STANDING WITH
LGBTQ FAMILIES
Jude Foster
PAVSA
GENDER IDENTITY AND SEXUAL
ORIENTATION 101
 Gay- A man that is emotionally and sexually
attracted to other men. May also be used to identify
sexual orientation.
 Lesbian- A woman that is emotionally and sexually
attracted to other women.
 Bisexual- A person that is emotionally and sexually
attracted to both men and women- not necessarily
at the same time.
GENDER IDENTITY AND SEXUAL
ORIENTATION 101
 Questioning- A person that is exploring their sexual
orientation and has not come to a definitive
conclusion of what their identity entails.
 Queer- An umbrella term used for anything not
heterosexual. Historically has been considered a
negative term, however the term has been recently
reclaimed by many LGBT people as a preferred selfidentifier. Some individuals are offended by this
term.
GENDER IDENTITY AND SEXUAL
ORIENTATION 101
 Two-Spirit- Refers to the commonly shared notion
among many Native American tribes, that some
individuals naturally posses both the male and
female spirit.
 Homosexual- A term originally used by the medical
community to “diagnose” people who were not
heterosexual. Considered a negative term to some
people who prefer “gay”, “lesbian” or “queer”.
GENDER IDENTITY AND SEXUAL
ORIENTATION 101
 Gender Expression/Identity - Refers to the way in
which people externally communicate their internal
personal sense of gender to others through behavior
and appearance.
 Trans/Transgender- A broad umbrella term for people
who have a gender identity that does not match their
biological or assigned sex.
GENDER IDENTITY AND SEXUAL
ORIENTATION 101
 Intersex- People who are born with full or partial
male and female sex organs, or with
underdeveloped or “ambiguous” sex organs. Use
this term rather than “hermaphrodite”.
 Transexual (MTF/FTM)- An individual who uses
hormonal and/or physical alterations to change
their body so that sex and gender identity are
congruent. This may or may not go as far as Sex
Reassignment Surgery (SRS).
GENDER IDENTITY AND SEXUAL
ORIENTATION 101
 Gender Queer- People that identify their gender
identity outside of the gender binary system of male
and female.
TERMS PARADOX
Terms are Necessary
Terms are Useless
 Finding out what terms a
person uses and then using
their language is a primar y
way of conveying respect and
openness.
 To be culturally competent,
you need to find out what
terms a per son uses to refer
to themselves and then reflect
those terms back to them.
The use of a client’s terms
tells them that you are
listening closely and respect
their right to self -define .
 Terms tell you almost none of
what you need to know to
provide appropriate ser vices
or have respectful, meaningful
interactions.
 There are two primar y reasons
why terms are meaningless:
There has never been
consensus on any LGBTQ
term.
What you really need to know
about people in order to
serve them appropriately isn’t
going to come from an
identity term, but from asking
specific questions related to
their needs, concerns,
experiences.
A FEW WORDS ABOUT PRONOUNS…
 If you don’t know the correct pronoun, ask!
 He/his, she/her, ze/hir, they/them/their
 Reflect your client’s language
 Refer to them using the same name and pronouns
they use for themselves
 If you use the wrong pronoun, take responsibility,
apologize and move on
A FEW WORDS ABOUT PRONOUNS…
 Ask broad, non-leading, open ended questions and
use non-gendered language
 Be an ally
If you hear somebody using the wrong pronoun,
stick up for your client and politely inform them of
their mistake
COMING OUT
 Passing: how we are seen by others; in this context,
being perceived as female, male, another gender,
heterosexual, gay, lesbian etc.
 Disclosure: some people choose to come out as
trans, bisexual, lesbian, gay etc., while others prefer
to keep that information private
WHAT DO FAMILIES OF
VICTIMS/SURVIVORS NEED?
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Safety
Support
Confidentiality
To be believed
Reassurance
Information and Referrals
Options/Choices
WHAT DO LGBTQ FAMILIES OF
VICTIMS/SURVIVORS NEED?
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Safety
Support
Confidentiality
To be believed
Reassurance
Information and Referrals
Options/Choices
BARRIERS TO WORKING WITH LAW
ENFORCEMENT
 Fear of a transphobic/heterosexist response
 Not wanting to out themselves
 Concern that prejudices and stereotypes will be
reinforced
BARRIERS TO MEDICAL SERVICES
 Fear of transphobic/heterosexist response
 Lack of training for health care workers on queer
and transgender medical needs
 Body and/or gender dysphoria
BARRIERS TO ADVOCACY AND
COUNSELING SERVICES
 Fear of transphobic/heterosexist response
 Apprehension that gender identity and/or sexual
orientation will become the focus and not the
sexual abuse
 Confidentiality in smaller communities
LISTEN, BELIEVE AND ASK
RELEVANT QUESTIONS
 Ask yourself, “Why am I asking this question?” and
assess whether or not the information has
relevance to your client’s situation
 Don’t lose sight of your role as a professional by
asking questions that should be asked in an
educational setting rather than in a counseling
room/emergency department/law enforcement
agency
HOW CAN WE BE MORE
APPROACHABLE?
 Recognize that our own gender identity and
socialization impacts our worldview and our work
with victims/survivors
 Acknowledge the transphobia and heterosexism
experienced by LGBTQ people and how it impacts
their overall well-being
 Awareness of the impact of the pressure to be
gender-conforming
BE A GOOD BYSTANDER
 Educate yourself about LGBTQ communities
 Challenge yourself about your own biases and
prejudices
 Hold other people accountable
 Initiate discussions around LGBTQ issues- don’t
always wait for queer-identified people to do this
CLEAN YOUR OWN HOUSE FIRST!
 Make your space welcoming and affirming for all
people
 Are LGBTQ people represented?
 Who are your community partners?
CONVERSATIONS
TO HAVE AT YOUR AGENCY
 Can clients request a LGBTQ-competent counselor, if
they choose?
 Gender-segregated groups/programs?
 Do your advocates/counselors reflect the
communities you serve?
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PAPERWORK
 Think outside of the box
 Let clients select their own gender identity
 Ask if clients identify as transgender
 Use inclusive language on all forms
 Intakes
 Demographics
 Client Bill of Rights
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TRAIN STAFF
 Learn about trans and queer issues before LGBTQ
clients come to your office/agency
 Don’t expect LGBTQ clients to educate you or your
staff
 Set expectations that all clients will be treated
respectfully
 ALWAYS listen to your clients
SYSTEMS ADVOCACY
 Legal/Law Enforcement Advocacy
 Paperwork
 Birth/Previous name issues
 Pronouns and preferred name
 Medical Advocacy
 Evidentiary exams
 Screening/Medical History
REFERRALS
 The LGBTQ community’s complex relationship with
mental health professionals makes it complicated to
refer to therapists and counselors.
 Ask LGBTQ organizations for referrals to sensitive
providers, and build relationships with providers.
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QUESTIONS?
Contact Me!
foster@pavsa.org
218.726.1442 ext. 12
SOURCES
 Munson, M. (2012) Terms Paradox. Retrieved June 25, 2015
from http://forge-forward.org/wp-content/docs/FAQ-062012-terms-paradox.pdf