Improving Your
English Writing
Part 5:
Essay Re-Start
John E. Clayton
Nanjung University, Spring, 2004
Good Day!
Please turn-in journal 1.
Please DO NOT turn-in
your essay revisions.
First Essay - Results
100%
5%
90%
80%
26%
70%
60%
19%
50%
40%
30%
48%
20%
10%
0%
4%
2%
Well done
Acceptable
Weak thesis
No Thesis
Unacceptable format
Wrong assignment
A Movie of Your First Essay Results
What I Did With Your Essays
What Does It Mean?
No – your writing days are not over…
But we must go…
Back to the
beginning…
Syllabus
01 Introduction; Student photos; Overview
02 Information cards; Punctuation; Writing process
03 Paragraphs; Essays – structure, outline, thesis, etc.
04 No Class - National Day Holiday
05 No Class – Education Conference
06 Essays – conclusion
07 Essays – Let’s start again
08 Mid-term exam
09 Review exam, Introduce Business letters, Movie
10 Business – Personal Statement
11 Business – Personal Statement, Resume
12 Business - Resume
13 Business – Cover letters
14 Movie – “Wizard of Oz” – if we are caught up
15 Review for final exam
16 Final exam
journal 1
journal 2
Journal 1
journal 2
journal 1
journal 2
http://software.nju.edu.cn/~clayton/
Things To Avoid in Your Essays
Remember, this is academic writing –
Do not use – big, strange fonts or clip art.
Use Times Roman, or Ariel – 12 point
Don’t ask the reader questions.
(eg: “Don’t you think so…”)
Try to avoid clichés.
(eg: “a coin has two sides”, “a sword has two
edges”, “in a word”, etc.)
“But…This is NOT How We Write in China!”
If you come to an American university from
another country, you will find that essay
writing expectations will probably be
different.
No matter how you have been taught to write
in your own country, you will be expected to
write academic essays in an "American"
fashion.
Thesis – What’s the Big Deal?
American academic essays are usually
"thesis-driven."
This means that you as the writer must
explain the main point of your essay at the
start.
An academic essay is not a mystery novel your reader does not want to figure out the
plot or search for clues, which is why you
state your thesis at the start.
Writing Differences
The thesis-driven essay may be different from
non-American writing forms, in which the
thesis is often implied, delayed, or delivered
at the end of the essay.
Consider the thesis statement a concise
version of the entire essay, which usually
appears in the introductory section of an
essay. A thesis provides the reader with a
"road map," clearly laying out the route
ahead.
Writing Differences
Note that a thesis is an interpretation of a
subject, not the subject itself.
For Example:
The subject of an essay might be Smoking, but
the thesis must then offer a way to understand
smoking that others might dispute.
Goal of the Thesis
The thesis states:
- the primary goal of the argument
- indicates the reasons to support the
argument.
• Every assertion that you make afterward
must be related to the thesis statement.
• The rest of the essay must clarify or support
your thesis.
Example 1
Subject: Smoking
Argument: Smoking is harmful, and should be banned
Primary goal: to ban smoking in public places.
Reasons: it’s dangerous, harmful and annoying.
Thesis:
“Smoking should be banned from public places, because it
is dangerous, bad for health, and very annoying to other
people.”
Example 2
Subject: Television
Argument: Some programs are educational, and kids
should be encouraged to watch them.
Primary goal: to encourage children to watch good programs.
Reasons: to develop skills and broaden views.
Thesis:
“While much on television is useless “fluff”, children
should be encouraged to watch good programs, because
they help develop listening skills and introduce the child to
the world around them.”
Example 3
Subject: Reading books
Argument: Books should remain a key resource for
university students.
Primary goal: to encourage students to read more printed books.
Reasons: inexpensive, relaxing, always available.
Thesis:
“Even though we are bombarded with information today,
we should continue to invest time reading old-fashioned
paper books, because they are inexpensive, they can help
us relax, and they won’t shut-down at 11:00pm.”
Example 4
Subject: Camping
Argument: A university club should be established to
focus on outdoor activities, especially camping.
Primary goal: encourage the creation of a campus club to
promote camping.
Reasons: healthy, relaxing, good use of time.
Thesis:
“Even though some people say the university should be for
academics only, the university should establish a club to
promote camping, because it is a healthy, relaxing activity
that uses time wisely.”
Classroom Exercise
1. Get in a group with one or two others.
2. Find an argumentative topic on the handout.
3. Create a thesis statement as you saw in the
examples:
1. Subject…
2. Argument…
3. Thesis…
4. Primary goal
5. Reasons
Make-Up Class Movie Night
What? “The Haunted House”, with Eddie Murphy
Where? Pukou, room 3-226
When? Monday night, November 1st, 6-8:00pm
Who?
All of Mr. Clayton’s writing class students
Problem! 300 students, 120 seats 
Homework Assignment
Prepare for the mid-term exam
(next week!)
Select a subject from the “sample thesis
topics” list and write a good thesis
statement.
Write an essay introduction paragraph,
using your thesis statement.