and

Page 10

Dis
Positive discipline normally involves helping children to understand why certain behaviour is unacceptable and other behaviour is acceptable. Negative discipline focuses on doing what you are told in order to avoid being hurt.
Page 10
Discipline is guidance of children’s moral, emotional and physical development, enabling children to take responsibility for themselves when they are older.
12
It involves making children aware of the boundaries of what is acceptable and what is not acceptable, and teaches them the values and actions which are acceptable in their family and society. Discipline can be positive, for example, praising the child for doing something good or for stopping doing something inappropriate. Or discipline can be negative, for example smacking a child for doing something wrong. Positive discipline normally involves helping children to understand why certain behaviour is unacceptable and other behaviour is acceptable. Negative discipline focuses on doing what you are told in order to avoid being hurt or punished.
Another distinctio n is often made between ‘power assertive’ and ‘inductive’ discipline. Power assertive disciplinary methods involve following children’s inappropriate behaviour with a negative consequence
(smacking, threats, withdrawal of privileges) without explanation or justification. Inductive methods involve limit setting and setting up logical consequences, with reasoning, and explanation.
13
Physical or corporal punishment is the use of force to cause pain, but not injury, for the purpose of correction or control.
14
Although researchers attempt to distinguish between physical punishment and abuse, this is very hard to do and there is no general agreement about the dividing line between physical punishment and physical abuse.
There is evidence that if physical punishment is a frequent mode of family discipline it can escalate into physical abuse. About two thirds of a sample of physically abused children came from families who relied on physical punishment as a mode of discipline in one study.
15
The main difference between abusive and non abusive parents is how often and how severely they physically punish their child.

Six Principles or Characteristics of Effective Discipline
Principle 1
Parental Warmth and Involvement
Principle 2 (SKIP Talking and Listening)
Clear Communication and Expectations
Principle 3
Induction and Explanation
Principle 4
Rules, Boundaries and Demands
Principle 5
Consistency and Consequences
Principle 6
Context – Structuring the Situation

TB 2.5
Clear Communication and Expectation
How we talk/ communicate with
our tamariki/ children
when we discipline them
is important.
Our tamariki/ children learn about what
we think, feel and expect of them
through our
every day conversation and interactions
with them.

*
* “

Direct Attention to
Object or Topic
*
*
*
*

*

Page 10

The Sergeant Major Style
The Sergeant Major Style
(Power Assertive Methods of Discipline)
The Back-Bone Style of Disciplining
(Inductive Methods of Discipline)
Parent sees the behaviour and punishes their child/ tamariki so they will learn not to do that behaviour again.
Parent sees the behaviour as an opportunity to teach by their
instruction and their example the behaviour they wish their
child/ tamariki to do instead.

3 ~ Induction and Explanation
Inductive methods of discipline involving reasoning, explanation, setting up logical consequences and limit setting, are the most effective, and the most likely to lead to internalization. In contrast, power assertive methods which emphasise obedience without giving explanations are generally agreed to be less effective. Of particular importance is the use of other-oriented induction,
43 or reasoning which attempts to sensitise children to the negative effects of their behaviour on others. Intense messages about not hurting, teasing, or ridiculing others, which draw attention to how it feels to be on the receiving end of such behaviour, are important to encourage children’s prosocial behaviour. For example, if a three-year-old grabs a toy from another child, he needs to be told that this makes the other child angry and upset, and that he has to wait for his turn to play with the toy.
Straightforward explanations which capture children’s attention and make the rules clear increase the chances that children will accurately perceive and internalize a parent’s message. Another factor which affects the internalization of messages is whether children agree with and accept the parental message, which is a matter of the degree of overlap or fit between parental and child values. Whether or not children are willing to accept the message being conveyed by parents is influenced by parent-child relationships as well as other relationships in the child’s life (with peers).
Ongoing loving relationships are more likely to promote acceptance of parental messages than distant or rejecting relationships.

3 ~ Induction and Explanation
Inductive methods of discipline involving reasoning, explanation, setting up logical consequences and limit setting, are the most effective, and the most likely to lead to internalization . In contrast, power assertive methods which emphasise obedience without giving explanations are generally agreed to be less effective. Of particular importance is the use of other-oriented induction,
43 or reasoning which attempts to sensitise children to the negative effects of their behaviour on others. Intense messages about not hurting, teasing, or ridiculing others, which draw attention to how it feels to be on the receiving end of such behaviour, are important to encourage children’s prosocial behaviour.
For example, if a three-year-old grabs a toy from another child, he needs to be told that this makes the other child angry and upset, and that he has to wait for his turn to play with the toy.
Straightforward explanations which capture children’s attention and make the rules clear increase the chances that children will accurately perceive and internalize a parent’s message. Another factor which affects the internalization of messages is whether children agree with and accept the parental message, which is a matter of the degree of overlap or fit between parental and child values. Whether or not children are willing to accept the message being conveyed by parents is influenced by parent-child relationships as well as other relationships in the child’s life (with peers).
Ongoing loving relationships are more likely to promote acceptance of parental messages than distant or rejecting relationships.

PS. 8
I want to behave as my parents expect and will follow their values and beliefs even when they are not with me

TB 5.11
This type of logical consequence, from our tamariki/ child’s point of view, tends to look and feel like punishment because it is designed to make the tamariki/ child pay for their undesirable behaviour. eg. “You didn’t put your bike away in the shed so you can’t ride it for a week.”
“You were both fighting over the computer so you both both can’t use it until I see some better behaviour
from you.”
Other examples
So we need to exercise caution around the use of this type of consequence.

TB 5. 12
Most logical consequences focus on making the child pay for the past mistake (Power assertive methods of discipline) instead of finding a solution.
In other words, they are designed to make tamariki/ children feel bad in the hope that it will motivate them to do better.
In
In
Punishment hardly ever motivates children/ tamariki to do better in the future. Instead, they are motivated to rebel, get revenge, or to be more careful about getting caught.
For this reason it is far more effective for us to focus on teaching our child what we want them to do.

TB 5. 12
Most logical consequences focus on making the child pay for the past mistake (Power assertive methods of discipline) instead of finding a solution.
In other words, they are designed to make tamariki/ children feel bad in the hope that it will motivate them to do better.
In
In
Punishment hardly ever motivates children/ tamariki to do better in the future. Instead, they are motivated to rebel, get revenge, be more careful about getting caught or defend themselves by arguing and fighting with the person enforcing the punishment.

TB 5.14
res·ti·tu·tion n.
1. The act of restoring to the rightful owner something that
has been taken away, lost, or surrendered.
2. The act of making good or compensating for loss, damage,
or injury.
3. A return to or restoration of a previous state or position.
The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2009.
Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.
Restitution is a logical consequence in the category of inductive methods of discipline
Restitution involves teaching our child to be responsible for their actions

TB 5.15
Restitution involves teaching our child to be responsible for their actions
Examples
1. Having child clean up the drink they have spilt on the floor
2. Having child spend time cleaning their room after they have left apple cores, rubbish and clothes scattered every where.
3. Apologizing to neighbour for breaking their window with the ball and asking if they could do some jobs for them to make up for it.
4. Writing a letter to say sorry to the teacher for the disrespectful words they said to her.
Teaching our child involves clearly communicating our expectations to them.
1.
Capture our child’s attention eg. By using their name,
eye contact etc
2. Direct their attention to the object or situation.
eg. By using body language
– pointing, gestures etc.
3. State expectation and reason.
4. Positively respond to their effort to bring restitution
to the situation.
Your example
Instructions: Write down an example and the words you will say to your child/ tamariki when you teach them the skill of restitution
Imagine what your child/ tamariki might do? ……………………………………………………………..………
What will you say?
(follow the 1. 3. 4. above)
“
………………………………………………………………………….…………………………………………………..……………………….
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..……………………….
………………………………………………..……………………………………………………………………………..………………………
”

TB 5.16
Positive practice is another type of a logical
consequence in the category of inductive methods
of discipline
Positive Practice is repetitive practice of a more
appropriate action after inappropriate behaviour.
Positive Practice is practice in getting it right
1.
Examples
1. Instructing child to say it again in a nice voice.
2. Instead of calling her an egg tell her why
you are upset with her.
3. Instead of kicking it, slow down and try again to get it in.
4. Instead of snatching it, give it back and ask her if you could have a turn.
5. The plates have been put away wet, please take them out
and dry them again
2.

TB 5.17
Positive Practice is when we encourage our child to give the action or behaviour another go at doing it better next time.
How we teach our child to practice in this way is the
same as how we teach our child restitution.
1. Capture our child’s attention eg. By using their name, eye contact etc
2. Direct their attention to the object or situation. eg. By using body
language
– pointing, gestures etc.
3. State expectation and reason. Reason - how it feels to be on
receiving end of their behaviour (teaching how to positively relate to others)
4. Positively respond to their effort to practise getting it right.
Your example
Instructions: Write down an example and the words you will say to your child/ tamariki
when you teach them how to practice to get it right.
Imagine what your child/ tamariki might do? ………………….………………………………………
What will you say?
(follow the 1. 3. 4. above)
“
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..……………..……………………….
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….……………..……………………….
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..………………………
”

Discipline is a process which takes time – there are no instant effects, especially with younger children.
Discipline is part of chil
33 dren’s life experiences and its relationships, interactions and experiences within the family, and by the wider context of families. While it is clear from the research that severe and harsh punishment (both physical or other) is potentially very risky for children’s development, occasional physical punishment occurs in many families, and may not have long-term negative effects as long as it is used in a climate of warmth and love, where the predominant mode of relating to children is positive.
Nevertheless physical punishment should be avoided if possible because of the uncertainty of where the dividing line is between mild and severe.
Page 18

There is no universal recipe for effective parenting.
There is no universal recipe for effective parenting. behaviours, different children, in different families,
to expect that a single disciplinary act will have an to expect that a single disciplinary act will have an
effect immediately. no instant effects, especially with younger children.
33
Discipline is part of chil dren’s life experiences and its effectiveness is influenced by children’s relationships, interactions and experiences within the
Discipline is a process which takes time – there are clear from the research that severe and harsh no instant effects, especially with younger children.
33
Discipline is part of chil dren’s life experiences and its is used in a climate of warmth and love, where the
Nevertheless physical punishment should be avoided
Page 18 dividing line is between mild and severe. clear from the research that severe and harsh punishment (both physical or other) is potentially very risky for children’s development, occasional physical punishment occurs in many families, and may not have long-term negative effects as long as it is used in a climate of warmth and love, where the predominant mode of relating to children is positive.
Nevertheless physical punishment should be avoided if possible because of the uncertainty of where the dividing line is between mild and severe.

24 Skills and Strategies for the
Effective Discipline of Tamariki/
Children
Wh ā nau/ Family Time
Stopping and focusing 100% Connecting
Asking open ended questions
}
Repeating back some of what
Moments
you hear
Praise {
Affection and Endearment
A Blessing or Karakia
Positively
Acknowledging by
Encouragement
Describing what you see child is doing
Yes, You are Right
Eliminating “Yes, but … ” etc (Cling-ons)
Increased Good Touching
‘E pehea ana to ra?’ ( ‘How Was Your Day’) Game
Warm and Loving Greetings, Goodbyes and Good Nights
Clearly Communicating our Expectations
(including the reason)
Teaching how to Relate Positively to others
(Asking them to stop etc, saying how it feels for the ‘other’ and then what you want them to do instead)
Teaching how to use Soothing/ Calming activities
Family/ Whanau Agreement and Job and Routine Cards
Natural Consequences, Restitution & Positive Practice

Four-year-old Brenda would cry, hit, and do anything violent to get her way. Carol, her mum, decided that when Brenda hit, she would hold her and say, “You can't do that because it hurts. Please go and calm yourself down” After many such incidents
Brenda learned not to hit others. Now she knows to go to her room when she feels upset and comes out when she has calmed down.
Story posted on the Internet (adapted)

Sally has knocked over a tumbler of milk which was on the table. Dad, seeing what had happened asked her to go and get the mop and bucket out of the laundry and clean it up. Then he asked her to wipe down the table and rinse out the dish cloth in the sink.

It had been raining outside all day and it seemed that the children had been fighting and annoying each other continually. By three o’clock
Mum had had enough of the noise and arguing. She yells at them to each get in their rooms and stay there until their father comes home for dinner.

Danny was angry. It was Monday –
Mum’s baking day. However because there was still some biscuits left from last week she had decided not to bake. He started by calling her names and eventually got so mad after she said she was not going to listen to him talking to her in that way that he bashed his bag into the wall under the porch making a hole. Later Mum explained how she felt very upset by the way he had spoken to her. Danny apologized and they discussed how he would do extra jobs around the house to pay for the hole to be fixed.

Lulu, nearly 5, was playing hide and seek with her brothers and sister.
Kieran, 11 months younger than her, had found what he’d thought was a brilliant hiding place - in the clothes drier. Knowing that’s where he’d hidden, Lulu climbed up and turned the machine on. A sound like tumbling sand shoes going around brought her terrified mother at a run.
Her father, tight lipped and full of fury picked his daughter up and repeatedly smacked her on the bottom telling her she was a very naughty little girl.
Story posted on internet (adapted)

No.6
Mary and her lunch
Mary, 8 years, had for many weeks been bringing her uneaten lunch home in her school bag. This was even after Mum had checked what her daughter had wanted to eat. One day after losing patience with her she announced that
Mary could go to school with no lunch.
At work Mum got a call from the school saying that Mary had no lunch so they had brought some for her and could she please send the money next day. On arriving home Mary produced a letter from the Principal saying that it was unacceptable for parents not to provide lunch for their children and requested that they make a time to meet with him.
Mum was furious. She decided to smack
Mary as she felt she was now the one in trouble and it should be her daughter who was being punished. She thought how else was Mary going to learn if she wasn’t disciplined over this embarrassing behaviour.

Sally was so annoyed with LaVaune for going into her room and taking her pens without asking that she grabbed her roughly and punched her arm. Dad, noticing what was happening yelled angrily at her and said “Don’t punch your sister like that !” and then punching her on her arm continued “How do you like me doing it to you?”

Sally has come home from school with a ball that she said she had found under the bushes by the playground. Mum discussed with her that it must belong to some one who would probably like to have it back.
Therefore the best thing to do was to take it back to school in the morning and give it to her teacher - telling her where she had found it.

Freddy was yelling at Mum, “No I don’t want to do them, it’s not my turn, it’s Carla’s turn, don’t you remember!” Mum trying to pause her son says “Freddy, stop a minute, it hurts my ears when you talk to me like that, please tell me again in a quieter voice”.

The children had been squabbling over which TV programme they wanted to watch. Mum angrily marches into the room and turns the
TV off. She says ‘Right, since you seem to have to fight over it no one is going to watch.”