DEFENSIVE PARENTING:
Keeping Your Family Safe - Defending
Against Allegations
Center for Development of Human Services
Institute for Community Health Promotion
SUNY Buffalo State
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
Center for Development of Human Services
Institute for Community Health Promotion
SUNY Buffalo State
_______________________________________
Acknowledgement
This material was developed by the Center for Development of Human Services
(CDHS), Institute for Community Health Promotion, SUNY Buffalo State under a
training and administrative services agreement with the New York State Office of
Children and Family Services.
Disclaimer
While every effort has been made to provide accurate and complete information, the
Office of Children and Family Services and the State of New York assume no
responsibility for any errors or omissions in the information provided herein and
make no representations or warranties about the suitability of the information
contained here for any purpose. All information and documents are provided “as is,”
without a warranty of any kind.
For information about this and other training programs, please visit:
http://cdhs.buffalostate.edu
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family
Services.
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Identify allegation issues
Recognize how foster parents can be exposed to
allegations
Identify tools & skills that build a safe environment
Assess individual needs for specific skill-building in
defensive parenting
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
Risks of Fostering
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Children with special
needs/difficult behaviors
Families w/ substance
abuse/domestic violence
High stress levels
Lack of needed supports
Isolation from team
Lack of information
Fear and frustration
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
Risks of Fostering (con’t)
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Allegations of abuse or
neglect
New placements
Disagreements with team
members
Partnerships with birth
families
Transportation
Waiting at appointments
Telephone messages and
no reply
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Withdrawn, confusing,
hostile or disturbing
behavior of others
Teamwork
Missed visits
Overnight visits
Unsupervised visits
Supervised visits
Agency staff turnover
Multiple placements and
workers
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
Risks of Fostering (con’t)
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Supervising visits
Building attachments
Emergency placements
PINS/JD Behaviors
Discussing sensitive topics
Working with child sexual
abuse
Maintaining confidentiality
Medical interventions
New regulations
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Marital discord
Concurrent planning
Refusing a placement
Separation and loss
Time management
Unexpected expenses
Inconsistent policies &
practices
Lack of respite
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
The Child Protective Investigation
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Complaint made to the
SCR
24 hours to start an
investigation
Determination within 60
days
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Unfounded
Indicated and closed
Indicated and opened-3%
of children in care
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Removal- done by CPS
when there is imminent
danger
Anonymity of reporters
Mandated Reporters
Notification of Parents
May interview the child
in school
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
Incidence of False Allegations
Against Foster Parents
Many more than indicated, e.g.,
68% of 2,000,000 in 2000;
I in 8 chance in 1997
1 in 4 chance in 2002
1 in ? chance in 2014
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
False Allegations
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Naive allegation – young child confuses past and
present or has difficulty separating reality from fantasy
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Manipulative allegation – older child, youth or family
want to change the living arrangement or punish the
foster parents
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Originate in an underlying need for control
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991 © 2014
New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
Reasons Abuse Might Occur in
Foster Homes:
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Children who’ve been abused
or neglected display provocative behavior
Foster parents get overwhelmed
Pedophiles seek out access to children
Older youth can be sexually attractive to adults
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991 ©
2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
Rules of Defensive Parenting
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Get it in writing
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Copies of agency policy,
placement agreement,
school records,
evaluations
Attend Service Plan
Reviews
Use a log or calendar
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
A Guide to Gathering Information
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Administrative
Family Background
Medical Information
Education
Personal Data
Special Needs
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
Gather Administrative Information:
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Reason for placement
Permanency plan: required services and foster
parent’s role in executing the plan
Names, titles, contact #’s, email addresses of
those involved with case
Visitation plan and schedule
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
Gather Information on Family
Background:
 Name child likes to be called
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Names of siblings, parents, others
Favorite family activities
Usual home responsibilities
Experience with pets
Community of faith
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
Gather Information on Educational
History:
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Child’s performance
Child’s feelings about school
Favorite subject(s)
Least favorite subject(s)
Favorite teacher(s)
Extracurricular activities
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991 ©
2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
Gather Personal Data:
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Food – likes and dislikes
Sleep – bedtime, naps, rituals, concerns
Fears
Important dates and places
Favorite toys
Special friends and how to contact them
Personal appearance – concerns with
dressing, favorite colors, style preferences
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
Gather Information on Special
Needs:
Anything with which the child may need
help…
(learned as a result of gathering all the preceding
information)
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
Advocacy
“A process whereby you start
something, change something, or
stop something.”
Jacob Sprouse
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991 ©
2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
Small Group Directions
Disciplinarian, Stress Manager, Advocate or
Emergency Responder:
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2.
3.
Select recorder/reporter
Answer questions on worksheet
Be prepared to report back in 15 minutes.
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
The Advocate
1.
What must you know to be successful?
2.
When is it difficult to be an advocate?
3.
How can you be an advocate to keep the
child safe at home, on visits, at school and in
the community?
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
Tips for the Case Advocate
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Put it in writing and keep a copy
Address one concern at a time
Know the “players”
Keep the team informed
Know the risks
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
The Disciplinarian
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How is disciplining more “defensive” than
punishing?
How does the child’s history of abuse/neglect
affect your discipline?
What should you know about the child?
What should you know about yourself?
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
Drawbacks of Physical Punishment
1.
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What does physical punishment teach?
What messages are given to the child?
How do these messages affect the child
in care?
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
Discipline teaches…
while punishment:
 makes
the child pay
 hurts the child’s self-esteem
 holds the adult responsible
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
NYSOCFS Policy on Discipline of Children in
Foster Care - Sec. 441.9, amended April 26, 1973
prohibits:
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Depriving meals
Depriving snacks
Depriving mail
Depriving family visits
Room isolation
Solitary confinement
Corporal Punishment
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Prescribing,
administering,
supervising discipline by
anyone other than an
adult
Any abuse or
maltreatment of a child,
either as an incident of
discipline or otherwise
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
Parental Attitudes of the
Disciplinarian
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Genuine care and
concern for the child
Teaching without blame
or insult
Parental self-assurance
Honesty
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Behavior focused
Openness
Separateness
Patience
Firm and friendly
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
Emergency Responder
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Examples that foster parents face
How do these affect your life?
What happens to children experiencing one?
How can you best respond?
What do you need to remember in an
emergency?
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
Emergencies
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Usually are accompanied by strong emotional
reaction
Can be triggered by many different things
Can be managed
Children in care have more than their “fair
share”
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
3 STAGES OF AN EMERGENCY
1.
Pre-Emergency; i.e., stressors “set the stage” for
crisis (predisposing factors)
2.
Precipitating Event; i.e., “the straw that broke the
camel’s back;” “at the end of his rope, etc.”
3.
Period of Resolution; i.e., working through crisis
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
Behavior Phases of Children in
Crisis:
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Anxiety
Disorganized behavior
Physical acting out
Tension reduction
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
Emergencies: Principles of
Intervention
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Stay calm
Recognize alternatives
Maintain a helpful attitude
Release emotional energy
Guidance
Accept the solutions
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
Helping the Child in Crisis
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Assess the emergency
Give help and assistance
Use effective listening skills; i.e., body language,
clarify, paraphrase, use minimal reinforcers and open
or closed questions, modify environment
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Express interest
Show affection (use touch)
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
Reimbursements for Damages
NYS Regulation (18NYCRR Part 427) provides
reimbursement as a special payment to foster
parents for expenses not covered by
homeowner insurance. In this state
supervised, locally administered child welfare
system, the LDSS decides whether or not and
what amount to pay, within state specified
limits (@$1,000/child over 2 yr. period).
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
Documentation and Precise
Descriptions
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Child abuse (statutory vs. agency policy definition)
Acceptable and unacceptable discipline
Procedures for reporting & investigating allegations
against foster/adoptive families
The child’s rights
Problem, crisis & emergency, and reporting procedures
Documentation requirements (formal vs. informal)
Your family’s insurance coverage & liabilities
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
Stress Manager
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What irritates you about being a foster parent?
What delights you about being a foster parent?
How can you lessen the irritants?
How can you strengthen the delights?
What’s most helpful in managing your stress?
What do you need to be a better stress
manager?
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
Recognizing STRESS
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General irritability
Rapid breathing, shortness
of breath, excessive
yawning
Pounding heart
Dry mouth, excessive
throat clearing
Impulsive behavior
Rapid changes in emotional
state
Inability to concentrate
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Feelings of unreality,
weakness, dizziness
Accident prone
Fatigue, changes in sleep
patterns, insomnia
Floating anxiety (tense and
fearful)
Trembling, twitching, tics,
excessive blinking
Easily startled by small
sounds
Nervous laughter
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
More STRESS Symptoms
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Speech changes:
stuttering, unusual voice
volume, laryngitis
Fidgeting, inability to sit
still
Urinary and digestive tract
problems
Muscle tightness,
Change in appetite, binge
eating, cravings
Skin rashes
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Increased smoking,
drinking, meds
Numb extremities
Sarcastic, exaggerated,
combative or hostile
language
Misperceptions and loss of
perspective
Frequent illness, colds
A pattern of lateness
Regressive behavior
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
Life with Less Stress
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Be in the present
Schedule leisure activities
Develop a personal growth
plan
Develop timetables
Recognize feelings
Express feelings in healthy
ways
Keep realistic expectations
Reduce intake of substances
Say NO more often
Encourage positive feedback
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Prioritize: First things first.
Be honest
Agree to disagree
Indulge in your delights
Exercise
Be task-oriented
Build success into every day
Build variety into your life
Invite stress-reducing
opportunities
Develop supports
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
Reducing Your Liabilities
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Recognize stress
Establish clear role definitions and guidelines
Review placement agreements
Secure case-specific information
Seek adequate financial support
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.
Fostering as Political Parenting
Considerations:
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Type or length of placement
Placing-agency style
Confidentiality
“The Whole Child”
Adapted from Foster Family Survival: Defensive Parenting by Jacob R. Sprouse, Jr., 1991
© 2014 New York State Office of Children and Family Services.