Lori Looney
Mrs. Looney
COMS 108
21 November 2013
Psychological and Physical Pitfalls of Sexual Promiscuity: “The Talk” 2.0
General purpose: To persuade.
Specific purpose: To persuade my audience about three factors influencing sexual selectivity.
Proposition: In this speech, I will convince the audience that sexual promiscuity creates various problems; the
solution is to become sexually selective; and the future will be more successful through sexual selectivity.
Introduction
I.
How many of your parents gave you “the talk?”
II.
I remember how my mother presented her version of the birds and the bees.
III.
She explained that birth was a miracle and that changes in my body were normal.
IV.
She presented a pamphlet with a black and white photo of a mother duck and ducklings.
V.
She told me to read the pamphlet and ask her if I had questions.
VI.
I had many questions, but never asked her for the answers after “the talk.”
VII. Moreover, I cannot recall having even one conversation with my father about sex.
VIII. I relied on anecdotal information from “experienced” peers instead.
IX.
I was not a promiscuous teen, but not for reasons you might imagine.
X.
My mother’s rhetorical vision was a symbolic convergence of pathos-laden Baptist hymns, the
Virgin Mary, and living proof in the form of my aunt whose tortured life was the direct consequence
of her ill-fated decision to have pre-marital sex.
XI.
Subconsciously, my naive mind was influenced to the extent that I was afraid of eternal damnation
if I even so much as French kissed a boy!
XII. When I became a parent, I wanted to create an open dialogue with my sons about the subject of
human sexuality that would not be based solely on pathos, rigid moral constructs, fear, guilt, or my
limited anecdotal evidence.
XIII. The National Survey of Family Growth reports that in 2010, 42% of teenage (15-19) girls have had
sex at least once and 43% of boys have. Of those, nearly 30% of males and females have had two or
more partners.
XIV. So, look around the room, if the data doesn’t lie, then half of you will make or already have made
the decision to become sexually active.
XV. And so, in my in loco parentis role, I am giving you “the talk: 2.0.”
XVI. By the end of this speech, I hope to convince you that sexual promiscuity creates various problems;
the solution is to become sexually selective; and the future will be more successful through sexual
selectivity.
Body
Transition: Let’s begin by exploring the problems associated with sexual promiscuity.
I.
Various unintended consequences occur when one becomes sexually promiscuous.
A. Motives for sexual promiscuity can have negative consequences.
1. According to Anthony Walsh in the August 2010 edition of the Journal of
Biodemography and Social Biology, the initial factor contributing to the impetus of
promiscuity in male and female teenagers is poor parental attachment, not sexual desire.
2. If a teen experiences poor parental attachment, that can be an indicator of faulty
psychological drivers in the teen and family. Therefore, the impetus for engaging in
sexual activity is not out of desire to connect with an equal, but to serve as a substitute for
a parent.
3. According to the Psychology of Women Quarterly, in a study of 88 men, 36 were
fraternity members, appear to use discussion of sexual promiscuity as a means of
degrading and objectifying women. The study included 79 women as well. Both genders
reported the specifics of “sex talk” on their campuses. The study found that men were
more likely than women to use aggressive terms to refer to the sex act and that men’s
sexual partners were deemed “less intelligent and less moral” after becoming a sexual
conquest.
4. According to a study in Psychology Today, women produce a substance called oxytocin.
This chemical is the equivalent of human insta-bond. Primarily, it is produced to allow
new mothers to bond to their newborn infants. It also allows women to bond to sexual
partners. As women increase their number of partners, the levels of released oxytocin
lower, and eventually the ability to successfully bond may be compromised.
B. Imprinting before and after sexual promiscuity can have negative consequences.
1. We are imprinted with subconscious mate preferences starting at birth. According to
Darren Irwin in the journal, Heredity, mate preferences are learned from childhood sexual
imprinting. In one’s youth, one subconsciously uses parents as models.
2. This means that if one becomes sexually promiscuous early in life, one may make poor
sexual partner selections because of immature, subconscious mate preference imprinting
influences, not mature, conscious, rational decision-making.
C. After the initial sex act, further imprinting occurs.
1. This time, the imprinting exists courtesy of one’s first sexual partner. If the experience is
ideal, one may become frustrated be subsequent experiences that fail to mimic the
original. This phenomenon is commonly known as nostalgia. In his article, “The Power
of Nostalgia,” Derrick Daye asserts, “Nostalgia taps into something fundamental about
the human mind and consciousness. Every time we remember a past event it not only
evokes the earlier memory, but can re-cast the past into a more pleasing ‘remembered’
version.”
2. Thus, one enters into a dual fantasy-themed vicious cycle of literal and enhanced
nostalgia for the first partner. Subsequent partners may never favorably compare because
they aren’t measured against reality.
3. If the initial sexual experience was negative, residual psychological and physical effects
can be suffered as well.
D. The final unintended consequence of promiscuity is rooted in Darwinism.
1. Darwin could account for adaptations developed for self-defense and species
propagation, but had difficulty accounting for seemingly purposeless adaptations like
peacock feathers or the patterns of the male Argus pheasant’s plumage. He concluded,
“The case of the male Argus is eminently interesting, because it affords good evidence
that the most refined beauty may serve as a charm for the female, and for no other
purpose…He who thinks he can safely gauge the discrimination and taste of animals may
deny that the female Argus pheasant can appreciate such beauty; but he will then be
compelled to admit that the extraordinary attitudes assumed by the male during the act of
courtship, by which the wonderful beauty of his plumage is displayed, are purposeless;
and this is a conclusion which I for one will never admit.”
2. In other words, there is something enigmatic about the subjective attractiveness of mates;
the motive for selection can be somewhat irrational and lead to a marvelous evolutionary
surprise, or extinction.
Transition: Now that we’ve exposed the problems with promiscuity, let’s go on to discuss a solution.
II.
The antidote to sexual promiscuity is sexual selectivity.
A. Rather than using a superficial basis for sexual decisions, use a more rational, logical
approach.
1. In the November 25, 2009 edition of Psychology Today, Dr. Henry Kellerman advocates
for using a variety of anatomical parts to decide on a potential mate, not just one body
part.
2. “Mind: Is what he or she says interesting to you?
3. Eye: Does she or he appeal to your eye?
4. Heart: Does your heart feel love, and loved?
5. Stomach: In your gut, does it feel like he or she is a good person?
6. Behavior: Is her or his behavior good?”
B. Dr. Larry Nadig, Clinical Psychologist and Marriage/Family Therapist, suggests choosing
partners on the basis of similarities and asking yourself eight questions to determine whether
the partner should be avoided. (Show Visual Aid.)
C. Psychologist Angela Lee Duckworth’s research proves that grit is an essential ingredient in
selecting a mate. Grit is a combination of determination, stamina, and passion.
Transition: Now that you’re aware of the problem of sexual promiscuity and the solution of sexual selectivity,
let’s examine your future if you become actively selective.
III.
The future is more promising for one who chooses to be sexually selective.
A. Psychologist Angela Lee Duckworth’s research is able to predict success in life by measuring
grit.
1. When she studied West Point Cadets, National Spelling Bee Champions, CEOs,
salespeople, no matter what the circumstance, if the person had grit he or she would be
more likely to succeed.
2. Grit trumps good looks, socioeconomic status, health, and even intelligence.
B. The journey of your life will be difficult, so carefully consider the traits of ones you choose
to share it.
C. Will you use the peripheral route, become seduced by a fancy tail feather, and one day come
to regret the very object of your previously intense infatuation?
D. Or, will you use the central route, by using logical criteria referenced here for sexual
selectivity?
E. The following clip shows my favorite gritty actor, Tom Hanks, describing his life in the
context of his relationship with his mate. (Show Clip.) Hanks presents a compelling case
study of how grit results in a successful career and marriage.
Conclusion
I.
Today, I have compelled you to believe that sexual promiscuity creates various problems; the
solution is to become sexually selective; and the future will be more successful through sexual
selectivity.
II.
If you remember nothing else from “the talk,” I challenge you to take the selection guidelines I’ve
provided and tuck them in your purse or wallet for future reference.
III.
As your junior or senior year draws to a close, or as you entire a new phase of life next fall, don’t
mindlessly fall into haphazard promiscuity.
IV.
Rather, use these tools to make careful selections so that your life is an adventure to be shared with
an equal, not a drudgery to be endured with an inferior or alone.
Works Cited
Daye, Derrick. “The Power of Nostalgia in Advertising.” Branding Strategy Insider. Web. 20 Nov. 2013.
“Sexual Selection in the Pheasant.” Nature: International Weekly Journal of Science. Volume 133
(1934):789-789. Web. 20 Nov 2013. <
http://www.nature.com/nature/journal/v133/n3369/abs/133789b0.html.>
advertising.html#.Uo1PE4wo7WM>.
Duckworth, Angela. “Key to Success? Grit.” Ted. Web. 20 Nov. 2013.
< http://www.ted.com/talks/angela_lee_duckworth_the_key_to_success_grit.html>.
Irwin, Darren. “Sexual Imprinting, Learning, and Speciation.” Heredity. Volume 82. (1999): 347-354. Print.
Kellerman, Henry. “How to Choose a Mate.” Psychology Today. Web. 20 Nov. 2013.
< http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/thinking-matters/200911/how-choose-mate>.
Murnen, Sarah. “Gender and the Use of Sexually Degrading Language.” Psychology of Women Quarterly.
Volume 24. Issue 4 (2000): 319-327.Print.
Nadig, Larry. “Selecting a Mate.” Larry Nadig, PhD. Clinical Psychologist Marriage and Family Therapist.
Web. 20 Nov. 2013. < http://www.drnadig.com/selecting.htm>.
Robinson, Marnia. “Oxytocin, Fidelity, and Sex.” Psychology Today. Web. 20 Nov. 2013.
< http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201211/oxytocin-fidelity-and-sex>.
“Sexual Risk Behavior: HIV, STD, & Teen Pregnancy Prevention.” Centers for Disease Control and
Prevention. Web.20 Nov. 2013. <http://www.cdc.gov?HealthyYouth/sexualbehaviors>.
“Sexual Selection in the Pheasant.” Nature: International Weekly Journal of Science. Volume 133 (1934):789789. Web. 20 Nov 2013.< http://www.nature.com/nature/journal/v133/n3369/abs/133789b0.html.>
Walsh, Anthony. “Parental Attachment, Drug Use, and Facultative Sexual Strategies.” Biodemography and
Social Biology. Volume 42. Issue 1-2(1995): 95-107. Print.
Partner Selection Guide
Look For Similarities In:
 Core beliefs and values regarding ethics, morals, religion, spiritual, cultural and political issues.
 Contents and style of life. Desire and need for affection and togetherness. Parenting and discipline.
Standards of cleanliness and order. Beliefs regarding division of labor and responsibilities.
 Level of need and desire for social activities, amount of involvement with others, types of activities
and frequency.
Avoid:
 Denying or disregarding information you already have about the person that is an indication of a
dysfunction or problem.
 Hastily deciding the person is right for you when you are madly in love or are still in the first phase
of the relationship. When you fall madly in love, enjoy the feelings, but be careful. You will be in a
wonderful "drugged state" and easily misled by your feelings, so don’t make any significant
decisions.
 Disregarding your feelings. If you don’t feel good around the person, are afraid to be yourself, or
can’t talk about certain topics or sensitive issues, then move on and keep looking.
 Picking someone who needs changing. Thinking you can teach and guide the person, or love the
person enough to overcome their shortcoming.
 Picking someone who needs you. Pick a person who loves you and wants to be with you, not
someone who needs you. The person may not want you in the future after the need is met.
 Getting in a relationship when you are needy, or are on the rebound and haven’t finished grieving
the loss of another love.
 Just being nice and accommodating, always trying to make the person happy, never doing anything
that might upset the person, or trying too hard to get the person to like you. The relationship has to
work for both of you, and you both have to share the responsibility for making it work.
Ask Yourself:




Mind: Is what he or she says interesting to you?
Eye: Does she or he appeal to your eye?
Heart: Does your heart feel love, and loved?
Stomach: In your gut, does it feel like he or she is a good person?
 Behavior: Is her or his behavior good? (Behavior is an indicator of grit and character)