FROM THE PASTOR’S DESK...
…WHAT DO YOU SEE IN A MIRROR or a SELFIE?
When you look in a mirror, what do you see? Or for those of you who are more
in touch with modern technology—When you take a “selfie”, what do you see?
What does God see? Perhaps it’s a person who smiles a lot. I imagine that
would probably make God smile as well. But suppose we’re grumpy in the morning?
As the children in our VBS learned, God loves us no matter what, and always wants us
to do the very best we can. Still…
In literature, there are three types of conflict: human versus human, human
versus nature, and human versus self. In this latter category, an intelligent creature has
a choice to make. In real life, people constantly have minor “human versus self”
conflicts. What should I eat for breakfast? Should I pay attention or doodle in my
notebook? Should I wear a blue blouse or a tan one? But there are also major
conflicts that come along. For instance, a student has to study for a test the next day,
but has tickets for a concert that night. A general has to decide if an attack on the
enemy is worth the loss of life of more soldiers, or if the battle should be avoided. An
athlete is torn between his desire to fit in with the rest of the team when they start
picking on some people who “aren’t like them” and his personal belief that picking on
others is wrong.
Fiction is full of this type of conflict. There’s The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr.
Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson. Another case is Mr. Spock from Star Trek. Or
Professor Snape from the Harry Potter series (specifically The Deathly Gallows).
Humans versus self is an internal conflict; it takes place within a character’s mind.
Paul knew that there's power in dealing with the realities of living. There's power
for the follower of Jesus, in the no-makeup, harshly-lit mirror-image or selfie that
shows every wrinkle. The power, of course, is that the more honestly I assess myself,
admitting my deep, continuing brokenness, then the more heroic, the more grace-filled
and generous Jesus begins to look. One cannot understand the true heights of God's
love until we come to grasp the radical depths of our sin.
Paul knew this. Paul knew that by staring at his unflattering self he was less likely
to be fooled by the facade of awesomeness that he and every other human so often
present to the rest of the world, and the more beautiful and necessary the love of God
in Christ would become. Remember his words in 2 Corinthians 12: "I will boast all the
more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me" (v. 9b).
In light of Paul's unflattering self-portrait in chapter 7 of Romans, the words that
kick off chapter 8 are unbelievably generous and comforting. "There is therefore now
no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus" (v. 1). Think about this. No
matter how unflattering the image of us is, no matter how strong the forces are that
pull us, and Paul, off the path of righteousness, God refuses to reject us. Go ahead,
take a long look at yourself tomorrow morning, or hit the camera icon on your phone
and show God the worst. God promises that, for those who have been covered in the
goodness of Jesus and injected with the power of his Holy Spirit, there will be no
words of condemnation!
Remember this, no matter what that picture shows -- the "good" us, the "bad"
us, the super-cute or the surprisingly ugly us -- because of Christ there's no rejection
for us and there's a better, more powerful force at work in us.
Blessings,
Bill
The men of CHCUMC meet on a monthly basis at the Central Highlands Church for
breakfast, study, and fellowship. These meetings begin at 6:30 am to accommodate
work schedules and will occur on Wednesday, July 2nd and August 13th.
Every Tuesday and Thursday morning at 11:00 AM, the sanctuary will be open for a
time of prayer. It is important to set aside time for prayer and just quiet time to listen
for God’s voice. I would encourage you to consider praying at this time of the week
with us at the church; however, if it is not convenient for you to come to church to
pray, perhaps you could set aside that time to pray at home.
CENTRAL HIGHLANDS B.B.Q SUNDAY
JULY 13TH AT CEDAR CREEK PARK
PAVILION #18
1:00 PM – 4:00 DINNER
THIS WILL BE A “COVER DISH”!
THE MEAT FOR THE B.B.Q IS BEING DONATED.
BRING YOUR LAWN CHAIR
HORSESHOES
VOLLEY BALL NET
BIKE
BLANKET FOR THE LAWN
AN AFTERNOON OF FELLOWSHIP AND FUN!
A GREAT BIG THANK YOU!
Thank you to everyone who helped make the 2014 CHCUMC Flea Market a big
success. Whether you helped set-up, price, clean up, donated “fleas,” food or baked
goods, cooked or helped sale, your time and talents were greatly appreciated. Without
YOU, the volunteers, I couldn’t have done it!
Also, a special “thank you” to Oleva Gainer and Barb Ziegler, whose expertise,
support and guidance made it all possible.
God bless you all,
Jan Gronlund
I want to thank all of the members of the UMW for their continuous and neverending service to this Church. Since last September, we’ve asked a lot of our
members, and they never fail to offer their help – whether it be for a soup and
sandwich luncheon, a reception for charge conference, a fashion show, a dinner for
the pastors in our conference, a funeral repast, a spaghetti dinner, or a sandwich and
strawberry social. This past Saturday we had 12 ladies come out to get Fellowship
Hall ready for our Sandwich and Strawberry Social! Of course, they were there on
Sunday also to serve the lunch. Lots of hands certainly gets the work done quickly!
Thank You Ladies!
Hopefully we can start our regular meetings in September with a record number
of you attending. Cheryl has promised a very interesting program on September 9th.
Bring a brown bag lunch, and the hostesses will provide dessert. See you then!
Carol Barr
I would like to thank every person who was involved in the spaghetti dinner on
May 31st. You certainly responded to my pleas for help, not just to provide desserts,
but to work at the dinner itself! At the beginning, I’m sure a lot of you felt that your
services were not required, and you wondered why you had volunteered to work in the
dining room. But, during the crunch period from 4:30-6:00, I was wondering why we
didn’t have more volunteers! We really got pounded, didn’t we? But people didn’t
have to wait for anything – it suddenly appeared at their table!
And the people in the kitchen weren’t having a picnic either – they had a difficult
time keeping up with the numbers of dinners they had to dish up – including trying to
stretch the sauce – and getting all of those dishes washed for the next group! Each
and every person who volunteered in any capacity played a very large part in the
success of the dinner.
As you know, we made a total of $1900 for the Church’s treasury. Thank You,
Thank You, Thank You to everyone involved in any way!!!
SO, of course, we’re going to do it again! This time it will be chicken and biscuits
on October 4th. Since we had almost everything donated for the spaghetti dinner,
perhaps we should start a chicken fund for donations for that dinner?
Carol Barr
CHURCH SIGNS
“Prevent truth decay. Brush up on your Bible.”
“The best vitamin for a Christian is B1.”
“Under same management for over 2000 years.”
“Soul food served here.”
“Tithe if you love Jesus! Anyone can honk!”
“Beat the Christmas rush, come to church this Sunday!”
“Don’t wait for the hearse to take you to church.”
“Life has many choices, Eternity has two. What’s yours?”
“Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due.”
“Wal-Mart isn’t the only saving place!”
Pentecost 2014
By Eric Wilkins
Last year, the children and youth gave a special presentation on Pentecost Sunday.
The older students spoke about how the Holy Spirit comforts, guides, and
empowers us as we tell the story of Jesus. The younger students taught the
congregation how to say “Holy Spirit” in various foreign languages, in memory of
the gift of tongues that the Spirit bestowed on the disciples.
This year, I helped my students write their own mini-sermons, which they
presented the Sunday after Pentecost, June 15. Since Pentecost celebrates the
day that Jesus’ disciples became the leaders of his Church, it seemed appropriate
to let the students become the teachers for a day.
In case you weren’t able to hear them on the 15th, or if you’d like to hear them
again, you can read their sermons below for your own enjoyment and meditation:
“His Word Lives Forever” by Raven Gorman
 God’s Word will last forever.
 Matthew 24:35 says, “Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never
pass away.”
 We still have Bibles today, and after many years, people still know about God’s
Word. And people will continue to spread his Word.
Many people love God. They share God’s Word with others.
 His Word will never go away because it is part of the past. It’s part of the
past, you can’t change it. What happened was amazing, and people continue to
talk about it.
 God’s Word will never go away. It will last forever. You can’t make everyone
stop spreading God’s Word. His Word will never die.
“King of Heaven” by Laci Schwirian
 Jesus is a heavenly king, not an earthly king.
 In John 18:36, Jesus told Pontius Pilate, “My kingdom is not of this world.” “If
it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest from the Jews. But now,
my kingdom is from another place.”
 Pilate said, “You are a king then!” And Jesus answered, “You are right in saying
I am a king.”
 Jesus added, “Everyone on the side of truth listens to me.”
“What is truth?” Pilate asked. But in John 14:6, Jesus said, “I am the way, the
truth and the life.”
 Jesus is a king, a heavenly king. Jesus knows he’s a king. Jesus is a peaceful
king that saves his people and loves his people.
“Pentecost” by Derek Rhoderick
 We find Jesus in unexpected places.
 Hebrews 13:2 says, “Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so
doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.”
 Jesus was from heaven, but God told Jesus to live on earth.
Jesus was born as a little baby in a barn, and Jesus worked as a carpenter with
his earthly father.
 Jesus was friends with everybody, even people who did not tell the truth and
cheated. Jesus spent time with unpopular people, like tax collectors and
Romans.
 We even find Jesus in Elizabeth. He helps us stay warm in the snowy weather,
cooled in the heat, and safe in the thunderstorms.
So it is true that Jesus can be found in unexpected places. Amen!
“What Season of Faith Are You In?” by Emma Durant
 Bad times don’t last forever, but God’s love does.
 Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every
activity under the heavens.”
 My grand pap has been in the hospital because he had surgery on his liver, but
he’s been getting better. And he has our pet cat to keep him company. God is
with him and in my family’s prayers. So, when we are sick, God gives us
medicine to make us feel better, people to help us, and food for strength.
 God gives us animals for comfort, protection, and love. And sometimes a pet
will pass away which is very, very sad for the owner and the family. And I had a
pet dog that passed away when I was only 6, which was very difficult for me.
His name was Timber, and we were very fortunate to have him.
 The Bible tells us that God is with us always. So even today, you may be in a
season where something is sad, or you are happy or you are waiting for
something or someone. But because we have faith in GOD, we know that he is
with us in all of our seasons of our life. I believe if we pray, we feel closer to
GOD in all seasons...no matter what we feel.
MEALS ON WHEELS OF
ELIZABETH FORWARD NEEDS YOU!
You may have heard or read recently that there have been changes to the Elizabeth
Forward Meals on Wheels program. SOME THINGS have not changed!
How can you offer YOUR help and support?
As a kitchen aide…
One day a week (Monday thru Friday) for about an hour to an hour and a half to help
package the food.
As a driver or runner…
One day a week (Monday thru Friday) for about two hours (starting around 9:15 am).
People who are willing to use their vehicle/gas to deliver the meal to each address and
those willing to take the meal into each home. Some acquainted with each route would
ride with you until you become familiar with it yourself. Then you can choose to be a
runner for that route or have a runner accompany you. If you become ill or have a
doctor’s appointment or are taking a trip on your “scheduled” day, no problem;
another volunteer fills in for you.
Adopt a Senior…
If you or an organization you may be associated with would like to adopt a senior who
currently is a recipient of Meals on Wheels, all you have to do is get in touch with
Josette at (412)-751-2230. The seniors pay $5 a day for their meals. Even though this
seems like a small amount of money, sometimes a senior might be bogged down with
utilities, taxes, and medications.
ONE TINY RAIN DROP
Look at the dry and barren land
How can I water such a vast expanse?
How will I know just where is my thrust
I need to be a river, a river of trust
A river flowing bringing refreshing love
Bringing the water flowing from above
For God’ love is imparted to me right here
As I walk through this desert without much fear
But how can I water a drought this size
Dear Lord, please help me, hear my cries
Then someone’s beside me, taking my hand
Together we can water this barren land
Then hundreds join us, it’s a church alive
Alive with God’s Spirit, watching it thrive
For each of us are to be a tiny part
Bringing flowing love from the Father’s heart
We are tiny rain drops in a mighty stream
Flowing down mountains, renewing dreams
Bringing life giving words to every dry soul
And the thirsty are quenched and lives are made whole.
Louise Patterson
Hymns For the Homeless
Come and share in an evening of Hymns of our Faith
Rev Janet Lord at the keyboard
Vocals by Lexi Kalkbrenner
And Jonny Summers
Lexi and Jonny will lead the gathering in singing some of our favorite
hymns along with sharing their unique voices as they sing some of their
favorites. Miss Kalkbrenner will share a presentation about the plight of
our homeless and how we can make a difference in their lives.
Admission for the evening is either non-perishable food items or a new
blanket. These items will be taken to a homeless shelter.
Date: Saturday, July 19, 2014
Time: 6:00 PM
Place: Central Highlands Community UM Church
100 Timothy Dr. Elizabeth Twp
Mini Golf
Sunday, August 3, 2014
2:00 pm – 4:00 pm
Family Funscape-Copper Head Canyon
All ages and all levels of golf encouraged to attend!
Fellowship, Fun and FOOD!!!
(Hot Dogs provided. Bring chips or a dessert to share)
We have reserved the picnic tables and tent. Using all 18 holes, we will start at different holes
and rotate through each hole until we have completed all 18. Small prizes will be awarded for
the best score! 
Many of the 200 Sandstone Landscape Rocks have petrified tree fossils in them. See how many
fossils you can find! Small prizes will be awarded for the most fossils found! 
Each hole has a Bible verse posted beside it. Small prizes will be awarded for the most verses
recited! 
Nine holes are handicap accessible. If you want to just do those holes, come on down! 
If you would like to bring a lawn chair, eat and sit in the shade under the tent, come on down!

If you would like to monitor the scoring and present the prizes, come on down! 
Price $4.00
Includes Mini Golf and a hotdog
The ropes course is available for an additional $5.00.
Sign up in the Narthex
Contact Lois Leggett for more information (412-310-6155)
Central Highlands Fun!
Pittsburgh Pirate Baseball Game
Friday, August 8th - 7:05 PM against the San Diego Padres
Our group rate includes:
Pirate T- Shirt and a free Pirate cap
$37.00 for a Left Field Box seat in section 130.
Payment must accompany the reservation by Sunday, July 20, 2014.
Make checks payable to Lois Leggett
SIGNUP SHEET IN THE NARTHEX
CENTRAL HIGHLANDS COMMUNITY UNITED METHODIST CHURCH
100 TIMOTHY DRIVE, ELIZABETH, PA
9:30 AM – 10:30 AM
ALL CHILDREN AGES 3-10 YEARS
STARTING, SATURDAY, JUNE 21, 2014
(except July 5th)
EVERY SATURDAY THROUGH AUGUST 9TH
JOIN US FOR OUR ANNUAL MISSION TRIP TO
PHILIPPI, WEST VIRGINIA
JULY 7TH THROUGH JULY 11TH
SIGN UP SHEET IN THE NARTHEX
WOW (Women of the Word) Come, search the scriptures and enjoy the fellowship.
The new study is Nehemiah, by Kelly Minter. We will meet again on Monday, July 21st
and August 18th at 7:00 pm at the parsonage. For more information call Nancy at
412-751-6143.
CENTRAL HIGHLANDS ART LEAGUE
 No fees
 No dues
(STARTS ON AUGUST 25)
If you are a beginner or an experienced dabbler in the arts, this is the place
for you. We will meet at Central Highlands Community UMC the second
and fourth Monday evening of every month from 6:00 – 9:00. You can
come and go as you please with no set programing. Each artist will bring
with them their own project (whatever you are or wish to work on) and
supplies. The purposes of this league are:




To gather and share creative artistry ,
To draw on each other’s varied knowledge and experience,
To have a place to get away from the house and work on a project,
To enjoy fellowship
The ‘League’ will be open to anyone interested in the arts. We hope to begin
this summer. Depending on attendance and interest we may invite a guest
speaker from time to time to give a demonstration on a particular type of art
or craft. If you are interested, contact Louise Patterson lappat@verizon.net
or 412-751-6321
CELEBRATING YOUR BIRTHDAY IN JULY!
JULY
1
4
7
8
9
10
12
13
15
Madison DeSimone
Susan Nemchick
Cynthia Villella
Luke Rider
Emma Stragand
Grace Fiore
Marissa DeSimone
Roy Nock
Kelly Cupec
Matthew Biddle
Sydney Toth
Jean Verbanec
Lorraine Ulrich
Mandi LeDonne
Erica Sims
Tim Durant
Madelyn McClain
June Nock
16
18
19
20
21
22
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
Sadie Porter
Caitlin Nero
Nicholas Buglar
Robert Codeluppi
Paula Paxon
Lance Semich
Kenneth Vogel
James Barrickman
Christopher Buglar
Ethan Ziegler
Dylan Altfather
Brian Pezel, Jr.
Gary Kristen
Ryan Kracun
Garrett Bedell
James Donnelly
Bill Ross
James Saxon
Wendy Pezel
Duane Davis
Frank Basic
Dean Keller
Mallory Frenock
Jacie Moore
Spenser Kalkbrenner
Alexa Armbruster
Darlene Borst
Helene Tyler
CELEBRATING YOUR BIRTHDAY IN AUGUST!
August
2
3
4
5
6
7
9
10
Russell Verbanec
Tommy Thomas
Andrew Martell
Jean Bickerton
Robert Vaughn
Jennifer Nock
David O’Dell
Haley Krol
Lori Clark
Kristy Boyer
Carol School
Marissa McCall
James Fiore
Lincoln Hemminger
Sandy Franks
Melissa McClain
Mina Burkett
Hanna Stragand
13
14
15
16
17
18
20
21
22
23
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
Douglas Filotei
Nick Gaston
Jonathan Summers
Kathryn D’Ottavio
Isabelle Baumgartner
Brian Kettering
Samantha Gainer
Jessica McCall
Yvonne Biddle
Mark McCall
Joyce Gallagher
David Markus
Chloe Zombek
Megan Spizarny
Betty Gronlund
Brian Pepka
Zackary Boyer
Jayme Kaczanoski
Scott Biddle
Trevor Younge
Adam Mayfield
Chris Cura
Tom Walter
Shelly Younge
Matthew Patterson
Rev. William Heaton
Paul Pociask
Krysta Brubaker
Stephanie Didjunas
GHOST CAT
Over the years, several cats decided to be ours for a while before moving on. When
we had one dropping by to be fed, we always bought cat food and fed on a regular
schedule. A couple of our guests let us pet them from time to time. One was willing
to come into the house and one was great friends with our dog—and then there was
the other one, the one I will never forget.
Born wild, this cat would eat our food—even come when called—but we were never
able to touch him. That he would not permit. A beautiful tiger cat, he came every day
for a long time, easily two years or longer. My husband enjoyed the routine of calling
him every morning to breakfast and the challenge of trying repeatedly to actually pet
him.
It was from that grouchy old tom that I learned a really valuable lesson. It was a
lesson that is simple but profound. You don’t love a cat—or even a human—because it
loves you. When you take care of something you learn to love it. We loved that
miserable old cat, fed it and worried about it even though it never showed us a shred
of affection. When he was hit by a car as he was crossing the road, we were both
devastated.
That was many years ago, but in my mind’s eye I still see that cat running across the
road, so free and wild that even getting killed didn’t stop him. In the vision I see in
my mind, his spirit kept right on running, I believe he may be somewhere out there
still, running across the fields, chasing little ghost mice and showing up on our porch
to eat the meals that are now there only in memory.
He was not an engaging animal, but he was memorable; and he taught me something
about love.
Betty Killebrew
Read more: http://www.inspirationalarchive.com/4113/ghost-cat/#ixzz368aIoWLy
J U LY
The Ministry of Serving
Greeters:
8:30
Judy Yuhas
412-751-7019
10:00
Ellen Gainer
412-881-3697
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
6
10:00
Goldie Kass & Judy Falk
13
10:00
Zora Family
20
10:00
Oleva & Ellen Gainer
27
10:00
Youth
Hospitality:
Millie Ulbrich
412-751-7031
………………………………………………………………………………………
10:00
Cindy Carson
Head Ushers:
412-751-0511
……………………………………………………………………………………
6
10:00
Don Ulbrich
13
10:00
Scott Biddle
20
10:00
Dave Copeland
27
10:00
Al Biddle & Youth
Liturgists
Carol School
412-751-0511
………………………………………………………………………………………
6
13
20
27
10:00
10:00
10:00
10:00
Donna Durant
Liz Ashton
Louise Patterson
Codie Buglar
AUGUST
The Ministry of Serving
Greeters:
8:30
Judy Yuhas
412-751-7019
10:00
Ellen Gainer
412-881-3697
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
3
10:00
Anton Tomko
10
10:00
Kim & Laci Schwirian
17
10:00
Cindy Carson & Mary Adams
24
10:00
Bruce & Dot Baumgartner
30
10:00
Youth
Hospitality:
Millie Ulbrich
412-751-7031
………………………………………………………………………………………
10:00
Arlene Funk
Head Ushers:
412-751-0511
……………………………………………………………………………………
3
10:00
Al Biddle
10
10:00
Scott Biddle
17
24
30
10:00
10:00
10:00
Nevin Ulery
John Walker
Dave Copeland & Youth
Liturgists
Carol School
412-751-0511
………………………………………………………………………………………
3
10:00
David Smith
10
10:00
Brad Smith
17
10:00
Louise Patterson
24
10:00
Codie Buglar
“Blessings to all”!!
Thank you for your donations of wheelchairs, canes, walkers and crutches.
We are stocked up again with a nice supply.
ITEMS IN OUR RECYCLE BIN
Vinyl gloves
personal cleansing cloths
Assorted catheter equipment
1 wooden canes
1 quad canes
5 sets of adjustable crutches
12 walkers with wheels
1 wheelchair
1raised toilet seat (seat only)
1 toilet seat with frame, 1 raised toilet seat with handles
Call (412-751-8642) to use items at no charge.
We are all doing a great job of recycling and helping others!
Love in Christ,
Mina Burkett
Earl Carlson
Don & Millie Ulbrich
Nevin & Judy Ulery
Mike & Ruth Vuckovich
Clair W. Hays
Herb & Dorothy Howell
Bob & Dorothy Welty
Donna Shultz
Gary & Arlene Funk
Edward Welty
Bob & Carolyn Rockwell Art & Betty Gronlund
Elizabeth Cemetery Assoc.
Tom & Ginny Cochenour
ARTICLES FOR THE SEPTEMBER HIGHLANDER MUST BE IN THE OFFICE
BY AUGUST 15TH.
Marlene Durant
Elizabeth Ann Ashton
Sara Lynn Beatty
Benjamin Coleman Durant
Amanda Bryce McLay
David Patrick Irvin Smith
NOAH IN MODERN TIMES
And the Lord spoke to Noah & said: “In six months I’m going to make it rain
until the whole earth is covered with water & all the evil people are
destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of
living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build Me an Ark.”
And in a flash of lightning he delivered the specifications for the Ark.
“OK,” said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints.
“Six months, and it starts to rain, “thundered the Lord. “You’d better have
my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time.”
And six months passed. The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall.
The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there
was no Ark.
“Noah,” shouted the Lord, “where is my Ark?” A lighting bolt crashed to the
ground next to Noah.
“Lord, please forgive me!” begged Noah. “I did my best. But there were big
problems.
First I had to get a building permit for the Ark construction project, and
your plans didn’t meet code. So I had to hire an engineer to redraw the
plans.
Then I got into a big fight over whether or not the Ark needed a fire
sprinkler system.
My neighbors objected, claiming I was violating zoning by building the Ark
in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning
commission.
Then I had a big problem getting enough wood for the Ark because there
was a ban on cutting trees to save the Spotted Owl. I had to convince U.S.
Fish and Wildlife that I needed wood to save the owls. But they wouldn’t let
me catch any owls. So no owls.
Then the carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to
negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before
anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now we have 16 carpenters going
on the boat and still no owls.
Then I started gathering up animals, and got sued by animal rights group.
They objected to me taking only two of each kind.
Just when I got the suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn’t complete
the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed
flood. They didn’t take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over
the conduct of a Supreme Being.
Then the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed new flood
plain. I sent them a globe.
Right now I’m still trying to resolve a complaint from the Equal Employment
Opportunity Commission over how many Croatians I’m supposed to hire,
the IRS has seized all my assets claiming I’m trying to avoid paying taxes by
leaving the country, and I just got a notice from the state about owing
some kind of use tax.
I really don’t think I can finish your Ark for at least another five years,”
Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across
the sky.
Noah looked up and smiled. “You mean you’re not going to destroy the
earth?” Noah asked, hopefully.
“No,” said the Lord sadly, “Government already has