Love
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Many people have mistaken ideas
about love which can seriously affect
their love life!
Your marriage and future happiness
are being shaped right now by what
you really think about love.
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THE FALLACY: Love is a mysterious thing
that can’t be understood rationally.
THE FACT IS: I CAN LEARN WHAT LOVE IS
FROM THE Word of God. I can understand
how to love.
THE FALLACY: It’s easy to love, requiring
neither thought nor effort. I love by doing
what comes naturally.
THE FACT IS: Love is an art which I must
want to learn. I can learn the art of loving.
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THE FALLACY: Love is an uncontrollable
feeling. You are a helpless slave to it.
THE FACT IS: Love is an active power
which I can control by my own will.
THE FALLACY: It is most important to learn
how to be lovable (through popularity, sex
appeal, and use of the right commercial
products).
THE FACT IS: Love is the power that will
produce love as I learn to give it rather than
straining to attract it.
The Importance of Intimacy in
Marriage
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From the LATIN: “intimus”-innermost
Loneliness is the most frequently expressed
complaint.
Intimacy is God’s answer to man and
woman’s loneliness.
Lack of intimacy is the chief cause of
adultery.
Intimacy is the key to saving marriages.
INTIMACY CONSISTS OF:
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Being most private, most personal in
relationship.
A special quality of emotional
closeness.
Understanding and being understood,
accepted, and loved.
Being in touch with each other in all
ways.
Intimacy Can Be Developed Through
These Five Avenues Of Loving
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Sexual desire.
Romantic love.
Sense of belonging.
Friendship love.
Unconditional agape love.
How to Love Your Partner
Sexually
Causes of most sexual problems:
 Are more often lack of knowledge
rather than physical or psychological
incompatibility
 Wrong attitudes
 Holding the world’s false, low view of
sex
 Lack of love in other areas of the
marriage
How to Love Your Partner
Sexually
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You need complete, accurate medical
information.
You need to understand sex from the
Biblical perspective.
You need to develop the right approach in
your marriage.
A. By eliminating the negatives, avoiding all
criticism.
B. By building a series of enjoyable physical
experiences together based on physical
touching and emotional closeness.
Sexual Love From the Biblical
Perspective (continued)
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Only the Christian can know the true meaning of
sexual love because it illustrates the union of the
believer with Christ.
Ephesians 5:31-33
1 Corinthians 6:15-20
Perversion of sex is evil. (Romans 1:24-28)
The most eloquent description of good mental,
emotional attitudes toward the sexual
relationship in marriage is found in Song of
Solomon.
How to Fall in Love From the
Song of Solomon
The husband and wife consistently build up one another.
Note his praise, compliments, appreciation:
• 1:9-11 He tells her she is very beautiful.
• 1:15
He says she has lovely eyes.
• 2:2
He says others are thorns compared to her.
• 2:14
He enjoys her presence.
• 4:1-6
He admires each part of her.
• 4:7
He says she is without blemish.
• 4:9
Her glance makes his heart beat faster.
• 4:10-11 He compliments her love skill.
• 6:4-7
Again, he praises each part of her.
• 6:9
She is unique- his perfect one.
• 7:1-9
He praises her grace and desirability.
He sees her as perfect and never criticizes her!
How the Bride ( In Song of
Solomon) Loved Her Husband
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By her physical and emotional response.
By expressing her affirmation and respect
for him.
By her adaptation and adjustments to his
calling.
By her thoughts about him.
By lovemaking, conversation, and focused
attention time.
By knowing him in all the ways as her own
shepherd and king.
By forgetting herself in the greatness of his
love.
How the Husband (In Song of
Solomon) Loved His Bride
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By understanding her feelings of insecurity
and dealing with them.
By specific, continuing praise.
By appreciation of her physical appearance
and lovely character.
By comparing her favorably with all the
other women.
By reassurance- (She is flawless, altogether
lovely).
By never criticizing her.
How the Husband (In Song of
Solomon) Loved His Bride
By showing his love and approval publicly.
8. By treating her like his queen-the most
important person in his kingdom.
9. By honoring, respecting, and protecting her.
10. By behaving as a lover toward her with
caresses, eye contact, love gifts.
11. By listening to her, communicating with her,
always wanting to know her better.
12. By becoming her brother, lover, teacher,
friend, companion, and husband.
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Sexual Love From the Biblical
Perspective (continued)
Being a lover really begins after getting
married.
8. Physical oneness in marriage is not as
important as spiritual oneness.
(II Corinthians 6:14-18)
9. Sex is not the most important aspect of
marriage, but if the marriage partner is
deprived, it will become important.
10. A real lover is one who is sensitive to the
needs of another and graciously and artfully
meets those needs unselfishly.
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How to Build Romantic Love
(eros love)
1. This is a combination of emotional, physical,
imaginative processes.
2. It can never be forced, but it can be
encouraged.
3. Eros love is a pleasurable learned response
to…
A. the way your partner looks and feels
B. the things your partner says and does
C. the emotional experiences you share
together
How to Build Romantic Love
4. Consistently think on favorable things
concerning your partner.
5. Use your God-given gift of imaginative
thought to build this love in your mind.
6. Never allow criticism or ridicule of your
mate to enter the picture.
7. Provide the right emotional climate for your
mate to experience romantic feelings.
How to Build Romantic Love
8. Provide the physical stimulus of closeness,
touching, and eye contact.
9. Set up the conditions whereby your partner
will find it easy to love you.
10. Remember- you are teaching your mate to
respond to you all the time, either positively
or negatively. So send out pleasant and
pleasurable signals.
How to Give the Gift of Belonging
(storge love)
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Establish the viewpoint of oneness in your marriage.
Refuse to let it be broken by outside pressures.
Do not see yourselves separately from each other.
Be loyal to each other under all circumstances.
Spend comfortable time together.
Always be supportive. Always be kind.
How to Become Best Friends
(philia love)
Genuine togetherness- meaningful
time spent together.
2. Sharing of activities, interests,
thoughts, goals, ideals.
3. Developing real communication.
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How to Love the Agape Way
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Choose with your will to love
unconditionally and permanently.
Develop the Biblical and personal
knowledge of your partner’s needs
and how to meet them.
Apply everything that you know in
communicating this love.