Choices in
Relationships
Chapter Four: Hanging Out,
Pairing Off and Cohabitation
Functions of Hanging Out
in the United States
1. Confirmation of a Social Self
2. Recreation
3. Companionship/Intimacy/Sex
Functions of Hanging Out
in the United States
4. Anticipatory Socialization
5. Status Achievement
6. Mate Selection
Meeting a New Partner
• While people often meet through friends
or on their own through school, work, or
recreation contexts, an increasing number
are open to a range of alternatives such as
personal ads in magazines or on the
Internet.
Meeting a New Partner
• Personal Ads in Magazines and
Newspapers
– Some magazines feature ads marketed to a
particular group of singles.
• The Internet—Meeting Online
– There are over two hundred Web sites
designed for meeting a new partner.
Meeting a New Partner
• Video Chatting
– Video chatting moves beyond the traditional
Internet–typing –of words to each other and
allows the partners to see each other while
chatting online.
• Video Dating Service
– This is an agency that interviews you on
videotape and lets others watch your tape in
exchange for your watching videotapes
already on file.
Meeting a New Partner
• Innovations in Dating—Speed Dating
– Dating innovations that involve the concept of
speed include the eight-minute minute date.
Should I Get Involved in a LongDistance Dating Relationship?
Here are some issues to consider in
making a long-distance dating
relationship manageable and keeping the
relationship together:
1.
2.
3.
4.
Maintain daily contact.
Enjoy/use the time when apart.
Avoid conflictual phone conversations.
Stay monogamous.
Dating after Divorce
•
Differences between the single-again
population and those becoming involved
for the first time:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Older population
Fewer potential partners
Increased HIV risk
Children
Ex-spouse issues
Brief courtship
Cultural and Historical
Background of Dating
• Traditional Chinese “Dating” Norms
– In traditional China, blind marriages, wherein
the bride and groom were prevented from
seeing each other for the first time until their
wedding day, were the norm.
• Dating during the Puritan Era in the
United States
– Bundling, also called tarrying, was a
courtship custom commonly practiced among
the Puritans.
Cultural and Historical
Background of Dating
• Effects of the Industrial Revolution on
Dating
– Commercial industries had developed to
provide many services, and women
transferred their activities in these areas from
the home to the factory.
– The result was that women had more frequent
contact with men.
Cultural and Historical
Background of Dating
• Changes in Dating in the Last Fifty
Years
– The changes include an increase in the age at
marriage, which has been accompanied by
each person’s having a longer period of time
during which he or she becomes involved
with more people.
Cohabitation
• Cohabitation, also known as living
together, is becoming a “normative life
experience” , with almost 60 percent of
U.S. women who married in the 1990s
reporting that they had cohabited before
marriage.
Cohabitation
Percent of First Marriages Preceeded by
Cohabitation
100
90
80
60
60
40
12
20
0
Sweden
United States
Italy
Cohabitation
Eight Types of Cohabitation Relationships:
1.
Here and Now
5. Pension partners
2. Testers
6. Security blanket
cohabiters
3.
Engaged
7. Rebellious
cohabiters
4.
Money Savers
8. Marriage never
Cohabitation
• Social Policy: Domestic Partnerships
– Domestic partnerships refer to two adults
who have chosen to share each other’s lives in
an intimate and committed relationship of
mutual caring.
– California leads the way in domestic partner
benefits, with the law providing rights and
responsibilities in areas as varied as child
custody, legal claims, housing protections,
bereavement leave, and state government
benefits.
Cohabitation
Consequences of Cohabitation
Advantages
Disadvantages
1. Sense of well-being
1. Feeling used or tricked
2. Delayed marriage
2. Problems with parents
3. Learning about self
and partner
3. Economic disadvantages
4. Effects on children
Cohabitation
• Legal Aspects of Living Together
– Common-Law Marriage
– Palimony
– Child Support
– Child Inheritance
Ending an Unsatisfactory
Relationship
Ending an Unsatisfactory
Relationship
Considerations in Ending a Relationship
1. Is there any desire/hope to revive and
improve the relationship?
2. Acknowledge and accept that
terminating a relationship may be painful
for both partners.
3. Blame yourself for the end.
Ending an Unsatisfactory
Relationship
Considerations in Ending a Relationship
4. Cut off the relationship completely.
5. Learn from the terminated relationship.
6. Allow time to grieve over the end of the
relationship.