Lidia Sampson
Final Copy
Word count: 3513
Social Development issues that can arise in children being raised in same sex
marriages
When you flip through the news channels all you see now are headlines of Gay
marriages. According to the data from the American Community Survey, between the
years 2000 and 2005 the number of same sex couples in the United States grew about
thirty percent and about thirty-nine percent of those same sex couples, ranging between
the ages of 22 and 55 were raising 250,000 children. The relationships and marriages in
the Gay communities are at an all time high in the United States more and more now that
laws are being passed in certain states, allowing for marriages between same sexed
couples. Since it is biologically impossible for same-sexed couples to have a child of
their own they have to find other ways to start a family whether they have to do artificial
insemination or seek adoption. Gay marriages are such a controversial topic now that
books have even been written such as “The Gay Baby Bool: The Psychology of Gay
Parenthood” and “ The queer Parents Primer: A Lesbian and Gay families’ Guide to
Navigating Through a Straight World.” For this research paper I will thoroughly explore
the social development issues that can arise in children being raised in same sex
marriages. Since people are constantly debating on whether gay people should be allowed
to raise children or not and same sex marriages are at an all time high, I thought it would
be a great matter to discuss. Throughout the years since these laws have been passed
allowing for same sex marriages, more and more people are happily getting married and
starting families of their own despite the constant ridicule.
Now that more children are being raised in same sex marriage homes, people are
starting to question how that affects the child’s social development. Many gay couples
argue that just because they can't follow the “norm,” does not mean that their child
cannot be raised and loved equal to heterosexual parents. Even though there are many
different issues that people can argue amongst the same sax marriages to that of
heterosexual marriages, I will choose to carefully examine the social development issues
which include the child’s well being, gender role behavior/development, and their
cognitive/emotional development. I will not choose sides, but instead show the issues
that both gay and heterosexual parents debate to discover what a child requires to be
raised healthfully by examining the child's three stages of life: infancy, adolescence, and
adulthood.
At a young age children don’t really understand what’s going on in a household or
around them but one must take into account that at this age is when the child begins to
question a lot. My first outlook is when the child is young and how they begin to get
adjusted to school. At school, children are around people from all types of races,
religion, and backgrounds and are often questioned about what goes on in their homes.
The norm in our society is that two parents, mother and father are what are considered to
be ideal. When they begin to gain awareness, confusion and questioning can occur. At
this stage the child can begin to become unsure of their own gender identity and the usual
roles that one is “supposed” to follow. People often argue that kids raised in same sex
marriages have a disadvantage to those that are raised by heterosexual parents and that
isn’t necessarily true. Because people argue that children can begin to have gender
confusion during their social development I decided to look at studies based on children’s
gender role behavior.
When kids are being raised by a same sexed couple, many individuals will
question whether these children will be tormented or face problems because the child has
“two mothers” or “two fathers.” I understand that one would hate for a child to have to
suffer or experience pain and luckily, same sex marriages aren't to blame. For example,
Dick, who was a male in a same sex marriage was being interviewed about raising a child
in a same sex marriage home and he was happily saying how “so far social relationships
have not been a problem at home or in preschool.” He then went on to say how his
fellow friends and neighbors embrace his relationship and child but he knows that “ He’s
only five. Things may become harder when he’s older but so far there's been nothing
overt” (Chan, Raboy, &Patterson 1998). This demonstrates how not all children are
negatively affected by either their parents or peers.
In comparison to (1998), the study of: A Meta-Analysis of Developmental
Outcomes for Children of Same-Sex and Heterosexual Parents claimed that being raised
in same sex marriages had an affect on the child’s role behavior. Like other studies of
child Psychology, the children were placed in a room with “gendered” toys to see which
ones they would play with the most to form some sort of conclusion. In this study the
scientist only found a few differences, like a girl from a lesbian relationship was playing
with “boy toys,” and the boy that was raised by women was seen as “less masculine”
(Crowl et al., 2008). However, there were no huge differences found in the study
between the gay and heterosexual families. Even though there is evidence that there are
no huge differences many people still argue that there are differences between the
children raised by same sex marriages.
In another study they found no significant difference in children parented by same
sexed couples. According to Marks (2012), The American Psychological Association
issued a brief on same sexed parenting and in the brief it stated that, “Not a single study
had found children of lesbian or gay parents to be disadvantaged in any significant
respect relative to children of heterosexual parents” (p. 15). The study then went on to
conclude that the home environments that the children of same sexed couples live in are
like the ones of heterosexual parents in supporting the child’s psychosocial growth.
In my sociology class last semester we read that many sociologists argue that
there is in fact a difference in the children raised in same sex marriages and that if there
wasn’t then why are there issues still arising? Being raised in a same sex marriage home
can potentially affect the child’s psychologically during early adolescence. What people
fail to realize is that the child's well being and issues they may face actually root from
their relationship with the parent or family members, not so much the sexual
orientation. The child's well being all depends on his or her relationship to the parents
and how secure they feel socially, mentally, and emotionally. If the children don't feel a
sense of security or don't have the emotional support they need, that is when issues
occur. If they don't feel as privileged and loved as the children of heterosexual parents
then that causes the stress on the child, that’s why its important for kids from same sex
marriages to feel as comfortable and just as privileged as the heterosexual marriages
since its not something that many are used to seeing in society.
For example in an article I read on teens speaking about being raised in a gay
marriage, two teens one 19, and the other 13, were opposite in sex, lived on opposites
sides of the country, which I think was a good way to get an insight on being raised in a
homosexual marriage. After reading the article, despite their age difference, they had one
thing in common; they felt that their parent’s sexual orientation did not have an affect on
their life in anyway possible. Speaking about not being affected from being raised in a
same sex marriage home, Duff, 19 says “When I explain my family situation to my
friends, the response is usually, “Wow, that is awesome or something to that effect.”
Bott, 13 also doesn’t have a concern either and says, “I have never been directly teased
about my family.” “Most of my friends know, but have forgotten. Well, not forgotten,
but just don't talk about it” (Capriccioso et al., 2004). Studies have also shown that kids
from same sex marriages are likely to be more open in expression and sexuality than
those of heterosexual families. Both Duffy and Bott feel that with them speaking out
they can help people to accept same sex couples trying to raise children, despite the fact
that the latest news polls, according to CNN say that about 55 percent of Americans think
that same sex marriage should be illegal.
The next stage in the child’s life that plays a key role when shaping the child's
form of identity is when they are adolescents. At this point in life is when ones identity
and character is shaped and one is interacting more with their surroundings and
individuals. During this stage is also when kids begin to care more about how one feels
or perceives them, which can play a key role. Many people fear that this point in the
child's life is when they can begin to witness bullying and or people harassing them
because of the way they were brought up.
Surprisingly, studies have shown that the children raised in these same sex home
have typical relationships with their peers at home and at school. Even though many feel
that being raised by gay parents can affect the children in a social aspect with their peers,
some say that they are actually more open than those raised by heterosexual parents. I
can personally vouch in this example because I had a friend in middle school that was
raised by two lesbian women. My friend Rashika was more open about everything and
could tell her parents anything, while I on the other hand was shy and didn't discuss my
personal life with my mother. I am not saying that this goes for all children because I’m
sure there are kids with a mother and father that are open with them, I’m just saying that
children in same sex marriages are likely to be more open.
Studies have also found that only a minority of the children have reported being
teased or heard negative comments made towards them. For example, a recent study
found that differences in peer relationships across a national sample of adolescents were
not related to whether adolescents were raised by same-sex parents or heterosexual
parents. “However, family members on both sides have accepted their son and do not
treat him differently than other nieces, nephews, and grandchildren,” said Dick and
Geibel. (Office of Child Development n.d.)So far, social relationships have not been a
problem at home. The study concluded that adolescents who were raised in the lesbian
mother families since birth showed healthy psychological adjustment. The data was
gathered through interviews and questionnaires completed by the children at ages 10 and
17 years.
Godldberg et al. (2012) argued whether same sexed couples should me
allowed to have civil marriages in the United Sates. In the study they gathered forty nine
adolescents to emerging adults from the ages of fourteen to twenty nine. In the study the
adolescents were interviewed to examine and see how individuals perceived themselves
and their families as being raised in a same sexed marriage home and also the facts that
could potentially shape their perspectives in life. After doing the study they found that
more than 66% or the adolescents that took part in the experiment voiced “unequivocal
support for marriage equality, citing numerous legal and symbolic benefits that their
families denied” (2012). In the study many teens felt that the benefits of marriage
equality should include their relationships to be seen as “real” by others. I feel that this
can play a key role in their lives because at this point in the life is when they want to be
accepted by others and care about their image, and if they feel that their peers perceive
them differently it can potentially effect the way they feel.
When the child then moves to adulthood is when some get scared because they
don't know how the child will take on the real world and what potential social and
personal issues they may face because of not having that father and mother figure. I can
see how there could potentially be some issues due to the fact when trying to have a
family of their own they might not exactly know how to play their “role” in the
household since they didn't have a mother and father. I just feel that in society today that
it is just “ideal” and the “social norm” that the father and mothers play a specific role in
the household. For example the mother can be more nurturing, while the father is seen to
be masculine and the one that the child is more afraid of.
Another issue that the child
can face during adulthood is to see whether or not being raised in a same sex marriage
home can affect their social and romantic life. What I mean by that is how can others
perceive them or see them differently since “two mothers” or “two fathers” raised them?
Regnerus (2012) explained in his study how he gathered a random sample of
American young adults from ages 18-39 who were raised in different types of family
arrangements to see how different the adult children of parents from same sex marriages.
In his study he examines the young adults on forty different variables such as social,
emotional, and relational outcomes with six other family of origin types. In the study
Regnerus ultimately found some consistent differences between the children of lesbians
and heterosexual parents. Although in the study they did find that in some cases it is
problematic for child development in in the same sexed marriages like lack of social
support for parent, absence of legal security from their parental and romantic relationship
statuses they still concluded that most of the young adults seem to fare reasonably
well(2012). Sexual orientation has nothing to do with the ability of being a good parent or
spouse, in fact the study found that the young adults in the study prevailed as adults
despite their transitions in life.
In another article it discussed how the outcomes of the young adults who reported
parental same-sex relationship behavior raised a variety of questions about their future
families. In the article they he addressed some of the most common criticism the adult
from the same sexed marriage may face, including how household dynamics are
associated with the young adults outcome. In the article they separate it amongst the
adult young adults who report maternal same sex behavior and those who are still
married(heterosexual parents). In the article it’s once again concluded that there are little
to no differences found between the two groups. Like found in other studies before, if
there are differences, they aren’t differences big enough to affect the child/young adult in
this case.
The way that being raised by a same sexed couple can potentially affect the
child's future romantic life is that maybe they can have trouble finding someone to accept
the way they were brought up. It’s not necessarily looking at it from the child raised in
the same sex marriage perspective, but their romantic partners perspective as well. How
will they feel about it? How will their family feel about them if they were to get serious?
These are all things that need to be taken into consideration when thinking about the
child's future and in what ways it can be impacted. Whether it is that their partner is
religious and does not accept that they weren’t raised “ideally” or they just don’t feel
comfortable with being romantic with a person that was raised by to same sexed people.
Some people feel that children just need love, affection, and a stable environment,
while others feel that the child need to have a structured home, meaning with a mother
and father. I feel that since its a social “norm” for a child to have a “mother and father”
people find ways to oppose a same sex marriage couple trying to raise a child. One can
argue that it’s just not “ideal” for the child and they won't be able to relate to other
children around them, which can potentially cause issues. According to Swedish research,
it shows that the ideal way to raise the child is better because “the children are more than
likely to thrive psychologically , mentally, and physically, and be able to have romantic
relationships in the future.” The Swedish research also found that raising a child in a
same sex household can cause the child to try other types of non-traditional
marriages. Some also feel that the children raised in same sex houses can grow to be
sexually confused and need a “father figure” to reduce behavioral problems. Medical
research confirms that the genetical difference between a mother and father explains why
together they are needed to raise a child, which can't be done with same sexed parents. In
that study, which was over a course or 20 years, and studying 22,000 children they even
concluded that fathers reduce behavioral issues in males and enhance females cognitive
development (Wainwright et al., 2004).
Another thing that I found quite interesting was that some people that are against
same sex couples raising a child is that they might not really be doing it for the best
interest of the child, but for social and legal recognition in their gay
communities. Although there are many, many supporting facts and studies over a course
of three decades to prove that ultimately same sex marriages don't affect the child at the
end there are still people that see negative impacts that come with trying to raise a child
in a same sex marriage.
Even though gay marriages have been covered so much in the news, articles,
social media, and books studies over the course of years have been consistently saying
that the sexual orientation does not harm the development of the children in gender,
personal development, and social relationships in any way. Although there are some
differences that do exist they aren't differences that affect the child's
development. According to a study by the 2004 American Psychological Association,
“Research has shown that the adjustment, development, and psychological well-being of
children is unrelated to parental sexual orientation and that the children of lesbian and
gay parents are as likely as those of heterosexual parents to flourish.”
After carefully analyzing all of these articles and studies I have concluded that what we
can eventually learn from the studies of children raised by gar or lesbian parents is that
we need to come together as a society and just focus on the child’s well being not so
much who raises them. As long as the child is in a safe, loving, nurturing environment,
that should be all that matters. After constant studies to see if psychologically there are
difference in children raised from same sexed marriages in comparison to heterosexual ,
they have found nothing to the extreme to rule that raising a child in a same sexed
marriage affects the child’s social development. According to Eggebeen (2012), we need
to focus on maintaining social support and equality for these children on gay and lesbian
parents.
Doing so will really help them as well as our society to be more open amongst
one another. The lack of social connectedness can really hinder our society as a whole
and we need to find a way to put an end to this. Now that we have concluded that
psychologically being raised in a same sexed marriage home doesn’t affect the child
social development I hope that as a community we can try to accept it and focus on the
child’s well being and not so much who they are being raised by.
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