Effective Thesis Writing
for CPSC Students
Jo-Anne Andre
(andre@ucalgary.ca)
University of Calgary
September 22, 2006
Effective Writing Program http://efwr.ucalgary.ca wconline@ucalgary.ca
Common Problems in Theses
From an informal survey of U of C CPSC professors ~

Conceptualization of research into thesis structure

Conceptualization of audience

Structuring the thesis

Coherence & paragraph structure

Development of strong arguments

Definitions & use of specialized terminology

Clarity and precision in sentences & grammar

Presenting math effectively

Editing - spelling, punctuation, word use, citations
Overview

Getting started & your writing process

Conceptualizing your audience

Structuring a thesis
– Basic parts and writing strategies

Revising & editing your thesis
– Improving coherence and readability
– Defining and using specialized terminology
– Integrating quotations and equations
– Editing for precision and clarity
– Formatting citations (APA style)
Getting Started

Familiarize yourself with requirements & resources:
– Thesis template (& guidelines):
http://www.ucalgary.ca/it/mswordthesisstylefiles/

Review several theses in your field:
For U of C, see https://dspace.ucalgary.ca/handle/1880/281

Recommended theses available online:
Brygg Ullmer's dissertation (MIT):
http://alumni.media.mit.edu/~ullmer/dissertation/
George Fitzmaurice's dissertation (University of Toronto):
http://www.dgp.toronto.edu/~gf/papers/PhD%20%20Graspable%20UIs/Thesis.gf.html
Cory Kidd's M.Sc. thesis (MIT):
http://web.media.mit.edu/~coryk/papers/Kidd_MS_thesis.pdf
Writing Process

Work from an outline

Expect to do multiple drafts

Write first, edit later; edit in waves
(move from large issues to small issues)

Consider the “layered approach” to
drafting proposed by Thomas (2000, p. 21):
1. Focus on factual information
2. Add evaluative and critical material
3. Write integrative material (section previews,
comparisons of studies, summaries)

Get feedback on your drafts
Conceptualizing Your Audience
You, your supervisor, and
researchers focusing on
topics similar to yours
+ Computer scientists
working on other topics
+ Professionals in related
fields, who might have an
interest in your research.
 TARGET THIS RING
Conceptualizing Your Audience
Consider your audience’s needs for
• an understanding of the significance of your
research and how it fits into the bigger picture
“Students need to really highlight the significance of
their results, especially what’s new and why it’s
an important contribution to their discipline” (Jacobson)
• definitions and background information
• information about the relevance (purpose) of
technical information, equations, and ideas
presented (e.g. “The following theorem shows that . . . .and
will be used to . . .”) (Jacobson)
Basic Structuring Strategies
General
(link to familiar information, context)
Specific
Background
 Claim
Evidence & Support:
e.g., technical info.,
equations, data,
examples, reasoning
 Provide section overviews / previews & closing summaries
 Provide background for readers
 Use visuals to show the scope of your research
 Start paragraphs with topic sentences
 Provide context for your work and for formulas, examples,etc.
Providing Context First
Carpendale suggests this basic set of moves:
WHAT  WHY  HOW
What’s the problem
 Why it’s important
 How you addressed it

“I like to see an introductory chapter in which the
problem and its significance are described at a fairly
high level, followed by an overview of the work the
student has done in order to address the problem.
This is often not done very well, especially the
discussion of the problem’s significance.”
(Jacobson)
Providing Context First
Example of an opening (Zobel, 2004, p. 32)
X In this paper we describe a new programming
language with matrix manipulation operators.
 Most numerical computation is dedicated to
manipulation of matrices, but matrix operations
are difficult to implement efficiently in current
high-level programming languages. In this
paper we describe a new programming
language with matrix manipulation operators.
 handout
Structuring your Thesis

Front matter: Title page, approval page, abstract,

Ch. 1: Introduction
Ch. 2: Conceptual Foundations (Background)
Ch. 3: Related Research (Literature Review)
Body chapters may vary depending on
Ch. 3: Methods
the thesis; e.g., chapters may present new
Ch. 4: Results
work or report on testing or case studies.
In some cases, body chapters will
Ch. 5: Discussion
resemble research articles.
Ch. 6: Conclusion
End matter: References, appendices







acknowledgements, table of contents, list of tables, list of
figures, list of abbreviations
Example
Structuring Sections
1 Introduction 1
1.1 Background . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1
1.2 Motivation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1
1.3 Thesis Objectives . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3
1.4 Thesis Contributions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3
1.4.1 Wireless-side Measurement . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4
1.4.2 Overview of Results . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7
1.5 Thesis Organisation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8
2 Background 10
2.1 Local Area Networks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10
2.2 Protocols . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . … 10
2.3 Network Model . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .11
2.3.1 Physical Layer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11
2.3.2 Data Link Layer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12
2.3.3 Network Layer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13
2.3.4 Transport Layer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14
2.3.5 Application Layer . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15
2.4 Packet Encapsulation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15
2.5 IEEE 802.11 WLAN Standards . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16
2.6 IEEE 802.11 WLAN Components . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17
2.7 IEEE 802.11 Architecture . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . 18
2.8 IEEE 802.11 Framing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21
2.9 IEEE 802.11 Frame Types . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25
2.9.1 Management Frames . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26
2.9.2 Control Frames . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27
2.10 Summary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ….. 28
Use informative
headings for subsections
Try to keep to two or
three levels of headings
At each level, try to
keep headings parallel
grammatically (e.g., all
nouns or noun phrases)
(Mehanti, 2006)
Crafting a Title

Make it specific; include key words

Avoid potentially unfamiliar acronyms
and ambiguous terms

Revise for conciseness and to rephrase
long noun chains
Weak: A study of chipmunk muscle tissue ion channel amino acid
activation parameters
Better: Amino acid activation of ion channels in chipmunk muscle
tissue
(Example from Matthews, Bowen, & Matthews, 2000, p. 66)
Writing the Abstract

A brief summary of your project

One or more paragraphs
– Master’s thesis: 150 words max.
– Doctoral dissertation: 350 words max.
Example
Global gene expression of cells
attached to a tissue engineering scaffold
Example
Klapperich, C. M. & Bertozzi, C. in Biomaterials; Nov2004, Vol. 25 Issue 25, p5631-
A goal of tissue engineering is to produce a scaffold
material that will guide cells to differentiate and regenerate
functional replacement tissue at the site of injury. Little is
known about how cells respond on a molecular level to
tissue engineering scaffold materials. In this work we used
Purpose /
oligonucleotide micro-arrays to interrogate gene expression
focus of
profiles associated with cell–biomaterial interactions. We
study
seeded collagen–glycosa-minoglycan meshes, a widely
used tissue engineering scaffold material, with human IMRMethod
90 fibroblasts and compared transcript levels with control
Consider how the opening
cells grown on tissue culture polystyrene. Genes involved in
sentences add to readability
cell signaling, extracellular matrix remodeling, inflammation,
Findings
and
clarity
the reader
angiogenesis and hypoxia
were
all for
activated
in cells on the
collagen–GAG mesh. Understanding the impact of a scaffold
Significance on attached cells will facilitate the design of improved tissue
engineering materials. [128 words]
Context /
problem
Writing the Introduction (Ch. 1)

Introduce the broad research area & topic

State the research problem or question

Establish its significance

Mention existing solutions & their limitations

Outline the proposed new solution

Indicate the purpose and objectives of the
study (e.g. to identify…; to determine…; to
measure…; to evaluate…; to develop…)

Include hypotheses (if applicable)

Indicate the study’s scope and limitations
Considering Significance
of your Thesis Research
(Friedland & Folt, 2000)
Methodological/technological
How others might contributions
use your research
Empirical
contributions
Consider
(information)
elements
Potential
Theoretical
separately
significance of
contributions
the research
(understanding)
Consider
analogous
Contributions
systems
to other fields
Short- vs longterm importance
Educational or
societal benefits
Reviewing the Literature
A literature review situates your research into
the larger research context by

Reviewing previous research

Synthesizing it into a summary of “what is and
isn’t known”

Relating it to your research question

Identifying points of controversy

Suggesting questions for further research
(Taylor, 2001, p. 1)
Reviewing the Literature (2)
Tornquist (1986) suggests the following
approach:
1.
Establish the existence and importance of
the problem or question
2.
Discuss research . . . done on the question
3.
Present your conceptual framework and
discuss how this framework or model has
been applied in your problem area
Point out flaws or gaps in the research
5. Conclude with the purpose of your work (p.10)
4.
Reviewing the Literature (3)

Organize your review thematically
– look at key concepts in your research
– use subsections with informative headings
– group related pieces of research

Move from broad to highly relevant work, from
theoretical to empirical, from known to
unknown (Tornquist, 1986)

Describe highly relevant work in more detail
Reviewing the Literature (4)
Use appropriate tenses:
– Researcher actions - past tense
• Smith (2003) studied…; Pell (2004) found…
– Research in general – present perfect
• Research has shown…;…has been studied
– Conclusions drawn - present tense
• Response time depends on…(Pell, 2004)
Describing Methods
“A methodology is not just a list of research tasks but
an argument as to why these tasks add up to the best
attack on the problem” (Przeworski & Salomon, 2004, p. 1)

Summarize the research design
– Approach, research questions & hypotheses

Describe the research setting & sample
- Population, sample, sample size; sampling method; recruitment

Explain (& justify) the intervention, procedures
and tools for data collection and analysis
– Address variables, measurement, sources of bias, etc.

Outline research ethics considerations
 For guidelines, see http://www.ucalgary.ca/UofC/research/
html/ethics/poli_guide.html
Describing Methods (3)

Use headings to organize information

Be as specific as possible

Include references for methods

For novel approaches, justify methods in
more detail
Presenting Results

Summarize the research; describe the
sample

Present the study findings

Connect findings to your research
question, objectives, and hypotheses
Discussing Results & Concluding

Summarize major findings

Connect findings to your research questions,
objectives, and hypotheses

Highlight the meaning of the findings and
relate the findings to the literature
– Do they support previous research or theory?

Discuss limits to generalizability of the findings

Discuss applications to theory development
and implications for practice

Indicate directions for future research
Using Appendices

Use appendices for detailed information
related to research methods or results

Label as Appendix A, B, C, & title each
Revising for Coherence
(Gopen & Swan, 1990, p. 550)
Principle:
left
Which
tableProvide
is easiercontext
to read on
andthe
understand?
Table A
Time (min)
0
3
6
9
12
15
Table B
Temp (C°)
25
27
29
31
32
32
Temp (C°)
25
27
29
31
32
32
Time (min)
0
3
6
9
12
15
Revising for Coherence:
the Given New strategy
Example:
I know Jack well.
In fact, he has been a friend of mine for 4 years.
Begin with
Given (familiar
or “old”) information
Then provide New information-the info to emphasize
end of sentence = stress position
Paragraph A
Example
“The porous channels of reservoir rock can be
subjected to forced flow of very large volumes of water
as a result of deliberate efforts to inject fluids into underground reservoirs or, in an attempt to duplicate this
process in the laboratory, from sustained flooding of
several times the pore volume through a reservoir core.
The reduction of permeability which can occur as a
result of flowing such large amounts of water may be
caused by a number of factors; such as, clay swelling,
fines mobilization, bacterial growth, etc. Bacteria
existing in fluids and cores used for research purposes
2.
of
canPlacement
affect permeability
measurements, polymer
new information
retention,
and can result in misinterpretation of fluid
mobility.” What makes this passage hard to read?
(Ionescu-Fornicoiov
& Masata, 1985, p. 1) The Effect of Water Quality on
1.
Sentence length
Laboratory Core Floods. PRI. [Words/Sentence: 54, 34, 24 = 112]
Paragraph A revised
Very large volumes of water can be forced
through the porous channels of reservoir rock
underground. This process can be duplicated in
the laboratory, using reservoir core samples, to
measure [such things as] permeability, polymer
retention, and fluid mobility. However, as water is
forced through the porous rock, it may cause
clay to swell, fines to be mobilized, and bacteria to
grow, all of which may reduce permeability.
Bacteria present in the flooding water or the cores
used for research can affect permeability
measurements and polymer retention and can
lead researchers to misinterpret fluid mobility.
[Words/Sentence = 16, 23, 29, 27 = 95]
Revising for Coherence
PRINCIPLE:
Begin sentences with given (familiar)
information. Present new information in the
stress position at the end of the sentence.
For example, open sentences by
– Repeating the grammatical subject or using a
replacement pronoun (e.g., it, this…, they)
– Using a logical connectors linking given to new
information (e.g., therefore, as a result, however)
 Handout 2
Defining & Using
Specialized Terminology
Watch for these common problems:
 Using concepts (terms) before defining them
 Using terminology inconsistently
(e.g. switching from correctness to functional correctness)
 Defining terms imprecisely or in nonstandard ways
 Confusing terms; making up terms
 Overusing acronyms and abbreviations,
especially non-standard ones
CPSC Dictionaries at U of C

Facts on File Dictionary of Computer Science
Ed. By John Daintith. Rev. Ed. 2006. [On order.]

Elsevier's Dictionary of Computer Science
and Mathematics : in English, German,
French, and Russian. 1995.
Deliiska, Bor´i`ana. [QA76.15 .D44313 1995]
Integrating Quotations &
Equations Effectively

Quote only when the original wording (not just
the idea) is important

Never start a sentence with a quotation, an
equation, a symbol, or a number; always provide
a lead-in

Integrate equations grammatically into a
sentence and punctuate normally

For other guidelines, see “Writing Mathematics”
by the London Mathematical Society, available at
http://tinyurl.co.uk/3990
 handout
Revising for Precision + Clarity

Check for vague uses of it and this
weak: This should be studied further.
better: This problem should be...
This phenomenon...
This approach...

Be specific in topic sentences
The pronouns here could be made more specific:
Although we do not know of anyone using this type
of measure to gauge the performance of a robot, we
believe that this is a valid measure when comparing the
performance of a robot to that of an animated character
because the purpose of the scale is to quantify what they
refer to as “the perceptual illusion of nonmediation.”
[Kidd, 2003, p. 33]
Revising for Precision + Clarity

Use “I” when it makes sense to do so
(e.g., in describing your actions). Use “We” for coauthored papers.

Use “We” = I, the writer,+ you, the reader
Good: “If we assume that v = . . .”

Avoid questionable uses of “we”
in a single-authored thesis
Weak: “We recruited 10 subjects…”
Better: “My research team and I recruited…”
Weak: “In this thesis, we present…”;
“In Ch. 4, we evaluate….”
Better: “This thesis presents…”; “In Ch. 4, I evaluate…”
Revising for Precision + Clarity

Avoid shifts in person (e.g., to “you”):
e.g., If we produce a software system that has terrible
reliability, we lose because no one would want to buy
it. If on the other hand you spend infinite time,
extremely large effort, huge sums of money to build
absolutely perfect piece of software, then it . . . will be
so expensive to produce that we will be out of
business anyway. (Bhawnani, 2006, p. 9).
Informal
Second person (you)
(esp. hypothetical)
Formal
First person (I, we)
[real second person]
Third person (they)
Revising for Precision + Clarity

Check all uses of they and their and try
to make the referents plural
Weak: A cyclist must check their equipment regularly.
Better: Cyclists must check their equipment regularly.
HINT: Use plural forms for generalizations
Revising for Precision + Clarity

Check the its / it’s distinction
Its = the possessive form (e.g., The firm changed its name.)
It’s = it is OR it has (It’s clear that we . . .)

Consider whether descriptors need to be made
more specific
weak: A large increase in processing speed…
better: A 20% increase…
Handout 1
Checking for Parallelism in Lists
Principle:
Items in a list should be grammatically and conceptually
parallel (See handout)
Example:
“Their responsibilities should include:
• Dispatching deliveries that do not go directly ...
• Completing Receiving Reports for deliveries
• Tagging equipment that is university or stateowned
• Working with vendors to process damage
claims…
• Receiving, processing, and selling surplus
equipment” (Arthur Andersen, n.d., Sec. 1, p. 9)
Revising for Economy
“Vigorous writing is concise. A sentence
should contain no unnecessary words, a
paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the
same reason that a drawing should have no
unnecessary lines and a machine no
unnecessary parts. This requires not that the
writer make all his sentences short, or that he
avoid all detail and treat his subjects only in
outline, but that every word tell.” (Strunk &
White, 1979, p. 23)
Revising for Economy

Edit wordy “it is” and “there are” phrases
e.g. “It is possible to...” (can, may)

Eliminate unnecessary words:
e.g. The values [which are] given here . . .

Watch for doubled verbs
e.g., We focus on providing = we provide

Eliminate wordy phrases
e.g. at this point in time = currently

Check uses of “exist” and “being”
Editing for Semi-colons
Use a semi-colon
 to separate items in complex lists, or
 to join complete ideas but only where a period
could be used.
Complete idea;. complete idea.
Complete idea; however*, complete idea
*furthermore, indeed, in fact, therefore, in contrast, for example
Example:There is nothing inhuman about an
intelligent machine; it is indeed an expression of
those superb intellectual capabilities that only
human beings, of all the creatures on our planet,
now possess (Sagan, 1980, p. 292).
Editing for Colons
Use a colon
 to signal a general  specific relationship, but
only after a complete idea that could stand
as a sentence on its own
Complete idea: word, phrase, list, equation, quotation, sentence
.
Examples:
The relationship between energy and mass is given
in Einstein’s famous equation: E = mc2.
There are three ways to increase storage
capacity: ……., ………, and ………
Editing for i.e. vs e.g.
Use these abbreviations only within
parentheses or notes.
 i.e. = id est = that is, namely, in other words

The group’s three members (i.e., Joan, Jen, and Tom)
were away at a conference. [i.e. introduces a
complete list]

e.g., = exempli gratia = for example
When editing, concentrate first on higher-level
concerns, leaving lower-level concerns (e.g., pronoun
use) until later. [e.g. introduces an example]
Editing for Which vs That

Use which (+ commas or dashes or
parentheses) for extra information
e.g. The University of Calgary, which I attended, now
has over 25,000 students.
[Note that the “which” phrase could be cut]

Use that for essential (or defining) information
e.g. The university that I attended has an excellent
co-op program for undergraduate students.
Editing for Affect vs Effect

Write affect when you mean act on
e.g. This issue affects us all.

Write effect when you mean side-effect
or consequence
e.g., This policy had the unexpected effect of
lowering turnover in our district office.
Editing for Citations
Always cite a source for ideas,
information, or words from a source.
 Always include quotation marks (or block
indentation) when taking wording from a
source
 Check paraphrases for following sources
too closely

In-text Citations: APA
Sample APA citations for paraphrased passages:
Barlman and Trey (2001) investigated the impact
of viruses in large organizations. They found that
organizations are vulnerable if individuals fail to
keep virus definitions up to date, as internal
firewalls are rare. [Example from Zobel, 2004, p. 218]
Computer viruses have become increasingly virulent
over the last five years (Smith & Blue, 2004; Woo,
2003).
In-text Citations: APA
Sample APA format for a quoted passage <40 words:
Webber (2006) says that “American corporations
have…been engaged in…cynical behavior” (p. 7).
Sample APA format for a quoted passage >40 words:
Webber (2006) links managers’ over-reliance on
numbers to questionable business practices:
American corporations have for some time been
engaged in what can be described as cynical
behavior: taking aggressive accounting measures,
engaging in short-term expediencies to improve
results, too often displaying little concern for the
impact of their actions on employees and
communities. (p. 7)
In-Text Citations: APA
In your paper, cite web sites as you do print sources:
e.g., (Webber, 2006)
 Use n.p. if page number is unavailable (Webber, 2006, n.p.)
 Use n.d. if no date is available (Webber, n.d., n.p.)
In the Reference list, include retrieval information:
Library and Archives Canada. (2003). Manager’s guide to
multiple format production. Retrieved August 29, 2006,
from http://www.collectionscanada.ca/accessinfo/
s36-202.001-e.html
Check for Paraphrasing
too Closely (Example from Zobel, 2004, p. 217-218)
Original (Barlman and Trey, 2001): The impact of viruses has
become a major issue in many large organizations, but
most still rely on individual users maintaining virus
definitions, with no internal firewalls to protect one user
from another.
Unacceptable paraphrase:
Viruses have become a major issue in many large
organizations, but most organizations still rely on users
maintaining virus definitions on their individual
computers, with no internal firewalls to protect one
computer from another (Barlman & Trey, 2001).
Sample APA Reference List
References
Bond, A.E., Draeger, C. R. L., Mandleco,
B., & Donnelly, M. (2003). Needs of
family members of patients with severe
traumatic brain injury: Implications for
evidence-based practice. Critical Care
Nurse 23 (4), 63-72.
Burnett, R., & Shepherd McKee, J. (2003).
Technical communication. Scarborough, ON: Thomson Nelson.
• Start a new page
• List sources alphabetically by first
author’s last name
• Double-space and
use hanging indent
•Include all sources
cited in the paper—
except for personal
communications.
•Use initials rather
than authors’ full
first names
•Capitalize only the
first letter of book
and article titles
References & Resources
Alley, M. (1996). The Craft of scientific writing. New York: Springer.
Friedland, A. J., & Folt, C. L. (2000). Writing successful science proposals. New Haven CT: Yale UP.
Gopen, G. D., & Swan, J. A. (1990). The science of scientific writing. American Scientist, 78, 550-558.
Hart, C. (1998.) Doing a literature review. Thousand Oaks CA: Sage.
Higham, N. (1998). Handbook of writing for the mathematical sciences. Philadelphia: Society for
Industrial and Applied Mathematics.
Kidd, C. (2003). Sociable robots: the role of presence and task in human-robot interaction. (Master’s
thesis, U of Calgary, 2006). Retrieved September 19, 2006, from http://web.media.mit.edu/~coryk/
papers/Kidd_MS_thesis.pdf
Matthews, J. R., Bowen, J. M., & Matthews, R. W. (2000). Successful
scientific writing. Cambridge: Cambridge UP.
North Dakota State University. (n.d.) Guidelines for M.S. Thesis/PhD Research Proposal. Retrieved
May 3, 2005, from http://www.ndsu.nodak.edu/HNES/Graduate%20Stuff/ms.thesis.guid…
Przeworski, A., & Salomon F. (2004). The art of writing proposals:
Some candid suggestions for applicants to Social Science Research Council competitions.
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