Decisions
Coming to NAU as a freshman, I thought I would just go to school, make a few
friends and there would be no real significant change in my life. I couldn’t have been
more wrong. So far, this semester has been marked with changes. I have grown up a little,
learned new things about the world now that I’m on my own, and finally begun to let
myself relax a little. Most of all, this semester has gotten me thinking about who I really
am, what I really believe in, and what has truly shaped me into who I am.
I truly believe that every decision one makes has a significant impact on many
aspects of their lives, whether they realize it or not. I know that my life, maybe even my
personality would be completely different if it weren’t for the decisions I made as a
junior in high school.
I had lived in Anchorage, Alaska for my entire life, all seventeen years, and
school had begun to feel overwhelming and repetitive. I had a full schedule of classes,
had cheerleading practice three hours a day everyday, and work all weekend. I had no
time to myself and I was beginning to feel myself burn out. I was running out of energy,
and everything just seemed to cause more stress. It seemed my dad was feeling the same
way about work, so when a job opportunity arose in Arizona he immediately considered
it. As a close family, we make decisions as a whole, so we all had a say in the
predicament of moving. This opportunity, in my mind at the time, couldn’t have come at
a better time. I was dealing with so much and I saw the move as my way out. I
immediately told my whole family that I was thrilled with the idea of leaving Alaska and
couldn’t wait to try something new. What I didn’t realize at the time, was that the easy
way out doesn’t fix everything and running away from my problems was only going to
make me feel worse.
Just as the move was being finalized, the house was being sold and new plans
were being made, I began to fall in love. Moving, what I had thought of as my perfect
way out, was actually making my life more difficult. When school got out for the
summer, I began spending a lot of my time with an older boy that I had known from my
work. The more time we spent together, the more I wanted to be with him. He was all I
thought about, and at times, it seemed all I cared about. When we weren’t spending time
together, I felt miserable. The move seemed to become a dark, looming cloud chasing my
every step. The summer flew by, as I knew it would, and it was time for me to say
goodbye to a chapter in my life: the town I had grown up in, the friends I grew up with,
the boy I fell in love with, and the place I had called home for so many years. Watching
the movers pack everything away and move it in to those large, cold trucks made me feel
as if they were packing a piece of my heart with all of our belongings. Before my eyes,
my life was being packed away into brown boxes and changed forever. I soon found
myself regretting wanting to move so badly. What had I been thinking? Could I really
leave everything and everyone behind like this?
The night we went to the airport, I cried more than I think I have ever cried in my
entire life. As we drove the few miles to the airport, I watched out the car window
intently, looking at every road sign, every building, every cloud, and every mountain that
I had grown so accustomed to. I looked at everything as if it were the last time I would
ever see it, as if I were dying. During that fateful car ride, everything had become clear.
Sometimes life is difficult and you have to work through it, running away and starting
anew won’t fix everything. Running away had only caused me more heartache. I was
leaving everything I knew and everyone I loved. Unfortunately it was too late, the move
was final and I was on my way to my new home, to a place that I had never seen before
and had expected to live in with ease. That night on the plane, I was so exhausted from
crying that I slept through the entire flight. When I awoke the next morning, I was in
Arizona, in a place I didn’t recognize. We drove the sixty miles from the airport to our
new home in Anthem, and I once again found myself staring intently at the objects
outside of the car window. This time I wasn’t trying to capture everything and keep it
locked away into my memory, I was trying to grasp the reality of actually being in a new
place. Moving was no longer an idea, it was real, it was happening. I looked at my
surroundings: freeway, traffic, and more cactus and desert than I had ever seen before.
My heart sank; nothing reminded me of the home I had left behind.
For the next three months, we lived in an empty house. We had no furniture, no
television, nothing. My heart felt as empty as the house. I longed for friends, both old and
new, and for the love that I had left behind in Alaska. Being in the empty house for so
long made me truly appreciate my family, an appreciation that I have to this day. We
were there for each other through those long, seemingly endless three months. I don’t
know what I would have done without them. If I needed a friend I turned to them, and if
they needed me, I was there for them whole heartedly.
Summer came to a close, and school was about to begin. I was excited to start at a
new school a have a chance to do things that I had yet to do and correct mistakes that I
had made at my old high school. My first day on campus was eye widening. It was like
no school I had ever seen before. You had to walk outside to get to every class, there
were no lockers, the campus looked like a college campus. It was something that I
thought only existed in movies I had seen. I tried to make friends in every one of my
classes, yet I still felt very unwelcome and utterly alone. Similar to the movies I would
watch growing up, there were cliques. The cheerleaders sat at one table, the jocks at
another, and so on. I had never been in an environment of that kind. At my old school I
could sit anywhere and talk to anyone. It wasn’t until my second day of school that things
started to look up. I went to my psychology class for the first time and recognized a girl
that I had in one of my previous classes. I sat next to her and the rest was destiny. We hit
it off right away. She had moved to the school just a semester before I did and she
understood all that I was going through. We had so much in common and we became
inseparable. We ate lunch together everyday and made each other’s senior years
memorable. Without her, I know my senior year at a brand new school would not be as
great as it was. She was and is my best friend. Going to that new school showed me who
I was and what I was capable of. I went there knowing no one, and ended up graduating
with some of my best friends.
I’ll never forget riding the bus home one day and talking to a horribly snobby girl.
She knew a girl that sat at my lunch table and obviously didn’t like her very much. This
snobby girl knew that I was a cheerleader at my other school and assumed that I was
looking to become, “popular” at my new school. She proceeded to tell me that if I wanted
to be popular that this wasn’t the kind of person I should be spending my time with. I was
absolutely taken aback and the next few seconds, I know, made a large impact on who I
am today. Instead of just agreeing with her and cutting of relations with my friend, taking
the easy way out as I had done so many times before, I stood my ground. I told this girl
that I would much rather have a good, honest, true friend, than be popular any day. This
moment showed me that I can have my own opinion, I don’t have to rely on others, and
that I was capable of staying true to my morals even when under pressure.
As the year went on I dreaded the idea of going to my senior prom. I had been to
many proms in the past and I wanted this one to be special. However, being new to the
school, there was no one I wanted to go with, so instead of being excited about this big
day, I dreaded it the closer it came. One of my friends suggested that I go with her older
brother. At first I gawked at the idea of taking a blind date to prom, but I decided to try
my luck anyways. After all, I had done so many new things throughout my senior year,
what was trying one more? We met a few days before the big night, and got to know each
other a little. I was impressed. He wasn’t like other boys I had been used to. He was a
gentleman, he listened to what I had to say, and we had intelligent conversation. We went
to prom together and had an amazing time. We started dating soon after and are still
together to this day. He made me forget about the pain I had experienced with my first
real heartache and opened me up again.
Growing up, I was always taught that I didn’t need a boy to be happy, I could be
happy being me. I had always lived by that until I became involved with the boy from my
work. My whole world was turned upside down and I didn’t feel happy without him. I
know see how unhealthy that was and I appreciate the experience for I now know what it
is to be in a healthy relationship. Even though we live far apart, my boyfriend now
encourages me and provides me with support that I have never known. Whenever I am
discouraged with school and work, he reminds me that I am capable and I can accomplish
anything that I set my mind to. I know that I can be happy on my own and now I also
know that being happy with someone is ok too.
As I grow up throughout my freshman year of college and reflect on my
experience during my senior year of high school, it becomes clear to me how different
my life is because I decided to move to a new place. Because of my decision to move to
Arizona, I have met people, done things, and learned new things about myself that I know
I wouldn’t have had I not moved. I learned to not run away from what was bothering me,
and to face it head on. Even though it was a difficult life lesson, moving away because I
was unhappy taught me to face my problems instead of running scared. I learned that I
am a stronger person than I had originally thought. Meeting the girl on the bus taught me
something valuable about myself that I may not have otherwise discovered. I made
friends and found love that I didn’t think possible before. I am so thankful for the
friendships I have formed since moving to Arizona and to the boy that has given me so
much confidence to get through college.
The past year has really affirmed my belief in the power of every decision made.
If had done one thing differently, how different would my life be today? If I hadn’t
moved to Arizona, would I still be going to NAU and experiencing so much here? If I
hadn’t taken psychology in high school would I ever have met my best friend? I am
realizing now, that life has so many twists and turns and that good can truly come out of
any situation if it is approached the right way. I am now thankful for the decisions I have
made and even for the mistakes I have made, for they have taught me so much and truly
shaped the person that I am today and will continue to shape the person that I will
become tomorrow. If there is one thing that I am to teach the generations after mine, to
my children and their children, it is that embrace every twist life throws your way and
every mistake you make, for it shows who you are inside.
This semester at NAU, has also had a great impact on my life, more than I thought
it would, and helped shape the woman that I am becoming. Moving to Flagstaff has made
me so happy. It reminds me so much of the home that I miss in Alaska and even of some
of the friends that I left behind. The environment, the trees, the mountains, the cold air,
the friendly people, it all reminds me of home. Since I moved away from Alaska, I didn’t
feel truly at home in Anthem, it was just a place to live. Flagstaff makes me feel at home.
I feel as though it is a place that I can thrive.
Coming to NAU has helped me grow into an adult. I am slowing learning how to
live in my own and not rely on my parents for everything. When I’m hungry I have to
make food or go get it, I can no longer expect dinner to be cooked for me. When I have
homework to do or places to go, there is no one to tell me when and how to get it done. It
is now up to me to make decisions for myself and live my life the way I want to, as a
healthy, responsible person.
One of the best decisions I made when I came here was deciding to rush and be in
a sorority. Because of that decision, I have met so many smart, talented, and diverse
women that have truly made an impact on my life. Seeing so many talented and
ambitious women accomplish so much for the chapter and towards their own goals makes
me so proud and shows me that I too can be just as strong willed. Already, I have gained
so much more confidence in myself and learned how to reach out to people without fear
of being let down. I know that if persevere and work at it, I too can accomplish my goals.
I am so thankful for my sisters. They are my home away from home. They support me
through all of my endeavors and teach me so much. There is never a dull moment and
never a lonely day or night. They are there for me whenever I need them and for that I am
truly grateful. I honestly think it is once in a lifetime that one can find a bond so strong,
so if it is found, it should be held on to and cherished forever. I know my sorority will
forever be a large part of my life and I will never forget the connections I have made
here.
I can only imagine how my life will end up in the next ten years. I hope to be
becoming an optometrist and achieving my goals. However, as I have learned throughout
my short life, it does not always go that way. Life can throw us some interesting curve
balls and we just have to learn to go with them. There are so many possibilities for my
future, and I hope that I can continue to make good decisions and handle what life throws
at me. Whatever the future may hold, I hope that I stay true to the woman I am becoming
and forever treasure the people and events that have made me into that woman.