it’s obvious who’s talking.
• Attributions should be in the same tense throughout the story,
either present (“says”) or past (“said”).
• Past tense in attributions is often used for hard news stories,
present tense for features.
• You may sometimes vary “said” with words like “pointed out”
or “added.”
• Avoid the clumsy attributions “commented” or “stated,”
unless it truly was a formal statement.
Nominalizations
This means taking a verb form and making a noun out of it.
(What is a noun? A person, place or thing. What is a verb? An
action word.)
• Mass media writing emphasizes people doing things, and
favors active verbs. We want to avoid setting up
nominalizations.
• Two common nominalizations: made a study of, made an
investigation of.
• Just say studied or investigated.
More word clutter
• Avoid using two words when one suggests the other.
Examples:
Personal friend=friend.
Blue in color=blue.
Exact replica. A replica is exact, no need for the repetition.
Qualified expert. Why would an expert not be qualified?
New record. A record is always new.
Completely destroy. Destroy is complete. Otherwise, say
damaged.
Or that favorite of flight attendants: “Be sure to take all of your
personal belongings with you.”
As opposed to your impersonal ones, apparently. Perhaps can leave those for
the cleaning people.
Jargon
• “Party, parties,” meaning people. This is law enforcement
jargon often picked up by mass media. “Facility” also is jargon,
and usually can be substituted with a more specific word.
Example:
“Police said two parties broke into the facility and stole six
bottles of Captain Morgan rum.”
• Be specific: “Police said two people broke into the liquor store
and stole six bottles of Captain Morgan rum.”
More extra words
• At its regular meeting (not their, of course) is usually not
necessary when referring to committees or boards. Example:
“The Fargo City Commission at its regular meeting Tuesday
declared a moratorium on bike path construction.”
Just say, “The Fargo City Commission Tuesday declared a
moratorium on bike path construction.”
Have a need for, in need of=need.
Time and date
At and on are often superfluous. Example:
“The campus Phi Kappa Phi chapter will meet at 7:30 p.m. on
Tuesday in the Memorial Union Lark Room.”
Just say, “The campus Phi Kappa Phi chapter will meet 7:30 p.m.
Tuesday in the Memorial Union Lark Room.”
Addresses
• Usually we can delete the words “at the intersection of,”
because two crossing roads obviously intersect. Example:
“Police found a stray dog at the intersection of University Drive
and 12th Avenue South.”
“Police found a lost dog at University Drive and 12th Avenue
South.”
More common deadwood
• Noon luncheon. Just say luncheon; all luncheons are at noon.
• Detailed information is available upon request at.... Details are
available at....
• General public. The public is general, so usually no need for
that word.
• Spelling warning: Spell check won’t catch the commonly
misspelled phrase “publically-held.” It should be “publiclyheld.”
• Held. Generally this word isn’t necessary. Example:
“The rally will be held Friday.”
“The rally will be Friday.”
• Useful solution.
If it’s not useful, it’s not a solution.
More common deadwood
• The incident. Usually not needed. Example:
“She investigated the incident.” (And avoid the nominalization
“made an investigation of....”)
“She investigated.”
• Guest speaker. Just say speaker.
• If that were the case=If so.
• At this point in time=now.
Still more common deadwood
• “Which” or “who” often are superfluous. Examples:
“The book, which is a biography, includes descriptions of White
House staff.”
Just say, “The book, a biography….”
“The students who are attending the class must bring pencils.”
Just say, “The students attending the class….”
“As a result of=“because.”
Does it matter?
• “A small detail, you say—not worth
bothering about. It is worth
bothering about. The game is won or
lost on hundreds of small details.
• “Writing improves in the direct ratio
to the number of things we can keep
out of it that shouldn’t be there.”
--William Zinsser, On Writing Well.