EMERALD SECONDARY COLLEGE
Section C:Analysis of Language Use
Exam Revision
2014
The Exam
Section C of the exam is the Analysis of Language Use. It is directly linked to Unit 3 Area of study three, Using
Language to Persuade.
Time:
 You have one hour to complete your analysis. Section A, B and C are weighted equally so you need to
spend the same amount of time on each area.
 One way to maximise your use of time is to read the articles carefully during reading time and then write this
essay first. This means that you do not have to read the articles again and you can have the full 60 minutes
to write and proof read.
Texts:



You may have one larger written text to analyse; or two shorter written texts; or a text and various
comments
Plus, you will have to analyse any visual elements in the text. This might involve cartoons, photographs,
logos, diagrams, graphs as well as organisational features such as font, dot points, slogans and letter heads.
There might be more than one point of view in the text, even the same writer might present different
points of view.
Background information:
You will be provided with the relevant background information to provide the context for the piece. You are
expected to use this information.
Instructions:
Your instructions will read something like this:
Section C requires students to analyse the ways in which language and visual features are used to present a point of
view.
Read the material on pages … and … and then complete the task below.
Write your analysis as a coherently structured piece of prose.
Your response will be assessed according to the criteria set out on page … of this book.
Section C is worth one-third of the total assessment for the examination.
The wording of the task will read something like this:
‘How does the writer use written and visual language to attempt to persuade readers to share his point of view?’
Criteria (see page 11 of this booklet for specific descriptors)
Understanding of the ideas and points of view
presented



Analysis of ways in which language and visual
features are used to present a point of view and
to persuade readers



Controlled and effective use of language
appropriate to the task
You need to show that you can read, understand and
respond to the ideas and view/s expressed.
Demonstrate an understanding of some of the persuasive
strategies used to present a point of view and position
readers to agree
Show how language is designed to have an impact on the
audience through particular word choices and visual
features
Make effective use of an appropriate vocabulary to discuss
the ways that language is used to persuade
Use clear and accurate language in a well organised analysis
Structure your work in an appropriate manner
1
How to go about completing the task in the exam
This task requires you to read, analyse and write. You do not need to have specific knowledge of the issue. The
background will be provided for you. However, you will need to understand the material before you can write an
essay.
1. You must read the text/s for the writing task during the reading time. You have 15 minutes. Read all
instructions, scan the text questions and the context prompt then read the text/s for analysis.
2. On your initial reading of the text you will need to get a sense of the issue. What is the issue about? Where is
it set? Who are the main players? What are the different opinions? What is the main concern or problem?
What is the writer’s contention?
3. Make sure you have a clear understanding of what the task is asking you to do.
4. Plan and organise your time. You must allocate time for planning, writing and editing.
5. Begin the language analysis essay. You have 60 minutes. Quickly annotate the text/s, and plan what you are
going to write. You will have written and visual material to analyse so make sure that you write about both.
.
6. Read over what you have written. Check spelling, grammar and fluency. Effective editing of your work is a
critical step in achieving the results you want.
Should you start the exam with the language analysis task? Some suggest that
you should begin with the language analysis as you have just read the texts and
the information is fresh in your mind. It will save you time re-reading the texts
later. You will have to decide what the best strategy is for yourself.
Comments from the Assessment Reports (2010-2013)
You can’t analyse everything
 Given the time constraints of an examination, there is no expectation that all detailed elements can be
explored. Students must make decisions about selecting the parts of the material that allow them to
demonstrate an understanding of the material as a whole, their understanding of the range of ways in which
language positions readers and their skills at analysis.
 The instructions, however, specifically stated that there was an expectation that students would deal with
the visual material.
 Holistic approaches to the material are required - those who attempt to work through every sentence will
find the task very difficult.
 Students need to understand the whole piece first, and then decide which parts of the material they would
draw on to explore the way in which language was being used.
 There is little to be gained by simply identifying ‘techniques’. This is a simplistic approach to the task.
Visual features
 It is important that you see the connection between the passage and the visual. It is deliberately included
with a written. You need to understand why and how it is connected.
The context of any piece of writing is crucial to understanding how language is being used
 The context is provided for students under the heading ‘Background information’.
 Pay careful attention to this information as it is necessary to help you understand the piece itself.
 High-scoring responses understand that there is a connection between the context and how a piece is
written. This insight demonstrates a clear understanding of the tone and direction of a piece. This will help
you make connections between audience, purpose and language.
Do not present a simple summary and list of the techniques used with little development. These responses
will not score well as they did not fulfil the task as required.
2
Overview
In the written examination, you need to consider the ways in which language and visual features are used to present
a point of view and persuade readers.
Points to remember

Your job is not to criticise what writer/s say and your task is not to evaluate how effective the argument
or techniques are. Your task is to analyse how they say it.


Read between the lines. Think about the sub-text and what the author implies, assumes and expects of you.
You will need to demonstrate an understanding of the words, phrases, terminology required to discuss a
writer’s techniques.
During the year, you have been introduced to a range of persuasive techniques. You will have discussed how writers
use dramatic and evocative words, hyperbole, analogies, an heartfelt plea for sympathy, a deprecating tone or a
disparaging or self-deprecating comment, to position their argument as the only credible and morally defensible
position to take.
How to go about your revision
1. Go through your previous essays and note your teacher’s feedback. Note the areas on which you need to focus.
2. Revise and reflect on the strategies that you have become acquainted with throughout the year. Most
importantly, think about those that you have encountered most frequently. Included below is a brief list designed to
get you started.

High on your list will be the various ways an author appeals to our emotions. In order to reach out directly
and spontaneously to our emotions, authors often depict real-life examples, human interest stories or
anecdotes. They will probably use colourful and emotive words, figurative language and an appropriate tone
—warm, thoughtful, sentimental, poignant, indignant and/or distressed. Think about how these techniques
engage your interest and arouse the reader’s sympathy.

The method of attack as a technique is also bound to be near the top of your list. In order to present the
superiority of their own views, authors frequently attack those of their opponents. They may mount a
personal or professional attack. They may trivialise the opponent’s response. Think carefully about the
effect. How does it seek to prevent you from identifying with the views of the opponent?

Intellectual appeals are also important when it comes to presenting a credible and convincing argument. An
argument should be based on facts and reliable research. The use of statistics enables authors to mount a
compelling case and draw convincing conclusions. Which experts have been quoted and how do their views
enhance the argument?
3. Visual texts might include photographs, cartoons, graphs and a range of layout features. The following list is
intended to provide a start for your revision of your understanding of visual features.

Consider the mood of the image and how it enhances or contrasts with the views expressed in the
article. Often images have a more direct emotional and dramatic impact. The belief that the “camera never
lies” often leads us to the conclusion, often incorrectly, that the image conveys the “truth”. This is why the
image might accompany a text.

Thanks to digital technology it is easy to resize and manipulate images using a range of digital editing
programs. Images are often cropped to “fit the frame”. How is this apparent? If the image had been cropped
3
another way would that have altered the message? Like words, images are subject to interpretations or
connotations and contain symbols or metaphors which lead to a variety of interpretations. Consider how
these colour our response.

If a picture is worth a thousand words, a cartoonist must summarise a message in a caption that might
contain no more than 10 words. Often the strength of a cartoon lies in its appearance of spontaneity and
simplicity. Cartoons are very economical and characters are pared down to the bare essentials. However,
don’t be fooled. Often what appears to be a naïve drawing is, in fact, quite sophisticated.

The message in a cartoon derives from the graphic composition of the cartoon’s elements. These include
characterization, the style of drawing, the words and the graphic objects and poetic techniques. These
elements may complement each other. Alternatively, their placement may lead to striking contrasts that
reveal the cartoonists attitude, tone and bias. Humour is often achieved through their juxtaposition.

Discuss the similarities and differences between the visual and written texts.
4. Practice reading persuasive texts. You can use any letter to the editor or any editorial from the daily papers.
Identify and annotate:
 The main contention
 The tone
 The audience
 Persuasive techniques, identifying features and how they are used to persuade
 Identify individual words with emotive connotations – why has the writer used that particular word
 Consider why the visual is included?
5. Practise reading and understanding the scenarios in a time limit of 10-15 minutes.
6. Practise writing essays in the time limit
7. Go
back over notes and booklets given out in class
4
Showing how language is used to persuade
Don’t just list the persuasive techniques used in the material. The task doesn’t ask you to list the techniques.
Discuss how they persuade and discuss exactly what the effect the language has on the reader.
Think about the sequence: WHAT, HOW and WHY.
What is being said?
How is it being said?
Why is it being used? How does it position the reader?
Structuring your response
The challenge for you is to build a logical and fluent essay around the most significant techniques in the text. You
will also need to be clear about the targeted audience when evaluating how the persuasive language positions
readers. Which groups are likely to be most influenced?
A useful guide is to follow the sequence of the writer’s arguments.





Firstly, tackle the writer’s introduction. How does the language in the introduction set up your response
from the start? How is the writer trying to make the reader receptive to the writer’s argument?
Then, consider the development of the writer’s argument. Focus on significant word choices and techniques
that are central to the development of the writer’s argument. This should take you several paragraphs.
What techniques and tactics are evident in the writer’s concluding paragraphs? How do these techniques
help to cement the contention?
Are there comments or opinions from others? What do they argue? How do they argue? Where will you put
your discussion of this? (with the point that being challenged)
Consider where to place your discussion of the image. Things that might influence your decision.
 Does the image elicit a different response from the text-based article?
 Does it support a point already made in the text?
 Does it use similar techniques already used in the written text?
5
There are a number of possible approaches to how you write this analysis. The following is a guide.
What you write
Introduction:
Note that this can be reasonably short depending on if
there is one text plus visual or two texts plus visual and
how the visual is presented; or if there are accompanying
comments or opinions
 Identify the issue and provide an overview of the
background – how this came to be an issue
 Are there different opinions presented on the
issue?
 Indicate who the speaker/writer is and the
contention
 Comment on purpose of visual
 Has the speaker/writer a vested interest in this
view point
 Identify the audience
 Identify overall tone – perhaps consider why that
tone is selected
 Identify the form:
 Spoken/written
 Layout
Body of the essay:
4 + well-structured paragraphs
Find a focus for each paragraph. Either:
 The beginning, middle and end of the text
 A persuasive element
 An idea or line of argument presented by the
writer.
For each paragraph:
 Begin with a topic sentence that identifies the key
point about the language used or persuasive
technique
 Give examples
 Explore and show how the reader is manipulated
and how the writer intends to persuade the
reader/audience to agree
 Discuss the intended effects on the
reader/audience.
Conclusion:
3-5 precise sentences
 Sum up how the writer/speaker has attempted to
persuade
 Draw pieces together if there is more than one
text for analysis
 Contrast or draw similarities
Note these points
*Be precise, direct and assured. Write the contention in
your own words.
*Is the writer for or against the issue or somewhere inbetween? Does the writer present a variety of views?
*What is the writer/speaker’s status, position or
qualifications? Why might this be significant?
*Who is the writer aiming to convince?
*Tone is how you think this would sound if it was read aloud
or spoken.
*Form is the kind of writing: letter to the editor, letter to a
specific audience, essay, report, speech, editorial, feature
*Is the language formal, informal, colloquial?
*Explain the intended impact on the reader/audience
*Don’t just list persuasive techniques:
Explain how they are intended to work
*Do not paraphrase or summarise the task material
*Do not criticise or get into an argument with the writer or
speaker – keep a distance from the issue
*Think about the intended audience in terms of age,
gender, socio-economic status.
*Be specific with the intended effect, relate it to the
contention.
*Mention both visual and written
*An overall observation about how the writer/speaker has
attempted to persuade the audience
*Do not introduce new points
*Do not discuss specific examples from the text.
Stuck on how to frame your sentences? Read samples from previous exams to see what the markers are looking for.
6
Some terms you need to understand
Style
Style can be understood as the overall way something is written or spoken. This makes a great deal of difference to
the emotional impact of the text. Generally, more formal and sophisticated styles are more controlled and they are
often, but not always, more reasonable. Formal styles can be used to give the impression that the point of view has
more substance and is, thus, more convincing than it really is. Consider the following:



Is the style formal or informal, colloquial or conversational?
How does this work to position the reader/audience
Does the language rely on rhetoric (high-flown, extravagant language that sounds impressive but can be
used to deceive or mislead?
Vocabulary for style includes:
Amusing, balanced, chatty, clear, colourful, controlled, convoluted, direct, dramatic, flowery, focused, fragmented,
incisive, learned, lucid, measured, melodramatic, polished, sophisticated, vivid, witty.
Tone
‘Students should be thoughtful about how they describe the tone, and should not simply pluck words from a
memorised list.’ (2013 Assessment Report). For high marks you need to do more than just list the tone of a text. You
need to think about what the tone is, why it is used, what it suggests and what language examples help construct the
tone. Go through your text book for discussion on tone. Here are a few terms to get you started:
 Positive tone: appreciative, approving, friendly, sympathetic
 Negative tone: aggressive, arrogant, bitter, bullying, caustic, confrontational, cynical, dogmatic, hostile,
insulting
 Ironical tone: derisive, disparaging, facetious, flippant, irreverent, mocking, ridiculing, sarcastic, scornful,
snide
 General: apathetic, apologetic, baffled, benevolent, businesslike, despondent, matter-of-fact, measured,
neutral, reasonable
 Powerful feelings: amazed, astonished, didactic, disgusted, forceful, forthright, incredulous, outraged,
strident, vindictive
Ways to write about tone:
 The writer confronts the reader in an aggressive tone…
 The writer amuses the reader in an irreverent tone…
Connotations
Words have two types of meaning – a straight denoted meaning as defined in a dictionary, and a connotations and
associations. When we hear or see certain words, the associated images that come to mind may be positive or
negative, pleasant or nasty. For example, thin is a neutral descriptive word, but skinny and puny have negative
connotations, whereas slender has a positive attribute. Consider the following:
 Are connotations of words skilfully used to create positive or negative feelings?
 Are key words used to make you agree or disagree with someone?
 Are key words used to manipulate the reader to like or dislike others and/or what they think?
 Do shades of meaning and carefully placed words position you to agree?
7
Alternatives for SAID
When you are explaining what a writer or speaker is saying in a persuasive text, it becomes easy to overuse the
various forms of said and tell. Overuse will make your writing appear clumsy. The following are examples of useful
alternatives to says that or tells. There is no excuse for repetition as there are plenty of alternatives. The following
list is designed to get you started:
accepts that
advances the argument
advocates that
argues that
asserts that
attempts to show that
believes that
concludes that
condemns the idea that
considers that
counters that
decries the suggestion that
discloses that
emphasises that
explains that
expresses the view/idea that
highlights that
hints at/that
is critical of
is sceptical of
maintains that
observes that
outlines the idea that
points out that
proposes that
puts forward the view that
refutes the idea that
rejects the idea of
urges the audience to
Analysing why it is said – interpreting purposes and intentions
The following list provides a guide for how to write about why something is said. These will have to be followed up
with very specific detail from the text that you are analysing. You should try and avoid repetition and develop some
of these ideas in your writing.
This language is designed to provoke…
The clearest illustration of the writer’s purpose is…
This writer has concentrated her effort on…
This article pinpoints…
This text provides a map of…
The writer probes…
The writer’s purpose emerges as…
The writer tries to sway the reader by…
Incites/invites readers to…
Seeks to divide readers’ opinions
Arouses deep concern
Designed to shock
Designed to downplay
Leaves the reader with a sense of… (eg.
Shame)
Appeals to the reader’s sense of (fair play,
logic, reason, justice, tradition)
Expresses unease/disquiet about…
Quashes speculation
Casts doubt on…
Retorts/rebuts/counters
Is sympathetic towards…
Disputes the validity of the claims…
Dismisses as… (irrelevant, untrue, wrong-headed)
The argument advanced in the text is designed to…
The position we are asked to share is…
The article attempts to enlist the support of…
The text provides the view that…
The text provides the view that contradicts…
The writer opts for…
The writer stresses…
The writer questions…
The writer’s attitude is exemplified by…
The article endorses…
Affirms in the reader’s mind… (the credibility of the
argument)
Encourages the public to…
Manipulates the reader by…
Demonstrates to the reader that…
Diverts blame/responsibility away from …
Represents the view of…
Positions the reader to accept…
Undermines the argument of…
Reinforces the view that…
8
Synonyms for Persuade
Repetition is bad in an essay. Next time you write an essay you should think about using a range of different words for
‘persuade’.
Persuade Positively (+)
appeal
assure
attract
captivate
coax
compel
encourage
engage
entice
incite
inspire
invite
motivate
reassure
tempt
Persuade Negatively (-)
force
harass
intimidate
lure
manipulate
pressure
repel
repulse
Other ‘Persuade’ Words
aim
alert
allow
attempt
convince
direct
drive
elicit
enable
evoke
influence
instill
intend
lead
position
prompt
provoke
sway
urge
How a writer gains the upper hand?
Writers often convince members of the audience of the merits of their argument by exposing the errors of the
opposing argument.
• Writers attack their opponents in different ways:
– They adopt a tone that puts down and discredits the views and reputation of others.
– They may discredit the opposition in a polite way, or they may be provocative and offensive.
Words you can use:
• belittling making little or less important; to speak about something in a way that makes it seem unimportant
• denigrating saying that something has little or no importance or worth
• disparaging bringing reproach or discredit upon; lowering the estimation of; speaking or treating with little
respect and regard
• deprecating expressing earnest disapproval of
• demeaning lowering in dignity or standing; debasing; making you feel that you have lost your respect
• scornful jeering, showing strong disgust, disapproval or disdain
• discrediting lowering other people’s opinion of; causing not to be believed; harming the reputation of
• contemptuous showing contempt and disdain — the feeling that someone or something is mean, disgraceful
or worthless
• condescending to act as if you are in a higher social position than others or as if you are doing others a
favour; behaving as if one is conscious of descending from a superior position, rank or dignity
• patronising to treat kindly, but as if inferior
And so on. The more you practise writing these essays the better you will be at working
out the most effective way of discussing and analysing the texts.
9
What can go wrong with your response? The following comments cover common problems and
weaknesses in students’ answers
Features that can lead to a poor mark: 1-4 range
















Failure to complete essay
Failure to grasp overall issue
Analysis of argument instead of the language used
Paraphrasing of large slabs of the material without analysis
No clear idea of how the writer/speaker shapes meaning by the use of devices
Use of quotes with no explanation of how language is used to position or persuade the reader
No quotes
Overly long quotes
Confused structure
Factual errors
Inappropriate comments
General comments:
 The writer has used persuasive language
 … is presenting her point of view.
 The language is powerful.
 The speaker uses a good tone of language.
Use of slang, informal language
Use of dot points or a list of devices
Poor expression
Weak sentence structure, poor vocabulary
Features that can lead to an average mark: 5-7 range









Unnecessarily overlong responses (not saying much but covering lots of pages)
Inappropriately short
Confusion in analysis
Errors in logic
Lack of appropriate introduction
No conclusion
Inappropriate description
Some meaningless discussion
Exaggeration

Repetitive expression and vocabulary



Convoluted expression
Poor spelling
Limited vocabulary
Even essays that score highly can still have problems.
Watch out for these in the 8-10 range






Unnecessarily long
Inappropriately short
Inadequate introduction
Inadequate conclusion
Colloquial language slip ups
Some poor spelling.
10
Exam criteria
Section C: Language Analysis
Expected Qualities for the Mark Range
Grade
9–10
8
7
6
5
4
3
1–2
0
The extent to which the response:
• Shows a perceptive and sophisticated understanding of a range of ways in which the written and
visual language positions readers in the context presented.
• Develops a cogent, controlled and well-substantiated analysis using precise and effective language and
expression.
• Shows a highly developed understanding of a range of ways in which the written and visual
language positions readers in the context presented.
• Develops a detailed, substantiated and coherent analysis using language and expression fluently and
confidently.
• Shows an understanding of how the written and visual language seeks to position readers, with
reference to the context presented.
• Achieves a planned and supported response using accurate language and clear expression.
• Shows some understanding of how written and visual language is used and some awareness of the
context presented.
• Achieves a planned and supported response, generally using accurate language and expression.
• Shows some understanding of how language is used and an awareness of the context of the
written and visual material presented.
• Attempts a planned and supported piece of writing using adequate language and expression.
• Shows limited understanding of how language is used and little awareness of the context
presented.
• Presents a piece of writing with little organisation and basic language and expression.
• Shows limited knowledge of how language is used in the construction of written and visual texts.
• Demonstrates basic expression and language control.
• Shows very limited knowledge of how language is used.
• Demonstrates some expression and language control.
• Shows no understanding of the requirements of the task.
11
Visual Language
Using language to persuade (focusing on visual language)
Bob Hillman
July 26, 2010 The Age
ONE of the most interesting and relevant parts to the English course is Area of Study 3 ''Using language to persuade''. In this section of the course, students are taught the skills of
understanding the ways in which language has been employed to influence thinking. Skill
development has improved considerably since this section of the English course was
introduced in the mid-'90s.
Since then, the definition of ''language'' has extended to visual language and part of the
challenge for students is to understand, interpret and analyse assorted images which include
political cartoons, photographs, illustrations and drawings. These are rarely explored without
the context of accompanying written language but the skills of analysis are not dissimilar.
The starting point for any analysis must be with the context of the piece. What is its
purpose? Who is writing it? Who is the intended audience? What is its central contention?
Once these questions have been considered, the analysis of a visual becomes part of the analysis of the entire presentation.
Students may get into trouble by seeing the visual as separate from the ideas of the whole. The focus of the visual may often
mirror some of the exact words that are written in the passage. One of the challenges when writing an analysis is where to fit in
a discussion of the visual. It should not be mindlessly tacked on to the end of the essay. A student must consider where visual
analysis logically fits into his or her essay. It is best linked to the point at which there is analysis from the passage that
complements the visual and is easily and smoothly incorporated with phrases such as ''Similarly, the accompanying visual
attempts to ...'' or ''This same idea is reinforced with a visual that sets out to ...''
When analysing a cartoon it is useful to consider the very creation of a political cartoon. It is almost always a satire on
contemporary news and people within the news. Its humour is usually derived from caricatures of politicians with exaggerated
features to both distinguish who they are but to also highlight something about them as individuals. Cartoons attempt to
lampoon an attitude or idea that is being discussed in society at that time. Often cartoonists will cleverly combine more than
one issue, creating links which would otherwise appear incongruous.
The purpose, however, is always to hold a magnifying glass up to our society and often make us laugh at ourselves and, in doing
so, consider the values we hold or the attitudes that seem in vogue. Often hypocrisy is at the heart of a political cartoon,
showing our politicians and ourselves the imperfections of our thinking.
Cartoons, however, are not always meant to be amusing. Some may simply create a visual of the feelings or attitudes that
frustrate and anger us the most. Such is the case with a cartoon by Andrew Dyson that appeared in The Age in April. It
accompanied an opinion piece written by Tim Colebatch, the paper's economic editor. The article entitled ''No room for NIMBY
syndrome'' contended that as Melburnians we need to be more open to creating affordable housing closer to town. The cartoon
plays on that traditional Australian expectation of being able to own a home. The central idea of the cartoon is that this dream is
becoming more and more out of reach for the average Australian. The house itself is a modest, conventional image of a home,
almost childlike in its presentation. By sprouting wings, it has taken off - out of reach - where it used to be ''grounded'' in reality,
it is now nothing more than a dream. The house has moved off into the depressingly expansive blue sky with little hope of
returning to traditionally affordable levels within reach. There is no path leading to the door.
The man in the cartoon is climbing a ladder, perhaps associated with an upward movement in terms of an economic ascent. He
has climbed the ladder rung by rung, putting himself in a position to own a home, yet the house has flown out of reach. We
cannot see his face and, of course, he is representing young, Australian everyman. Dressed in simple clothing with a
conservative haircut, we gain the strong impression that he deserves home ownership after his long climb. He has, however, run
out of ladder.
The clouds may represent dreams and aspirations, but there is no silver lining here. Having made his difficult climb, and broken
through the clouds, he is able to see clearly that there is no hope. He longingly holds out his arm in a hopeless gesture of
bitterness and frustration. This represents the plight of so many young Australians who have been raised to believe in the great
Australian promise of home ownership but now heartbreakingly understand the truth.
12
It is a most challenging visual portraying a demoralising predicament, where it is naive to believe young people can any longer
hope to own a home. This single visual has encapsulated a sense of discouragement and perhaps even resentment that the
Australian home owning landscape has changed so much. For so many, home ownership is now pie-in-the-sky thinking.
So how do we blend the analysis of the article and the cartoon? While the article searched for solutions to unaffordable housing,
one sentence caught my eye in relation to where I might position the analysis of the cartoon. ''Australia will keep changing from
a nation of home owners to one of landlords and tenants.'' This opens the door to link the idea of being a tenant to the desire
but inability to own a home. For my piece of analysis, this is the perfect place to incorporate this visual in a meaningful and
relevant way.
Bob Hillman is a senior English teacher at Trinity Grammar School in Kew and Chief Assessor, English
13
SAMPLES
The following pages contain sample responses from end of year exams. Samples have not been edited and are
presented in the form that students wrote them. The Assessors consider your writing as first draft writing but you
should allow time for proof reading as too many errors will create a negative impact.
(Note: VCAA did not publish the 2011 articles or a sample response due to copyright issues)
The following sample is from the 2013 exam.
In reference to the recent discussion about the future uses of an unused area of land previously home to a railway
line, The Grow Slow Garden Group advocates for the establishment of a community garden, promoting a ‘greener
Australia’. In the local newsletter, distributed to households in the surrounding area, the Grow Slow Garden Group
strongly contends that a community garden is both innovative, productive and healthy and hence should be favoured
over other plans and projects including a skateboard ramp and carpark.
Addressing fellow members of the community, the group appeals to the reader’s sense of unity and patriotism to
urge everyone to work together when faced with the issue of the proposed land use. Starting the piece with ‘as just
about everyone knows’, the Grow Slow Garden Group uses a very personal and relatable tone to draw their readers
to view the proposal as a group and community effort. There is a shift in the tone of the piece as the group
encourages their critics who view them as a ‘radical group’ to change their opinions and see them as a sincere,
responsible and ‘proud’ environmental group instead, whose only goal is to help the community. The juxtaposition
between the words ‘extreme’ as they have been labeled with the powerful use of ‘proud’ positions readers who have
objected to their group and their proposal to feel ashamed and more inclined to support their fellow community
members as well as the rest of Australia, appealing to the readers’ sense of patriotism. This notion of unity if further
enhanced by the reference to the ‘second world war’ in which British citizens had to work together in order to ‘feed
their families’. Appealing to the older generation who may have children the image of the war poster arouses the
readers’ sense of patriotism as well as strikes their hearts due to the smiling faces of the children in the background.
The words ‘for their sake’, encourages parents to protect their children and their futures, showing them that a
community garden can both protect their children and be beneficial towards them if they ‘grow [their] own
vegetables’. The depiction of the boot and shovel also arouse feelings of hard work and effort, which may make
readers feel the need to support and stand up for their community and implement the proposal of the community
garden.
Moving away from the notion of parental responsibility, the group argues that there is a ‘crisis’ at hand involving all
members of the community, especially taxpayers. The use of the word ‘crisis’ has negative connotations of disaster
and chaos, evoking feelings of unease and unrest within readers who may face problems if the issue of the unused
area of land remains unresolved. Appealing to families who have to feed their families as well as couple and other
tax-paying members of the community, the group highlights the issue of packaged frozen and take away being
consumed which costs the state ‘millions’ of dollars. The consumption of these sorts of foods has led to an
overwhelming cost reaching over 350 million dollars as shown in the graph. The easy-to-read visual with the graph
that has a scale of ‘millions 4’ may shock readers who are unaware of the ‘hidden price tag’, alarming them and
dissuading them from eating parched, takeaway foods. The price tag is also shown on an image of a shopping trolley,
further dissuading readers. Hence, the ‘fresh food’ that is ‘less likely to be tossed out for grown from community
gardens is more sustainable alternative to unhealthy and wasteful foods and readers feel more inclined to support
the community garden and their products. As well as this, the council is also urged to establish a garden which will
reduce their spending costs.
Using a familiar and warm tone, the adults in the readership are drawn also to the authors’ relatable anecdotes
which promote health and education for children. The sense of community is once again aroused as the Grow Slow
Garden Group positions themselves with their readers using ‘most of us’ and referring to our loved ones (‘our Dad or
Grandpa’). These feelings of care and affection that can be seen from putting ‘seeds in the earth’ position readers to
feel that a community garden can provide not only resourcefully but also gives us warm memories of childhood and
our families. The notion that the community garden has ‘no barriers’ elicits a sense of acceptance and unity amongst
the community who are then urged to allow their children to do ‘physical work in the fresh air’ and ‘get to know their
neighbors’. These actions induce positivity and are both beneficial to the body and mind, hence both parents gain the
14
readership and members of the council are encouraged to accept the discussed proposal of the implementation of a
community garden.
Alluding to the readers’ sense of community and togetherness, the Grow Slow Garden group is able to draw their
readers onside to view the establishment of the garden as beneficial, both now and in the future. References to not
only the short term advantages but also the long term, encourages parents, taxpayers, member of council etc in the
readership to see the community garden as a positive and ‘forward thinking’ project, which will be beneficial ‘for
ourselves, our children and our planet’.
Assessor comments
ul analysis of specific words and phrases and the manner in which they are used in an attempt to persuade.
both the task and the piece itself.
-level script.
Two samples from the 2012 exam are provided below.
The first sample is a low-range response where the student is unable to grapple with the way language is used to
persuade. It is very brief and is an example of those students who simplistically label.
The speech on the future of books titled ‘Reading: The future’ by Mrs Elliot tires to persuade the audience that adapting to new
technology is ok but not so to go to far.
Mrs Elliot uses a range of persuasive techniques like Rhetorical questions which she uses 4. she uses the hip pocket nerve when
she is talking about school book updates which will students and parents. The language for the piece is very inclusive and
imaginative. Mrs Elliot uses inclusive language for throughout the speech and gives a in depth view into her world. Mrs Elliot who
uses generalisation assuming everyone are ‘fellow book-lovers’.
The two images she projects onto a screen during her speech feature a boy listening to what seems an e-book while he is ignoring
the books stacked behind him. This would support the idea that early adopters like Mrs Elliot and kids would be more encouraged
over a good old book.
The second image is a drawing from an artist (J Wheeler) that is a book store but the cashier is saying ‘Enjoy your book. You
should have that for a good six months before it vanishes’. This insinuates that the book store is actually an online book store and
they are talking about the students school book.
The persuasive techniques were very convincing for me and would be for the audience.
Following is an example of an upper-range response that demonstrates clear understanding of the material and
the task itself.
The growing prevalence of e-books in today’s society has been met with both admiration but also concern. During her
presentation at the forum on reading and literacy-related activities (‘Reading: the future’), Mrs Elliot attempts to sway the
audience into making sure the positive elements of hard copy books are not forgotten and a world where only e-books thrive
does not eventuate. In her speech, Mrs Elliot uses her prior position of expertise (retired librarian) in an incredibly personal and
direct approach to persuade her audience of teachers, librarians and senior school students to convey to her style of thinking.
The outset is dominated by Mrs Elliot positioning her audience to indeed trust her. Her relation to the audience; ‘fellow booklovers’ is used in an attempt to manipulate the audience to engage and listen to what she has to say. The structure of her speech
very much depends on this relation being made as the rest of the presentation encapsulates Mrs Elliot’s experiences and personal
opinions. The sentiment that Mrs Elliot ‘like[s] change’ is done with the intended purpose of making the audience feel Mrs Elliot is
not stuck in the past. The words ‘I thought’ and ‘had to be a good thing’ enable Mrs Elliot to discuss the positives of e-books (to
display a more rounded argument) whilst at the same time, displaying a hint that there is more to it. Her first slide which
accompanied her speech relates to the positive elements of e-books. The photograph of a young boy smiling at the usage of his ebook whilst a mountain of books lay stacked behind him echo the image of ‘children setting off without the terrible burden of
their great big textbook’. The small backpack compared with the mountain of books acts to attempt to persuade the audience
about the improvements that have been made, a weight has been lifted, both metaphorically and literally. After the visual has
displayed the positive elements of e-books, Mrs Elliot again forbodes her underlying intention; ‘some things about them are
great’. The quantifier ‘some’ perhaps suggests to the audience that although elements are positive, there are also elements that
are negative.
15
The rhetorical question ‘so what’s to worry about?’ signals to the audience a change in direction, from the positives to perhaps a
discussion of the concerns. A slightly more philosophical tone is employed by Mrs Elliot soon after with an underlying tone of
annoyance. The anecdote of a child on television and Mrs Elliot’s admission, ‘I thought he was reading, but he wasn’t’ is done in
an attempt to display the dangers of e-books to the audience. The audience is filled with literary advocates so the confession that
the boy was not reading but instead ‘viewing’ may act as a shock factor. The adjective ‘disturbing’ emulates Mrs Elliot’s feelings
and acts to instil concern into the audience. Her shocked sentiment continues as she discovered ‘e-books might disappear’,
knowledge aimed to confront the audience to the bleak realities. Her sentiment that ‘couldn’t sell them [e-books] at the
community second hand store’ is used in an attempt to relate to the audience’s state of community spirit and the impending
sense of loss. The second slide cartoon relates to this ideal as it plays on the irony that hardcopy books indeed do not ‘vanish’ as
e-books do. The fact that there are numerous people being part of a community and not isolation which may follow e-books. The
up to date haircut of the buyer suggests to the audience that hard copy books are not backward; they still have a use in society.
The tone Mrs Elliot portrays modulates to fear as she dives further into the worries of e-books. The imagery of a ‘global cyber
disaster’ where ‘the loss would be unthinkable’ is an attempt to display the fragile nature of e-books (links with the cartoon)
which may strike fear and uncertainty into the audience member. Her admission that ‘time began to fly’ attempts to stress the
importance and useful nature which hardcopy books still possess. The idea that e-books ‘just sit silently’ attempts to display the
isolation and somewhat selfish nature of 3-books, compared to the hardcopy books which can be left for whoever wants ‘to read
it’. Mrs Elliot’s concluding sentences truly manifest her contention. By stating ‘I wouldn’t want to stop it’, Mrs Elliot is attempting
to display to the audience here insight and acceptance of new technologies. Her plea that ‘we must do all we can’ to ensure
‘important thing are not swept away’ is aimed to ensure the audience continues with hardcopy books as they have many
positives (unabated by e-books).
Retired teacher-librarian Mrs Elliot accepts the impending use of e-books in her speech to the ‘Reading: the future’ forum but
through a personal approach, aims to instil the importance of continuing to produce hardcopy books. This is supported by two
slides and the crux of her argument is sure to continue to spark further debate on a topic of e-books versus hardcopy books.
The following example is a polished and insightful piece of writing from the 2010 exam.
A speaker Chris Lee at the 2010 international Biodiversity Conference speaks with conviction to his audience, attendees involved
in the area of nature conservation, contending that action must be taken to safeguard the variety of life, or, biodiversity. At times
an accusatory and disapproving tone is adopted, however alternates with an alarmist tone, the two complementing each other
and utilised to successfully persuade the speaker’s powerful and influential audience to take action to preserve biodiversity. The
use of a visual aid in the form of a slide presentation assists the speaker, presenting the argument through a different medium.
Lee begins by introducing his contention, an issue of ‘vital significance.’ Immediately, the audience is drawn in by the warning
carried in his words. This alarmist tone is further continued, Lee speaking of what has been lost in the past tense, implying that
the problem is already here, and the effects are evident. ‘Sadly’, hundreds of species are ‘already extinct’ the speaker taking on a
more nostalgic tone full of longing for what has been lost. The International Union for Conversation of Nature has assessed the
‘negative trend’ and situation, the organisation adding credibility to Lee’s words and argument that more must be done to
safeguard biodiversity. The short, blunt statement, ‘It is too late for them,’ the extinct species, once again raises alarm in the
audience members, and also implies that it is perhaps not too late for others – action can still be taken to project others.
The alarmist tone transforms into an attack on the audience, not in a vicious way so as not to offend the audience, but instead
urges them to want to take action. Lee contends that it is due to ‘our thoughtless human actions’ that species are suffering, the
‘destruction of natural habitats, hunting,’ and the list continues. As it is ‘our’ fault that biodiversity is diminishing , the speaker
declares that it should be ‘us’ who reverse the trend, ‘We have no excuse for inaction.’ The continued use of inclusive language
engages the audience and the speaker implies that it is their problem and they must right their wrong. Lee’s use of adjectives
‘wonderful’, ‘glossy’ and ‘inspiring’ all connote a glamorous, easy and passive method of convincing others to take action, and
this is strongly contrasted when followed by ‘real action’. Here, the speaker accuses the conservationists and other influential
people of not doing what they are supposed to do, opening their eyes to the reality of the situation. Lee describes talk at the
conference as ‘platitudes,’ this disapproving tone used to further reprimand the audience, and Lee passes on guilt with the words,
a strong motivator for action.
An appeal to social responsibility adds to Lee’s persuasive power. The audience are, as stated by Lee, to blame for the
‘degradation’ of the environment, ‘rampant’ illnesses and ‘deepening’ poverty. These words, of high importance carry strong
negative connotations and aid him in affecting the audiences emotions. Lee alludes to the poor who are ‘particularly vulnerable’
and ‘directly’ dependent on biodiversity, these particular choice of words calling on the audience to take action, as even if they
are not directly affected, others are, and cannot survive without biodiversity. The number of people that live in poverty, ‘more
than 1.1 billion’, is stated to further reinforce how many are suffering while the audience sit in an ‘air-conditioned, sumptuously
catered’ hall. This not only appeals to the audience’s social responsibility, but also to their sense of justice and equality. The poor
16
are ‘subordinated to the interests of us.’ Lee argues, and once again the audience is inclined to feel guilt associated with making
others suffer as they prosper. As the ‘powerful economic giants,’ they have the resources and the power to take the ‘real action’
that is necessary to ensure that the less fortunate do not suffer as a result of diminishing biodiversity.
Lee converts to a colloquial tone, urging the audience to ‘stop kidding’ ourselves and when coupled with ‘of course not!’, he
implies the solution is obvious. ‘We know what damage’ we are doing and the ‘time for talk is over,’ instead for ‘serious action.’
The alarming tone is again utilised, and he implies that time is ‘now, truly’ running out. Lee ends with a final call to action, and
when paired with a visual, induces a strong effect. The image depicts the world in ‘our’ hands, and he calls on the audience to
reinforce and pass on the message to everyone. The world, is in essence, relying on the conference attendees to care for it and
ensure its safety and ensure biodiversity, our ‘greatest treasure’ is not diminished ‘at all costs.’
The speech uses a range of different tones to appeal to the different emotions of the conference audience. The addition of visuals
allows the audience to ‘see’ the argument Lee is presenting, and each slide complements his words. In doing so, the audience is
able to be persuaded of Lee’s conviction that the safeguarding of biodiversity is vital, and also convinces the conference
attendees to take action.
Assessor comments
• A controlled piece of writing that is fluent and well structured.
• Analysis of specific language which is tied into the wider implications of the argument of the speech.
• Perceptive and sophisticated in its exploration of how language is used to persuade.
• Clear understanding of the context of Lee’s presentation.
• Incorporates the visuals neatly and shows their role in the presentation of the ideas and point of view.
• Clearly an upper-range script that is strong in all aspects.
WHAT NOW?
Practise, Practise, Practise
You should endeavour to spend only the amount of time allocated to you in the exam:
 No more than 10 minutes for initial reading (do not pick up a pen at this stage)
 No more than 60 minutes for second (brief) reading, annotating, planning, writing,
proof reading your work and writing your number on the cover
 I will be happy to read any practice pieces. Do not write too many without getting
feedback.
17