6-8-14
THE FAMILY THAT GOD BUILT
The Keys to Building a Loving, Lasting Family
WHAT THIS SERIES ISN’T:
 This isn’t an attempt to make your family
look like every other family or some type of
ideal. IT IS ABOUT KINGDOM DNA –
Whatever your family looks like – it should
act like God.
 This isn’t about criticizing mistakes you’ve
made or others in your family have made in
the past. IT IS ABOUT YOUR FUTURE –
Whatever mistakes were made in the past
God can overcome in the future.
THE GOALS OF THIS SERIES:
1. To build a family that lasts and transfers a
godly legacy of success generationally.
2. To build a loving family where every person
in the family is valued.
3. To build an honest family where
communication flows naturally in a secure
atmosphere.
4. To build a safe family where there are
well defined boundaries that are
consistently and lovingly enforced.
Part Two: BUILDING A LOVING
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FAMILY
One of the most basic desires in life is to
have a loving family. And when this desire is
realized it is wonderful. But when it isn’t it is
painful and sometimes even devastating.
The good news is that God desires for
everyone to have a loving family for a lifetime.
When we are working to build a loving family
God is working with us and will bless us. But
as we are building our families there are some
important things we need to know to help us
succeed.
I. UNDERSTANDING THE NATURE
OF LOVE
Even though the word love is used constantly in our
everyday lives it is one of the most confusing and
meaningless words for many people.
EXAMPLES:
I love my wife / husband; I love my job
I love my children; I love my dog; I love roses I love
Duck Dynasty; I love hot dogs; I love the Dallas
Cowboys & I love people who love them
IMPORTANT QUESTION:
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Related to your family what do you mean
when you say I love you?
ANOTHER IMPORTANT QUESTION:
When God says He loves you what does He
mean by that?
This is an important question because God
wants our families to love as He loves His family.
John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that He gave
His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him
should not perish but have everlasting life.
THE DEFINITION OF GOD’S LOVE
- Loved = “agapao” verb – “agape” noun -
Unconditional love; love by choice and by
an act of the will. The word denotes
unconquerable benevolence and
undefeatable goodwill. It will never seek
anything but the highest good for
another person. It does not need a
chemistry, an affinity, or a feeling. It is a
love that endures through any
circumstance or difficulty. Agape is a
love that exclusively belongs to God and
God’s people.
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God’s agape love is the only type of
love that doesn’t require a feeling to
function and because of that it is the
highest form of love and the only form
of love that can be depended upon as a
foundation for relationships.
THE OPTIONS TO AGAPE LOVE:
 FIVE KINDS OF LOVE --- Greek v. English
1. Epithumea – (thermos) – passion/ desire
2. Eros – (erotic) – sexual desire
3. Phileo – (Philadelphia) – brotherly love/
friendship / fond affection
4. Storge – family bond / natural affection
5. Agape – God’s love – permanent and
sacrificial / love by choice
So, in going back to our question – What
do you mean when you say I love you
related to your family?
- If you mean I feel passionate about you what happens when that changes? AND IT WILL!
- If you mean I feel a sexual attraction to your
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spouse and it changes? AND IT WILL!!!
- If you mean I love you as a friend and feel
a fond affection and bad times hit?
- If you mean I love you as my family member
and that feeling changes?
I AM NOT SAYING THAT IT IS WRONG TO FEEL
THINGS THAT WE EXPRESS AS LOVE. WHAT I
AM SAYING IS THAT EMOTIONS CANNOT BE
TRUSTED TO SERVE AS THE FOUNDATION OF
OUR FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS BECAUSE THEY
ARE SO FICKLE AND UNDEPENDABLE. WE
MUST UNDERSTAND GOD’S AGAPE LOVE AND
THEN WHEN WE SAY WE LOVE OUR FAMILY OR
OTHER SPECIAL PEOPLE IN OUR LIVES THAT
WE MEAN AGAPE LOVE FIRST AND FOREMOST.
HERE IS WHAT IT MEANS WHEN I SAY I
LOVE YOU WITH AGAPE LOVE:
1. I have made a choice to love you as
God loves you regardless of how I
feel or the circumstances.
2. I will only seek what is best for you.
3. I will be faithful to you and believe
the best about you.
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II. UNDERSTANDING THE SOURCE
OF AGAPE LOVE
1 John 4:16 - And we have known and believed the
love that God has for us. God is love, and he who
abides in love abides in God, and God in him.
God is agape! Agape love is exclusive to
believers because it is God demonstrating His
love through us. When we are in relationship
with God with are abiding in agape love.
Galatians 5:22–23 - But the fruit of the Spirit is
love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such
there is no law.
In Galatians chapter five the Apostle Paul is
urging believers to walk in a surrender manner
to the presence of the Holy Spirit so that God’s
agape love will manifest (the fruit of the Spirit)
in their lives.
THE HOLY SPIRIT IS THE OIL THAT THE
ENGINE OF OUR EMOTIONS WAS DESIGNED TO
RUN ON. WITH HIM WE CAN RELATE IN VERY
DIFFICULT CIRCUMSTANCES WITHOUT
DAMAGE. WITHOUT HIM WE DAMAGE EACH
OTHER AND CANNOT DEAL WITH THE ISSUES
OF LIFE AS WE SHOULD.
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Galatians 5:17–21 - For the flesh lusts against the
Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are
contrary to one another, so that you do not do the
things that you wish. 18 But if you are led by the
Spirit, you are not under the law. 19 Now the works of
the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication,
uncleanness, lewdness, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred,
contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish
ambitions, dissensions, heresies, 21 envy, murders,
drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell
you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past,
that those who practice such things will not inherit
the kingdom of God.
WHEN WE WALK BY THE POWER OF THE HOLY
SPIRIT WE DEMONSTATE THE AGAPE LOVE OF
GOD IN A POWERFUL WAY – WHEN WE DON’T
OUR FALLEN NATURE TAKES OVER!!!
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING WE DO IN
BUILDING A LOVING FAMILY IS TO DEVELOP A
CLOSE, DEPENDANT RELATIONSHIP WITH THE
HOLY SPIRIT AND DEPEND UPON HIM DAILY!!!
1. Pray every day for the Holy Spirit to fill you.
2. Admit your weakness and ask for His power.
3. Take your hurts, fears, insecurities, etc. to
Him and let Him love you and minister to
you.
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III. UNDERSTANDING THE NATURE
OF AGAPE LOVE
Using the word “AGAPE” as an acrostic we will
examine the five traits of God’s love that we
should practice in our family relationships:
A – ALWAYS GRACIOUS & FAITHFUL
1 Corinthians 13:4–7 - Love suffers long and is
kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself,
is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not
seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does
not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7
bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,
endures all things.
Agape love will never justify unrighteous
behavior in response to what another person
does. Regardless of the circumstance God’s
love responds in a faithful & gracious manner.
Luke 6:27–33 - “But I say to you who hear: Love
your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28
bless those who curse you, and pray for those who
spitefully use you. 29 To him who strikes you on the
one cheek, offer the other also. And from him who
takes away your cloak, do not withhold your tunic
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either. 30 Give to everyone who asks of you. And from
him who takes away your goods do not ask them
back. 31 And just as you want men to do to you, you
also do to them likewise. 32 “But if you love those who
love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners
love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to
those who do good to you, what credit is that to you?
For even sinners do the same.
In every family there are going to be hurt
feelings and things done that are wrong. How
we respond to these things is critical. A
gracious response brings resolve and
reconciliation but an unrighteous response
worsens the problem and divides the family.
AGAPE LOVE CREATES THE MOST STABLE
RELATIONSHIPS ON EARTH BECAUSE YOU ARE
RELATING TO PEOPLE WHO ARE COMMITTED
TO BEING FAITHFUL AND GRACIOUS
REGARDLESS OF THEIR EMOTIONS OR THE
CIRCUMSTANCES….JUST LIKE GOD IS TO US!
G – GENEROUS & SACRIFICIAL
John 3:16 - For God so loved the world that He gave
His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him
should not perish but have everlasting life.
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Ephesians 5:25 - Husbands, love your wives, just as
Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for
her,…
THE GENEROSITY IS WITH OURSELVES JUST
AS JESUS GAVE HIMSELF FOR US – NOT JUST
MONEY, THINGS, ETC.
THE ATTITUDE of Agape love is a total giving of
myself to my family in an unselfish and
sacrificial manner.
THE COMMODITY necessary to fulfill the
commitment of Agape love is TIME.
Children spell love – T – I – M – E
You see children all of the time who have
everything in life except the participation of
one or both parents – and they are angry and
frustrated. MY DAD NEVER GAVE ME TIME!!!
SAYING: If the devil can’t get in front of
you and stop you he will get behind you
and push you too fast.
STOP TRYING TO GIVE YOUR SPOUSE AND
CHILDREN EVERYTHING WHILE YOU’RE NOT
GIVING THEM YOURSELF.
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STOP THINKING THAT MONEY IS GOING TO
MAKE YOU HAPPY AND SOLVE ALL OF YOUR
PROBLEMS AS YOU PURSUE WEALTH WHILE
YOU AREN’T HAPPY AT HOME.
IF YOU HAVE A LOVING FAMILY YOU WILL
BE HAPPY IN SPITE OF WHAT YOU DON’T
HAVE!!!!
A – ABOUT OTHERS FIRST
1 Corinthians 14:4-5 – “…love does not envy; love
does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not
behave rudely, does not seek its own…”
AGAPE LOVE DOES NOT SEEK IT’S OWN – IT
SEEKS GOD’S BEST FOR OTHERS REGARDLESS
OF WHAT IT MEANS FOR ME. AGAPE LOVE IS
COMPLETELY UNSELFISH.
WORLDLY LOVE IS COMPLETELY SELFISH AND
THAT IS WHAT PAUL IS DESCRIBING IN 1
CORINTHIANS 13…and it is what was going on
in the Corinthian church. THREE ELEMENTS
Envy = You can’t have anything I don’t have
and if you get it I’ll make you pay a price.
Parade itself; Puffed up = It’s all about me.
IF I’M GOOD – WE’RE GOOD!
vs. I’M NOT GOOD UNTIL WE ARE GOOD!
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Rudeness = Your feelings aren’t as important
as mine. BUT THEN WHEN SOMEONE IS
RUDE TO THEM IT IS THE ULTIMATE SIN!
P – POSITIVE & FAITH FILLED
1 Corinthians 13:5b-7 – “…love…thinks no evil; 6
does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,
endures all things.
Galatians 5:22 – But the fruit of the Spirit is love,
joy, peace…
AGAPE LOVE IS POSITIVE BECAUSE GOD IS
THE SOURCE AND FOCUS OF IT! I CAN STAY
POSITIVE IN BAD TIMES BECAUSE I HAVE
FAITH IN THE POWER OF GOD!
THE THREE PRACTICES OF STAYING
POSITIVE AND FAITH-FILLED.
1. The practice of PRAYER
2. The practice of PRAISING OTHERS
3. The practice of TAKING YOUR
THOUGHTS CAPTIVE AS THE
ACCUSER OF THE BRETHREN TRIES
TO INTRODUCE NEGATIVE
THOUGHTS INTO YOUR MIND.
Eph. 4 – Diabolos accesses anger & offense
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E – EXPRESSED OPENLY & OFTEN
Romans 5:8 - But God demonstrates His own love
toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ
died for us.
Agape love is openly and frequently
expressed to others.
UNDEMONSTRATED LOVE ISN’T LOVE – IT
IS WORTHLESS SENTIMENTALITY!
- My needs as a child and the home I grew
up in. NO AFFECTION / LITTLE VERBAL
AFFECTION & NEVER WAS TOLD “I LOVE
YOU”.
- We need verbal & physical affection as
human beings. When we are regularly
demonstrating love in good times and
bad it builds a powerful bond between
us.
- HOW I CHANGED WITH KAREN AND OUR
CHILDREN. YOU SHOULD CONSTANTLY BE
SHOWING VERBAL AND PHYSICAL
AFFECTION TO EACH OTHER.
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SUMMARY AND CLOSE:
- When I say I love you I mean agape
love that will always seek your best
regardless of how I feel or the
circumstances.
- The source of that love is God and
will seek Him daily to fill me with
His love – especially in challenging
times.
- I will put my family first and give of
myself generously and not be
selfish.
- I will demonstrate God’s love to my
my family and others regardless of
the circumstances. I will be faithful.
PRAY FOR HEALING; FAITH;
COMMITMENT TO LOVE WITH AGAPE
LOVE AND SEEK GOD IN A NEW WAY