Kurtz 1
Julia Kurtz
Mrs. Ficca
Honors English 12
March 17, 2009
Fat and Fabulous
What is better looking than double chins and extra rolls of fat? Certainly not
toned muscles and flat stomachs. If you want to be considered “hot” and attractive to the
opposite sex, you most definitely want to steer clear of the gym, exercising, fruits and
vegetables, and worthless diets that will only hinder your health and beauty. The newest
trend of the year is obesity. People from all over the world are realizing the benefits of fat
consumption and fast food restaurants such as McDonalds, Burger King, and Wendy’s
are helping spread the word. These restaurants sell healthy burgers, fries, and other
piquant meals that you can buy with pocket change. They are soaked in grease, which
only adds to the delicious taste and most likely provides important nutrients. Those who
visit fast food restaurants a few times a day will inevitably begin to pack on the pounds,
which will make a positive impact on their appearance and take years away from their
aging process.
If you find that eating fast food is not providing you with enough fat, there are
other doctor-recommended methods. Doctors from Los Angeles, Miami, and New York
are advising their toned clients to stop seeing their shrink and resort to eating their
feelings. After many years of in depth research, respected doctors believe the best way
to gain rolls, muffin tops, and cankles, is to spend hours on end watching television with
a tub of Ben and Jerry’s and a few bags of extra buttered popcorn. It has recently been
proven that meeting with a psychiatrist to express your feelings is a waste of time and
will only make you become more upset and depressed. The best was to deal with your
problems is to eat as much fat as possible, preferably saturated fat.
Kurtz 2
Unfortunately, sometimes fast food and fatty snacks are not enough to become
overweight. In order to increase the fat-teenager population in our nation, schools have
developed new plans and schedules for their students. School boards are encouraging
teenagers to quit their worthless sports teams and become couch potatoes. The lack of
exercise will help build healthy lifestyles for the students that they will carry with them for
the rest of their lives. Some schools have discontinued gym class and no longer allow
students to participate in after school activities. In addition, hundreds of schools have
installed trolley systems in their hallways to transport students from class to class in
order to ensure calories are not burned. These new fat-friendly habits will make for a
happier and better-looking student body. If you ever feel as if you are not part of the "in"
crowd, the best way to be accepted is to become extremely overweight. Thin and in
shape people are always going to be looked down upon, so to ensure happiness and a
long, successful life, avoid all exercise and consume at least 10,000 calories a day. Fat
is and always be fashionable and fabulous.