Day #3 of 8
Types of Attachment
&
Communication
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http://www.canyons.edu/faculty/rafterm
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Love & Loss
Day #3 of 8
 3 Types of Attachment Formation
Mary Ainsworth
 Attachment Formation &
Adult Relationships
 Men’s vs. Women’s
Communication Styles
Deborah Tannen
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3 Types of Attachment Formation
Mary Ainsworth
Secure
(Anxious) Avoidant
Anxious Ambivalent Resistant
A video clip on our Day #3 Information Page
The Strange Situation – Mary Ainsworth (3:15)
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Mary Ainsworth’s “Strange Situation”
 Parent & Baby play
 Parent as a secure base - Parent sits while Baby plays
 Stranger Anxiety - Stranger enters and talks to Parent
 Separation Anxiety - Parent leaves – Stranger lets Baby play & comforts if
needed
 Reaction to Reunion - Parent returns, greets Baby, comforts if needed, Stranger
leaves
 Separation Anxiety - Parent leaves
 Stranger Anxiety and Ability to be soothed by stranger - Stranger enters, comforts if
needed
 Reaction to Reunion - Parent returns, greets Baby, comforts if needed, lets Baby
return to play
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Four Attachment Types
 Secure Attachment: A child who is securely attached to its caregiver will explore freely
while the caregiver is present, will engage with strangers, will be visibly upset when the
caregiver departs, and happy to see the caregiver return.
The child will not engage with the stranger if the caregiver is not in the room.
 Anxious-Ambivalent Insecure Attachment: A child with an anxious-resistant
attachment style is anxious of exploration and of strangers, even when the caregiver is
present. When the caregiver departs, the child is extremely distressed. The child will be
ambivalent when she returns and will seek to remain close to the caregiver, but will be
resentful, and also resistant when the caregiver initiates attention.
 Avoidant Anxious-Insecure Attachment: A child with an anxious-avoidant attachment
style will avoid or ignore the caregiver and show little emotion when the caregiver departs
or returns. The child will not explore very much, regardless of who is there. Strangers will
not be treated very differently from the caregiver. There is not much emotional range
displayed regardless of who is in the room or if it is empty.
 Disorganized/Disoriented attachment: Characterized in Ainsworth's "strange
situation" task as a child who exhibits behavioral disorganization or disorientation in the
form of wandering, confused expressions, freezing, undirected movements, or contradictory
(i.e. "unorganized") patterns of interaction with a caregiver.
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Attachment Style
Nature or Nurture?
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Identical Twins
Separated at Birth
 Twin Female Teenagers
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Attachment Style
. . . and memory.
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Attachment Style
measured at 12 months old.
29 Secure and 24 Insecure
(Ambivalent & Avoidant)
. . . and memory for
good events & bad events
measured at age 3
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3-YEAR-OLD CHILDREN AND
THEIR MEMORY FOR EVENTS
Child
Attachment Type
at 12 months

Memory for Memory for
Good Event Bad Event


Secure 
Insecure 
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3-YEAR-OLD CHILDREN AND
THEIR MEMORY FOR EVENTS
Child
Attachment Type
at 12 months

Memory for Memory for
Good Event Bad Event

Secure  Very Good

Very Poor
Insecure 
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3-YEAR-OLD CHILDREN AND
THEIR MEMORY FOR EVENTS
Child
Attachment Type
at 12 months

Memory for Memory for
Good Event Bad Event


Secure  Very Good
Very Poor
Insecure  Very Poor
Very Good
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Attachment Formation
&
Adult Relationships
See the last page of today’s notepages.
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REJECTION SENSITIVITY
is related to poor attachment formation.
 Insecure Attachment Formation
Mania love style
 Safety & Belongingness needs
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Rejection Sensitivity
is related to
poor attachment formation.
 If Relationship Involvement is
Low…
…The person will likely terminate the
relationship at any sign of rejection.
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Rejection Sensitivity
is related to
poor attachment formation.
 If Relationship Involvement is
High…
…The person will likely become
jealous, controlling, hostile, and
then abusive at any sign of rejection.
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Communication Styles
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Eden & Mandy
They have been
married
8 years
and have
3 young children.
(14:12)
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A Brief Break, during which…
Please ask someone else,
what they thought
was most important
from today’s class
so far.
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ROMANCE
DESIRE
&
“THE BASES”
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TO INCREASE
ROMANCE & DESIRE
INCREASE
THE NUMBER OF “BASES”
See Gottman’s 7 Principles on our Day #3 NotePages.
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LOVE
&
COMMUNICATION STYLES:
WOMEN’S AND MEN’S
DEBORAH TANNEN
 Expressive
 Instrumental
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FEMALE COMMUNICATION
- EXPRESSIVE  The person already feels intimate
(willing to share concerns) and
expresses (shares) thoughts,
emotions, and behaviors as a means
to express and enhance the intimacy.
 Sharing a concern is
an expression of intimacy.
 Silence = no intimacy.
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MALE COMMUNICATION
- INSTRUMENTAL –
 The person wants to change the
universe (solve a problem or
increase status) communication is
an instrument (a means) to change
things.
 Silence = no problem.
 Sharing a concern may
decrease status.
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HOMECOMING
GREETINGS
AND
COMMUNICATION
STYLES
John Prine’s Angel from Montgomery
“How can a person go to work each day
Come home in the evening
And have nothing to say?”
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LOVE & SEX
AND
COMMUNICATION
STYLES
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LOVE & SEX
1st
Female Love Male Sex
2nd
Sex
Love
“Sex” as a mode of communication:
Expressive of love felt or Instrumental in getting love
Two versions of “The Love Song”
Female & Male
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LOVE or SEX?
#1
Female Love
Male Sex
Which is most special?
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TREASURE MOMENTS
TOGETHER.
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“May you
find your
treasure
everyday!”
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The End.
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