Lesson Three
Attractions and
Infatuation
Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.
Goals

To introduce the idea that good relationships come
from relationship "smarts"—a product not only of
experience but also of conscious learning and skills.

To build awareness of building blocks and
characteristics of healthy relationships.

To gain knowledge about the nature of infatuation.

To offer guidance in handling attractions and early
relationship experiences.
Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.
Testing Your Love Smarts–True or False?
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
There is probably only one person meant for
you.
Breaking up should be done slowly so you do
not hurt the other person too much.
If you feel the “chemistry” it is probably love.
If you find the right person you will be happy.
Opposites attract.
Happy couples have fewer differences and
argue less than unhappy couples.
On average, people have one serious romance
before they find someone they want to marry.
Living together before marriage is a good way
to reduce your chances of divorce in the
future.
Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.
Testing Your Love Smarts–True or False?
1.
There is probably only one person
meant for you.

FALSE: While you are not attracted to
just anyone, you potentially will be
attracted to more than one person.
Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.
Testing Your Love Smarts–True or False?
2. Breaking up should be done slowly so you do
not hurt the other person too much.

FALSE: To go slowly only drags out the pain.
It is better to be "brutally honest" and make
a clean break than to give a person false hope.
However, this response does not mean you
have to be mean.
Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.
Testing Your Love Smarts–True or False?
3. If you feel the "chemistry," (i.e., intense
attraction), it is probably love.

FALSE: Chemistry may get love started.
But real love is based also on knowledge
and not just physical attractions.
Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.
Testing Your Love Smarts–True or False?
4. If you find the right person you will be happy.

TRUE & FALSE: It is true that most people feel
that a large part of human happiness is about
finding someone to love and to make a life with.
However, beware of the idea that if only you find
Mr. or Ms. Right all your problems or troubles will
vanish. Ultimately no one else can magically
“make” you happy. No one can give you an
identity, a sense of worth, or a purpose. You have
to gain these qualities yourself. Being happy and
having good relationships has a lot to do with how
developed and healthy you are.
Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.
Testing Your Love Smarts–True or False?
5. Opposites attract.

TRUE & FALSE: It is true that great
relationships are built on common ground—
where two people are compatible and share a
lot of the same interests, values, and goals.
But it is quite common that personality styles
will be different between two people in a
relationship.
Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.
Testing Your Love Smarts–True or False?
6. Happy couples have fewer differences and
argue less than unhappy couples.

FALSE: Research on adult couples show that happy
couples fight just as much as unhappy couples. It is
how these couples fight that matters. Often happy
couples have learned how to handle their differences
and conflicts constructively, not destructively.

CAUTION TO TEENS: Your romantic relationships
should be mostly fun. If there is more fighting,
sadness, and problems than fun, take it as a sign that
this relationship is not worth continuing.
Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.
Testing Your Love Smarts–True or False?
7. On average people have one serious
romance before they find someone
they want to marry.

FALSE: On average, people have six to
seven romances before marriage.
Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.
Testing Your Love Smarts–True or False?
8. Living together before marriage is a
good way to reduce your chances of
divorce later on.

FALSE: Data shows that non-engaged
couples who cohabit before marriage
actually have higher rates of divorce
than those that have never cohabited
before marriage.
Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.
Testing Your Love Smarts–True or False?
1. There is probably only one person meant for you.
2. Breaking up should be done slowly so you don't
hurt the other person too much.
3. If you feel the "chemistry," i.e., intense
attraction, it's probably love.
4. If you find the right person you will be happy.
5. Opposites attract.
6. Happy couples have fewer differences and argue
less than unhappy couples.
7. On average people have one serious romance
before they find someone they want to marry.
8. Living together before marriage is a good way to
reduce your chances of divorce later on.
Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.
List Ingredients for a
Good Relationship…
Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.
Where do our ingredients
fit into this pyramid?
Mature Love
Deepening and
Developing Relationship
Positive Starters
Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.
Inverted Relationship Pyramid
YOU HAVE NO COMMITMENT, NO TRUST!
Doesn’t Feel Like a Friend
Few Common Interests; Time
Together Not Much Fun
Communication
Not Great
Not Really
Mature
No
Development
No Foundation
One-Sided
Relationship
SEX
No Positive Starters
Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.
Information All Teens Should Know:

Most first-time sexual relationships are romantic but
short-lived. 8 out of 10 first-time sexual relationships
last six months or less. ¼ are one time occurrences.

Surveys of sexually active teens reveal that the
majority wish they’d waited. More than 7 out of 10 girls
and more than 5 out of 10 boys surveyed say this.

The Centers for Disease Control collects data on teens
every two years on sexual and other behaviors. The
number of teens who have had sexual intercourse has
declined 14% in the last decade. 47% percent of 15 to
19-year-old teens report they have had sexual
intercourse. These are averages and obviously there
are significant differences among different teens.
Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.
Information All Teens Should Know:

More than half of all teens (ages 15-19 years) have
NOT had sexual intercourse, and of the half that
have, most wish they had waited.

Unfortunately, the half who have not had sexual
intercourse sometimes think they are out of it
because they believe “everybody’s doing it.” In
reality, “everybody is not doing it.”

Moreover, some teens—especially boys because of
social pressures—lie about having had sex. Even
those who brag about how many people they have
had sex with often are not having sex at all.
Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.
Information All Teens Should Know:

We also know from surveys that boys show
significant respect—though often unspoken—for
girls who resist pressure to have sex and remain
virgins. And, girls have respect for guys who are
not “players.”

Many teens believe it is okay for a couple to have
sex if they feel they are in love. The problem here
is that the “feelings” of love may not yet be real
love. The “love chemicals” could be surging, it could
be more about lust and less about love. Further,
one could have an unrealistic concept of what real
love really is.
Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.
Copyright
Copyright ©
© 2007
2007 by
by Marline
Marline E.
E. Pearson.
Pearson. All
All Rights
Rights Reserved.
Reserved.
Slide 3.21
The Brain Chemistry of Love
For weeks or months you get a big shot of the “love
chemicals.” Those chemicals make it easy to slide into
risky or poor relationship and sexual choices.
Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.
It’s a lot like falling in love with a puppy, all
you can think about is how cute, cuddly,
and perfect the puppy is.
Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.
The Brain Chemistry of Love
Tip: Enjoy the great feelings….but remember you won’t see clearly
until those chemicals settle down a bit. Make the focus be on
getting to know the person, having fun. Go slow—go smart!
Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.
Is it LOVE or is it …
IN
F AT
U A T I O N?
• Love cards are one color, infatuation cards
another.
• Each card has a match that deals with the
same topic or theme.
• Read your card and find the person with
the card that has the opposite statement.
• Once you have found your match discuss
real life examples.
• If you are unsure about your match you
may check with me.