Listening and Emotional Intelligence “Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” Winston Churchill Communication Process Sender Receiver Feedback Interference Channels of Communication Face-to-face Telephonic Email, text messaging, internet Memos, letters Formal reports Message Receiving Process Listening Analyzing Checking understanding Listen From Webster’s Dictionary To pay attention to sound To hear with thoughtful attention To be alert and catch an expected sound Types of Listening Active Empathic Listening to understand the other person Critical listening “listening with a purpose” (Barker, 1971) To determine accuracy Listening for enjoyment Active Listening Make time Act interested in speaker Good eye contact Repeat key phrases Ask questions Concentrate on what is being said Listening Pay attention Avoid distractions Do not assume or interrupt Watch nonverbal clues Ask questions Take notes Provide feedback Ten Keys to Effective Listening Keys Poor Listener Good Listener 1. Listen actively Is passive, laid back Asks questions; paraphrases what is said 2. Find areas of interest Tunes out dry subjects Looks for opportunities, new learning 3. Resist distractions Is easily distracted Fights distractions; tolerates bad habits; knows how to concentrate 4. Capitalize on the fact that thought is faster than speech Tends to daydream with slow speakers Challenges, anticipates, summarizes; listens between lines to tone of voice 5. Be responsive Is minimally involved Nods; shows interest, positive feedback Keys Poor Listener Good Listener 6. Judge content, not delivery Tunes out if delivery is poor Judges content; skips over delivery errors 7. Hold one’s fire Has preconceptions; argues Does not judge until comprehension is complete 8. Listen for ideas Listens for facts Listens to central themes 9. Work at listening No energy output; faked attention Works hard; exhibits active body state, eye contact 10. Exercise one’s mind Resists difficult material in favor of light, recreational material Uses heavier material as exercise for the mind Analyzing Listen actively Evaluate message after listening Analyzing From Webster’s Dictionary To study or determine the nature and relationship of the parts by analysis Check Understanding Paraphrase Watch nonverbal cues Feedback Repeat key phrases to show you understand what is being said Irritating Listening Habits Interrupting the speaker Not looking at the speaker Rushing the speaker Showing interest in something else Finishing the speaker’s thoughts Not responding to requests Saying “Yes but…..” Topping the speaker’s story Forgetting what was asked Asking too many questions The International Listening Association Barriers to Listening Emotions Too technical Too much information Past experiences Busy thinking about our answer Assumptions Opinions Open Ended Questions Good tools for getting information Cannot be answered with just a yes or no Samples Why do you say that? How did you feel about what she said? How will you handle the situation? Why do you think you reacted that way? Body Language Head nodding Leaning forward Relaxed body posture Facial expressions Eye contact Emotional Intelligence Daniel Goleman A person’s ability to perceived, identify, understand and successfully manage emotions in self and others. Costs to Leaders Loss of followers Conflict Absenteeism Health costs Lawsuits Workplace violence Elements of Emotional Intelligence- Kolp and Rea Self Awareness Accurate self-assessment of skill and emotion Self confidence Self Management Self control Integrity Adaptable to change Initiative Elements of Emotional Intelligence- Kolp and Rea Social Awareness Empathy and service orientation Awareness of organization realities Social Skills Leading change Creation of shared vision and sense of team Communication and conflict resolution Relationship building Emotional Families Anger Sadness Fear Enjoyment Love Surprise Disgust Shame Goleman on Salovey’s Definition Components of Emotional Intelligence Knowing one’s emotions Managing emotions Motivating oneself Recognizing emotions in others Handling relationships References Richard L. Daft, The Leadership Experience, (Thomson Publishing, Ohio) p. 143 Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence, (Bantam International, New York) Robert Lussier and Christopher Achua, (Thomson Publishing, Ohio) p. 204 Craig E. Runde and Tim A. Flanagan, Becoming a Conflict Competent Leader, (Jossey Bass Publisher, California) p. 11-15 Barker, L.L. (1971) Listening Behavior, Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice-Hall Robyn Walker, Strategic Business Communication, Thomson Publishing, Ohio) pp. 198-201 Alan Kolp and Peter Rea, Leading with Integrity, (Atomic Dog Publishing, Cincinnati) p. 199. Webster Dictionary The International Listening Association