SIBLING CONNECTION
“People may think that you are a big
brat, but to me you are just a big
bother, you can be overprotective but
hey I still love you. Thank you for
lighting up my life and always being
there for me. Sometimes you say for
me not to love you, but I always will
no matter what. U fill my heart with
love and joy”

Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
SIBLING DEFINITION;
the obvious



Brother or a sister; wordreference.com
One of two or more individuals having one common
parent; Merriam Webster
…usually taken to mean that the two people are
genetically very close, though it is not always
necessarily the case, i.e. an adoption. In most
societies throughout the world siblings will usually
grow up in the same household. This closeness is
marked with the development of strong emotional
associations between them; Wikipedia
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
SIBLING DEFINITION;
the law


"Biological Sibling” means “A sibling, by
birth; of an adopted person.” “A brother,
sister, or half-sibling of a child who is
being placed in foster care or being
placed for adoption.”
“Sibling Group” means “biological
siblings who have been raised together
or have lived together.”
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
SIBLING DEFINITION;
the memory
SHARE YOUR MEMORY……
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
SIBLING DEFINITION;
the emotion
SHARE YOUR EMOTION……
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
REALITY CHECK
1. Almost 600,000 youth in foster care
2. 75% are separated from at least one
sibling
3. + those separated by other out-ofhome care
4. = countless youth void of the people
who shape their lives
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
WHY ARE SIBLINGS
SEPARATED?
“Dear David, I know we’ve been through
rough times. Such as getting separated.
I miss you a lot. You’re the best
brother a person could have. You’re a
special gift from G-d. xoxoxoxo,”
Love, Christina”
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
WHY ARE SIBLINGS
SEPARATED?








Parentified Child
Special Needs
Sibling Rivalry
Number of siblings in the family
Different fathers
Come into the system at different times
Abuse
Adoption Potential
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
PARENTIFIED CHILD;
REASON


Stephen: "I want to tell you how much I care,
but I am not always there. I want to show
you that your my homie, but sometimes I
can't. You’re in my mind and heart forever,
never forget that. I love you." Shantele
Separate to give him/her a chance to
be a child
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
PARENTIFIED CHILD;
REASONABLE?
“I love you for ever and ever. It’s great having a big sister
who’s a worry wart and tries to protect me. Love Lots,” Baby
Laura


Younger siblings placed in
unfamiliar home without parents –
and – older siblings
Older sibling feels responsible –
loses identity – role
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
SPECIAL NEEDS;
REASON
“You are a very special brother. Even
though we fight a lot, I still love you. I do
not know what I would do if I didn’t have a
brother like you. Because you keep me full
of funniness. Like playing cars, and digging
in the dirt and how you joke. You are my
very nice big brother.” Love, Brooke

Needs to receive more focused
attention
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
SPECIAL NEEDS;
REASONABLE?




With siblings, they will receive more
thoughtful, maybe knowledgable, attention
Placement alone distorts sense of place in
family
Placement with other youth with special
needs may = less attention
Siblings provide support and appropriate
behavior
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
SIBLING RIVALTY;
REASON
“Destiny: I love you no matter what and keep your
head up and never give up and remember you can do
anything if you put your mind into it; always keep an
open mind. I know sometimes we fuss and fight. You
are always going to be my lil sister and my best friend
who I am always going to love you no matter what.
Reach for your goals in life. I love you,” Jasmine

Separate to cease or prevent sibling
rivalry
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
SIBLING RIVALRY;
REASONABLE?





Sibling rivalry is a part of sibling
connection – a fact of life
Unconditional love
Learn to handle conflict
Learn to resolve differences
Understanding and acceptance
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
NUMBER OF CHILDREN IN
FAMILY; REASON


“Always remember that I will love and cherish you
forever and will always be there for you through
thick and thin. Our sisterly bond will never be
broken…I love you with all my heart and soul. You are
the most important person to me. Always remember
that you are special and you are greatly loved,” Kayla
There are too many children to place
together – can’t find a home
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
NUMBER OF CHILDREN IN
FAMILY; REASONABLE?



Recruitment
Training
Waivers
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
DIFFERENT FATHERS;
REASON
“Your love and strength keeps this family
together. Your glowing smile brightens my
day. You are my role model which I love so
much. I wonder how one could speak of such.
You’re always optimistic and treat others in
such a kind way, that’s why I’m here to say, I
love you,” Tammy

Biology
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
DIFFERENT FATHERS;
REASONABLE?


Talk about the sibling relationship
Consideration
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
COME INTO SYSTEM AT
DIFFERENT TIMES; REASON
“I love you a lot. You’re the best sister I ever had.
Even though we can’t always visit each other I stll
love you. I will alwys have a special place in my heart
for you. Don’t forget I will always love you. Everyday
I shed a tear because I love you, love you!” Ramon



Birth order
New challenges
Subsequent move
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
COME INTO SYSTEM AT
DIFFERENT TIMES;REASONABLE?





Follow the paper trail
Train and educate
Babies experience depression
Disconnect to stability
Waivers
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
ABUSE;
REASON
“I know we have had our difficulties in the past,
but maybe we can get past our differences.
Sorry I’m so mean to you. I want you to know
I really, no joke, no lie, love you and care
about you.” Barbara

Physical, sexual, emotional
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
ABUSE;
REASONABLE?



May inflict abuse on another victim
Evaluate sibling rivalry versus sibling
hostilities
Evaluate resources
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
ADOPTION POTENTIAL;
REASON


“I miss seeing you and hanging out with you. I
like when we laugh and joke around together.
I wish I could see you everyday. I want to be
like you when I grow up especially when I am
18. I love my big bro,” Love, Jamal
It is more likely that younger children
will be adopted; older children will
experience long-term foster care
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
ADOPTION POTENTIAL;
REASONABLE?




Teen and adult adoptions are on the
rise
Siblings ‘will’ reunite; some older
intervening to become guardians for
younger siblings
¼ vs. ¾ - memories for the future
Deserving of family - together
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
2006, “The Science of Siblings”
Time - July issue.

From the time they are born, our brothers and
sisters are our collaborators and co-conspirators,
our role models and cautionary tales. They are our
scolds, protectors, goads, tormentors, playmates,
counselors, sources of envy, objects of pride. They
teach us how to resolve conflicts and how not to;
how to conduct friendships and when to walk away
from them. Sisters teach brothers about the
mysteries of girls; brothers teach sisters about the
puzzle of boys. Our spouses arrive comparatively
late in our lives; our parents eventually leave us.
Our siblings may be the only people we'll ever know
who truly qualify as partners for life (Jeffrey Kluger.)
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
SIBLING LIFE SPAN






Five Groups
1. Early childhood
2. Early/elementary
3. Adolescence
4. Adulthood
5. Old Age
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
SIBLING LIFE SPAN


Early childhood
Constant
companions and
playmates influence social and
cognitive learning –
skills of helping,
sharing and
cooperating
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
SIBLING LIFE SPAN


Early/elementary
Interaction with
siblings extend
beyond home to
influence
interactions with
peers
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
SIBLING LIFE SPAN

Adolesence; ebb
and flow of
independence and
individuality;
relationship taken
for granted; space
yet comfort in
knowing they exist
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
SIBLING LIFE SPAN


Adulthood
While ‘own
families’ may take
priority guidance, support
and sharing
comes from
siblings
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
SIBLING LIFE SPAN


Old Age
Siblings become
companions
again, sometimes
even living
together when
their own kids
move on
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
PRACTICE;
MAKES CONNECTION





Determine current location of all siblings at
intake
Assume all siblings should be placed together
If siblings are separated due to home
availability, do not dismiss future inclusion
under same roof
If siblings are separted due to careprovider
request, determine motive and intention
Ask the children their preference and reasons
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
PRACTICE; MUSTS





One worker
Location
Education
Connection
Visitation
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
RECRUITMENT
AND TRAINING





Recruit specifically for siblings; avoid
filling individual beds
Discuss logistics and organization
Understand age span
Recognize sibling rivalry
Continue family traditions
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
SIBLING BILL OF RIGHTS

Requires that the child welfare agency prepare a
description of efforts made to keep siblings
together and/or provide reasons siblings are not
placed together

Provisions for post-permanency visits with
siblings

Requires the child welfare agency and/or court to
consider siblings in placement and/or permanency
planning
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
SIBLING BILL OF RIGHTS

Provides for an exemption from limits on the size
of a foster home to accommodate placement of a
sibling group

Statement of legislative intent to support sibling
relationships

Right to, and provision for, maintaining contact

Sibling relationship considered in determining
"best interest"
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
NATIONAL SIBLING
CONNECTION DAY, March 1, 2006

Whereas sibling relationships are among the longest lasting and
most significant relationships in life;

Whereas brothers and sisters share history, memories, and
traditions that bind them together as family;

Whereas it is estimated that over 65 percent of children in foster
care have siblings, and are often separated when they are
placed in the foster care system, adopted, or confronted with
different kinship placements;

Whereas children in foster care have a greater risk of emotional
disturbance, difficulties in school, and problems with
relationships than their peers;

Whereas the separation of siblings as children causes additional
grief and loss;
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
NATIONAL SIBLING
CONNECTION DAY

Resolved, That the Senate-- (1) designates
March 1, 2006, as `Siblings Connection Day';

(2) encourages the people of the United
States to celebrate sibling relationships on
this day; and

(3) supports efforts to respect and preserve
those sibling relationships that are at risk of
being disrupted due to the placement of
children into the foster care system.
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
STATES; LISTEN TO YOUTH

WHEREAS, The policy of the State of Illinois mandates that
contact be maintained between siblings pre-termination while
they are in foster care or youth in care and provides for
possible contact post majority via the Illinois Adoption Registry
and Medical Information Exchange

13 states provide specific acceptable reasons for
separating siblings
32 states address sibling visitation in policies
14 states have consent decrees mandating sibling
visitation after adoption
5 states allow judges to order sibling visitation over
the adoptive parent’s suggestions



Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
TWO DAYS = CONNECTION?
Most frequent visitation = Weekly Visits
One hour a week
52 weeks a year
52 hours
JUST OVER TWO DAYS A YEAR
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
MAINE
Act to Support Sibling Rights in Child
Welfare Custody Matters: Kala Clark
2007; siblings’ right to regularly scheduled
visits whenever reasonable and practical
and in the best interests of the children!
“I love you 4ever and always. I wish that I could do a lot of
stuff with you. Remember the good dayz? I wish that it
could be like that. I love you with all my heart. I wish
that we could be best friends. I will be glad if I could
see you more. Love always and forever,” Jess
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
YOUNG - ADULTS
Rights of older siblings to file suit for access
to a younger sibling….custody of younger
“Hey
bro- I think of you all the time. When I
see you, you make me laugh. I have lots of fun.
Hey maybe some day when you are 18 you can
move in with me, okay? You are the best, my
best friend, my best brother Number #1,”
From Rebecca
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
RESOURCES
AND SPECIAL THANKS
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
American Bar Association Center on Children and
the Law; www.abanet.org/child/about
Camp To Belong; www.camptobelong.org
Casey Family Programs; www.casey.org
National Resource Center for Family-Centered
Practice and Permanency Planning;
www.hunter.cuny.edu/socwork/nrcfcpp
Neighbor to Neighbor; www.hullhouse.org
Neighbor to Family; www.ntf.org
Susan Dougherty;
susan@doughertyconsultants.com
Youth Leadership Advisory Team; www.ylat.org
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
LYNN’S SENTIMENT
When I think of the closeness
we share now…
I wish we would have known
each other when we were
kids…
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
SIB ACTION PLAN
•
S = Personally; SHARE
•
•
I = Personally; INSPIRE
•
•
Professionally; sense of belonging
Professionally; imagine
B = Personally; BIRTHDAY
•
Professionally; birthday
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
GIVE SIBLINGS
THEIR RIGHT TO REUNITE®
To the outside world we all grow
old. But not to brothers and
sisters. We know each other as we
always were. We know each other's
hearts. We share private family
jokes. We remember family feuds and
secrets, family griefs and joys. We live
outside the touch of time.


~Clara Ortega
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006
GIVE SIBLINGS
THEIR RIGHT TO REUNITE®
Lynn Price, Ashoka Fellow
Social Entrepreneur, Speaker
and Author
9445 Sand Hill Place
Highlands Ranch, CO 80126
888-7BELONG
303-791-0915
Lynn@camptobelong.org
www.camptobelong.org
www.lynnprice.com
Karyn Schimmels, M.P.A.
Camp To Belong Volunteer
Advisory Board Member and
Public Child Welfare state
employee
8905 Southwest Avon Court
Tigard, OR 97224
503-945-6646
Karyn.Schimmels@state.or.us
Real Belonging; Give Siblings Their
Right to Reunite, and Sibling
Bracelet available on website
Lynn Price and Karyn Schimmels,
2006