Michael Flores
Professor J, Doran
English-493
Paper Critique
Looking back objectively on a past paper, The Lollards and the English Language, one
thing that is now obviously apparent is my use of direct quotes where a paraphrase would have
sufficed. I became keenly aware of the issue when I read the criteria and began working on the
issue paper for senior seminar. There were many instances in this paper when I was reporting
information, using direct quotes, more for the purpose of establishing an authoritative stance by
aligning, and padding, my position with other, more reputable scholars. Though I know
researching issues and fact checking are an important part of a research paper, I used some of
these quotes for the simple reason of subtly telling the professor ‘hey look at me, I have sources’.
Because of this issue there are parts of the paper that are topically redundant. One example of
this is in a sentence where I paraphrase saying “However, as recent historians have pointed
out…[xyz]” only later to say “One historian…went so far as to state…[xyz repeated]”,
essentially saying the same thing. In revising, I would use a more active voice and be more self
assured with the information I’m stating.
Another weakness of this paper, which was pointed out after I received the grade, was the
lack of secondary information, such as dates and specific examples of people and places. Writing
a research paper on such an ambiguous topic as the “Lollards” was a challenge, however, they do
have a place and setting, which I should have devoted more time to. The problem was that these
people spanned several centuries and were hard to definitively identify because they were neither
officially organized nor recognized by the state (it would be like trying to define the many
evangelical Christians in the U.S, with all their differing beliefs, regions…ect). For this reason I
had to narrow my paper down to an all encompassing peasant class, instead of women, scholars,
or gentry. This narrowing allowed my paper to be stronger because it made room for details
pertinent to my thesis. In revising, I would have spent more time classifying and separating the
different types of Lollards, possibly by region, or beliefs, before I zeroed in on my particular
niche.
From an objective stand point the strength of this paper revolves around the subject
matter. The Lollards are an obscure blip in Europe’s history and choosing this topic allowed me
to establish setting, time, and impact with the freedom to interpret each. This paper took on the
arduous task of, not only informing one of a typically little known subject, but also leading one
to a particular conclusion.
The weakness of lack of editing has been crucial in all my college essays, including the one
I’m critiquing. Though I do proof read my essays several times and even have other people read
them, I’ve been engaged in an ongoing war with commas. As an English major, ashamedly, I
have never been properly trained nor understood the many uses of commas. Because of my long
windedness and proclivity to use big words, coupled with long sentences, my sentences tend to
always be marked with comma insertions. In the paper I’m critiquing, commas, subject-verb
agreement, redundancy, and awkward sentences were an issue. This is the one issue that weighed
the heaviest on my paper. It’s not that this paper didn’t show that I was informed and could make
an informed claim (that was apparent), it was that the lack of breaks made this paper choppy and
hard to read. In revising, I would read my paper out loud, better yet, I would have someone else
read it out loud to point out the awkward sentences and needed commas; hopefully I would catch
the subject-verb disagreements and redundancies as well.








Objectively read this paper for assessment reasons:
What are the strengths?
What are the weaknesses?
What one weakness of this paper, if revised, would strengthen this paper the most?
How would you go about revising this weakness?
Give specific and descriptive details.
This critique must be one, full, single-spaced page.
You must use examples from your paper when describing the points above.