Rosh Hashanah Day 2 5776
A foolish man had the habit of misplacing his clothes when
he went to bed at night, so he would waste half the next
morning trying to find them. Then 1 night he hit upon a brilliant
idea: he would create a system, a way to account for everything. So he made a list giving the exact location of each article of clothing, pinned it to his pillow & fell happily asleep.
The next morning, upon waking, he went around the room,
list in hand, tracking down all his articles of apparel: “Pants
– bedpost,” “Shoes – under the bed,” “Socks – in shoes.”
And when he checked & found the last item – “Hat – doorknob,” he said to himself: “How clever of me! It’s all there.
I’ve got the perfect system.”
But then a thought occurred to him: “I have an accounting of
everything, but where am I? There’s no accounting of me!”
He consulted his list – his name wasn’t even there. He looked everywhere…but in vain. He stood there baffled, for a
while, & then finally gave up. “I guess it really doesn’t matter,” he said. So the new system was established but, to tell
the truth, he never did give an accounting of himself.
Today is Rosh Hashanah, a day for giving an accounting of
our souls, (what our tradition calls), “Cheshbon ha-Nefesh.”
We are to spend the day taking a good long look at ourselves, assessing our strengths & weakness & figuring out
how we could do better & be happier in the days to come.
This is what an American Jew by the name of
Gretchen Rubin did.
1
A few years ago, on a rainy NYC April morning, Gretchen Rubin asked of herself the type of big question that these High
Holidays are meant to inspire. She asked “What do I want
from my life?” Gretchen is a healthy, successful, well-adjusted
lawyer-turned-writer, who once clerked for Supreme Court
Justice Sandra Day O’Connor. She has a loving husband & 2
cheerful daughters. Her answer: “I want to be happy.”
Gretchen’s response is typical. I imagine that if I were to
poll this room for your desires, happiness would rank highly,
if not top the list. Worldwide when people are asked what
they want for their children, happiness wins.
While her answer may be typical, what Gretchen Rubin did
next was not. She began what she called a happiness project. Gretchen chose 11 areas of life, ranging from marriage
& friendship to vitality & mindfulness. She thought personal
improvement in each area would bring her increased happiness. From January to November, Gretchen dedicated each
month to a specific area & gave herself December to put it
all together. She created specific action items to correlate
with each area for personal improvement. To record her progress, she started a blog & then a book. The Happiness Pro-
ject: Or, Why I Spent a Year Trying to Sing in the Morning,
Clean my Closets, Fight Right, Read Aristotle, & Generally
Have More Fun was on the New York Times Best Sellers
list for over 2 years.
She is not alone in this search.
2
Tal Ben-Shahar was not particularly happy as Israel’s youngest squash champion or as a graduate student of philosophy
& psychology at Harvard. In his academic work, Ben-Shahar
came upon a relatively new specialty called Positive Psychology, or the Science of Happiness. In short order, not
only was Ben-Shahar happy as he earned his doctorate, but
was fascinating hundreds of Harvard students in the largest
course ever offered at Harvard-some 900 students taking
Positive Psychology.
Yes, we could refer jokingly to it as Happiness 101, but Positive Psychology is not a joke. Perhaps the best way to understand it is through a metaphor offered by another of the
Jewish experts in the field, Sonja Lyubomirsky. She noted
the serious studies during World War II by aviation experts
trying to understand why planes went down. One day, somebody asked, “Why aren’t we studying the planes that stay in
the air?” In other words, instead of focusing on why sad
people are sad & lonely, systematic empirical methodologies
should be used to study why happy people are happy.”
Jews, however, aren’t always so good with happiness. In a
game of word association the word ‘Jew’ or ‘Judaism’ does
not often prompt ‘happy.’ It more likely would prompt some
-thing like “OY” than “Joy” as in the following story about
the Jewish grandmothers sitting by the pool & complaining
about various things.
3
The 1st begins with a heartfelt “OY.” Before she can explain,
the lady next to her sighs, “oy vey.” Then the woman to her
left exclaims, “oy vey’s mir;” & then the 4th woman cuts things
short, “OK, ladies, enough about the children. Who’s dealing?
Yet more. To use the title of Michael Wex’s book, we sometimes seem Born to Kvetch, as if we are happiest when we
have something to complain about – as in the old joke in
Annie Hall of two older women having breakfast at a resort.
“The food at this place is really terrible,” offers the first. Responds the second, “Yeah, I know… & such small portions.”
It was a Bronx-born Jew who made Kvetching a field of academic study. Prof. Barbara Held, a psychology professor at
Bowdoin (Bo-din) College, wrote a book called “Stop Smiling,
Start Kvetching,” subtitled ‘a 5 step guide to creative complaining.’ Let me tell you, my maternal grandmother would
have loved this book. She once called 911 from her hospital
room when the nurse didn’t respond to her call button soon
enough. Add in centuries of persecution & anti-Semitism,
exile & destruction. And then remember that we are not
named after Isaac, Yitzhak, “the one who will laugh or bring
joy”, but after his son, Jacob, Yaakov, who became Yisrael,
“the one who struggled or wrestled with God.”
Yet, this isn’t inherent to the Jewish condition.
Multiple International surveys done by Columbia & Harvard
Universities, & Gallup show that Israelis are, compared to
citizens of other countries, including their counterparts in
Western countries, very happy people.
4
In fact the Gallup Poll found 63% of Israelis view themselves as happy. That information confounds everyone.
How in the world can it be, we ask ourselves, that citizens of a
tiny embattled nation, surrounded by enemies, targeted by boy
-cotts, officially & unofficially loathed by a major portion of the
world, with compulsory army service, where regularly scheduled wars & “operations” take place at least once every few yrs.,
where complaining about the "situation” is a national pastime
can feel so fine & dandy? What are Israelis doing right?
Dr. Tal Ben Shahar, who famously taught the most popular
course at Harvard on Positive Psychology, & who, despite his
tremendous success in the United States, moved back to Isra
-el with his family because he was, well, happier living there.
How so? Ben-Shahar, based on his & his colleagues’
research, found that 1 of the top predictors of happiness is
spending time with people we care about & who care about
us. With Israel being so geographically small, there is little
that stands between Israelis & their close friends & family.
Friday night dinners with extended family are a matter of
course, even for the young & hip. I guess George Burns’
quip, “Happiness is having a loving, caring, close knit
family …living in another state”, isn’t always true.
These are the High Holy Days, are they not? So maybe it is
the “Hi” Holy Days, our chance to say “hi” to so many people,
friends & family along with those we have not seen in a while
.
5
The founder of modern sociology-& the son & grandson of
rabbis -Emil Durkheim, posited that the 1st & most important
role of religion was not to connect people to God but to connect people to each other. As Goldberg answered his kid
when asked why, since he was an avowed atheist, he went to
synagogue every day, “Nu, Cohen goes to talk with God;
I go to talk with Cohen.” We are here today, in part, to say
“hi,” to talk with each other, to tell our stories, to connect.
In fact, according to researchers Chaeyoon Lim & Robert
Putnam of Harvard, the more you come here to say “hi” to
Cohen, Schwartz, & Katz, the more likely you will be satisfied with your life. Just like one of the most popular & oft
recited Jewish prayers – Ashrei. “Ashrei yoshvei v’teicha –
happy are those who dwell in God’s house.”
It is not so much a relationship with God that makes the devout happy they say. Instead, the satisfaction boost comes
from closer ties to the earthly congregants sitting around
you. These friendships, they found, gave a greater boost to
people than many of their secular relationships, because of
the religious propensity toward charity & volunteerism that
are connected to synagogue or church friendship.
This connects into the other reason why Rosh Hashanah is a
happy time. Dr. Ben-Shahar notes that research suggests
that “happiness lies at the intersection between pleasure &
meaning.” Let’s look at our Israeli cousins again. Even when
Israelis run low on pleasure, they are never, ever short of
meaning. Israelis overdose on meaning.
6
The national narrative means that simply living in the state of
Israel & making it thru any given day is meaningful. Certainly,
those who believe they are helping to realize the Zionist
dream believe their lives here, even the most humdrum, hold
great meaning. Even more so for those who are also religious
& believe that their existence here is pt. of an active larger plan
.
This, I believe, also explains why this time of year is considered not just a serious but happy time in the Jewish calendar.
Happiness filtered through a Jewish prism is Simcha. Simcha
can be broken down into 2 Hebrew words, sham & moach,
which translate into “where your head is at.” Happiness in
part comes from a connection to what is greater than us.
These days are about tikkun ha-nefesh & tikkun olam – refocu
-sing on improving ourselves, not only for ourselves, but also
for our family, friends, community, & the larger world. This
is why, I believe, our liturgy today on Rosh Hashanah, tells
us that we should be happy. Immediately after the blowing
of the shofar we say, “Ashrei HaAm Yodea Tru’ah.” Happy are
the people that know the sound of the Shofar. The famous
Hasidic teacher Rebbe Nachman of Bratzlav generalized this
into a maxim: Mitzvah gedolah l’hiyot b’simcha. Loosely
translated: “Despite the tzuris of life, because there is always
some type of tzuris, ‘it is a great mitzvah to find ways to be
happy.’” These 18th & 19th c. Hasidim, like R. Nachman, weren’t
slackers: No–they were hard-core, real-deal Jews. But they be
-lieved that real, Jewish happiness was hard work, & was worth it - as Gretchen Rubin of the Happiness project discovered.
7
Rubin, like any good Jew, felt a little guilty about her endeavor. Thus, she asks the question about selfishness in The Happpiness Project. In her estimation, her quest for happiness
isn’t simply a private pursuit, but a public good. She writes,
“I’d wondered whether my happiness project was selfish because it seemed self-indulgent to concentrate on my own
happiness.” However, she discerns that “happy people generally are more forgiving, helpful, & charitable, have better self
-control, & are more tolerant of frustration than unhappy
people.” She therefore concludes, “the belief that unhappiness is selfless & happiness is selfish is misguided. It’s more
selfless to act happy. It takes energy, generosity & discipline,
yet everyone takes the happy person for granted.” For Gretchen, the search for happiness isn’t a zero-sum game, but
rather brings an overall benefit to the world.
Science agrees with her on two accounts. Scientific research
over the last several decades reveals that being happy is not
just about feeling good. Multiple studies have shown that it
also makes us healthier, more productive – & nicer.
For example, healthcare: doctors who are happy have been
found to make faster & more accurate diagnoses. In education, schools that focus on children’s social & emotional wellbeing experience significant gains in academic attainment as
well as improvements in pupil behavior. Happiness has also
been linked to better decision-making & improved creativity.
Rather than success being the key to happiness, research
shows that happiness could in fact be the key to success.
8
Happiness also brings substantial benefits for society as a
whole. For example, a review of more than 160 studies
found “clear & compelling evidence” that happier people have
better overall health & live longer than their less happy peers.
Happier people are also less likely to engage in risky behavior – for example, they are more likely to wear a seat belt.
But perhaps most importantly of all, people who are happier
are more likely to make a positive contribution to society. In
particular, they are more likely to vote, do voluntary work &
participate in public activities. They also have a greater respect for law & order and offer more help to others.
There is even evidence that happiness is contagious, so that
happier people help others around them to become happier
too. An extensive study in Britain followed people over 20 yrs.
& found that their happiness affected others in their social
networks. It’s like what Oscar Wilde once quipped: Some
cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
The pursuit of happiness, as the founders of our country
understood, is not some fluffy nice-to-have or middle-class
luxury; it’s about helping people to live better lives & creating a society that is more productive, healthy & cohesive.
Anyone who has followed the news or just walked around
Dayton knows this is needed.
Positive Psychologists, however, tell us that happiness
requires some very serious work. Personally, I agree.
9
Like Rebbe Nachman, who first taught the Hasidic maxim,
“it is a mitzvah to find ways to be happy,” I have struggled
throughout my life with clinical depression. So I know that
some people will always be happier than others, just as
some people will always play the piano better than others.
But just as nearly all of us, with good teaching & selfdiscipline, could play the piano much better than we do
now, nearly all of us, with good teaching and self-discipline,
could be happier than we are now.
Of course, being happy is not some magical cure-all. Happy
people still get sick & lose loved ones – and not all happy
people are efficient, creative or generous. But, other things
being equal, happiness brings substantial advantages. Trying
to live a happy life also is not about denying negative emotions or pretending to feel joyful all the time. Dr. Tal BenShahar, the former Harvard “Professor of Happiness” taught,
there are only 2 kinds of people who don’t experience painful emotions: 1st are the psychopaths; the 2nd are dead.
If you experience these painful emotions this is actually a
good sign – it means you’re not a psychopath & you’re alive
–you’re still in the Sefer Hayyim – the Book of Life.
Another myth dispelled by research is that material wealth is
key to happiness. In truth, once basic needs are met (clothing, shelter food), the rich are not much happier than the
rest of us. One study indicates that nearly one-third of the
people on the Forbes list of wealthiest Americans are less
happy than the average American.
10
A reporter once asked John Paul Getty, the founder of Getty
Oil & the world’s 1st billionaire, “You’re the richest man in
the world. When do you know you have enough?” He considered the question for a moment & then responded, “Not quite
yet.” Getty’s response indicates that our “desire to acquire”
won’t necessarily bring us true joy. In fact, for some, the
more money you make, the more you want to make, yet
even when you achieve your goal, a concept that psychologists call “relevant deprivation” kicks in. Here is how it works:
You may assume that if you could make only $20,000 more
per yr. you would be a happier person. But once you make
those additional funds you start comparing yourself to the
next guy. Dr. David Pelcovitz, a psychiastrist & professor at
Yeshiva University, had a client who came into his office
suffering from clinical depression. It was February, & he’d
been depressed since December. He was an investment banker back in the go-go days of investment banking, & he’d received a $10,000 bonus.
Pelcovitz asked him why he was depressed, & he said, “Because the guy in the office next to me – who is no better than
me – received a $50,000 bonus, & I can’t get it out of my mind ”
.
Another of the Jewish Positive Psychologists Prof. Dan Gilbert
of Harvard, offers, a different perspective on the moneyhappiness connection. It is the story of Harry Langerman,
who in 1949, was offered a franchise to buy a hamburger
stand from 2 brothers for $3000. He then went to his own
brother, an investment banker, to raise the money.
11
His brother’s response, “You idiot, no one eats hamburgers.
6 months later, another man by the name of Ray Kroc came
up with the money & purchased the franchise from the
McDonald brothers & then went on to become one of the
wealthiest people in the country.
Langerman’s understanding of his missed opportunity years
later? “I believe that it turned out for the best.” Notes Dr.
Gilbert, “while we think that money will bring lots of happiness for a long time, it actually only brings a little happiness
for a short time.” Langerman’s type of mentality is the very
thesis of a Jewish value known as “sameach b’chelko”,
being happy/satisfied/content with one’s lot.
Apparently money doesn’t buy happiness –at least
not all by itself. What does?
Perhaps, the most fascinating study on happiness was done
by Professor Lyubomirsky, who offered the earlier airplane
metaphor, & her colleagues.
They found that 50% of the differences among peoples’
happiness could be attributed to genetic makeup & 10% to
life circumstances, leaving 40% for people to work with. In
their words, 50% is determined by who one is, 10%
is determined by what one faces, & 40% on how one
responds, through thought & behavior. We cannot
change our genes, it is hard to change our circumstances, but we can change ourselves.
12
Thus Lyubomirsky & her colleagues looked to those who
were happiest to see what they could learn. Among their
findings: happier people have learned how to express gratitude; happier people have learned how to savor life’s pleasures;
happier people are deeply invested in relationships, particularly
with family & friends; happier people reach out to others; &
happier people tend to see themselves as religious or spiritual.
Thus the task—to develop exercises that people could use
to change themselves. For example, how does one cultivate
the habit of gratitude?
One study found that the simple activity of writing down
5 things for which one is grateful each day has the ability to
not only increase happiness, but makes one more optimistic,
reduces depression, & improve relationships. As Jews, this
should not surprise us. Judaism teaches that we are not only
born to kvetch, but also born to bentsch – to express
appreciation & thanks.
In a similar fashion, Prof. Lyubomirsky & her colleagues
developed other exercises. To help people learn to savor life’s
pleasures, researchers asked participants to choose 1 activity
a day & spend a few minutes enjoying what is normally hurried through & then to jot down some notes on how it was
experienced differently. To help people reach out to others
through acts of kindness like visiting someone who cannot
get out or simply helping someone carry a bag of groceries
to the car. Participants were told to start consciously doing
1 once a day for a week & then write up a kindness report.
13
Exercises for strengthening relationships included making time,
setting aside a weekly date to go with a friend to the gym or
an additional hr. a week to spend with a spouse, & creating
a media-free zone in 1’s house-no phones or TVs, computers
or handheld devices allowed-to encourage true conversation.
And to deepen one’s religious or spiritual life, participants were
asked to dedicate a set period of time each day to pray or to
meditate. By doing these exercises, & others, even if we have
to force ourselves initially to do so, we can become happier.
Think about all the exercises that Judaism builds into our
daily lives. Tomorrow, when we return, as we do every day,
we will thank God for the gift of life. Take a look at the very
beginning of the morning service in your mahzor,—we will
thank God for waking up, for our eyes opening so we can
see, for the strength, for a body which works well enough to
get us here, for a soul which joins that body unique to me.
The Rabbis also suggested that throughout each day, we
verbalize our appreciation; for wise people, for beautiful
smells, for our miraculous bodies, for eyes that see & ears
that hear, for beds that are cozy & for cars that liberate
us…the blessings are countless & we’re encouraged to stop
& articulate our appreciation 100x a day. What else, in fact,
is Jewish prayer, what else are all the blessings we say every
day to God but a way of showing & cultivate gratitude.
Everyday Judaism tells me to savor the pleasures of
this world.
14
For Judaism has always understood this physical world &
our physical bodies as gifts from God. Listen to these words
from the Talmud (Eruvim 54a): Grab & eat, grab & drink, for the
world from which we depart is like a wedding feast. God
wants us to enjoy the pleasures of this world that God called good—food & drink, sexual intimacy & riches — all in
their proper context.
And when we die, know that one of the questions we will be
asked is if we denied ourselves the permitted pleasures of
this world (Kiddushin 4:12). Judaism always discouraged asceticism
& self-denial; at the same time, whenever we saw physical
suffering & hunger & poverty, we were commanded to be
concerned with their bodies and our souls.
Every day Judaism tells me to practice acts of kindness.
These simple acts begin with trying to greet every human
being with a smile & with gladness—yes, it is there, in the
Mishna (Avot 1:15 & 3:16) It almost seems like the suggestions of
the positive psychologists—act in ways that increase happiness. It will be contagious & you will become happier.
Every day since our creation 5776 years ago, God has
reminded us that it is not good for one to be alone. “Friendship or death,” asserts the Talmud, adding in another place,
“Do not separate yourself from the community.” Judaism is
a community-and relationship-oriented religion. That is why
we read from Bereishit, from Genesis, on the New Year,
Genesis contains all kinds of human stories.
15
Every week Shabbat allows us to engage & be present to
one another, to have our own media-free zone, to encourage conversation, contemplation, & laughter over warm food
& good friends.
We find in Proverbs these words we sing when we return
the Torah to the ark: Etz hayyim hi l’mahazikim ba-v’tomcheha me-u-shar –it is a tree of life for those who hold fast
to it, and all its supporters are happy. Yes, in the pursuit of
purpose, meaning, & holiness we find joy and happiness.
So how do we understand all of our oying & kvetching, all of
our wrestling & our struggling? The former Chief Rabbi of
Great Britain, Jonathan Sacks said the following: “Judaism
is a religion of active engagement with the world driven by
the cognitive dissonance between the world that is & the
world that should be.” In other words, we struggle to
reduce the distance between what is & what ought to be.
That also means that we are eternally hopeful. That we believe we can make the world that is into the world that ought
to be, just as we try to make our own inner worlds what
they ought to be during these 10 Days of Repentance.
We cannot change our genes & we have only limited control
over our circumstances; but we can use this time of cheshbon ha-nefesh for the next 10 days to work on ourselves.
16
The 19th c Polish Rebbe, known as the Tzemach Tzedek
would say when somebody would sigh in his presence and
say s’is shver tsu zein a Yid, he would reply s’is gut tsu
zein a Yid: it is good to be a Jew.
There are many difficulties in our world, we must acknowledge the “oy,” but work to increase the joy.
May we, together, enter this New Year with a renewed
energy, a new spirit, and a whole heart. Keyn yehi ratzon –
So may it be God’s will.
17