Carol Alexander
08-23-02
Engl. 1103
Dr. Hocks
Technical Autobiography
Cellular Romance
Thought my mere eighteen years the element of technology that has played the
biggest role in my life has been any form that enables me to have direct communication
with another individual. I’ve always been able to remain close with my extended family
and have managed to keep in touch with friendships dating back to the ice ages of
Elementary school. I’ve used everything from the telephone, to the pager, to the Internet,
and most recently the cell phone. As with all novelty items that you once lived without, a
new toy can quickly become essential to one’s everyday existence. This idea has never
proved truer when it relates to going “wireless”.
Most days I feel as if my cell phone and I are involved in a serious relationship.
It’s with me constantly, we share some of the best intellectual conversations, and I spend
almost half of my meager salary keeping it happy, healthy, and functioning. We’ve been
together for two years this past July; I’ve never even kept a hamster that long. In this time
we’ve shared it all. Through laughter and tears, good times and bad, my phone has
always been by my side weathering the tough times by my side. It has heard every side of
my sometimes complicated and difficult personality and has not run away screaming in
terror.
When we first got together, everything was fresh and exciting. I had found the
perfect companion. Not only could I turn the volume down if I felt it was becoming
obnoxious, I could turn it off completely for any period of time and still be welcomed by
the same affectionate message whenever I turned it back on. It never bothered me that I
had in fact programmed “Carol is a Goddess” as the greeting. I was thrilled that it never
held a grudge and always obeyed my command. I also finally had someone in my house
that would actually relay messages left for me.
There was never a dull moment between us. We occupied our down time by
playing snake and memory or by making plans with friends from our mutual address
book. It never uttered a single word about how we always went into the girly stores that I
liked during shopping trips and it always let me choose which restaurant to eat. It never
made a peep during intense moments in movies or made fun of me when I cried at the sad
parts. I was so happy that every now and then I’d spoil it with a new cover or ring tone.
But all good things cannot last forever.
My first hint that all was not well occurred during our third month together. I
went a little overboard on my minutes and ended up with a $300.00 bill. I’m notoriously
thrifty so this was very displeasing. I decided that something needed to change, so we
went down to AT&T the next day and upgraded our plan. Again everything went well for
a while, but in the past six months we have grown drastically and irreversibly apart.
I can occasionally be a little negligent and have not always been the best support,
both emotionally and physically. I’ll admit that I have allowed my phone to endure the
pain of a nasty fall of two, or maybe a little more than that, but that hardly justifies the
way my cell has reacted to those few occasions. It is very apparent that these incidences
have neither been forgiven nor forgotten. My phone has actually developed symptoms
similar to the dreaded PMS. For about one week every month my phone will turn itself
off, drop calls at random, and will have inconsistent volume levels. It has also become
somewhat of a practical jokester. On a recent visit to Pennsylvania it didn’t display that it
was roaming and I managed to rack up over $100.00 in charges. I have already
mentioned that I’m incredibly cheap so I did not find this joke so amusing.
That incident and the consistent inconsistencies in performance and
communication have brought me to the breaking point. We simply don’t connect the way
we used to. Although I hate to sound like a male going through mid-life crises, I think I
need to upgrade to a newer, slimmer model with more accessories.