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All the following stories were taken from a page called Teen Stories collected by an author called Paul
Wagner, the page was last updated in February 2002, the web address is
http://www.aboutteens.org/fiction
The Parable of the Mule --submitted by T.Texas Lawson.
Once there was a farmer who owned an old mule. One day the mule fell.into
the.farmer's well and the farmer heard the mule 'praying' or whatever
mules do.when.they fall into wells..After carefully assessing the
situation, the farmer sympathized with the.mule, but.decided that neither
the mule nor the well was worth the trouble of saving..Instead,.he called
his neighbors together, told them what had happened and enlisted.them
to.help haul dirt to bury the old mule in the well and put him out of
his.misery..Initially, the old mule was hysterical! But as the farmer and
his.neighbors continued.shoveling and the dirt hit his back, a thought
struck him. It dawned on him.that every.time a shovel load of dirt landed
on his back HE COULD SHAKE IT OFF AND.STEP UP! This he did, blow after
blow.."Shake it off and step up... shake it off and step up... shake it
off.and step up!" He.repeated this to encourage himself..No matter how
painful the blows, or how distressing the situation.seemed, the old.mule
fought "panic" and just kept right on SHAKING IT OFF AND STEPPING UP!.It
wasn't long before the old mule, battered and exhausted,
STEPPED.TRIUMPHANTLY OVER.THE WALL OF THAT WELL! What seemed like it
would bury him actually helped.him...all because.of the manner in which
he handled his adversity..THAT'S LIFE! If we face our problems and
respond to them positively, and.refuse to give in to.panic, bitterness,
or self-pity ... THE ADVERSITIES THAT COME ALONG TO BURY.US.USUALLY HAVE
WITHIN THEM THE VERY REAL POTENTIAL TO BENEFIT US!
http://www.aboutteens.org/fiction/paramule.htm
************.
The $20 Lesson
.A well known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20 bill..In the
room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?".Hands started going up..He
said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do.this." He
proceeded to crumple the bill up. He then asked, "Who still wants.it?" Still the
hands were up in the air..Well, he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it
on the ground.and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe..He picked it up,
now crumpled and dirty. "Now who still wants it?".Still the hands went into the
air.."My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what.I
did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in.value. It was
still worth $20..Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground
into the.dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our
way..We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened
or.what will happen, you will never lose your value: dirty or clean, crumpled.or
finely creased, you are still priceless to those who love you. The worth.of our lives
comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE..You are special Don't ever forget it.".Count Your Blessings, not your problems..
http://www.aboutteens.org/essays/$20bill.htm
******************
HEAVENS --submitted by pithias1.
A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying
the.scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He
remembered.dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for
years. He.wondered where the road was leading them..After a while, they
came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the.road..It looked
like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a.tall
arch.that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it, he saw
a.magnificent.gate in the arch that looked like mother of pearl, and the
street that led.to the.gate looked like pure gold..He and the dog walked
toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at.a desk to one
side. When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me,.where.are
we?"."This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.."Wow! Would you happen to
have some water?" the man asked.."Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll
have some ice water brought right.up.".The man gestured, and the gate
began to open.."Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?"
the traveler.asked.."I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.".The man
thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and.continued the
way he had been going with his dog..After another long walk, and at the
top of another long hill, he came to a.dirt road which led through a farm
gate that looked as if it had never been.closed. There was no fence. As
he approached the gate, he saw a man inside,.leaning against a tree and
reading a book.."Excuse me!" he called to the reader. "Do you have any
water?"."Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there". The man pointed to a
place that.couldn't be seen from outside the gate. "Come on in."."How
about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.."There should be
a bowl by the pump." They went through the gate, and sure.enough, there
was an old fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The.traveler filled
the bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some
to.the.dog..When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the
man who was.standing by the tree waiting for them.."What do you call this
place?" the traveler asked.."This is Heaven," was the answer.."Well,
that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said.that
was Heaven, too."."Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly
gates? Nope..That's Hell."."Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your
name like that?"."No. I can see how you might think so, but we're just
happy that they.screen out the folks who'll leave their best friends
behind."
.
http://www.aboutteens.org/fiction/heavns.htm
Related stuff:
Q. What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
A. Nacho cheese. --submitted by WillyB.
"I drank a whole bottle of bug repellent by mistake the other day....
Now my fly doesn't work"
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
One day at kindergarten a teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll
give $2 to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever
lived." An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St..Patrick."
The teacher said, "Sorry Sean, that's not correct."
Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew."
The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Hamish, that's not right either."
Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ."
The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Marvin, come up here and I'll
give you the $2." As the teacher was giving Marvin his money, she said,
"You know Marvin, since you're Jewish, I was very surprised you said
Jesus Christ."
Marvin replied, "Yeah. In my heart I knew it was Moses, but business
is business..."
If I ever had twins, I'd use one for parts. --Steven Wright
A blonde was in a boat rowing around in a field when another blonde
pulls up in a car and says "It's blondes like you that give blondes like
me a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and give you a
peace of my mind." --Lindsey Lahti
RECIPE FOR ELEPHANT STEW:
1 Elephant, Medium Size
2 Rabbits (Optional)
Salt & Pepper to taste
Brown Gravy
Cut elephant into small bite-sized pieces.
This should take about two months. Add enough
brown gravy to cover. Cook over a hot fire for
about four weeks. This will serve 3800 people.
If more are expected, two rabbits may be added,
but do this only if necessary as some people
do not like to find a hare in their stew. --clean-laffs
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
My boyfriend bought me a mood ring the other day. When
I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood,
it leaves a red mark on his jaw!
I have this friend who always seemed to lean slightly
to the left all the time. It used to bother me, so I
suggested he see a doctor, and have his legs checked out.
For years, he refused. told me I was crazy, but last week,
he finally went. Sure enough, the doctor discovered his
left leg was a quarter inch shorter than his right. A
quick bit of orthopedic surgery later, he was cured, and
both legs are exactly the same length now, and he no
longer leans. "So," I said, "You didn't believe me when
I told you a doctor could fix your leg."
He just looked at me and said, "I stand corrected." --clean-laffs
When I was born, I was so surprised I couldn't talk for
a year and a half.
Two of New England's finest undertakers, Old Mort Rogers
and his brother Dick, are also experts at rigging sailing ships.
Most agree that Dick is a fine ship builder, but he's
not the rigger Mort is.
This New York kid had just gotten his driving permit. He
asked his father, who was a rabbi, if they could discuss his
use of the family car. His father took him into his study and
said: "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up,
study your Talmud a little, get your hair cut and then we'll
talk about it."
After about a month, the boy came back and again asked his
father if they could discuss his use of the car. They again
went into the father's study where the father said: "Son,
I've been very proud of you. You have brought your grades up,
you've studied the Talmud diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut."
The teen waited a moment and then replied: "I've been thinking
about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair,
Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair."
The rabbi said: "Yes, and they walked everywhere they went."
I had a job offer from a large company and they offered to
fly me out to the meeting on business class. During the return flight
we were given gourmet brownies and cookies. Not hungry, I decided
to save them for later, so I placed them in a vomit bag. After the
plane landed I got up to leave and a stewardess approached me. "Sir,
would you like for me to dispose of that for you?"
I said, "No thanks, I'm saving it for my kids."
This teenaged guy follows an attractive girl out of a movie
theatre. She has a dog on a leash. He stops her and says, "Excuse
me, but I couldn't help but notice that your dog was really into
the movie. He cried at the right spots, he moved nervously in his
seat at the boring parts, but most of all, he laughed like crazy at
the funny parts. Did you find that unusual??"
"Yes," she replied, "I found it very unusual...because he hated the
book!"
Joe was passing a small courtyard and heard voices murmuring. He went in
and saw an altar with a large zero in the middle and a banner that said
'N I L'.
White-robed people were kneeling before the altar chanting hymns to The
Great Nullity, The Blessed Emptiness, and The Big Zero in the Sky. Joe
turned
to a white-robed acolyte beside him and whispered, "Is Nothing Sacred?"
A burglar went to the bank and pointed a gun at the cashier and said,
"Give me all your money, or you'll be GEOGRAPHY!"
The cashier laughed nervously, "You mean HISTORY, right?"
The burglar snapped back, "Don't change the subject!" --clean-laffs
Sign In Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
More Stuff
FUNNY SIGNS FROM THE WORLD OVER: -submitted by BigBob
At a Budapest zoo: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF
YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.
Doctors office, Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
Hotel, Acapulco: THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL
THE WATER SERVED HERE.
Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan: COOLES
AND
HEATES: IF YOU WANT CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM,
PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.
Car rental brochure, Tokyo: WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT,
TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE
STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOUR.
In a Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE
OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.
On the grounds of a private school: NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.
On an Athi River highway: TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER,
THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
On a poster at Kencom: ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF
SO, WE CAN HELP.
In a City restaurant: OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.
One of the Mathare buildings: MENTAL HEALTH PREVENTION CENTRE.
A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer: DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH
WET HANDS.
In a Pumwani maternity ward: NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.
In a cemetery: PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS
FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
Hotel lobby, Bucharest: THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT
DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.
Hotel elevator, Paris: PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.
Hotel, Yugoslavia: THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASURE
IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE
WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET
COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.
Supermarket, Hong Kong: FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND
COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.