VOLUME 13 ISSUE 1
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JANUARY 8 - 28, 2015
INSIDE THIS ISSUE:
Exodus: God’s and Kings,
Creep, NewLit: Good Things to Read,
Rocket City Renaissance, The Single Guy,
Polar Bear Plunge, Unbroken, News of the Weird,
Dr. Anarcho’s Old Stuff that Don’t Suck: Jackson Browne,
The Greatest Calendars on Earth!!!
In
The
Planet
january 8 - 28, 2015
NEXT ISSUE: JANUARY 29, 2015
203 Grove Ave., Huntsville Al, 35801, phone 256.533-4613
Publisher
Jill E. Wood
Calendar
Joanie Williams
Graphic Design
Douglas A. Lange
Contributors
Bonnie Roberts
Elaine Nelson
Ricky Thomason
Jim Zielinski
Tim Owen
Shawn Bailey
Aaron Hurd
Cameron Reeder
Bob Garver
Glenn Mollette
Lisa Gray Thomason
THE VALLEY PLANET
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 1
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Table of Contents
2
Letter From The Publisher
2
On the Cover
2
Exodus: Gods and Kings, Bob Garver
3
Creep, Shawn Bailey
3
Rocket City Renaissance, Tim Owen
4
Zee’s Rocket City bEAT, Jim Zieliński
4
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY, 2015 Rob Brezsny
5
The Single Guy: Communi-Date, Aaron Hurd
5
Unchained Maladies, Ricky Thomason
5
NewLit: Good Things to Read, Lisa Thomason, Ricky Thomason
6
Polar Bear Plunge, Cameron Reeder
6
Unbroken, Bob Garver
7
Music Calendar Begins
7
Dr. Anarcho’s Rx For Old Stuff That Don’t Suck
9
Music Calendar Continues
10
Events Calendar Begins
11
Events Calendar Continues
12
More Events Calendar
13
Regional Concert Calendar
13
Events Calendar Ends
13
Hold Up Two Fingers, Glenn Mollette
14
News of the Weird, Chuck Shepherd
15
Music Exchange
15
To Yuno From Yunohoo
15
What Then Must We Do?, Bonnie Roberts
“Relax.”
- Frankie G.T. Hollywood
Letter from the
Publisher
Happy New Year to All of You!
Y
ou may notice the space for my letter is
very small this issue and that this issue is
fewer pages than usual…You know our
community has a lot more to say than it can fit in
these few pages so…if you are interested in sponsoring a page, advertising, writing or otherwise
contributing to your Valley Planet – give us a yell!
We’d love it!We have more to say and so do you!
256 533-4613.
The upcoming issue, January 29th, is when the
Best of the Valley Readers’ Poll Results are announced…so get ready for bragging rights!
Jill E. Wood, Resolution Breaker
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& Smokehouse Grill
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Cuisine & Full Bar
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Tues. - Sat.
10:30am to 9pm
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256-469-7271
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S
herri Carlee is a keen observer and has an uncanny ability to “discover” things that others walk
right by. She often makes these “finds” in common places like the bushes in a parking lot, a
sidewalk, her backyard and even at work. Often armed with only her cell phone, she snaps photos of these things. This is just such a photo taken in Huntsville of a Spicebush Swallowtail Caterpillar (Papilio Troilus).
Jerk Chicken, Ribs, Catfish, Tilapia, Red
Snapper, Wings, Chicken Fingers, Burgers,
Gumbo, Goat & Homemade Sides
Classic
Burger &
Fries $5.59
The two large black spots with the white highlight resemble eyes but are not! The spots are a defense
for the caterpillar to make it look like a snake to potential predators – especially birds.
Sherri has many photos of creatures that most do not notice or maybe they just don’t take the time to
marvel at the simple beauty of nature.
Exodus: Gods and Kings
in. A defeated Ramses dismisses Moses and the slaves, but then decides to take his
army and pursue them out of need for revenge. Only a miracle can save Moses and the
Hebrews, fortunately this is a story filled with miracles.
T
he Exodus story has been depicted onscreen many times before, most
notably in “The Ten Commandments” (1956) and “The Prince of Egypt”
(1998), though there are plenty of others. “Exodus: Gods and Kings”
promises to be one of the more exciting versions, with blockbuster director
Ridley Scott in charge and millions of dollars in special effects to play with.
The question that looms over the film is: what will we see here that we haven’t
seen before?
So what does the film do that’s unique? Perhaps the thing that stands out most is the
depiction of God as a boy of about ten. He first appears next to the famed burning
bush, which itself is scant and unimpressive in this film. I have to say I don’t care for
this creative decision. I think the idea here is to portray God as having a childlike innocence, but He comes off looking like a spoiled brat. All I could think about during
these scenes was comparisons to the child with God-like powers from that one episode
of “The Twilight Zone.” God is more intriguing and impactful in this story when He’s
just a disembodied voice coming out of a magnificent burning bush.
The story pretty much has to be the same one that we’ve seen before, at least
when it comes to the high points. Moses (Christian Bale) is a general in the
Egyptian army, having been raised by the royal family as a brother of sorts to
prince Ramses (Joel Edgerton). It is revealed that Moses is in fact of Hebrew
descent, a heritage that gets him banished. Moses comes to embrace his Hebrew
identity, and is told by God that he is to lead all the Hebrew slaves out of Egypt.
The prospect of losing 400,000 slaves does not sit well with Ramses, who is
now Pharaoh. Simple demands and minor rebellions by Moses do not yield
results, so God punishes all of Egypt with ten plagues to force Ramses to give
The most powerful part of the film is the Ten Plagues of Egypt. The film comes up with
an interesting explanation for the transformation of the waters of the Nile into blood,
but the effect is lost because of poorly-rendered CGI animals. The same can be said
for the other animal plagues (and I’m sorry but how does a person wake up to find that
they’re covered in frogs? One frog in my room, much less on me, and I’m awake and
freaked out). But the multitude of skin boils are appropriately disgusting and the quiet
depiction of the final and deadliest plague, while a bit transparent, is a graceful, haunting way to handle such devastation.
Thank you for reading the fine print of the Valley Planet. The Valley Planet and valleyplanet.com are published every three weeks by J W Publications in Huntsville, AL. You can pick up the paper free all over the
place or get it free on the web. Copyright 2003 by the Valley Planet, Inc. All rights reserved.
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Subscriptions to the Valley Planet are now available for $50 a year in the USA.
256-533-4613 Valley Planet
Deadline for January 29 Issue is January 16, 2015.
“Exodus: Gods and Kings” tries to bring new life to the sacred story, but it fails at it too much. The
scenery is gaudy, the hair and makeup are too clever for their own good, and the computerized special
effects are terrible (were the artists seriously proud of their work?). Plus I feel that the film doesn’t
do enough to make us sympathize with Moses and the Hebrew slaves. We do see them suffer, but not
on the level that we see the Egyptians suffer during the plagues. Simple text saying that they’ve been
slaves for 400 years just doesn’t do it for me. The film serves as a good jumping-off point for a discussion about its subject matter, but it does not achieve the greatness one associates with its epic journey.
Two Stars out of Five.
“Exodus: Gods and Kings” is rated PG-13 for violence including battle sequences and intense images.
Its running time is 150 minutes.
Contact Bob Garver at rrg251@nyu.edu.
2
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VOLUME 13 ISSUE 1
THE VALLEY PLANET
Creep
by Shawn Bailey
I
n the past month or so I’ve managed to be the
most insulting, racist, and creepiest person I’ve
ever been in my life.
The Creepy incident was at a sandwich shop. I was
ordering and something was mentioned that I didn’t
like, so I said,”Eewww, no. That’s nasty.” And then,
because I think of things all the time that sound
witty in my head, but come out like a spastic with
Tourette’s, I say with a knowing smile, “The only
nasty thing I like is a nasty groove.” For those of you
as old as me, you probably got the Janette Jackson
reference without hesitation. That’s when I realized
that the girl in front of me was lower 20s at most.
The look on her face had turned from Can I help
you, sir to Am I safe now, even with people around?
I felt like Ron Jeremy must feel all the time. I was,
for the moment, the creepiest guy on the planet. Before she could press the panic button, I dug my way
out of this one by acknowledging my failed attempt
at humor and explaining the song. Luckily, my wife
was with me to reassure the girl that I was safe while
off my leash. I followed up by pointing out the name
of the singer who was currently belting out I want
to party all the time, party all the time, party all the
tiiiiiime. That earned me some 80s cred.
ing out there look the part. A little worn and scraggly. Their dress and the wrinkles in their face reflect
their hard times. Not this fellow. He was maybe 19
or 20. Same age as my boy. He looked well kempt,
but really down. Really down. We pull up and roll
our window down. He hesitantly eases forward
and as I’m reaching in my pocket (it’s hard for fat
people to get things out of our pockets when we’re
in our vehicles), I look up
into his downcast eyes and
say, because it’s reflex and
I say it to everyone I meet
automatically, “How’s it
going man?”
That’s right. I asked a kid
who might be homeless
and destitute how it was
going. I guess I could have
followed up by slashing his arms with my pocket
knife and sprinkling some salt in the wounds, or
maybe running over his foot when I pulled off. I
didn’t even realize what I had said until after I pulled
off. I went low for a minute. Really low. I’m sure
that if there are events in our lives that might send
us straight to Purgatory when we die, I just earned
myself a couple hundred years there. Then, because
it was so horrible and there was nothing I could do
about it, I began to laugh hysterically at myself. Because I’m a horrible person.
But that wasn’t horrible enough, my subconscious
thought. Surely you can take it to the next level. So
I did.
That was next level, sure. But was it worthy of a
trophy from Hades? No. I had to one up that. I had to
climb to the summit of Mount Horrible and pledge
my soul directly to the God of Shame.
Me and the crew were outside a Wal-Mart. Where
this one is located, there is always someone outside
with a sign. I always give something. Money, food,
something. And most of the time, the people stand-
A few weeks later, the wife and I are doing the yard
sale thing. We stop at one that’s half in and half out
of a garage. I walk into the garage and a lady to my
Rocket City Renaissance
by Tim Owen
mong my earliest experiences as a new
resident of North Alabama was the obligatory visit to the US Space and Rocket
Center. As a recent arrival from Central Florida, I
had a moderate interest in space exploration, having grown up in the space race era in a community
close enough to Cape Kennedy (née Canaveral)
to see the Saturn 5’s contrail streak toward its historic rendezvous with our (then) manifest destiny.
My most lasting impressions were a look inside
the Apollo capsule (500,000 miles crammed in
that?) and a one-sided interview with Ms. Baker.
There could be no more salient indication of the
importance of rocketry and the space industry to
the development of Huntsville than the fact that
installation of the Saturn 5 that towers over the
center cost 90 times what the center itself cost to
build.
A
Fast forward some thirty odd years. Redstone Arsenal and Marshall Space Flight Center are still
the economic engines that drive this once sleepy
little cotton town, albeit to a somewhat lesser degree now, in the new millennium. Diversity has
been slowly creeping into the Tennessee Valley
from all over the world, taking advantage of the
highly educated workforce and a relatively stable
economy. Even as Redstone Arsenal continues to
grow, new industries are blossoming throughout
THE VALLEY PLANET
North Alabama, somewhat insulating the Valley
from the cold economic winds that have been buffeting much of the country.
What many of us failed to recognize (at least I
didn’t) is the cultural diversity that would accompany the changing industrial landscape. Huntsville had a small but vibrant artistic community
when I first arrived. When I look at the arts scene
today I am truly amazed at the depth and breadth
that has developed. The art museum, once quietly
tucked away in a corner of the Von Braun Center,
is now a prominent part of the downtown visage.
New art galleries are regularly springing up all
over the area, showcasing every imaginable discipline and style. The music scene, despite a somewhat limited choice of venues, has burgeoned into
a major draw for music lovers from all over the
region - the Valley has truly experienced an artistic renaissance.
The artistic incubator that is Lowe Mill has been
at the forefront of this revolution. From its humble beginnings in a run down and nearly forgotten
textile mill, it has been transformed into a celebration of creative diversity that few would have
envisioned. Local artists, techies, musicians, and
creative individuals of all stripes have joined with
those that have come in with this “second wave”
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left exclaims loudly that, “Everything in this room
is for sale!” Since I’m a smart*ss who overanalyzes
everything, I immediately notice that she herself is
in the room, so without thinking, I blurt out, “So are
you for sale?”
Then it hits me . . . she’s black.
That’s right. I just asked a black woman if I could
purchase her. I’m in Alabama. I’m white. I would
normally immediately point out how racist that
sounded and make a joke about how oblivious and
aloof I am. But I am too flummoxed this time. I’m
waiting for this woman to put me in my place. I’m
speechless. As I stood there with my mouth open
and eyes wide, I might have drooled a little on the
concrete. I still don’t know whether she caught it
herself, because she says, “Oh, no. My husband
wouldn’t like that at all.”
I am blubbering. Can’t mind working not think doodoo duh. I hear myself say, “Oh, he’d probably pay
a lot of money to get you back.” Okay, now I’m just
saying stupid sh*t and I can’t stop. I continue to move
robotically around the garage and then make for the
car. As I leave, she calls out behind me, “Didn’t see
anything you wanted to buy?” I don’t know if she
is screwing with me now, or just trying to sale stuff
and oblivious of social faux pas. “No mam. Thank
you. Have a good day today.” I get in the car and
look in the rearview mirror to see if a swastika has
spontaneously formed on my forehead.
I am paranoid now. Moving cautiously through each
day, fearful that I’m going to accidentally knock
some kid out of their wheelchair or run over someone’s new puppy on the way to work. Please, if you
see me out, know that I am a good person. Hold your
children closer, yes, but know that I mean well.
of artisans. Together they have formed a colony
of symbiotic businesses that have become a regional Mecca for artists and art lovers alike. With
the addition of the recently debuted north wing
expansion, the colony has grown to include 31
new studios, including a new home for the Huntsville Art League. The new addition adds a wide
array of artisans displaying their creative talents
along with a large art classroom that will be available for both public and private use. The wing
will also feature Huntsville’s first commercial
distillery, which will produce small batch corn
whiskey from locally sourced ingredients. Once
they have jumped over all the required regulatory
hurdles, Irons Distillery plans to be producing a
retail product by mid-year.
While North Alabama’s, and in particular, metro
Huntsville’s, national identity continues to be tied
to the defense and commercial space industries,
the economic and related cultural diversity that
have developed over the last decade have made
the area much more attractive to prospective new
residents. Community leaders have been working
diligently over the last several years to expand the
Valley’s economic landscape, recognizing that it
is essential to the area’s continued growth and
prosperity. In light of recent public displays of
racial and gender-related discord, perhaps there
is a larger lesson to be learned in embracing the
cultural diversity that makes our home the special
place that it is.
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 1
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3
Zee’s Rocket City bEAT
a spring publishing, in partnership
with Southern Living.
by Jim Zieliński
R
eading this fresh off the stands? Then Merry Christmas, again! In some planetary
misalignment, Orthodox Christmas falls
on Wednesday, the nth birthday of Gary Warren
Gee, Jr., whose only connection with the Eastern
Church is that he was once arrested in Russia.
Regardless, your friends of
Greek, Ukrainian, Moldovan, and other heritages
are celebrating even as you
peruse.
If you’re lucky enough to
join in, race by European
Market-Anastasia
[2745
Bob Wallace Avenue, Suite
B; (256) 882-7710; www.
europeanmarketonline.com]
and procure some shareable Ukie or Russian candies…or maybe sausages…?!
Constance Smith, www.TheFoodieArmyWife.
com blogger, and Lynda Self, who “pens” www.
southernkissed.com, attended a recent Mi Casa
Mexican Restaurant jaunt (see our Online Archives!). Enjoy their web-based table-talk and
send them our best.
No, it’s not another music video—my stopover
at Bill Billions’ Christmas Open House at Hollywood Huntsville [(256) 536-9447; www.HollywoodHuntsville.com] proved fruitful instead
in terms of deipnosophism, for there I met C.C.
Fridlin and J.D. Frey. Apparently first names are
out at Stevens Avenue, NE.
As the centerpiece of “Cooking with C.C.” [202
Hunters Cove Road, NW, Monrovia; (256) 7269871; www.cookingwithcc.com; cc@cookingwithcc.com], Fridlin offers private catering,
culinary instruction, and a web-based series addressing – believe it or not – cooking! Already
he has five YouTube videos online, with more to
come and several already “in
the can” (more film slang, I
suppose, than digital). I’ll
be visiting, and commenting
upon, one of his lessons in
the near future.
Tasting is implied.
Filmmaker J.D., by way
of the Dead Workers Party
[(256)
694-0451;
propaganda@deadworkers.
com], is concocting a documentary - entitled
“150 Square Feet” - elucidating the history of
the trailer at Lowe Mill [2211 Seminole Drive,
SW] that has accommodated Tina’s Cantina and
Happy Tummy [First Floor, Lowe Mill; (256)
348-8132; www.mmmhappytummy.com], and
currently houses Chef Will the Palate [(256) 6176052; http://chefwill.yolasite.com; chefwill65@
hotmail.com]. J.D. finds the saga of this restrictive space, a launching pad for the entrepreneurial
spirits of both women and minority-owned eateries, engrossing…and so do we.
Speaking of women-run, food-based companies,
Belle Chèvre [26910 Bethel Road, Elkmont;
(256) 732-3577; www.bellechevre.com; tasia@
bellechevre.com] has news: Kurt Key, BC’s
kindly Cheese Wrangler, tells us Tasia Malakasis’
second book is officially in the works. Anticipate
The perfect “I’m-Sorry-I-ForgotYour-Christmas-Gift” gift, something for which you’ve no doubt
only recently discovered a pressing
need. And it’s gluten free!
Take a respite from shopping for
groceries, many on sale at last year’s
prices, to consider this retreat:
Madison’s “Tea with Thee by
Victoria” [Hughes Plaza Shopping
Center; 181 Hughes Road, Suite 6;
(256) 325-8327 (TEAS); http://teawiththee.com;
teabyvictoria@gmail.com]…not “brand new,”
but new to many!
Cream Tea…mmm…something I haven’t experienced since the Best of British disappeared in the
gloaming. A pot of your chosen blend and Scone
run $7.00. “Cream” typically denotes Clotted or
Double Devon, in this case, the former.
Prime amongst the offerings is a “Three-Tier
Service” ($26.00): requiring a 24-hour notice, it
includes Chicken Velvet Soup, savory Tea Sandwiches, Mini-Desserts, Tea of choice, and a Scone.
That should make the “agony of the leaves” much
more endurable.
Also…Tam-Tam Fichtl and I were elated to hear
of the Wednesday/Friday “Pack-and-Go” Buffet
at Curry-N-A-Hurry [Jordan Mart Plaza; 2420
Jordan Lane, Suite J; (256) 722-0240]!
That’s a new one on us…and almost certainly on
you, too.
Running from 10:30 a.m. – 3:00 p.m., it’s a
one-trip visit for $7.95, and items will rotate,
depending on the chef’s vagaries
(don’t they always?) … nevertheless, expect Jerk Chicken, Curry
Chicken, vegetarian options, and
the like.
ROAD TRIPS: How often do we
visit the Music City? In the aggregate, quite a bit. Should you alight
near the Vandy/Hillsboro Village
area, beeline to the Davis Cookware and Cutlery Shop [1717
South 21st Avenue; (615) 2984728] and overstuff your senses
with this gustatory wonderland.
You’ll be immersed in coffees, teas, chef’s staples, epicurean gadgetry, and even Henckels and
Wüsthof (Weimar Germany’s answer to Laurel
and Hardy), but ensuring your call’s exceptionality is the bonhomie of the Davis Boys, themselves.
DC&CS is a gastronomic lodestone wherein one
interacts with the proprietors in debating Johann
Doe’s Spätzle-maker vis-à-vis Oma’s cutting
board; to have knives, and wits, sharpened; to
laud or pan area bistros; and to shoot the bull with
Certified Marksmen. No one, from Sous Chef to
Kitchen Witch, should miss it.
Think of it as three Floyds the Barber bearing
crema in lieu of lather.
…Have you finished with your Annual Breaking
of New Year’s Resolution(s) yet? Mine is to absolve people who say “por-SEE-nee” mushrooms.
But if I encounter “NEE-KOYS” olives again, I
may vomit.
Crăciunul Fericit! Щасливого Нового Року!
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
January 8 - January 28
© Copyright 2014, 2015 Rob Brezsny
ARIES (March 21-April 19): In his novel Breakfast of Champions, Kurt Vonnegut describes
a character, Ned Lingamon, who “had a penis
eight hundred miles long and two hundred and
ten miles in diameter, but practically all of it was
in the fourth dimension.” If there is any part of
you that metaphorically resembles Lingamon,
Aries, the coming months will be a favorable
time to fix the problem. You finally have sufficient power and wisdom and feistiness to start
expressing your latent capacities in practical
ways . . . to manifest your hidden beauty in a
tangible form . . . to bring your purely fourthdimensional aspects all the way into the third
dimension.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Novelist E. L. Doctorow says that the art of writing “is like driving
at night in the fog. You can only see as far as
your headlights, but you can make the whole trip
that way.” This realistic yet hopeful assessment
is true of many challenges, not just writing. The
big picture of what you’re trying to accomplish
is often obscure. You wish you had the comfort
of knowing exactly what you’re doing every step
of the way, but it seems that all you’re allowed to
know is the next step. Every now and then, however, you are blessed with an exception to the
rule. Suddenly you get a glimpse of the whole
story you’re embedded in. It’s like you’re standing on a mountaintop drinking in the vast view
of what lies behind you and before you. I suspect
that this is one of those times for you, Taurus.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Most people have
numerous items in their closet that they never
wear. Is that true for you? Why? Do you think
you will eventually come to like them again,
even though you don’t now? Are you hoping
that by keeping them around you can avoid feeling remorse about having wasted money? Do
you fantasize that the uncool stuff will come
back into fashion? In accordance with the astrological omens, Gemini, I invite you to stage an
all-out purge. Admit the truth to yourself about
what clothes no longer work for you, and get rid
4
of them. While you’re at it, why not carry out a
similar cleanup in other areas of your life?
CANCER (June 21-July 22): “Nothing was ever
created by two men,” wrote John Steinbeck in
his novel East of Eden. “There are no good collaborations, whether in music, in art, in poetry,
in mathematics, in philosophy. Once the miracle
of creation has taken place, the group can build
and extend it, but the group never invents anything. The preciousness lies in the lonely mind
of a man.” In my view, this statement is delusional nonsense. And it’s especially inapt for you
in the coming weeks. In fact, the only success
that will have any lasting impact will be the kind
that you instigate in tandem with an ally or allies
you respect.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): I live in Northern California, where an extended drought led to waterrationing for much of 2014. But in December,
a series of downpours arrived to replenish the
parched landscape. Now bursts of white wildflowers have erupted along my favorite hiking
trails. They’re called shepherd’s purse. Herbalists say this useful weed can be made into an
ointment that eases pain and heals wounds. I’d
like to give you a metaphorical version of this
good stuff. You could use some support in alleviating the psychic aches and pangs you’re feeling. Any ideas about how to get it? Brainstorm.
Ask questions. Seek help.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Actress Uzo Aduba’s formal first name is Uzoamaka. She tells
the story about how she wanted to change it
when she was a kid. One day she came home
and said, “Mommy, can you call me Zoe?” Her
mother asked her why, and she said, “Because
no one can say Uzoamaka.” Mom was quick to
respond: “If they can learn to say Tchaikovsky,
Dostoevsky, and Michelangelo, they can learn to
say Uzoamaka.” The moral of the story, as far
as you’re concerned: This is no time to suppress
your quirks and idiosyncrasies. That’s rarely a
good idea, but especially now. Say NO to making yourself more generic.
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LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Doug Von Koss leads
groups of people in sing-alongs. You don’t have
to be an accomplished vocalist to be part of his
events, nor is it crucial that you know the lyrics and melodies to a large repertoire of songs.
He strives to foster a “perfection-free zone.” I
encourage you to dwell in the midst of your own
personal perfection-free zone everywhere you
go, Libra. You need a break from the pressure to
be smooth, sleek, and savvy. You have a poetic
license to be innocent, loose, and a bit messy. At
least temporarily, allow yourself the deep pleasure of ignoring everyone’s expectations and
demands.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): “I dream of lost
vocabularies that might express some of what we
no longer can,” wrote Jack Gilbert in his poem
“The Forgotten Dialects of the Heart.” Judging
from the current astrological omens, I’d say that
you are close to accessing some of those lost
vocabularies. You’re more eloquent than usual.
You have an enhanced power to find the right
words to describe mysterious feelings and subtle
thoughts. As a result of your expanded facility
with language, you may be able to grasp truths
that have been out of reach before now.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “If you
have built castles in the air,” said philosopher
Henry David Thoreau, “your work need not be
lost; that is where they should be. Now put the
foundations under them.” That may seem like a
backward way to approach the building process:
erecting the top of the structure first, and later
the bottom. But I think this approach is more
likely to work for you than it is for any other
sign of the zodiac. And now is an excellent time
to attend to such a task.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Songwriter
RB Morris wrote a fanciful poem in which he
imagines a smart mockingbird hearing rock and
roll music for the first time. “When Mockingbird
first heard rock / He cocked his head and crapped
/ What in the hell is that? / It sounded like a train
wreck / Someone was screaming / Someone’s
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 1
banging on garbage cans.” Despite his initial
alienation, Mockingbird couldn’t drag himself
away. He stayed to listen. Soon he was spellbound. “His blood pounded and rolled.” Next
thing you know, Mockingbird and his friends are
making raucous music themselves -- “all for the
love of that joyful noise.” I foresee a comparable
progression for you in the coming weeks, Capricorn. What initially disturbs you may ultimately
excite you -- maybe even fulfill you.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Do you recall the opening scene of Lewis Carroll’s story
Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland? Alice is sitting outside on a hot day, feeling bored, when
a White Rabbit scurries by. He’s wearing a coat
and consulting a watch as he talks to himself.
She follows him, even when he jumps into a hole
in the ground. Her descent takes a long time. On
the way down, she passes cupboards and bookshelves and other odd sights. Not once does she
feel fear. Instead, she makes careful observations and thinks reasonably about her unexpected trip. Finally she lands safely. As you do your
personal equivalent of falling down the rabbit
hole, Aquarius, be as poised and calm as Alice.
Think of it as an adventure, not a crisis, and an
adventure it will be.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You are positively
oceanic these days. You are vast and deep, restless and boundless, unruly and unstoppable. As
much as it’s possible for a human being to be,
you are ageless and fantastical. I wouldn’t be
surprised if you could communicate telepathically and remember your past lives and observe
the invisible world in great detail. I’m tempted to
think of you as omnidirectional and omniscient,
as well as polyrhythmic and polymorphously
perverse. Dream big, you crazy wise dreamer.
Homework: Write a summary of the great task
you plan to accomplish in 2015. Tell me about it
at Truthrooster@gmail.com.
THE VALLEY PLANET
The Single Guy: Communi-Date
Unchained Maladies
by Aaron Hurd
Takes two to tango!
M
aybe I have been the single guy on the
side-lines looking in on relationships
too long or maybe I am just plain cold
hearted. Regardless, I must confess to you what I
witnessed the other day in my office and get your
thoughts. I work with a lady who is, I hope you
can keep up, going through a divorce. Her husband of many years cheated on her with a younger
woman, got her pregnant, has kids from previous
girlfriends, is calling my co- worker saying he
made a mistake, and she is still trying to fix his
problems. Still with me? It’s certainly enough for
a Jerry Springer episode and with all the kids even
a Maury Povich appearance –“You ARE the father” (sorry I couldn’t resist haha).
She tells me all this with tears in her eyes and
wraps it all up with, “I was just talking to his ex
the mother of his previous children and I told her
I don’t know what to do and I still love him”! Excuse me! Don’t know what to do!? In my mind, I
wanted to shake her and say what do you mean…
the dudes an idiot and you don’t know what to
do!? Run! The only smart thing about this relationship is they never had kids together. She is
free from him, yet, she does not know what to
do!? This is the kind of stuff that makes me so
happy I am single and smart.
Look, I know that love makes you do crazy things
but come on - how can you love someone like
that? I guess my line between love and hate is
extremely thin when it comes to cheating and stupidity. I sat there and tried to say you’re an idiot
by sugar coating it. Then she turns to me and says,
“I wish I could just punch that little girl in the face
and send her on her way so she would be out of
the picture and everything would go back to normal.” Excuse me again… WHAT!?! Yes, because
clearly she is the problem, right? I mean not the
guy who has multiple kids from different women,
likes to cheat and shows no signs of changing,
yet, when the new girl gets pregnant has a baby
and the new wears off he starts calling his wife
who he is going through a divorce with and saying he made a mistake…No Sh$T you made a
mistake dude! But according to my co- worker,
he is not the problem. The girl he cheated with is
the problem. Does it not take two people to cheat?
“It takes two to tango” is one of the oldest phrases
in the book!
To make it worse, this guy has not told his other
kids that he has this new baby. So this baby is
a secret, and he is still officially married to my
co-worker! I do not know who to be madder at,
him or my co-worker. I have no patience for this
kind of crap. If this is what relationships are like,
thank God I am not in one! I certainly do not want
one like this. The fact he cannot tell anyone about
the baby shows how much this guy knows he did
a stupid thing. I would bet all the money in the
world that if she never got pregnant he would
by Ricky Thomason
have kept on going with no remorse and much
more loving with his young lover.
This is not the first time I have heard people get
mad at the other party when it comes to cheating,
yes, it sucks that the other person messed with
your man or woman, but if your man or woman
was true to you - this would have never happened.
So, I blame both. If it happened to me, I would
blame my girl more than anyone, and I would
certainly be long gone in no time. He messed up
what they had by letting the new girl in. He knew
what he had to lose, and he chose it. Now he must
lay in his bed of lies and betrayal. Shoot, he is
still living the life of lies and betrayal… and to his
own children by keeping this from them! Sounds
like a real winner right?
I used to make bets with friends while watching
the show “cheaters” and made a lot of money because I would always bet that the one cheated on
would go straight for the other person. If I was on
the show, I would do the complete opposite and
would go straight to my girl. She knew what she
was doing and knew what she had to lose - so she
is the one I would confront. Yes, I would say a few
words to the dude, but my girl would know what
she lost. In fact, I had an ex once that we would
break up and get back together all the time. The
last time we broke up, she decided to take a guy
to a club where I was hosting to make me jealous, and it back-fired on her. She made a major
mistake. I had a microphone and had the attention
of the whole club so that embarrassed her to death
because I had all the power to say what I wanted,
I then pulled the guy aside bought him a drink and
said a few words to him. Something like, “Man to
man - why would you let a girl take you to a club
that you know her ex-boyfriend works at? Can’t
you tell she is using you to get to me and you are
being strung along like a puppet?” He turned pale
as a ghost; a light went off in his head, and he
drug her out of the club as fast as he could and she
lost both me and him that night.
It is stories about cheating and betrayal that remind me that while people look at me as the single 35 year old “poor” guy. I would much rather
be the single guy with his dog, no drama, do what
I want, than have to deal with drama like this. I
look at relationships like this and turn to myself
and appreciate being single and drama free.
Let me end with this little note…Ladies and fellas, if your man or woman cheats on you, I hope
you think rationally and weigh the pros and cons.
If you have any thoughts of taking them back then
really make sure he or she is sorry - but please do
not let them get away and blame the other person!
It takes two to cheat! I know you are smarter than
that!
What are your thoughts? How would or have you
dealt with a cheater in your circumstances? Email
me at aaronthesingleguy@gmail.com.
NewLit: Good Things to Read.
Abrupt by Linda Lipscomb Juerginsen.
Young Darcy is a typical teenager whose life will
change forever in a just a few weeks. She finds out
her real mother died many years ago, a boy that betrayed her is forced back into her life and she witnesses the brutal killing of the uncle that raised her.
The book is set in Idaho in the year 2020. There is
a catastrophic earthquake in California, over 1,500
miles away, and suddenly strangers show up and
take what they want by force. Water is scarce and
that is the main thing these people are searching for.
Now Darcy has to run for her life. It is a thought
provoking green book, and probably a prediction
of the future. It is a good read, but true to its name,
the ending is abrupt - very.
ISBN # 978-1-4990-4333-4 (Review by Lisa Gray
Thomason.)
THE VALLEY PLANET
Never Quote The Weather To
A Sea Lion (and other uncommon tales from the founder of
the Big Apple Circus.) by Paul
Binder.
In the interest of full disclosure, he had me at the title. It’s
hard for me to ignore titles like
that. It reminds me of some of
the non-sense sayings of my father. I definitely inherited his sense of humor. As
a kid, it used to make me crazy when Dad would
say things like, “People have more fun than anybody – except horses – and they can’t,” and “If we
had some bread we could have a ham sandwich
– if we had some ham.” It took me a long time to
understand that such things had no point, which
was the point.
That the foreword of Binder’s book was written
by Glenn Close was an unexpected bonus. She is
#010815012815
W
hen you drive through the countryside
near where you were grew up, particularly if you haven’t been through the
area in a few years, you can find yourself lost in
places you once knew well. The rural south isn’t
all that rural anymore. It seems that the lonely
crossroads are no longer lonely. Many places that
had nothing now have a Jack’s Hamburgers, a
Dollar Store, a Piggly Wiggly, and a gas station.
I do believe if you leave a crossroads alone for
very long those businesses sprout like kudzu. It’s
the same phenomena that make abandoned paved
parking lots grow trailer trucks almost overnight.
The General stores that once sat nearby have fallen in on themselves or burned to a heap of broken concrete blocks crumbled on a concrete slab.
The country stores had little variety and smelled
of cigars, bologna, hoop cheese, some called it
rat cheese, and animal feeds. General stores have
morphed into convenience stores that smell of incense, curry, and chicken. The only animals fed
there queue up in the deli sections that sell anything that can be deep fried. In the south, that is
everything.
Every part of a chicken except the feathers lie
brown and crusty warmed by heat-lamps in
glass display cases. You get the feeling that if the
breasts, thighs, legs, backs, necks, livers and gizzards ever got mixed together they might unite
into a Franken chicken and walk the flock out of
the place carrying the hot dogs, pork chops and
nacho’s with them. Of course, they wouldn’t have
a head, but a chicken doesn’t need one.
The nearest thing I remember to anything remotely like a deli or restaurant near where I
grew up, across the road from a cotton gin, was
a small “café” / burger joint that opened in the
fall when cotton picking was in full swing. They
served “bread-burgers,” a 60 / 40 mix of ground
beef mixed with wet bread. The barely pink patties were fried in a small lake of beef tallow. They
were served “all the way” with mustard and onions. If you wanted ketchup or anything different, you had to special order. The onions were so
strong that your breath could be smelled through
a freshly painted door.
By the time they were tissue wrapped and put in
a brown paper bag, the grease had already soaked
through to the outside.
Some cotton farmers routinely carried grease sodden bags of them to the cotton pickers dragging
pick sacks thorough the snowy white fields. This
forever grateful that Binder taught her to juggle in
her struggling, early-performing days.
Circuses and their performers have long fascinated me, ditto their poor country cousins, county
fairs. The logistics of it all boggles the mind and
one can’t help but feel
the performers and the
rousties have long had
boggled minds.
inside of the business.
“Never Quote The
Weather To A Sea
Lion” is not for everyone. You will either like it or hate it.
It is as much a cherry
picked cluster of autobiographical sketches
than tales from the
The Kirkus Review summed it this way, “An episodic memoir from the founder of the Big Apple
Circus, a New York City mainstay of family entertainment for almost 40 years… With a loving
foreword by Glenn Close and celebrity cameos
from Robert DeNiro, Robin Williams, Paul Newman and many more, these stories make it easy to
see why Binder is a beloved, respected figure in
the world of the circus.”
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 1
was lunch, and routinely
called “greasing the cotton pickers.”
They also served limp,
underdone, translucently
greasy French fries – much like those served at
Jack’s today. They drooped and dripped, limper
than an old man’s memories of being a ladies’
man back in the day when he could pee standing
and not hit his shoes.
Some in this most tolerant part of America are less
discerning as to the ethnicity of the convenience
store owners, and resent that “foreigners,” dark
skinned, eastern Indians own many of the stores
and hotels as well. By some estimates more than
50% of convenience stores and motels in America
are foreign owned.
Sometimes they talk with an accent; often they
speak better English than the customers. Whatever else you might think of them you have to
admit they will work unending hours 365 days
per year.
I stopped for gas and a cold drink at a convenience
store in Elgin, near Wheeler Dam. Two dirty, bedraggled fishermen who smelled like three-dayold bait came out and headed for an old truck
towing a battered boat. I met them as I headed
toward the door. One said to the other, “Beats all
I’ve ever seen. Mexicans are gonna own everything here before long.”
I entered and was greeted warmly by the owner
and his beautiful wife. She wore the prettiest sari
I have ever seen made of the finest silk that gave
sheen to blazing colors. I wanted to tell her how
much I admired it, but did not. Men all over the
world including here, maybe especially here, can
get testy if you look at their women. When you
don’t know the culture or customs, it is best to
keep quiet.
A child of no more than six or seven years of age
sat near the register and deli case on a high stool
entering invoices and receipts into a computer. He
was very busy and did not look up.
For immigrants with a work ethic the American
Dream is very much alive and well. If they aren’t
already American citizens they soon will be. I
doubt they ever go “home” again.
None of us can. My question is why would we
want to?
You learn there are many problems, but not in
great detail. During the Tiananmen Square demonstrations, a troupe of Chinese acrobats ran
away from the circus to avoid being sent home
to such uncertainty. It was a small State Department level international event. That so many acts
of unbelievable skill and daring and skill and the
unpredictability of all the animals can go perform
almost seamlessly is as amazing as the acts. It is a
land of improvisation and changes on the fly.
I can see that one of the biggest benefits of being
a performer in the Big Apple Circus is you don’t
have to do all of that hardscrabble travel since it
has been in NYC for 40 years.
There’s also the job of tending to, feeding and
cleaning up after the lions and tigers and bears,
the horses, the elephants – you name it, they have
a few. I’d rather shovel elephant dookey than be
around all of those damn clowns. Clowns are
creepy as hell. Inside every clown there is a Pennywise or John Wayne Gacy trying to get out.
It is an easy read. Any vignette at random is understandable. All in all, it’s almost as entertaining
as a clown on fire. Enjoy.
ISBN 978-1-4817-3190-4 (Review by Ricky
Thomason.)
WWW.VALLEYPLANET.COM
5
Polar Bear Plunge
first), increases circulation, and lowers stress. It is also an excellent way to exfoliate the skin and helps
a baritone sing in the sweetest soprano…
by Cameron Reeder
an steps up to podium in an old auditorium. “Hi, my name is Cameron and I am a Polar Bear.
I haven’t jumped in the water in 364 days.” Crowd murmurs, “Hi, Cameron.”
Since none of the teams in the SEC decided to play football on New Year’s Day, it was a good thing
that I had this high point to fall back on. And the event is always so exciting. Besides raising more than
$1,000 for Meals on Wheels, it served as a way to bring people together, both jumpers and observers.
And in this day and age, don’t we need a little more of these kinds of activities to bring us together?
This is how a support group for me would go. Yet, once each year I brave the cold, wet, radioactive
waters of the Tennessee River with about 100 other wild men, women and children in the annual Polar
Bear Plunge. This has been going on at the Hard Dock Café and Riverwalk Marina for more than 30
years, and I have been fortunate to have participated for about the last eight years.
I was interviewed by a television reporter on the scene and asked about my motivation. I told her, “If
this is the worst thing I have to do all year, then it’s all going to be up from here on out.”
M
I think I can say with some pride that I have been instrumental in attracting more than a few people into
jumping in at on at least one occasion, and fewer still who make it an annual ritual. Most of the people
who I try to connive into jumping have the same response. It’s “No,” usually preceded by the name
of the place where the lost spend eternity. It’s similar to the response I get when I invite people to go
skydiving. “Why would I want to dive out of a perfectly good airplane?” Except in this case it is more
like, “Why would I want to dive into 44 degree waters on one of the coldest days of the year?”
All good points. However, for people like me who are, shall we say, sanity challenged, it is the biggest
rush of the year. Since I don’t use drugs, this endorphin-releasing activity is guaranteed to provide the
buzz of a lifetime. It is also healthy! “What, no flippin’ way,” you say. “Yes, way!” Most notably, the
shock of ice cold water on the body builds up the immune system (if you don’t die from pneumonia
I made the point that the Plunge is a life lesson which teaches us all that “…sometimes there are things
that make us uncomfortable, things that we don’t want to do, things that make us shiver with fear, but
things which must be
done. We have to face
up to those things
and overcome them.”
This is the same spirit of adventure that
drove George Mallory to climb mountains, Amelia Earhart
to fly and Indiana
Jones to find the Ark
of the Covenant.
So, what are you
afraid of in 2015?
First, identify it.
Then go out and kick
its butt!
Unbroken
“O
h no, the depressing POW movie “Unbroken” was somehow the hottest new release of the
Christmas holiday. Shoot, now I have to see it.” That was how I first reacted to the film’s
box office success. I actually wasn’t surprised; the movie was playing on nearly 700 more
screens than its nearest competitor, the fairy tale musical “Into the Woods.” Still, I was hoping that
families would turn out in droves for the more upbeat film so I wouldn’t have to cram something as
off-putting as “Unbroken” into my busy weekend. But the success of the film turned out to be a blessing in disguise, because although it is not an “enjoyable” film in the lighthearted sense, I am definitely
glad to have seen it.
The film tells the story of Louis Zamperini (Jack O’Connell), an Olympic track star turned World War
II hero. We follow him from his unpromising beginnings to his athletic accomplishments (which aren’t
very interesting) to his service in the war (much more interesting) to a harrowing imprisonment of sorts
on a lifeboat (even more interesting) to a more harrowing and much more literal imprisonment in a
Japanese POW camp. He faces hardship at every turn, but of course, he will not break.
It should go without saying that Zamperini is a highly captivating main character. How can you not
root for him as he overcomes every obstacle? And it’s not like there’s a shortage of obstacles in this
movie. Zamperini has to push himself to conquer bullies, rival runners, enemy combatants, starvation,
dehydration, isolation, beatings, beatings and more beatings.
The beatings are usually delivered by The Bird (Miyavi), the sadistic warden of the camp. Here we
have one of the most memorable villains of the year. He’ll find any reason to beat up Zamperini, and
when he can’t, he just beats him up for no reason. He refers to Zamperini as his “friend” on several occasions, and you can’t tell if he’s being sarcastic or if he’s whacked out enough to really feel that way.
He gets promoted out of the camp and shortly thereafter the prisoners are transferred to a new camp.
When it is revealed that The Bird
is the warden of the new camp,
Zamperini loses his composure
more than he does at any other
point in the film.
This is a beautifully shot movie.
It opens on an appropriately distressing aerial dogfight, complete
with exploding black clouds of
doom that contrast nicely with
the innocent sky. The water underneath the lifeboat looks oddly
inviting, even when it’s infested with sharks. And there’s a magnificent shot at the end during a group
bathing session that alone will probably get the film nominated for a Best Cinematography Oscar.
The only real detraction from this film is its first quarter, the troubled childhood followed by the athletic stardom. There’s no new territory here. Young Louis drinks, smokes, fights and considers himself
a loser. His older brother gives him some tough love and inspires him, and gives him wisdom that he
uses throughout life. Then there are the races, which aren’t very impressive. Louis never seems to be
running very fast because what we’re always seeing the tail end of a long-distance race. The film never
successfully conveys the spirit of Louis’s endurance (at least not in the races), so what we’re left with
is an exhausted runner puffing to the finish line slightly faster than the other exhausted runners.
“Unbroken” does get a little cheesy at times with its relentless “triumph of the human spirit” theme,
which is why I think a lot of people don’t want to see this movie. But you should see it and fight through
the parts that make you roll your eyes. You’ll find that in the end it’s hard to scoff at two hours of inspiring, heroic behavior.
Kellye McCormick, Owner
Master Esthetician
Licensed Barber
Melissa Steelman
Master Hair Design Color Specialist
Two and a Half Stars out of Five.
“Unbroken” is rated PG-13 for war violence including intense sequences of brutality. Its running time
is 137 minutes.
Contact Bob Garver at rrg251@nyu.edu.
6
WWW.VALLEYPLANET.COM
#010815012815
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 1
THE VALLEY PLANET
Thursday, January 8
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Dave Anderson
BLUE PANTS BREWERY, Lindsey Hinkle
COPPERTOP, Them Damn Dogs, Star Benders,
Mackenzie Mayhall
GUADALAJARA (DECATUR), Karaoke w/ DJ
Jammin Jeff
HIGHWAY HAVEN, Karaoke
HOPPER’S, Karaoke w/ DJ Tara
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Tim Carroll Luella Wood
MADISON STATION BAR & GRILL, Karaoke w/
Jim McGriff
MOE’S (PROVIDENCE), Tyler
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke
PINCHI’S PLACE 2 (PRICEVILLE), Karaoke w/ Hit
Master D
SAMMY T’S, DJ Keibot and DJ Blin
SPORTS PAGE, Those Crosstown Rivals (Kentucky) /
5’ive O’Clock Charlie
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Coal Rain Acoustic
THE FOYER, Randy Lee
VOODOO LOUNGE, Open Mic
Friday, January 9
AMERICAN LEGION POST 176, The Mersey Band
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Milltown
BISHOP’S WEST, Karaoke w/ Hit Master D
BLUE PANTS BREWERY, Gus Hergert/Chad Reeves
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.9), Big Daddy Kingfish
EL HERRADURA, Edgar
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Space Donkeys
HIGHWAY HAVEN, Karaoke
HOPPER’S, Peter and the Wolfe
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Blue Handle Band
LISA’S LOUNGE, Karaoke w Mac Lawrence
LONE GOOSE, King’s Haze
MADISON STATION BAR & GRILL, 4 Miles Gone/
Karaoke w/ Jim McGriff
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke
MVP SPIRTIS, Christian Lee
SAMMY T’S, DJ Keibot and DJ Blin
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Ahead of the Wake
THE HOT SPOT, Karaoke with KHAOS
VOODOO LOUNGE, Dawn Osborne Band
Saturday, January 10
11TH FRAME, Another Hero
AMERICAN LEGION POST 176, Karaoke
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Dave Anderson
CD PUB, Karaoke w/ Hit Master D
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.9), Wet Bandits
HARD DOCK CAFE (DECATUR), Down South
HIGHWAY HAVEN, Karaoke
HOPPER’S, Peter and the Wolfe
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Winston Ramble Trio
JEFFERESON STREET PUB, Wes Loper
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LISA’S LOUNGE, Karaoke w KJ Aubrey
LONE GOOSE, Dr. Whateva
MADISON STATION BAR & GRILL, Karaoke w/
Jim McGriff
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke
SAMMY T’S, DJ Keibot and DJ Blin
THE BRICK (DECATUR), PermaGroove
VOODOO LOUNGE, Ant & Andrew Sharpe
Sunday, January 11
EAGLES (DECATUR), Karaoke w/ Hit Master D
KAFFEEKLATSCH BAR, Sunday Blues Jam
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke
VOODOO LOUNGE, Karaoke w/ DJ Brandon
Monday, January 12
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Robby Eichman
COPPERTOP, Karaoke w/ DJ Wes
MAC’S SPORTSBAR (ATHENS), Hitmaster D Karaoke
MADISON STATION BAR & GRILL, Karaoke w/
Jim McGriff
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke
VOODOO LOUNGE, Cheryl Llewllyn
Tuesday, January 13
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Josh Allison
HOPPER’S, Karaoke w/ DJ Tara
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Alan Little
MADISON STATION BAR & GRILL, Karaoke w/
Jim McGriff
MOODY MONDAYS, Open Mic w/ Dee and Tyler
SPORTS PAGE, Chelvis and the Bean
VOODOO LOUNGE, Dave Anderson
Wednesday, January 14
BISHOP’S WEST, Karaoke w/ Hit Master D
COPPERTOP, Open Mic
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Christian Lee
LISA’S LOUNGE, Ladies Night Karaoke w/ KJ Aubrey
MADISON STATION BAR & GRILL, Karaoke w/
Jim McGriff
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke
THE FOYER, Open Mic
VOODOO LOUNGE, Dr. Whateva
Thursday, January 15
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Dave Anderson
BLUE PANTS BREWERY, Seducing Alice
GUADALAJARA (DECATUR), Karaoke w/ DJ
Jammin Jeff
HIGHWAY HAVEN, Karaoke
HOPPER’S, Karaoke w/ DJ Tara
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Nick Dittmeier &
The Sawdusters
MADISON STATION BAR & GRILL, Karaoke w/
Jim McGriff
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke
PINCHI’S PLACE 2 (PRICEVILLE), Karaoke w/
Hit Master D
SAMMY T’S, DJ Keibot and DJ Blin
SPORTS PAGE, 5ive O’clock Charlie
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Dusty French
VOODOO LOUNGE, Open Mic
Friday, January 16
AMERICAN LEGION POST 176, The Mersey Band
BISHOP’S WEST, Karaoke w/ Hit Master D
BLUE PANTS BREWERY, The Lower Caves
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.9), Unbroken
EL HERRADURA, Edgar
HIGHWAY HAVEN, Karaoke
HOPPER’S, Peter and the Wolfe
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Chris Stalcup &
The Grange
KAFFEEKLATSCH BAR, Rick & Johnny
LISA’S LOUNGE, Karaoke w Mac Lawrence
LONE GOOSE, Beatles Cover Band
MADISON STATION BAR & GRILL, Gage/Karaoke w/
Jim McGriff
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke
MVP SPIRTIS, Gus Hergert
SAMMY T’S, DJ Keibot and DJ Blin
THE BRICK (DECATUR), King’s Haze
THE HOT SPOT, Karaoke with KHAOS
VOODOO LOUNGE, 5ive O’clock Charlie
events cont. on pg. 9
Dr. Anarcho’s Rx For Old Stuff That Don’t Suck:
Jackson Browne “The Next Voice You Hear.”
The Next Voice You Hear: The Best of Jackson
Browne is a greatest hits album by the singer-songwriter Jackson Browne released in 1997.
The compilation album includes songs from his
early years as well as the later ones, plus two new
songs: “The Rebel Jesus” and “The Next Voice
You Hear.” It was superseded by 2004’s more comprehensive compilation The Very Best of Jackson
Browne.
The album was certified as a Gold record in 2002
and Platinum in 2004 by the RIAA.
Referring to the 1997 Japanese release, AllMusic
critic Stephen Thomas Erlewine noted the difficulty
of picking tracks for the release and summarized: “there are still a number of equally good, if not better,
cuts that are left off. As a result, The Next Voice You Hear is merely adequate for casual Browne fans,
but it’s nowhere near definitive, I agree with most of that, but, there are two new cuts on this album,
“The Rebel Jesus,” and the title song, The Next Voice You Hear (Will Be Your Own.) The Next Voice
makes this worth the cost, it is interesting, catchy, and meaningful as are all of his songs, but this one
caught my ear for some reason – like I need a reason.
I have been a Browne fan from the beginning and the Rock and Roll and Songwriter Hall of fame artist has stayed fresh and relevant through years and is releasing a new album in late 2015. He is widely
respected as one of, if not the best lyricist in the business. His songs have meaning, both personal and
political. When you see him in concert you can tell he really enjoys his work and that always adds to
the enjoyment by the audiences.
He has written dozens of hit songs by other artists.
The Next Voice Tracks:
Doctor My Eyes
These Days
Fountain Of Sorrow
Late For The Sky
The Pretender
Running On Empty
Call It A Loan
Somebody’s Baby
Tender is The Night
In The Shape Of A Heart
Lives In The Balance
Sky Blue And Black
The Barricades of Heaven
The Rebel Jesus
The Next Voice You Hear
Be Awesome.
Read The
Valley Planet!
It’s like opening
a can of sunshine.
Big Shoals plays Humphrey’s January 17th. “Hailing from the deep South in Gainesville, FL, Big
Shoals has staked their claim as a serious band
with a range that goes from all out rock and roll to
a beautiful whisper. With thought provoking lyrics
and songs that stick in your head and hold on for
days, they’ve been roaming around the South for
the past 2 years. Going to any town with a barstool,
a stage and a few kind folks to listen.” bigshoals.
bandcamp.com
THE VALLEY PLANET
#010815012815
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 1
WWW.VALLEYPLANET.COM
7
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256-721-6772 • HuntsvilleTSPA.com • 4925 University Dr, Huntsville
All Services Provided by Supervised Students.
Breakfast•Lunch•Dinner•Bar
Hours:
Mon - Thurs
7 am - 12 am
Fri - Sat
7 am - 2 am
103 Washington Ave.
Huntsville, AL 35801
256•704•5555
Live Music on Our Patio
Tuesday Thru Saturday Night!!
Visit our website for our music calendar and menu
www.HumphreysDowntown.com
@HumphreysBar
8
WWW.VALLEYPLANET.COM
#010815012815
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 1
@HumphreysBar
THE VALLEY PLANET
events cont. from pg. 14
Saturday, January 17
AMERICAN LEGION POST 176, Karaoke
CD PUB, Karaoke w/ Hit Master D
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.9), Crush
HIGHWAY HAVEN, Karaoke
HOPPER’S, Peter and the Wolfe
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Big Shoals
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LISA’S LOUNGE, Karaoke w Mike
LONE GOOSE, Fatso
MADISON STATION BAR & GRILL, Karaoke w/
Jim McGriff
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke
SAMMY T’S, DJ Keibot and DJ Blin
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Kush
VOODOO LOUNGE, Pierce Edens
W����
E����bo��
El�� G�e�!
Sunday, January 18
EAGLES (DECATUR), Karaoke w/ Hit Master D
KAFFEEKLATSCH BAR, Sunday Blues Jam
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke
VOODOO LOUNGE, Karaoke w/ DJ Brandon
Monday, January 19
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Robby Eichman
COPPERTOP, Karaoke w/ DJ Wes
MAC’S SPORTSBAR (ATHENS), Hitmaster D Karaoke
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke
VOODOO LOUNGE, James Irvin
Tuesday, January 20
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Josh Allison
HOPPER’S, Karaoke w/ DJ Tara
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Winslow Davis
MADISON STATION BAR & GRILL, Karaoke w/
Jim McGriff
MOODY MONDAYS, Open Mic w/ Dee and Tyler
SPORTS PAGE, Chelvis and the Bean
VOODOO LOUNGE, Dave Anderson
ENTERTAINMENT
FRI 01/02 - RELAYER
SAT 01/03 - CHAKA BOOM
Wednesday, January 21
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Microwave Dave
BISHOP’S WEST, Karaoke w/ Hit Master D
COPPERTOP, Open Mic
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Scott Boyer
LISA’S LOUNGE, Ladies Night Karaoke w/ KJ Aubrey
MADISON STATION BAR & GRILL, Karaoke w/
Jim McGriff
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke
THE FOYER, Open Mic
VOODOO LOUNGE, Dr. Whateva
Thursday, January 22
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Dave Anderson
GUADALAJARA (DECATUR), Karaoke w/ DJ
Jammin Jeff
HIGHWAY HAVEN, Karaoke
HOPPER’S, Karaoke w/ DJ Tara
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Tim Carroll Luella Wood
MADISON STATION BAR & GRILL, Karaoke w/
Jim McGriff
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke
PINCHI’S PLACE 2 (PRICEVILLE), Karaoke w/ Hit
Master D
SAMMY T’S, DJ Keibot and DJ Blin
SPORTS PAGE, 5ive O’clock Charlie
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Tim Tucker
VOODOO LOUNGE, Open Mic
Friday, January 23
AMERICAN LEGION POST 176, The Mersey Band
BISHOP’S WEST, Karaoke w/ Hit Master D
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.9), Damn Skippy
EL HERRADURA, Edgar
HIGHWAY HAVEN, Karaoke
HOPPER’S, Peter and the Wolfe
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Fatso
LISA’S LOUNGE, Karaoke w Mac Lawrence
LONE GOOSE, Milltown
MADISON STATION BAR & GRILL, Karaoke w/
Jim McGriff
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke
MVP SPIRTIS, Cheryl Llewllyn and Nathan Cooper
SAMMY T’S, DJ Keibot and DJ Blin
TANGLED STRING STUDIO, Will Kimbrough
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Winston Ramble
THE HOT SPOT, Karaoke with KHAOS
VOODOO LOUNGE, 45 Surprise
Saturday, January 24
AMERICAN LEGION POST 176, Karaoke
CD PUB, Karaoke w/ Hit Master D
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.9), Bucked Up
HIGHWAY HAVEN, Karaoke
HOPPER’S, Peter and the Wolfe
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Seducing Alice
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LISA’S LOUNGE, Karaoke w KJ Aubrey
LONE GOOSE, Steady Rollers
MADISON STATION BAR & GRILL, Karaoke w/
Jim McGriff
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke
SAMMY T’S, DJ Keibot and DJ Blin
THE VALLEY PLANET
FRI 01/09 - BIG DADDY KINGFISH
SAT 01/10 - WET BANDITS
FRI 01/16 - UNBROKEN
SAT 01/17 - CRUSH
THE BRICK (DECATUR), 5ive O’clock Charlie
VOODOO LOUNGE, Lance Almon Smith
Sunday, January 25
EAGLES (DECATUR), Karaoke w/ Hit Master D
KAFFEEKLATSCH BAR, Sunday Blues Jam
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke
VOODOO LOUNGE, Karaoke w/ DJ Brandon
Monday, January 26
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Robby Eichman
COPPERTOP, Karaoke with DJ Wes
MAC’S SPORTSBAR (ATHENS), Hitmaster D Karaoke
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke
Tuesday, January 27
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Josh Allison
HOPPER’S, Karaoke w/ DJ Tara
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Marge Loveday
MADISON STATION BAR & GRILL, Karaoke w/
Jim McGriff
MOODY MONDAYS, Open Mic w/ Dee and Tyler
SPORTS PAGE, Chelvis and the Bean
VOODOO LOUNGE, Dave Anderson
Wednesday, January 28
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Microwave Dave
BISHOP’S WEST, Karaoke w/ Hit Master D
COPPERTOP, Open Mic
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Tim Cannon
LISA’S LOUNGE, Ladies Night Karaoke w/ KJ Aubrey
MADISON STATION BAR & GRILL, Karaoke w/
Jim McGriff
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke
THE FOYER, Open Mic
VOODOO LOUNGE, Dr. Whateva
Thursday, January 29
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Dave Anderson
GUADALAJARA (DECATUR), Karaoke w/ DJ
Jammin Jeff
HIGHWAY HAVEN, Karaoke
HOPPER’S, Karaoke w/ DJ Tara
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Gus Hergert
MADISON STATION BAR & GRILL, Karaoke w/
Jim McGriff
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke
PINCHI’S PLACE 2 (PRICEVILLE), Karaoke w/ Hit
Master D
SAMMY T’S, DJ Keibot and DJ Blin
VOODOO LOUNGE, Open Mic
#010815012815
Friday, January 30
AMERICAN LEGION POST 176, The Mersey Band
BISHOP’S WEST, Karaoke w/ Hit Master D
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.9), Sweet Root
EL HERRADURA, Edgar
HIGHWAY HAVEN, Karaoke
HOPPER’S, Peter and the Wolfe
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Dirt Circus
LISA’S LOUNGE, Karaoke w Mike B
LONE GOOSE, Seducing Alice Trio
LOWE MILL (FLYING MONKEY THEATRE),
The Living Deads
MADISON STATION BAR & GRILL, Karaoke w/ Jim
McGriff
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke
MVP SPIRTIS, Grant Judah
SAMMY T’S, DJ Keibot and DJ Blin
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Microwave Dave and
the Nukes
THE HOT SPOT, Karaoke with KHAOS
VOODOO LOUNGE, King’s Haze
Saturday, January 31
AMERICAN LEGION POST 176, Karaoke
BANDITO SOUTHSIDE, Dave Anderson
CD PUB, Karaoke w/ Hit Master D
DIAMONDS (SEE AD PG.9), Travis Posey
HIGHWAY HAVEN, Karaoke
HOPPER’S, Peter and the Wolfe
HUMPHREY’S (SEE AD PG.8), Beasley Boys
LAS TROJAS, Edgar
LISA’S LOUNGE, Karaoke w Mike B
LONE GOOSE, Robertsons
MADISON STATION BAR & GRILL, Karaoke w/
Jim McGriff
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke
SAMMY T’S, DJ Keibot and DJ Blin
THE BRICK (DECATUR), Black Label
VOODOO LOUNGE, Chopdaddy
Sunday, February 1
EAGLES (DECATUR), Karaoke w/ Hit Master D
KAFFEEKLATSCH BAR, Sunday Blues Jam
MOODY MONDAYS, Karaoke
VOODOO LOUNGE, Karaoke w/ DJ Brandon
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 1
THE END!
FRI 01/23 - DAMN SKIPPY
SAT 01/24 - BUCKED UP
FRI 01/30 - SWEET ROOT
SAT 01/31 - TRAVIS POSEY
TRIVIA
Every Tuesday – 7:30 PM &
Every Friday – 6:30 PM
T�� Pla��
T� B�
S��� ��
S�u��
H�nt������!
Meadowbrook Shopping Center
11208 Memorial Parkway SW
Huntsville, AL 35803
Must Be 21
with Valid ID
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9
CALENDAR OF EVENTS
Thursday, January 8
Alabama Center for the Arts will host a
showing of work by Artist Michael Liu, Paper
and Portraits, on display now through February
25, 2015.
The US Space and Rocket Center will have The
Exhibit: 101 Inventions That Changed the
World now through March 15, 2015.
256-837-3400.
The Huntsville Museum of Art will have the
exhibits The Huntsville Museum Academy
Instructors now through February 15, Ginny
Ruffner: Aesthetic Engineering Exhibit on
display now through January 18, Grandma
Moses: Visions of America through March 1,
and South By Southeast Exhibit on display
now through February 8. www.hsvmuseum.org.
The Annual Evening of Dance will be at 7pm
at Merrimack Hall. There will be more than 20
dance studios from across the Southeast.
www.merrimackhall.org.
Registration for Fantasy Playhouse’s Winter
Academy Session has started. Classes begin
January 26th. www.letthemagicbegin.org.
The TN Valley Civil War Round Table will have,
Dr. Brian S. Wills, Kennesaw State University,
“Fighting and Food: Chancellorsville and
Suffolk”, at 6:30pm at the Elks Lodge.
Free. www.tvcwrt.com.
Become a certified Master Gardener volunteer under the Alabama Master Gardener volunteer program and the Alabama Cooperative
Extension System. The Winter TriCounty Master
Gardener Course for Limestone, Madison and
Morgan counties meets Thursday mornings,
February 5th - April 30th. Apply by January 23,
2015. www.mginfo.org.
10
PFLAG Huntsville Support Meeting will be
from 6 -7 pm at the Huntsville Madison Public
Library. Free. www.hmcpl.org, 256-683-8026.
Art Exhibits: Images of Cuba will be on display
now though January 30th at the HuntsvilleMadison Public Library. Free. www.hmcpl.org.
The Shirts-n-Skirts square dance club will
have dancing on the 1st & 3rd Thursdays of the
month at the Dance Factory on Freeman Ave.
then on the 2nd & 4th Thursdays at the Athens
Recreation Center on Hwy 31. 256-423-4141,
www.shirts-n-skirts.com.
Call for entries begin now for Decatur’s Princess
Theatre 5th Annual River City Film Festival
held April 10 - 11. 256-350-1745 x 301,
www.facebook.com/rivercityfilmfestival.
Thursday Night Swing will be at the Flying
Monkey Theatre from 6:30 – 10pm (every
Thursday.) www.flyingmonkeyarts.org,
www.huntsvilleswing.com.
Duos and Solos Square Dance Club will
be offering lessons to couples and singles
every Thursday at 6:30pm at the Tom Bevill
Enrichment Center in Rainsville, AL.
www.duosandsolos.com.
The Carnegie Visual Arts Center presents
the exhibit Create Inspire Teach! It will be on
display through January 10, 2015.
www.carnegiearts.org.
Harmony Park Animal Safari will have selfguided tours daily beginning at 10am until
sundown. 877-726-4625. 431 Cloudscove Rd. $8
A Sweet Obsession: Antique Chocolate Molds
will be on display now through March 1, 2015 at
WWW.VALLEYPLANET.COM
#010815012815
Burritt on the Mountain.
www.burrittonthemountain.com.
Mark Patrick Lose Weight Seminar With
Hypnosis will be at the Hilton Garden Inn at
5:30pm and A Stop Smoking Seminar at 8pm.
markpatrickseminars.com.
January 8 - 10
Master Artist Workshop- Guadalupe Lanning
Robinson will be at the Huntsville Museum of
Art. www.hsvmuseum.org.
Friday, January 9
Jim Parker’s Songwriters Series will be in the
VBC Playhouse at 6:30pm.
www.jimparkermusic.com.
Dance Rocket City Dance Party will be every
Friday from 8 – 10pm at 2614 Artie Street. Dance
is $10; lesson is $5/10.
www.dancerocketcity.com.
The Huntsville Havoc vs. Knoxville Hockey
Game will be at the VBC Propst Arena.
www.huntsvillehavoc.com.
There will be several Art Receptions for: J.S.
Taylor, Cheryl Chochran, Kate Rocca, Rohonda
Everett, Joey Noorwood, Brian Edmonds,
and North Alabama Chapter of the American
Institute of Architects at Lowe Mill from 6 - 8pm.
Free. www.lowemill.net.
There will be a Girls Night Out: Basket Weaving
at the Huntsville Botanical Gardens from 4:30
– 9pm. www.hsvbg.org.
January 9 - 11
The Broadway Theatre League presents Sister
Act at the VBC Concert Hall Friday at 8pm,
Saturday at 2 and 8pm and Sunday at 2 and
7:30pm. 256- 518-6155.
Saturday, January 10
The Artist Market will be every Saturday from
12 – 4pm at the Flying Monkey. Free.
www.flyingmonkeyarts.org.
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 1
Can’t Afford Cable presents: Clockwork Comedy
at 8 PM at Prototype Multimedia at Lowe Mill.
Hosted by Patrick Cunningham featuring local
favorites Terra Jeffrey, Nic Perez, Tom Hand, and
Nashville’s DJ Buckley and Chad Riden. $8.
The Dixie Derby Girls Roller Ball will be from
6 - 11pm. $10 in advance and $12 at the door.
It will be on the First Floor Connector of Lowe
Mill. www.dixiederbygirls.com.
The 3rd Annual Festival of the Cranes will be
at Wheeler National Wildlife Refuge and will
include nature walks, live raptors and special
programs. A donation of $5 per person will be
accepted to benefit future refuge programs.
9 - 5pm. www.friendsofwheelerrefuge.org,
256.350.6639.
A New Leash on Life will have dogs and cats
available for adoption every Saturday from 12
– 4pm at Pet Smart on Carl T. Jones.
www.anewleash.org.
There will be a Planetarium Show every
Saturday night at 7:30pm at the Planetarium.
www.vbas.org.
Picking and Grinning will be every Saturday
from 6 – 9pm at the New Hope Senior Center
on Church Street. 256- 723-2208.
The Downtown Dish historical walking tour
through the streets and neighborhoods of
downtown Huntsville will be every Saturday.
www.huntsvillefoodtours.com.
Kid’s Night Out will be at the Southeast YMCA
from 6 - 10pm. 256- 883-9622.
The Huntsville Bead Society will meet the
2nd Saturday of the month at the HMC Library
downtown branch on 185 Chateau Dr. at 10am.
Check out Facebook page.
Artists and artisans from Madison County’s craft
guilds will present demonstrations and works
events cont. on pg. 11
THE VALLEY PLANET
events cont. from pg. 10
from their members during the Craft Expo
at the Huntsville-Madison County Library’s
Downtown Huntsville Branch from 12:30 to
3pm. There will be live music and other items for
purchase. 256-532-2362. www.hmcpl.org.
Songwriter Series will be at the Red Caboose
at 7pm, doors open at 6pm. $20.
easterbrookp@bellsouth.net.
The Huntsville Botanical Garden will have the
exhibit William Thomas now through February
28th. www.hsvbg.org.
Sunday, January 11
The HAM Radio Club meets every Sunday from
2 - 4pm at First Baptist Church (Governor’s
Drive) in the Library. www.fbchsv.org.
The Harlem Globetrotters will be at the VBC
Propst Arena at 2pm. Tickets start at $19.
www.ticketmaster.com.
There will be a Docent-led public tour - Georges
Rouault: Cirque de l’Etoile Filante (Circus
of the Shooting Star) from 2 - 2:45pm at the
Huntsville Museum of Art.
www.hsvmuseum.org.
The Film Co-op Monthly Workshop will be
from 2 - 4pm in the Film Co-op Studio 251 of
the Flying Monkey Arts.
www.flyingmonkeyarts.org.
Hays Nature Preserve will have a scheduled
Hike at 10am. Hikes will plan to last an hour.
www.hsvcity.com/greenteam.
Monday, January 12
There will be a Monday Night Women’s Ride
(every Monday) at 5:30pm. Meet at the MSSP
Biker’s Parking Lot. 256-585-0905.
There will be Free Health Screenings at the
Huntsville -Madison Library from 9:30am noon. www.hmcpl.org.
THE VALLEY PLANET
Your Yoga with Casey, Beginner’s class
will be in studio # 258 at Lowe Mill. Fee. It
will be every Monday from 6 - 7pm. casey@
youryogahuntsville.com. www.lowemill.net.
Maggie Meyer’s Irish Pub will have Open Mic
Comedy Night every Monday night.
256-964-6216.
Teen Take Over Night: Gaming Daze will be on
Mondays at 4pm at the Madison Library.
www.hmcpl.org.
January 12 - 13
UAH Theatre will hold open auditions for
William Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s
Dream at 6pm in the Chan Auditorium at UAH
Campus. www.uah.edu/theatre.
Tuesday, January 13
Zumba Fitness will be every Tuesday from 5
– 6pm in the Athens State University Sandridge
Student Center. Fee. 256- 749-5485.
Games with Friends will be every Tuesday from
6 - 9:30pm at Straight to Ale Brewery.
www.straighttoale.com.
The Huntsville-Madison Main Public Library
will have Making Beaded Snowflake Earrings
from 6:30 - 8:30pm. www.hmcpl.org.
The U.S. Space & Rocket Center will have
Senior Appreciation Series every Tuesday
for guests ages 55 and up through February.
Seniors get a discounted museum admission
price of $11. 256- 721-7140.
Wednesday, January 14
Every Wednesday there will be a Bike Ride at
5:30pm starting at Bicycles Etc.
www.bicyclesetc.us.
Comedy Open Mic Night will be every
Wednesday at Copper Top in Huntsville.
256 -536-1150.
HAMACON, Huntsville’s anime convention is
teaming up with Gathr to present a special one-
#010815012815
time screening of The Tale of Princess Kaguya
at 7pm at the Valley Bend Carmike theaters.
This award winning is Studio Ghibli film. Tickets
are only available online at
https://gathr.us/screening/9847
January 16 – 18
Theatre Huntsville presents The Boys Next Door
at the Von Braun Center Playhouse Friday and
Saturday at 7:30pm and 2pm on Sunday. $18.
256-536-0807, www.yourseatiswaiting.org.
Your Yoga with Casey, Intermediate’s class will
be in studio # 258 at Lowe Mill. Fee. It will be
every Wednesday from 10 – 11:15am. casey@
youryogahuntsville.com. www.lowemill.net.
The Alabama Folk School will have the first
annual Art & Design Workshop at Camp
McDowell. folkschool@campmdowell.com.
The Singles & Doubles Square Dance Club
will meet each Wednesday night at Berachah
Gym located at 3011 Sparkman Drive from 6
– 8:45pm. 256-881-5720.
From Mess to Mindfulness: Beginning
Journaling with Writing and Image will be
from 6:30 – 8pm in the Beloved Books & Gallery
Studio 257 of Lowe Mill. It is a 3 class series,
cost is $120. www.lowemill.net.
Thursday, January 15
The Downtown Huntsville Annual Meeting
and Awards will be at the VBC Propst Arena
from 7:30 – 9pm.
Friday, January 16
The Verdi’s Requiem (Classical Series) will be
at the VBC Concert Hall at 7:30pm.
The US Space & Rocket Center will have
Teacher Appreciation Weekend There will be
teacher workshop sessions. Free.
www.rocketcenter.com.
The 2015 Boat Show will be the VBC South
Hall on Friday from noon - 9pm, Saturday 10am
- 9pm, and Sunday 11am - 5pm. $9.
Saturday, January 17
The Annual WZYP Bridal Fair will be at the VBC
North Hall from 9am - noon and 1 - 4pm.
256-830-8300.
The Huntsville Havoc vs. Columbus Hockey
Game will be at the VBC Arena at 2pm.
256- 518-6160.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day Celebration Parade
will be in downtown Huntsville at 11am.
Southern Nights Broadway Lights will be at
7pm at the Princess Theatre in Decatur.
www.princesstheatre.org.
The Hi –Fi Wedding Fest will be from 12 – 4pm
in the First Connector of Lowe Mill.
www.lowemill.net.
UAH Chargers Hockey vs. Northern Michigan
will be at the VBC Propst Arena at 7:00pm. 800277-1700.
There will be an RCB Monetizing Blogging
Workshop at 11:30am at the Bailey Cove
Branch Library. www.hmcpl.org.
There will be a Movers and Shakers Conference
at Oakwood University at 5pm.
www.oakwood.edu.
There will be a Contra Dance in the gym of
Faith Presbyterian Church. There will be live
music by Spinning Wheel and calling by Chrissy
Davis-Camp. It is from 7:30 - 10:30pm. Lessons
begin at 7pm. $8 and $6 for students. 256-8370656, www.secontra.com/NACDS.html.
January 16 – 17
The Alabama Military Collectors Show will be
at the Huntsville Jaycee Building Friday from 1
- 5pm and Saturday from 9am - 3pm.
256-656-9101.
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 1
events cont. on pg. 12
WWW.VALLEYPLANET.COM
11
events cont. from pg. 11
Alabama A&M Basketball Doubleheader vs.
Alabama State will be at the AAMU Elmore
Gym. The Women’s will be at 4pm and the Men’s
at 6pm. www.huntsvilleurbannetwork.com.
Beaks and Barks in the Garden will be at the
Huntsville Botanical Gardens. Walk the trails
or play fetch in the “no leash” zone from 9am 5pm daily through February. www.hsvbg.org.
Sunday, January 18
The Concert: Orquesta Sinfonica Del Estado
De Mexico will be at Trinity United Methodist
Church at 5pm. 256-489-7415.
Meet Ginny Ruffner & Screening of A Not So
Still Life will be at the Huntsville Art Museum at
1pm. www.hsvmuseum.org.
Wet Felting Pouch/Bag Workshop will be
from 9am - 12pm. $65 It is located in the Kami
Watson Studio 259 of the Flying Monkey. Preregistration is required.
www.flyingmonkeyarts.org.
January 19 – 24
Downtown Huntsville Winter Warmer Week
will have Tap Takeover, Beer Tastings and other
special events at various locations in downtown
Huntsville. www.downtownhuntsville.org.
Tuesday, January 20
Naturally Crafty will be at Hays Nature
Preserve from 10 - 11am. Free.
www.hsvcity.com/recreation/hayesnature.
Wednesday, January 21
Lowe Mill Out Loud! Featuring Jimmy Robinson
will be from 6 – 7:30pm at Lowe Mill.
www.lowemill.net.
January 22 – 24
Theatre Huntsville presents, The Boys Next
Door at the Von Braun Center Playhouse on
Friday, Saturday at 7:30pm and 7:30 and 2pm on
Sunday. $18. 256-536-0807,
www.yourseatiswaiting.org.
Drop In and Create Saturdays will be at the
Huntsville Museum of Art from
11am - 1pm. www.hsvmuseum.org.
Voices of Our Times with David Sanger will be
at the Huntsville Museum of Art at 7pm.
www.hsvmuseum.org.
January 24 – 25
Friends of the Bailey Cove Library will hold
a Used Book Sale Saturday 9am - 5pm and
Sunday 1 - 5pm. There will be books, movies,
audio books, music. Almost everything is 25¢.
256-881-0257, hmcpl.org/bcove.
Sunday, January 25
The Hertha Heller Forum featuring the 23rd
Poets Choice will be at the Huntsville-Madison
Main Library at 2pm. Free. www.hmcpl.org.
Monday, January 26
Meet the Author: Mary Caudle will be at the
Huntsville-Madison Main Library from 6:30 8pm. www.hmcpl.org.
The Photographic Monthly Competition will
be at 7pm at the Huntsville-Madison Main
Library. www.hmcpl.org.
Tastemasters presented by the Women’s Guild
will be at 12pm at the Huntsville Museum of
Art. www.hsvmuseum.org.
Thursday, January 22
The 79th Annual Chamber of Commerce
of Huntsville/Madison County Membership
Meeting will be at the VBC North Hall from
11:30am - 1pm.
Tuesday, January 27
The Nature Explorers’ Club will be at Hays
Nature Preserve from 10 - 11am and 1 - 2pm.
www.hsvcity.com/recreation/hayesnature.
Community Cinema: A Path Appears will be
from 7 – 9pm in the Film Co-op Studio 251 of
the Flying Monkey. www.flyingmonkeyarts.org.
Wednesday, January 28
Cupid’s Cafe Book Club will be at the
Huntsville-Madison Main Library from 12 1pm. Free. www.hmcpl.org.
Friday, January 23
The Paranormal Study Center will host
International Psychic; LaMont Hamilton
presenting: “Prophecies & Predictions for 20152016” at the Hilton Garden Inn at 6:30 pm.
$10. www.ParapsychologyStudyGroup.com,
www.meetup.com/Huntsville-ParanormalStudy-Center.
The Black Jacket Symphony performs the
Beatles’ White Album at the VBC Concert Hall
at 8pm. 256-533-1953.
The Epic Comedy Hour will be from 8 – 10pm
in the Flying Monkey Theatre from 8 – 10pm.
www.flyingmonkieyarts.org.
January 23 - 24
The Huntsville Havoc vs. Louisiana Hockey
Game will be at the VBC Propst Arena at
7:30pm. 256-518-6160.
The Whole Backstage with The WBS Children’s
Theatre will be having auditions for Disney’s
“Little Mermaid, Jr.” Friday at 5:30pm and
Saturday at 10am, The show dates are March 20
- 21st. 256-582-7469, www.wholebackstage.com.
#010815012815
Comedian Ron White: Nutcracker will be at the
VBC Concert Hall. 256-533-1953.
The Mountain Mist 50K Trail Run will be at
Monte Sano Park at 7:30am.
Monday, January 19
The 30th Martin Luther King Jr. Unity Breakfast
sponsored by Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity Inc.
Delta Theta Lambda Chapter, will be at the VBC
North Hall at 8am.
www.huntsvilleurbannetwork.com.
WWW.VALLEYPLANET.COM
Can’t Afford Cable presents: Clockwork Comedy
at 8 PM at Prototype Multimedia at Lowe Mill.
Hosted by Patrick Cunningham featuring local
favorites Terra Jeffrey, Nic Perez, Tom Hand, and
Nashville’s DJ Buckley and Chad Riden. $8.
The Huntsville Havoc vs. Mississippi Riverkings
Hockey Game will be at 5pm at the VBC Propst
Arena. 256- 518-6160.
An Empowerment Affair, The Ladies Lounge
will be at Amendment XXI from 6 - 8pm.
www.huntsvilleurbannetwork.com.
12
Saturday, January 24
Record & CD Collector Show will be at the Best
Western Plus (formerly Holiday Inn West) from
10am - 5pm. A big selection awaits, including
used and new releases, imports, rare and out of
print titles. Free. 478-737-0668, showlogicprod@
mindspring.com, www.alz.org.
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 1
Thursday, January 29
The Honoring Our Mentors Fourth Annual
Gala will be at EarlyWorks Museum Complex
at 5:30pm. www.earlyworks.com.
The U.S. Space & Rocket Center, in collaboration
with the Smithsonian Institution, is hosting the
Inventors’ Ball at 6pm in the Saturn V Hall. Dr.
Richard Kurin, Under Secretary for History, Art
and Culture at the Smithsonian Institution and
author of “History of America in 101 Objects,” is
the keynote speaker. $150 per person or $1,500
for a reserved table of eight. rocketcenter.com.
There will be a Frozen Party at the Huntsville
-Madison Main Library from 3:30 - 4:30pm.
www.hmcpl.org.
Friday, January 30
The Huntsville Havoc vs. Knoxville Hockey
Game will be at the VBC Propst Arena at
7:30pm. 256-518-6160.
Frozen Fun Night will be at Sci-Quest from
6:30 – 8:30pm. The cost is $10 – 12.
www.sciquest.org.
events cont. on pg. 13
THE VALLEY PLANET
REGIONAL CONCERTS
ATLANTA
January 9, Sam Smith, Fox Theatre
January 11, Don Williams, Atlanta Symphony Hall
January 16, Martina McBride, Cobb Energy Performing Arts
January 17, Cherub, Buckhead Theatre
January 22, Billy Idol, The Tabernacle
February 3, Chris Brown w/ Trey Songz, Philips Arena
The Huntsville Havoc vs. Mississippi
Riverkings Game will be at the VBC Propst
Arena at 5pm. 256-518-6160.
HUNTSVILLE
January 9, Jim Parker’s Songwriters Series, VBC Playhouse
January 11, Harlem Globetrotters, VBC Arena
January 23, Black Jacket Symphony, VBC Concert Hall
January 24, Ron White, VBC Concert Hall
There will be a Silk Painting Class 12:30 2:30pm & 3 – 5pm. $32. Located in Sara Dauro
Studio 103 of Lowe Mill. It will also be offered
from 12:30 – 2:30pm on Saturday.
www.lowemill.net.
MEMPHIS
January 9, Eric Church, Bancorp South Arena
January 10, Harlem Globetrotters, Fed Ex Forum
January 30 - February 1
Broadway Theatre League presents Anything
Goes at the VBC Concert Hall.
www.broadwaytheatreleague.org.
NASHVILLE
January 9, Harlem Globetrotters, Nashville Municipal Auditorium
January 10, Eric Church, Bridgestone Arena
January 10, Sam Smith, Grand Ole Opry
January 13 – 14, Greg Allman, Ryman Auditorium
January 23, Yonder Mountain String Band, The Cannery Ballroom
January 27 – 28, John Mellencamp, Ryman Auditorium
January 28, Jack White, Ryman Auditorium
Saturday, January 31
There will be a Contra Dance in the gym of Faith
Presbyterian Church. There will be live music
by Ed & Elsie and calling by Huntsville Callers
Collective. It is from 7:30 - 10:30pm. Lessons
begin at 7pm. $8 and $6 for students. 256-8370656, www.secontra.com/NACDS.html.
Hold Up Two Fingers:
America Falls Behind China
M
THE VALLEY PLANET
There will be a Girls Night Out: Spring
Seedlings at the Huntsville Botanical
Gardens from 5:30 – 7:30pm. www.hsvbg.org.
January 30 – 31
The Play: Anything Goes will be at the VBC
Concert Hall Friday at 8pm and Saturday at 2
and 8pm. 256-518-6155.
DECATUR, AL
January 31, St. Paul and the Broken Bones, Princess Theatre
by Glenn Mollette
any of us heard the news on December 4. America is no longer number 1.
We are now number 2. The Chinese
economy overtook our economy to become the
largest in the world. We’ve been the leading economic power for about 150 years but times have
changed. We can now take our number one finger
down or instead hold up two fingers.
I remember as a child hearing about
our country being number one in everything. We were the number one
economic power. We were number
one in Education. We were number
one in the Olympics. We were the
best in the space program. We were
the best in making cars.
We smirked about our transitor radios made in Hong Kong although
they were really good radios. We
don’t smirk today. If a television
isn’t made in Hong Kong or Japan
we figure it’s a piece of junk.
In 1975, I bought a Chevrolet Monza. Suddenly the whole floor was
pulled out from beneath me when I
realized General Motors was making garbage to sell to economy conscious consumers. It was like General Motors had thrown something
together to sell to us poor young college students
who were strapped for cash and wanted to make
our gasoline go further. I struggled as this car suffered numerous breakdowns. Finally, I drove a
Toyota Celica and felt like I was riding in a new
Mercedes.
My father-in- law at the time was an engineer for
General Motors and hated Japanese cars. He also
served in the military in World War II and had
nothing good to say about the Japanese.
Many American cars went through a poor craftsman stage during the early seventies. Our lousy
production flooded the country with Toyotas, Nissans, Hondas, and Volkswagens. There are now
large manufacturing plants scattered throughout America bearing these names. I realize they
hire Americans and that is great but how much
money really ends up across the ocean? I think
most American cars are very good today. However, we got ourselves behind the eight ball due
to a lot of years of poor craftsmanship. Today we
events cont. from pg. 12
St. Paul and the Broken Bones will be at the
Princess Theatre at 7:30pm.
www.princesstheatre.
There will be a Saki-Ori Class in Sara Dauro
Studio 103 of the Lowe Mill. $25 www.lowemill.
net.
The 2015 Learning Expo will be at the U.S.
Space & Rocket Center from 10am – 4pm.
Jarrett J. Krosoczka will be the Keynote Speaker.
Free. rocketcenter.com.
Sunday, February 1
The Film Co-op Monthly Workshop will meet
from 2 - 4pm in the Film Co-op Studio 251 of
the Flying Monkey Theatre from 2 - 4pm. Free.
www.flyingmonkeyart.org.
The Huntsville Symphony Orchestra presents
Musical Chairs at the Huntsville Museum of
Art. www.hsvmuseum.org.
February 3 – 5
The American Shakespeare Center on Tour
will be at UAH University Center Exhibit Hall.
February 3rd- Hamlet, February 4th -Much Ado
about Nothing, and February 5-Dr. Faustus. All
shows will begin at 7pm with a pre-show lecture
at 6pm. Tickets are $15.
THE END!
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are strangled due to the overwhelming retirement
packages promised to retirees.
During the same era that we were making substandard cars, our government was cranking out free
money and food stamps. This has only increased.
We became obese, smoked our lungs out while
trying to find entertainment through our four hundred television channels. Our government started
paying people just enough so that they did not
want to work. One employer recently lamented
that his biggest competitor is the
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We allowed lawyers to become
crooks by conniving with clients
on how to get something for nothing. Throughout parts of our nation
lawyers advertise promising their
clients disability checks and other
welfare compensation.
Too many Americans started buying
into something for nothing. Somebody told us we didn’t have to work
hard or compete. We were simply
entitled to the good life because we
had been born. We demanded more
wages, more generous retirement
packages, and gold lined health insurance packages. This was all great
but many American corporations,
strong-armed by unions, promised
to pay what they really could not afford. Today they are struggling to pay retirees and
cannot grow their current work force.
We must generate a new America. Fifty percent
of the people cannot sit home while the other fifty
percent carry the load. We cannot expect to collect
wages when we may have contributed little into a
system that is already eighteen trillion dollars in
the red and bleeding red ink every day.
We can save America but we have to put our hands
to work. Too many Americans have their hands
out or are pointing their fingers at others. We need
to point our hands and our fingers at ourselves and
do something. We need to do what we can for the
sake of family, our country, and ourselves. It’s not
what “they” can do for us. It’s about what we can
do to be the best, not number two.
Dr. Glenn Mollette is a syndicated American columnist and author.
https://www.facebook.com/GlennMollette
visit www.glennmollette.com
#010815012815
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 1
WWW.VALLEYPLANET.COM
13
by Chuck Shepherd
Annals of Injustice
Richard Rosario is in year 18 of a 25to-life sentence for murder, even though 13 alibi
witnesses have tried to tell authorities that he was
with them -- 1,000 miles away -- at the time of
the crime. (Among the 13 are a sheriff’s deputy,
a pastor and a federal corrections officer.) The
“evidence” against him: Two “eyewitnesses” in
New York City had picked him out of a mugshot
book. Rosario had given police names, addresses
and phone numbers of the 13 people in Florida,
but so far, everyone (except NBC’s “Dateline”)
has ignored the list, including Rosario’s courtappointed lawyers. As is often the case, appeals
court judges (state and federal) have trusted the
eyewitnesses and the “process.” (In November,
“Dateline” located nine of the 13, who are still
positive Rosario was in Deltona, Florida, on the
day of the murder.)
Questionable Judgments
Pastor Walter Houston of the Fourth
Missionary Church in Houston repeatedly refused
in November to conduct a funeral for longtime
member Olivia Blair, who died recently at age
93 -- because she had come upon hard times in
the last 10 years and had not paid her tithe. Ms.
Blair’s family had supported the church for 50
years, but Pastor Houston was defiant, explaining, “Membership has its privileges.” (The family
finally found another church for the funeral.)
A U.S. Appeals Court once again in
September instructed government agencies that
it is unconstitutional to make routine businessinspection raids without a judicial warrant. “We
hope that the third time will be the charm,” wrote
Judge Robin Rosenbaum. In the present case, the
court denounced the full-dress SWAT raid in 2010
of the Strictly Skillz barbershop in Orange County, Florida, for “barbering” without a license. (All
certificates were found to be up-to-date, and in
fact, the raiding agency had verified the licenses
in a walk-through two days before.)
The Continuing Crisis
Disappointed: (1) Cornelius Jefferson,
33, was arrested for assaulting a woman in Laurel
County, Kentucky, in October after he had moved
there from Georgia to be with her following an
online relationship. Jefferson explained that he
was frustrated that the woman was not “like she
was on the Internet.” (2) In November, an unnamed groom in Medina, Saudi Arabia, leaped to
his feet at the close of the wedding, shocked at his
first glimpse of his new bride with her veil pulled
back. Said he (according to the daily Okaz), “You
are not the girl I had imagined. I am sorry, but I
divorce you.”
The recovery rate is about 70 percent
for the 1,200 injured birds brought for treatment
each year to the Brinzal owl-rescue park near
Madrid, Spain -- with acupuncture as the center’s
specialty treatment. Brinzal provides “physical
and psychological rehabilitation” so that eagle
owls, tawny owls and the rest can return to the
wild, avoiding predators by being taught, through
recordings of various wild screeches, which animals are enemies. However, the signature therapy
remains the 10 weekly pressure-point sessions of
acupuncture.
14
Suspicions Confirmed
Even though one state requires 400
hours’ training just to become a professional
manicurist, for instance, most states do not demand nearly such effort to become armed security
guards, according to a CNN/Center for Investigative Reporting analysis released in December.
Fifteen states require no firearms training at all;
46 ignore mental health status; nine do not check
the FBI’s criminal background database; and 27
states fail to ascertain whether an applicant is
banned by federal law from even carrying a gun.
(After an ugly incident in Arizona in which a juvenile gun offender was hired as a guard, the state
added a box on its form for applicants to “self-report” the federal ban -- but still refuses to use the
FBI database.)
Two high-ranking Hollywood, Florida,
police officers were absolved of criminal wrongdoing recently even though they had intentionally
deleted their colleagues’ names from Internal Affairs investigative records. Assistant Chief Ken
Haberland and Maj. Norris Redding somehow
convinced prosecutors that they were unaware
the files were “public records” that should not be
altered. The two are still subject to fines and restitution, but have been returned to administrative
duty.
Ironies
(1) In October, Reynolds American
Inc., whose iconic product is Camel cigarettes,
announced it would ban employees at its North
Carolina headquarters from smoking in the offices, relegating them to special smokers’ rooms.
(Critics of the company noted that Reynolds
has for years staunchly denied that “secondary
smoke” is dangerous.) (2) In September, Guinter
Kahn, the South Florida dermatologist who developed minoxidil (the hair-restoring ingredient
in Rogaine), passed away at age 80. Dr. Kahn
himself had noticeable hair loss, but was allergic
to minoxidil.
Scenes
(1) The owner of a wine shop in Highgate, England, said the thief who robbed him in
September somehow placed him in a trance so the
man could pick his pockets -- and then, brushing
past him on his way out, the man brought the shop
owner out of the trance. Victim Aftab Haider, 56,
pointed to surveillance video showing him staring vacantly during the several seconds in which
his wallet was being lifted from his trousers. (2)
In October in Scotland’s Perth Sheriff Court, Paul
Coombs was sentenced to 14 months in jail for a
June home invasion in which accomplices conveyed Coombs’ threats to the resident because
Coombs himself is deaf and does not speak.
People Different From Us
Cry for Help: Calvin Nicol, 31, complained that he was obviously the victim of a
“hate crime” when thugs beat him up in Ottawa,
Ontario, on Nov. 1 -- just because he is intensely
tattooed and pierced, with black-inked eyes, a split
tongue and implanted silicone horns on his forehead. (Though “hate” may have been involved,
so far “body modification” is not usually covered
in anti-discrimination laws. However, Nicol suggested one legal angle when he explained that
“piercing myself and changing my appearance,
and making me look like the person I want to look
like is almost a religious experience to me.”)
Least Competent Criminals
(1) Three women, whose ages ranged
from 24 to 41, were charged with larceny on Black
Friday in Hadley, Massachusetts, when they were
caught in the Wal-Mart parking lot loaded down
with about $2,700 worth of allegedly shoplifted
goods. The women had moments earlier begged
a Wal-Mart employee for help getting into their
car -- because they had locked themselves out.
(2) Michael Rochefort, 38, and Daniel Gargiulo,
39, were merely burglary suspects in Palm Beach
County, Florida, on Sept. 25, but sheriff’s deputies’ case against them soon strengthened. While
being detained in the back seat of a patrol car (and
despite a video camera pointed at them), they
conversed uninhibitedly about getting their alibis
straight.
Recurring Themes
In December, Florine Brown, 29, finally accepted removal, by the city of St. Petersburg,
WWW.VALLEYPLANET.COM
#010815012815
Florida, of the estimated 300 rats, grown from her
initial three, inhabiting her house (with the familiar droppings and smell). “I just want them to go
to good homes,” she said, comforted that a local
rat “shelter” would take them in temporarily. “I
really depended on the rats to get me by (bouts of
depression).” (It turns out rat-removal is a slow
process, since they hide. It took several days even
to trap the first 70.)
Cliche Come to Life
For her Advanced Placement World
History class at Magnolia (Texas) West High
School in December, Reagan Hardin constructed
an elaborate diorama of a Middle Ages farm -which her dog ate on the night before it was due.
Veterinarian Carl Southern performed the necessary scoping-out on Roscoe, extracting the plastic
chicken head, horse body, sheep and pig, along
with wire that held the display together. Warned
Dr. Southern: “Don’t put anything past your dog.
We all say my dog would never eat that, and that’s
the main thing he’ll eat.”
The Entrepreneurial Spirit
Meg C Jewelry Gallery of Lexington,
Kentucky, introduced a limited line of Kentuckycentric gold-plated necklaces and earrings in June
(recently touted for Christmas!) -- each dangling
with genuine Kentucky Fried Chicken bones.
All stems were picked clean from KFC wings,
washed, dried, sealed with varnish and conductive paint, copper-electroformed, and then electroplated with 14k gold. Small-bone necklaces
go for $130 (large, $160), and earrings for $200
a pair -- and according to Meg C, accessorize
anything from jeans to a lady’s best little black
dress.
“Ethical” fur designer Pamela Paquin
debuted the first of her anticipated line of roadkill furs recently -- raccoon neck muffs (“I can
literally take two raccoons and put them butt to
butt (so they) clasp neck to neck”) that will sell
for around $1,000. Raccoons yield “luscious” fur,
she said, but her favorite pelt is otter. The Massachusetts woman leaves her card with various New
England road crews (“Hi, my name is Pamela.
Will you call me when you have roadkill?”) and
does business under the name Petite Mort (“little
death” in French, but also, she said, a euphemism
for a woman’s post-orgasm sensations).
Not too long ago, “generous” job perquisites were, perhaps, health insurance and little
more, but Silicon Valley startups now race to outdo each other in dreaming up luxuries to pamper
workers. A November Wall Street Journal report
noted that the photo-sharing service Pinterest offers employee classes in the martial art “muay
thai” and in August brought in an “artisanal jam
maker” to create after-work cocktails -- a far cry
from most workplaces, which offer, perhaps, a
vending machine downstairs. (Several companies have hired hotel-concierge professionals to
come manage their creative add-ons.) Not every
perk is granted, though: Pinterest turned down an
employee’s request to install a zip line directly to
a neighborhood bar.
Chutzpah!
(1) Jose Manuel Marino-Najera filed a
lawsuit in Tucson, Arizona, in December against
the U.S. Border Patrol because a K-9 dog had
bitten his arm repeatedly during an arrest. Marino-Najera, illegally in the U.S., had been found
sleeping under a tree near the Mexican border,
holding 49 pounds of marijuana. (2) Ms. Emerald
White, owner of four pit bulls declared “dangerous” by Texas City, Texas, after they mauled a
neighbor’s beagle to death, filed a lawsuit in November against the grieving neighbor. White said
she had been injured trying to restrain her dogs
in the skirmish, which had been facilitated by the
neighbor’s failure to fix their common fence.
Not as Sturdy as They Used to Be
Some students at Harvard, Columbia and Georgetown law schools demanded in
December that professors postpone final exams
because those lawyers-in-training were too traumatized by the grand jury decisions in Ferguson,
Missouri, and New York City, which cost them
sleep and made them despair of the legal system’s
lack of integrity. (Critics cited by Bloomberg
Business Week suggested that lawyers who cannot function at a high level in the face of injustice
might fare poorly in the profession.)
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 1
Fine Points of the Law
Gregory Graf, 53, has apparently escaped eligibility for death row in Pennsylvania
despite confessing to murdering his stepdaughter
in an attempt to have sex with her (an “accompanying” felony, which ordinarily would qualify
him for “capital murder”). However, since Graf
had videotaped himself in the act (as evidence
recovered in December shows), he proved that
the sex occurred after she was dead and thus that
he was guilty instead of an accompanying misdemeanor (desecration of a body).
Caitlyn Ricci, 21 and estranged from
her divorced parents, availed herself this year of
a quirky New Jersey law that requires divorced
parents to provide for their children’s college
educations (even though Caitlyn was a toddler at
the time of the divorce, chose a more expensive
out-of-state college, and already had a blemished
community-college record). Mom Maura McGarvey (who claims to be especially hard-hit by the
tuition bill) and Dad Michael Ricci are helping
sponsor “corrective” legislation -- because, generally, parents are not required to pay for college
(but in New Jersey, divorced parents are).
The Continuing Crisis
Historians at the Wellcome Collection
museum in London placed on display in November their rendition of the “orgone energy accumulator” developed in the 1940s by psychoanalyst
Wilhelm Reich, who thought it could stimulate orgasms for those who sat inside one. (The device is
thought to have inspired the “Orgasmatron” in the
Woody Allen movie “Sleeper.” Among 1950s-era
“testers,” Albert Einstein is said to have panned
it, but not author J.D. Salinger.) The museum’s
curator tried to lower expectations -- that visitors
should expect a historic sex “education” and not a
sexual experience.
The Miracle Drug
Meth -- Is There Anything It Can’t Do?
(1) Keith Berfield, 56, was arrested outdoors in
Port St. Lucie, Florida, in October, nude except
for the metal ring around his testicles, praising
“spiritual” “things in the sky.” (2) An unnamed
man in Waterbury, Connecticut, was caught by
his neighbor in October having sex with her pit
bull while explaining that “ISIS sent me” and that
“This is our day.” (3) Brittany Thompson, 26, was
arrested in Oklahoma City in November, lying
near a busy intersection holding ordinary rocks
that she described as “diamonds” that God sent
her to gather.
Police Report
Messages Not Received: (1) John
Biehn, 39, in court in Rockville, Connecticut, on
Dec. 15 on an old DUI charge, was released on
bail but managed to get arrested (and released
on bail) three more times in two towns over the
following 11 hours -- twice for DUI and once
for shoplifting. (2) On Nov. 30, an allegedly intoxicated Dwayne Fenlason, 48, drove his pickup
truck into a ditch in Pomfret, Vermont, bringing
a DUI citation -- and then subsequently drove an
SUV to the scene to pull the truck out (earning a
second DUI), and then an all-terrain vehicle to the
scene (and a third DUI).
Updates
(1) Sherwin Shayegan (the man revisited here three months ago for his longtime habit
of demanding piggyback rides from high school
athletes) was arrested in December in Maryland
on charges from Virginia’s Fauquier and Loudoun
counties, where he had mingled with players at
boys’ high school basketball and hockey games
and in locker rooms, acting “creepy” and getting
ejected. (2) At about the time News of the Weird
updated Indonesia’s “Sex Mountain” ritual four
weeks ago, the governor of Central Java banned
the practice because of the “shame” it brings to
Indonesia (because prostitutes now flood the area,
however, the Jakarta Post doubted that the ban
would be respected by would-be “pilgrims,” who
believe that sex with strangers brings prosperity).
Send your weird news to
WeirdNews at
earthlink dot net,
and P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, FL 33679.
Copyright,
Chuck Shepherd
THE VALLEY PLANET
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Established local band looking for drummer: We play
a blend of rock & roll and punk rock. We play local shows
once a month, out-of-town shows around the region every
other month, and we rehearse once a week. We’re looking
for a new drummer that can play fast and provide tight,
propulsive rhythms. Influences include: Misfits, Johnny
Cash, Guitar Wolf, Pixies, Queens of the Stone Age, The Cult,
Social Distortion, and many more. Check us out online to
hear songs and watch show videos:http://tinyurl.com/
jbf-rocknrollContact:cdzoso@yahoo.com, 256-714-6645
Speaker For Sale, Used 50 inch tall, 25 inch wide and 16 inch
deep. Black with wheels. $110. 256 606-5152, Decatur.
Automotive engineer type person, ideally with “some”
musical knowledge, needed for creating a very cool
commercially viable product to pitch to auto makers. Joe at
256-617-1395 or HYPERLINK “mailto:roger@rogercloud.com”
roger@rogercloud.com.
Looking for a music comedy side kick. I change words in
songs but, I need a guitar player or Keys. call Fred
256-653-3503
15” Hartke Transporter Bass Guitar Cabinet for Sale.
Comes with Eminence Alpha A-15 speaker inside. Large
enough to play with a loud band but light enough for
convenient transport. $150 256 431-5130
Female singer sought, for recording. Should have strong
country voice; ideally, used to studio work, quick on uptake.
Contact Joe at 256-617-1395, text/vox.
Charvel Model One, made in Japan Mid 80’s. One
Humbucker, one volume knob, Rock Maple neck, Glossy Red
finish, Spring fulcrum Trem, Charvel Hardshell Case,Simple,
Leslie model 900 speaker w/Combo preamp. Very good
condition-320 watts, 2 piece Leslie. JBL loaded. Will blister
the paint on the wall.. $2000. Call Mike @ 256-347-2950 and
please leave contact info.
Serious musician with experience playing in professional
bands seeks band/musicians for cover act. Plays guitar, bass,
banjo, and sings. Call Alex at 334-268-7403.
Fender Squire Bronco Bass and Line 6 Tone Port UX2
for sale. Bass is great for backup, beginner, or practice
bass. $150 OBO. $75 for Tone Port. Includes USB cord. No
Software. 256-431-5130
Club lighting system used in home studio for recording
and performances. 7 different lights. Package includes the
lights and an 8 channel control system. Various quality
instruments for sale as well. Rick 256-425-4992.
Epiphone Wildkat Electric Guitar. Buff Colored Hollow
body Archtop Brand new condition! All set up & ready
to play! Includes case, tooled leather strap and ‘Pignose’
Send in your random encounters today. It’s
FREE!!
We are putting all the categories together since it
seems like there are always more jeers than anything else!! But just to give you an idea of what
the To Yuno from Yunohoos are about… I Saw
you: but you didn’t catch my name, You saw me
or you think you were seen: Cheers: Pay your respect to those who deserve it and of course Jeers:
Frustrated? Tell us all about it. Thankfully, we
don’t know who you are!
To send in your FREE ad
1. Keep your word limit to 40 words. No names,
just initials if you want.
2. Meet the deadline.
3. Get it to us: Put “To Yuno from Yunohoo” in
the subject line of the email and send to classifieds@valleyplanet.com.
To she of a messy desk in the office; If the boss
tells you “a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered
mind” again, I don’t think I’d say “a clean is desk
is a sign of an empty mind” again.
GPD - You are 37, my daughter is 21 - not cool!
You cannot keep her hidden and isolated forever
- Her friends and family will find her and bring
her home!
Michelle Bachman – You say you are quitting
politics, but won’t just go home and stick a sock
in it. We say go home, park your broom in the
closet (don’t let your husband out) uncross your
eyes and tell the truth. You and Bruce both stick
socks in your mouth. Did I get that right? I am bad
to get my “Cs” and Ss” mixed up.
K: There will never be a New Year’s like this one!
I love you! S
T
he French thinker and philosopher René
Descartes (1596-1650), considered by some
to be “the father of modern philosophy,”
said, “Je pense, donc je suis.” I think; therefore,
I am.”
This is but one “answer” to the mystery of human
“I am-ness,” but Descartes’ well-constructed, compact thought sent waves of enlightenment around
the world. He is still quoted--even by those who
have absolutely no idea what they’re saying.
Sometimes, in the detritus of “breaking wisdom
down” to test its strength, we may not find anything better, new, or greater to add. However, in
the attempt, we can sometimes find a new perspective while also testing the merit of the idea. My
personal detritus for this column:
I think; therefore, I have a headache and nausea.
I think; therefore, I dream I am.
I dream; therefore, I may not be thinking. Therefore, I am not when dreaming.
I think erroneously; therefore, to some, it doesn’t
matter whether I am or not.
I don’t think very often; therefore, I am an occasional being.
THE VALLEY PLANET
I think; therefore, I sometimes forget to feel.
I think a lot; therefore, I know nothing for sure.
I know nothing for sure; therefore, can I know for
sure that I think? Or that I am?
God dreams; therefore, I am.
God thinks; therefore, I am imperfect.
God feels; therefore, I am loved.
I think stupid, narrow thoughts; therefore, I am ignorant of other beings who/which truly are thinking smart thoughts.
I dream; therefore, darting above wheat and grass,
I am a yellow and black butterfly in the field.
#010815012815
Skipped the shot and got the flu? Good for you.
Suffer, damn you. That really is the best reminder
to take a flu shot. Darwin
Oh, good God. U.N. is back in town. Hide your
dog. Hide your cat (except one). Hide your wife.
Hide your husband. Hide your kids. Hide the
whites of your eggs. Hide all your left shoes.
Hide your credit cards. Hide your cash. Hide your
Identity. Hide your crack. Avoid hers. To be continued… unfortunately. YuNOhoo
KM – You are missed and always will be. LGR
Carol. I made a mistake, a bad, bad mistake. I
want you back and will do whatever it takes. Remember our song? “Every breath you take.” I’ll
be watching you. Love, Dom
I am, whether I think I am or not. But I can’t exactly prove it. I can’t take my “I am-ness” from
my pocket and allow thinkers to examine it.
I think; therefore, I study butterflies in the field.
I think; therefore, I wonder what thinking is, and
if this is what I am doing. I may be hallucinating
that I am thinking. I think; therefore, I question
everything, even my own thinking--and hallucinating. I think with scrupulosity; therefore, my “I am”
is obsessed and deranged.
If you are lucky enough to get a job at the gun
making place in HSV, remember this: There’s a
place where disgruntled employees could get a
lot of peoples’ names in the National News. Job
Fair.
I dream; therefore, thinking is not real--and neither
am I.
I think like an idiot; therefore, I am an idiot.
I dream; therefore I live life while I sleep.
Cindy – Girlfriend, we taken a poll in the office
and the majority agrees you should skip the bus
and just stay home! We need some relief.
I think; therefore, I’m no fun at parties.
I am in love; therefore, I do not care for thinking.
I think; therefore I wish I could stop thinking so
much. When Hamlet said, “To be or not to be,” did
he really mean, “To think or not to think”?
To the beautiful Dominos girl carrying that little
hot box and delivers pizza to a house near the
gone bear in Five Points - I order just to see you.
Start noticing I tip better than most. Maybe we
can go out for Pizza and beer one night. In Love
I think; therefore, I die when I stop thinking.
Cars do not think; therefore, cars do not exist.
I think; therefore, I am. I am always unsatisfied
with the “am” that I “am”; therefore, I wish I could
think much better and be “I-am-ier.”
It should be mandatory that every police officer in
the United States wears a chest cam. Most of you
are okay, but the Robo Cops need to go before all
the cities burn. Ima
I think; therefore, I don’t dive headfirst into pools
without water.
I think; therefore, I spend little time just being.
I think; therefore, I begin to comprehend the depth
of my senility.
I wonder; therefore, I wonder, “What is thinking?”
and “What is being?”
I think; therefore I pontificate to excess.
I think; therefore, I think erroneously at times that
all people think; when, in fact, they are not thinking and put their heads in the fire with others who
are doing the same.
VOLUME 13 ISSUE 1
I think; therefore, I possess the capability of being
confused, and, moreover, completely wrong.
I stub my toe on a large boulder; therefore, I’m
pretty damn sure I am and need to go to the ER,
where some people do not think; and therefore,
perform surgery on the wrong toe.
I think fuzzily and heatedly; therefore, am I a living, smart electric blanket?
I think, but on drugs, I do not believe in thinking,
but in jumping from tall buildings. I think; therefore, I am--for a few moments--a diving bird.
I think; therefore, I do not roll the cop’s yard or egg
his house, while calling out my name.
Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream,
Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily
Life is but a thought.
Disclaimer: I have greatly oversimplified the idea,
“I think; therefore, I am” in order to make my
point more clearly: The world is filled with endless
perspectives. After you have studied the greatest
thinkers of all time, perhaps you might think better; and, therefore, be a better “I am.”
WWW.VALLEYPLANET.COM
15
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With Redstone CashBack, you will receive $.05 cash back for every POS debit card transaction you complete after the first
four POS transactions per month from a Relationship Checking Account. Only active Relationship Checking Accounts
in good standing will receive Redstone CashBack rewards. Rewards will only be given for debit card POS purchases after
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Must have PIN/password to access online banking. Must have online banking and PIN/password to access mobile
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they have had no non-sufficient funds (NSFs) during the first 90 days after the checking account opening date. RFCU
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16
your trusted advisor
800-234-1234 • www.redfcu.org • Federally Insured by NCUA
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VOLUME 13 ISSUE 1
THE VALLEY PLANET