Cast List for THE PERSUASION INVASION:
Aislinn: Alien Soldier One
Owen: Waldo
Damyan: Lord Zeepzop
Liliy: General Sherman
Jeremy: Alien Soldier Two
Sophie: Ms. Milton
Anna Rose: Suzie
Ryan N.: Principal Smithers
Kalei: Cindy Simpson
Kynier: Jim Jensen
Iris: Annie Anderson
Wren: General Bleepblop
Jahya: Dr. Kneepnop
Orlando: Soldier Three/Student
Natalie: President Paley
Romen: Soldier One/Student
Hailey: Alien Soldier
Ryan L.: Captain FeepFop
Justin: Soldier Two/Student
Imala: Jane
Ryan S.: Billy Bob Joe
THE PERSUASION INVASION
By Ms. Merry/Goodmark class in collaboration with Jesse Bush and Luke Gustafson
Fall 2013
Suzie enters
SUZIE
Dear Diary. What a day I have had! When I woke up this morning I had no idea that the
entire human race would be counting on my friends and I for it’s very survival. Today
started like any other day for me, but little did I know that millions of miles away on a
distant planet, a plan was being made to invade Earth!
The scene changes to the Alien home planet where the Alien leadership is planning an
attack.
LORD ZEEPZOP
Greetings citizens of the planet Achoo!
OTHER ALIENS
Greetings lord high leader, ZeepZop!
LORD ZEEPZOP
It is time to finish our plan for attack on planet number 65, known to its native inhabitants
as Earth.
GENERAL BLEEPBLOP
Lord High Leader! I have a report from the food commission!
LORD ZEEPZOP
Go ahead General BleepBlop. What is the food report?
GENERAL BLEEPBLOP
Not good!
LORD ZEEPZOP
Ummm. Could you say a bit more about it?
GENERAL BLEEPBLOP
Basically, our sun is dying, which is making the grass die, which our main source of
food, the space cow eats, so they are dying as well. So like I said…not good.
CAPTAIN FEEPFOP
Permission to speak, Lord High Leader?
LORD ZEEPZOP
Go ahead Captain Feepfop.
CAPTAIN FEEPFOP
We must begin the invasion right away. Our food is gone, those humans look juicy and
tasty and our troops are ready to go!
LORD BLEEPBOP
Just hold your space horses, Captain. I want to hear one more research report about
planet 65 from our resident expert, Dr. Kneepnop. Dr. Kneepnop?
DR. KNEEPNOP
Yes, Lord High Leader?
LORD ZEEPZOP
Let’s hear that report! Do you know everyone here?
DR. KNEEPNOP
We have not been introduced, no.
LORD ZEEPZOP
This is General Bleepbop and this is Captain Feepfop. Feepfop meet Kneepnop. Kneenop
meet Bleepbop. And I, of course, am Zeepzop. Got it?
DR. KNEEPNOP
I think so?
LORD ZEEPZOP
Report please.
DR. KNEENOP
Yes sir. As I reported earlier, planet 65 or “Earth” is a planet rich with natural resources.
Especially the human beings, who we have determined to be delicious. They are an
intelligent species though and may not be conquered easily.
LORD ZEEPZOP
What do you mean?
DR. KNEEPNOP
They have highly developed brains, which they increase in things called “schools”. These
“schools” are able to build up their brain capacity to a high level of thinking. It can make
them highly persuasive.
LORD ZEEPZOP
They are persuasive? But we have always been known as the most persuasive species in
the galaxy!
DR. KNEEPNOP
They are quite good as well.
CAPTAIN FEEPFOP
It is no matter. We will land our spaceships at these “schools” and destroy them first.
That way they will have no chance to persuade us.
LORD ZEEPZOP
That sounds like a good plan, Captain. Because as every resident of Achoo knows, we
cannot refuse a really good persuasive argument. We must not allow them to make one.
Ready your troops for the invasion!
CAPTAIN FEEPFOP
Yes sir!
GENERAL BLEEPBOP
Yes sir!
LORD ZEEPZOP
Those humans are toast! Which sounds nice right now, maybe with some space jelly and
butter? I’m starving !!
The aliens exit and Suzie reenters.
SUZIE
While the aliens from the planet Achoo were planning their attack, it was just a normal
day here at Caroline Elementary. I was playing on the playground with my friends
Waldo, Jane and Billy Bob Joe.
JANE
Hey Suzie, come down the slide with me!
SUZIE
OK Jane!
WALDO
Billy Bob Joe, wanna swing?
BILLY
Sure!
The Teacher, Ms. Milton, enters
MS. MILTON
Billy Bob Joe, get over here!
BBJ goes to her.
WALDO
Uh oh, Billy Bob Joe’s in trouble again.
JANE
Yeah, as always.
SUZIE
What did he do this time?
WALDO
He probably didn’t bring his homework again.
SUZIE
Oh brother! Is he ever going to learn?
MS. MILTON
OK class! Recess is over. Time to go in!
JANE
Come on guys!
The kids go into the classroom.
MS. MILTON
Now who can tell me where we left off in our lesson?
Jane raises her hand.
Jane?
JANE
We were learning how to write a persuasive essay.
MS. MILTON
Very good. Who can tell me the parts of a persuasive essay? Waldo?
WALDO
You start with an introduction.
MS. MILTON
That’s correct. Suzie?
SUZIE
Then you need to write your reasons.
MS. MILTON
Yes you should have at least three reasons. Then what, Billy Bob Joe?
BILLY
A conclusion?
MS. MILTON
That is correct. Well done class.
A rumbling is heard outside.
BILLY
What is that?
SUZIE
It’s coming from outside!
JANE
It looks like some kind of UFO!
BILLY
I’m going out there!
WALDO
Don’t do it!
BILLY
I gotta go check it out!
He runs out of the room.
MS. MILTON
Billy Bob Joe, come back here!
She follows him, the rest of the kids behind her. They enter the schoo yard where the
alien ship has landed.
BILLY
Whoa! A spaceship!
WALDO
Cool!
JANE
Wicked!
SUZIE
Awesome!
MS. MILTON
Step back, children!
More students have arrived and are ooing and ahing. Principal Smithers arrives.
PRINCIPAL
What in the world is going on here?
MS. MILTON
Principal Smithers! I’m glad you’re here. I have no idea. It seems to be some sort of
alien spacecraft. Look the door is opening!
KIDS
Ahhhh!
Lord Zeepzop comes out of the ship.
LORD ZEEPZOP
Greetings earthlings. I come to your planet in war.
KIDS
Ahhhh!
PRINCIPAL
Holy smokes! I’m going to call the police!!
He exits back into the school.
LORD ZEEPZOP
You can run, but you cannot hide!
MS. MILTON
Get behind me children!
BILLY
No problem!
The students get behind her.
LORD ZEEPZOP
Citizens of Achoo! Fall in!
The other aliens enter from the ship and form battle lines.
SUZIE
What do we do, Ms. Milton?
MS. MILTON
Get back inside!!
The kids all run back into the school. Principal Smithers is there.
PRINCIPAL
Boys and girls, we are in lockdown. The police have been notified. Please find your
lockdown positions and wait for further instructions!
MS. MILTON
Into the classroom children!
Suzie steps forward.
SUZIE
Little did we know at the time, but alien ships were landing at schools all over the world
at that very moment.
We see a newscaster.
ANNIE
Good evening! I’m Annie Anderson and this is breaking news from your most trusted
cable news channel, NNN.
CINDY
And I’m Cindy Simpson. This just in, elementary schools all over the planet are being
invaded by an alien race!
ANNIE
We go live to our reporter, Jim Jensen, who is on the scene. What’s going on, Jim?
JIM
It’s a wild scene here, Annie. Most of the schools have gone into lockdown and the
aliens are trying to find a way to get in. The authorities are just beginning to show up,
but their weapons seem to have no effect. I have the commander of the army, General
Sherman here. General, can you tell us what is going on?
GENERAL SHERMAN
It’s a bad situation here, Jim. Nothing seems to get through the alien defenses. It’s like
they have some sort of force field around them. The president herself is on her way here
to tell us what we should do!
JIM
Thank you General. Keep up the good work!
GENERAL SHERMAN
OK then.
JIM
Back to you, Annie.
ANNIE
Thanks Jim. More on this story as it develops. Until then, I’m Annie Anderson.
CINDY
And I’m Cindy Simpson. Stay safe out there!
Suzie reenters.
SUZIE
The situation looked bad. The army was doing everything they could but it wasn’t
helping. Then the President arrived to try and reason with the aliens!
Enter President Paley with General Sherman and soldiers.
GENERAL SHERMAN
Right this way, Ms. President.
PRESIDENT
I’ll need some sort of bullhorn, General.
GENERAL SHERMAN
Here’s a rolled up piece of paper.
PRESIDENT
Umm.. thanks?
The president speaks through the rolled up paper.
PRESIDENT
Greetings extra-terrestrial beings. I am President Paley. We have no argument with you.
Why have you invaded us?
GENERAL BLEEPBOP
I’m afraid our planet has run out of food, so we’ll need to eat you.
PRESIDENT
Uhhh. Say again?
CAPTAIN FEEPFOP
Our sun is dying, you are juicy, we have spaceships and lazers, end of story.
GENERAL SHERMAN
What do we do now, Ms. President?
PRESIDENT
I got this (Into “bullhorn”) Please do not eat us, ummmm, we don’t taste good.
LORD ZEEPZOP
You expect us to believe that? (to the other aliens) I thought these guys were supposed to
be persuasive.
Suzie comes running out with Waldo, Jane and Billy Bob.
SUZIE
Ms. President! Ms. President!
PRESIDENT
Who allowed these children to be out here?
JANE
We have an idea of how to stop them!
GENERAL SHERMAN
What are you kids talking about?
WALDO
We learned how to make a really good persuasive essay and we can use that to convince
the aliens not to eat us.
GENERAL SHERMAN
Allow fourth graders to argue the survival of the entire human race? Sounds like a crazy
idea.
BILLY
So crazy, it just might work.
PRESIDENT
At this point we have nothing to lose. (into “bullhorn”) Attention Alien Race. We ask
that you give us time to present you with a persuasive essay arguing for the survival of
the human species.
LORD ZEEPZOP
Dangit! How did they know that we can’t refuse a persuasive challenge! What do we do?
DR. KNEEPNOP
Lord High Leader, may I offer a suggestion?
LORD ZEEPZOP
Yes, go!
DR. KNEEPNOP
I suggest we prepare our own persuasive essay arguing our point. The best essay wins.
LORD ZEEPZOP
Perfect! (into “Bullhorn”) We accept your request and counter that we will prepare our
own persuasive essay arguing for our right to eat you.
PRESIDENT
And this essay is supposed to convince us to let you eat us all?
LORD ZEEPZOP
Yep.
PRESEIDENT
Sounds good. Meet back here in two hours.
LORD ZEEPZOP
You got it.
The aliens exit.
PRESIDENT
OK kids. You have two hours. The entire human race’s survival is in your hands. No
pressure. Come on guys.
Everyone exits but Suzie, Waldo, Jane and Billy Bob Joe.
SUZIE
Okay guys we better get to work. Jane? Paper?
JANE
Got it.
SUZIE
Waldo? Pencil?
WALDO
Got it.
SUZIE
Billy Bob Joe? Brainfood?
BILLY
I have some Smarties.
SUZIE
Good enough. Let’s get going.
A musically underscored montage of the kids struggling to write the essay, arguing,
eating smarties, getting exhausted, falling asleep, waking up, writing like mad and finally
finishing.
BILLY BOB JOE
We did it!
SUZIE
Just in time! Quick! Let’s get back to the schoolyard!
They race back to the schoolyard and meet the President and the army there.
JANE
We did it! We have the essay!
SOLDIER ONE
Thank goodness!
SOLDIER TWO
Good job kids!
SOLDIER THREE
General Sherman! They have the essay!
GENERAL SHERMAN
Well bring it here! President Paley!
PRESIDENT
Yes General?
GENERAL SHERMAN
I have the essay.
PRESIDENT
Well bring it here! Wait a minute. You kids wrote the essay, you should present it to the
aliens.
SUZIE
Really?
PRESIDENT
You bet. Go get ‘em kids.
The kids go out into the schoolyard where the aliens are gathering.
ALIEN SOLDIER ONE
Presenting the Lord High Leader of Achoo!
ALIEN SOLDIER TWO
The greatest of the greatest!
ALIEN SOLDIER TWO
The neatest of the neat!
ALIEN SOLDIER TWO
Lord Zeepzop!
LORD ZEEPZOP
And who are you?
SUZIE
I’m Suzie. This is Jane. That is Waldo. And that is Billy Bob Joe.
LORD ZEEPZOP
And do you have your essay?
JANE
Yes we do.
LORD ZEEPZOP
We will present first. Dr. Kneepnop.
DR. KNEEPNOP
Thank you Lord Zeepzop. We the people of the planet Achoo have decided upon the
following reasons why you should allow us to eat you and destroy every last trace of your
species in the universe. Number one: Your meat is good protein. We normally live off of
our space cows. We enjoy space burgers, space chili, space tacos, space meatloaf, space
chimichangas and space sloppy joes. Your human flesh is the closest match we have
found to our usual diet.
GENERAL BLEEPBOP
Number Two: You would be doing a good deed by feeding the hungry. Our planet is
dying. We have nowhere else to go. Eating humans is our only choice to live. You would
be doing a very nice thing by sacrificing yourselves.
CAPTAIN FEEPFOP
Number three: If you can eat other species…why can’t we? We have observed how
many of you kill other animals for their meat. Why are the rules different for us? We are
only trying to survive.
LORD ZEEPZOP
So you see, we have very reasonable reasons why we should be able to make a feast of
your planet. We hope you will carefully consider our argument. Your turn.
WALDO
OK, here goes nothing. We as the citizens of earth suggest the following reasons why
you should not eat us. Number One: We can teach you how to grow food! We are
excellent farmers and can show you how to create and sustain your own food supply so
that you won’t ever go hungry again!
JANE
Number Two: If you eat us all, what will you do then? Once every last one of us humans
is gone, you will no longer have anything to eat. What will you do then? Just go from
planet to planet eating whoever lives there? That sounds exhausting.
SUZIE
Number three: If you don’t eat us, we will welcome you to live with us here on earth. We
can help each other out. Between our knowledge of food growth and your advanced
technology, we could do a lot for each other. Can you imagine what we could
accomplish?
BILLY BOB JOE
In conclusion, why can’t we be friends? Doesn’t that just sound better in the long run?
We hope you will consider not eating us.
The aliens form a huddle and mumble for a moment. They break the huddle.
LORD ZEEPZOP
We have come to a decision. Our research was correct. Your powers of persuasion are
mighty. Your structure was solid, your reasons were smart and your details were
convincing. We will allow you to survive and will take you up on your offer to stay
amongst you as your friends.
PRESIDENT
Great job kids, you did it!
GENERAL SHERMAN
Nice work children. You saved the earth.
She salutes them. They salute back.
SOLDIER ONE
Three cheers for the kids!
SOLDIERS
Hip, hip, hooray!!
CAPTAIN KNEEPNOP
Ummm. Someone mentioned something about food? We’re starving!
SUZIE
Come over to my house. My mom is making quinioa!
LORD ZEEPZOP to Billy Bob Joe
What the heck is quinioa?
BILLY
No idea.
SUZIE
So, Diary, as you can see it was far from a normal day. But luckily we were able to use
our powers of persuasion to live on and maybe even make some new friends, right guys?
ALIENS
Right!
Song about the Power of Persuasion
END OF PLAY